• Member Since 19th Apr, 2013
  • offline last seen Sunday

The DJ Rainbow Dash

Stuck somewhere between writing funny and sad horsewords. Don't forget to add romance in there!


There is something you need to know.

When you go out there inflicting harm to yourself, you're harming me as well. Sometimes things don't go how you'd like them to go, it's a part of life. Eventually, we move on, learn from our mistakes and accidents, and hold our heads high.

Nopony is perfect, and you have nothing to prove to me, or anypony else.

I love you just the way you are.


Originally written for the Twidash 3.5 Competition found here.
Winner of the Rainbow Dash group contest found here
Proofreading and editing done by my lovely friend Bookish Delight
Art by JinYaranda which can be found here.

Chapters (1)
Comments ( 38 )

That... was beautiful. Nothing more, nothing less. Good luck with that contest.

You've earned your fave and like from me...

Just now realizing this is marked as tragedy and incomplete.....

3495583 Yeah I fixed those both. Thanks to pointing them out.

i freaking love this, and demand more, please.

Who cares if it was already done. You did good, son.

outstanding work you should make a follow up to this.

a miracle in itself that she was still conscience.

This should be conscious.

You felt obligatory in correcting the mistake you made

This should be "you felt obligated to correct the mistake you made".

You were given such an inconceivable responsibility, and expected to deliver with little to no mistake.

This should be "incredible responsibilty", and "expected to be flawless" or possibly "an incredible responsibility with little margin for error".

Neh... the idea itself was solid enough, but I just didn't really get any feels from it, and I think that was a combination of execution and the end parts being way too expository.

Ohmygod. I'm crying. :heart:

*clap clap clap clap clap clap clap clap* very... Well... Done... Make a sequel, it deserves one. Like and fav, for sure

This was truly a great story. The characterization, plotline, all of it. And unlike many fics I've read on this site, you make the characters three-dimensional in a believable way.

Only two things.

One: "Mt tone was concerned, something I knew she detested" I believe you meant "My".

Two: How do you do that author's note thing?

dat was beautiful.

Very well written. And, sounds very much like how Twilight would think in my opinion, with a good amount of differnt wording, and anazlying what's going on.
Rainbow was also believable, with her hunt for perfection - to be the best in what she does.

So, both Twilight and Rainbow seemed very much in character.

You say that this story has been done multiple times? Yeah, it might have, but, this one was great to read [as well]!
Have a like and fave! And good luck in the contest!

[ I can’t help but get this feeling that this is now things are supposed to be. ]
I think that's supposed to be a "how".

Great story, but as some people already wrote, this really does need a sequel :rainbowdetermined2:

I really liked this story. This is the first time I have ever read a fic with a ship and it caught me completely off guard. I hope that you make a sequel to this story. And as a side note I think you might want to go through your spelling and punctuation with a fine tooth comb sometime. It didn't seem like anything major enough to distract from the story though. Definitely adding this to my favorites.

How did Rainbow throw a rock out into the water and have it result in a splash? Didn't you JUST say that the lake was frozen on the surface?

It may have been done before, but this is one of the better written ones. Quality is better than quantity. Besides, I'd say a majority of fics on this site are stale topics.

Can I just say how beautiful that description is... :fluttercry: I haven't even clicked "to read" yet and I already feel a surge of powerful emtions, and a desire to just favorite it right now!

This is beautiful. Such Sad.:applecry: :pinkiesad2: :raritydespair: :raritycry:
Helpful Twilight is Helpful :twilightsmile:

3499754 I fixed that a bit just now. Thanks for pointing it out.

Love it.

It isn't the romance between two of the mane six who just make out with each other and say corny sexual stuff. This actually has emotion in it. And shows something deeper than just some fan with a lust to put two characters together romantically. This actually is something worth reading more than once. Your writing style is amazing to say the least and you have skills no doubt.

Glad to have read it. Limed and faved

Fic is definitely well received I see, and it's on a topic I've delved into myself. Let's see how it holds up, I'll read this tomorrow and leave my comments then.

just brilliant, i swear i almost cried! Great story

3495657 Thanks! This is a standalone one shot however.

3495804 Thank you! :twilightsmile:

3495973 I don't really know what I would do as a follow up. I never planned on it, but then again, you never know. :pinkiesmile:

3496149 Fair enough. I never expect to get everybody to like something anyway. Thanks for reading though!

3497017 Would you like a tissue? :twilightsheepish:

3497057 As I mentioned before, I don't think I'll be doing a sequel with this, but you never know.

3497785 Well I try to make them deeper and more complex. Thanks for pointing that out also, it's been changed. :raritywink:

3498200 I agree.

3498511 Apparently from some people, I have a knack for writing Twilight really well. This obviously made writing this story really fun for me. :twilightsmile: And the error was fixed.

3498569 See previous responses. :raritywink:

3499513 When I get a chance I might. But I didn't find anything wrong, and I already had an editor go through it.

3500333 True. Some of my stories aren't the most original ideas in the world. But I enjoy writing them, and to me that's what counts.

3500393 I really did like how I wrote this description. Hope you enjoyed reading this. :twilightsmile:

3500485 Much emotion. WOW.

3503729 I really appreciate that! I still consider myself to be a work in progress though. Thanks for the kind comments.

3504291 I'll be highly anticipating your review. :twilightsmile:

3509073 Don't cry, even if it is sad! ...Or you can cry if ya want. I have tissues. :twilightsheepish:


I did read this fic the other day. I found that the "romance" tag wasn't really all that established: in the end, Twilight talks to Rainbow just as a friend, not as a partner. I don't get why it's there. Your writing was sketchy at best, and Rainbow Dash's character made absolutely no sense in the fact that she has an overwhelming loyalty to friends and need to avoid overwhelming danger (shown in The Great Dragon Migration).

I didn't feel her depression here and I wasn't able to empathize with her. Yes, I'm sure she would hate to make a mistake and be embarrassed, but this is something more along the lines of what AJ would do, not Rainbow. This all came down to being poorly explained with exaggerated and unrealistic emotions on a subject that quite obviously did not matter as much as it was portrayed to. With unbelievable characters, a story about characters having an epiphany does not work.

"Angst for no reason" seldom works in fics, and it did not work here. Had it been better developed, this fic would have turned out to be a lot more interesting than it was. Your attempt was fair, and I think you should continue to write and improve. I originally didn't leave this review because I wrote a very similar fic about a year ago (where Rainbow actually does die) with characters OOC because I wanted to create a sense of loss of attachment to the happy show and surrealism in the world I painted. I didn't feel like posting this because I might have sounded like a hypocrite, but after a quick reassessment, I can't find any rhyme or reason for your OOC characters.

Good luck with future works. I am a very tough critic, take what I say within a grain of salt.

Edit: I have decided not to rate this fic as like or dislike.

Yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes! Sorry couldn't resist I love his story the details are great so great I felt like I could feel their emotions I wanna sequal but this is a one shot so I guess I'll have to deal with it <3

Not half bad, I'd say.

My only little nag at the story is when Twilight had picked up RD "bridal style". I would assume, for ponies, that bridal style is slinging the pony over your back, but you said that she had her in her arms...

I assume she walked on her back legs, then? Using "arms" is fine, that just confused me.

Anyways, cute little story, even if the concept has been done before.

'till the next one!

And everything was just fine until they found out Fluttershy died when her cottage collapsed on her. :trollestia:

The narration flows well and is full of imagery, though the few references to arms, as opposed to forelegs, and carrying Rainbow Dash bridal style threw me off.

I was surprised that Rainbow Dash was the only one to mention that this storm could be lethal. I understand that Twilight cares more for her than for some unknown, nameless pony on the other side of the town, but she never gave any sign she considered it a valid reason. It's as if the storm's danger exists in a vacuum, only in Rainbow Dash's mind.

At first I found the kiss unfitting, but once Twilight realized it was a 'call for help,' I liked it.

Knowing Rainbow Dash considers herself 'such a screw up' hurts.

Here are the lines I liked;

'Not only did this mean Ponyville was experiencing a dry spell, but the town was steadily spiraling into a terrible drought,'

'A worried Rainbow was something I was never used to seeing,'

'there were many more experienced pegasi who watched her every move as if she were under a microscope,'

'Princess Celestia didn’t ask for perfection. All she wanted was my full effort,'

'Rainbow and I stared into the water in silence, watching as our reflections blur beyond recognition,'

'With that she was gone in a wisp, mane blowing in the ever increasing breeze,'

'tiny snowflakes dive bombing the ground,'

'I swore I could hear the faint sound of a low pitched growl escape her lips as she realized I had tugged on her wing,'

'“Nopony is asking for perfection.”


“I am,”'

'My mind remembered a single sentence I had said to her during the conversation we had at the reservoir not too long ago.

Everything will be just fine,'

'My curtains blew around as if they were possessed,'

'her expression still retaining her dignity and perseverance,'

'Despite the wind, the scent was unavoidable, my mind nearly going into hysterics as I smelt it,'

'A bloodcurdling scream of pure agony invaded my ears. I felt my spine stiffen as her voice echoed throughout the air, so terrifying that I even felt pain from it,'

'To see Rainbow Dash in this state nearly caused me to cry myself. A close friend who I always admired for her perseverance and loyalty, reduced to a broken mare with shattered determination that I cradled against me.

Right now, she saw herself as a failure.

I saw her as one of the bravest ponies I have ever met,'

'and I could feel a mixture of emotions flood my core, enveloping me in a barrage of questions,'

'but I felt my own curiosity beginning to come alive,'

'“Maybe it isn’t the end of my world, but it could be for somepony else,” Rainbow’s voice resonated sharply, like the edge of a knife,'

'letting all my emotions drain out like an open faucet,'

'The flames danced with delight at the presence of another object in which they could attack, almost like a little army of hunters spotting their prey,' though I'm wondering if the 'in' in 'in which' is necessary,

'Sure, I was used to tackling all sorts of problems, many of which the majority of ponies wouldn’t dare attempt due to sheer importance.

Saving Ponyville from mythical beasts? Check.

Stopping Nightmare Moon from taking over Equestria? Check.

Healing a broken friend?

I wasn’t sure if I could accomplish something like that,'

'The kiss suddenly made sense to me now. It was hard to distinguish at the time, but it wasn’t just a romantic gesture. It was a call for help, an act so unexpected that I had no choice but to think something was wrong'


'That is a road I’ll leave unlit for now, but will consider revisiting in the future.'

I think I found a few mistakes, though I'm not entirely sure about some of them;

You forgot 'was' between 'she' and 'growing' in 'Rainbow growled, and I could see that she growing restless of the concern I was giving her,'

You forgot 'an' before 'opaque color' in 'turning them opaque color and blocking any vision I had of the outside world,'

I think you meant 'upright,' not 'right' in 'My head snapped right,'

I think 'anymore' should be 'any more' in 'saving Rainbow from being hurt anymore by the wood,'

I think 'on' should be 'over' in 'I tripped on my own hooves running to help her'


'glance' and 'see' should be 'glanced' and 'saw' in 'I glance over and see her mouth curled into a grimace, reflectance of her pain which had flared up.'

There's also the 'arms instead of forelegs' business, which I don't know is a mistake or a deliberate choice on your part.

So... I'm horribly behind on reading and as such just got around to reading this, but on a side note this is my 1,000th fave on this site.

4012779 And I thought I had too many favorites. :rainbowlaugh: JK. This was a really nice. I have read a few stories like this, but each is unique in its own way, as was this.

OMG. Loved it...alot...i dont know what to say...dashie was perfect ...and so was twi :)

I don't ship TwiDash, so I'll just assume the kiss was just the cry for help, and not romantic.
But otherwise, this was well written, and it almost got me to tear up, which fanfiction rarely does..

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