• Member Since 1st Jan, 2014
  • offline last seen June 7th

Dr Atlas

"When I get old, I am going to be: Rice. Frisco style." - Ed 2004

Comments ( 115 )

Fuck. Just... Fuck.

Hmmm, I didn't expect you'd write something like this, and I didn't expect to want MOAR, and yet here we are. Please continue good sir! :eeyup:

You are writing erotica. You don't have to go safe:ajbemused:

While I'm liking how this story is shaping, I do have some complaints.
1: Lack of paragraphs. It's just block after block of words.

2: As a seasond vet of the less respectable side of the fandom (I.E. The peverted side) we normally call it stallionhood, no - in the middle. You can also use shaft, rod, member; take your pick. Same rule applies to female genitals, henceforth refered to as marehood.

Other than that, it's a good story.

Just in case you don't know, this is a vore fic with mostly maw play and some other micro/macro stuff.

Ooh, my favorite!

Please keep this up, it's rare to find Macro/micro play like this without going into full vore.

4555786 Me you them? Where? Here, Equestria, My home, Your home? I don't get it :P

I've looked in many places to find fics like that, and since I couldn't, I made this.
Hopefully It'll get better from here.

Seconded. I'm a fan of full vore myself, but this stuff is still fun to read.

You could do with a few editing cleanup passes, but I'm liking what you've got going here. 8/10 will be waiting for more

I don't know if someone's pointed it already, but in your story description it should be phase, not faze, in the context you're using the word.

I kind of get how people find full vore exciting but the ones straight up having someone get digested I don't understand.

Well thanks for doing this.

When you label this as mature, no one is expecting you to play safe.

If you're new to writing sex scenes then let me give you two tips I learnt;

1) NEVER use the words penis, cock, vagina or pussy. It's an instant turn off. Instead, use words like rod, shaft, member and stallionhoob instead of penis. And folds, cunt, lower lips and sex instead of pussy.

2) The beauty about sex is that it's effecting all five senses, don't focus on the feel alone, write about the smell, the sight, and the taste. It'll make for a far more erotic experience.

I hope that helps

safe words? what?......

Going to echo what others said, but yeah, this is quite good so far.

Personally, I'd like to see him go smaller, but I get why you'd want to keep him around a certain size for the oral stuff to work.

to each their own. I think digestion kinda ruins the fun most of the time, but other times I just wanna laugh at somepone's misfortune. I'm a sadist :rainbowwild:

4561241 This seems to be site-dependent, and even subculture-dependent in a single site. I've seen folks laughed at for using terms like "flower."

when i read this line

Maybe she could start slow with him, it would help, but she knew she would have to tell him first.

i thought that was the direction the story was going to take , when it didn't it left me wanting , and last night i ended up thinking about the scenario where she did decide to do that with him and how things would play out from there and it made me want to write a separate fic that does that now....
pretty sure im going to need a proofreader since i fucking hate this language , but i wonder if i would requirer any assistance beyond that.....

1: You're writing a mature rated fic with sexual content, there are no safe words for genitalia. Go balls deep into it.
2: Add paragraphs. It's hard to read what is essentially a wall of text. I'm surprised the mods let it pass.
3: Check your spelling, grammar and punctuation. If you miss these things, get someone to help you out.

I'm following this because it has potential to be a good story. Please don't ruin it.

I'm surprised the mod passed it too.
Even I don't understand what I'm writing in this story, nor do I know what I'm doing...sorta
It's like I black out mid paragraph and, when I come to and read over it, I scratch my head and say. "Hu...did I really write that?"
Other than that, thanks for the tips. May it serve my mind well.

Please tell me that Shining Armor will eventually go spelunking inside Cadance's vagina. If not... :pinkiesick:

Wow....I knew this would end in vore, but dang, this is pretty freakin' weird.

Seeing that there was no other option for him to chose, he opened his mouth and bit down hard on Cadance’s tongue.

Dick move Shining. Dick. Move. You don't bite a pred's tongue like that.
(Is it wrong that I actually had a bit of sympathetic pain there? Seriously. OUCH. Tongue biting hurts bad enough when it's a little grazing of the teeth on the tongue, but an actual bite to the tongue?)


no other option for him to chose

Might wanna fix that.


Well, it was either that or get swallowed. At least that's what he thought. And I don't think Shining's the kind of guy to just let himself get killed if he thinks he can do something about it, so I agree with his choice. Or the author's choice, in this case.

Still, betcha Candy ain't gonna like it one bit.

4625145 Well, she kind of had it coming, seeing as how she didn't take the doctors orders and actually tell Shining that she's a Pred.


Aye, that probably would've avoided the whole thing. But then it'd be consensual if they did it, meaning Tiny Shiny's impending doom narrative wouldn't be there and I actually kinda enjoy watching him try and fight for his life.

... I must be a horrible person, to have actually meant that.. :applejackunsure:


Dick move Shining. Dick. Move. You don't bite a pred's tongue like that.

Shining really really could've handled the situation he was in better. I could have Cadence. But, I'm not in the mood to explain why, so, yeah, fuck off.

I really enjoyed this, good job :twilightsmile:

I think SHining's reaction is natural. Rarely is a giant ever a good thing, case in point...

Can we be expecting Shining to be entering any other orifices? Perhaps of the vaginal variety?

:raritywink: Pony please, that was wonderful and well written~!

You shouldn't feel bad for living out your dreams and phantasies. Be proud that you have the courage for sharing it with us, those who are into the same stuff. You're not alone, And even if you WOULD be alone with that, it doesn't harms anyone :pinkiehappy: *Hug*
And now, PLEAAAAAAASE - write moar, this stuff is amazing :heart:

*HUGE GRIN* Oh I feel depraved reading this... Please, please more!:heart:

Oh my god I feel weird! :raritydespair::rainbowwild: I don't know how to take this feeling, this is the first thing I've read with this kind of fetish before, I don't know if I like it or not. :eeyup:

only in the magical land of fetishes will something having the ability to change something's size by factors of many hundreds of times , but not having the ability to dry off of heat that something to the point to make cadance's reason for denying shining's request invalid not be brought into question....

that , or simply wiping him off on the bed before enlarging him again.....

Vore is really not my thing, but this was a good chapter. Shining's flabbergasted reaction was absolutely perfect:

“Wa-ta-gu-w-why were you doing it then?” Shining was panting from the amount of confusion and the strain in his body.

maybe shining liked that pool on her hoof at the end there more than he let on to.

“Just roll with it Shining. Who knows, She might even let you go in other places besides her mouth. Now that would be something.”

Shining you sly dog...

Let the unbirthing begin!:pinkiehappy:

The other hole is more fun, though.

:twilightoops: Zephyr, what is wrong with you.:facehoof:

Most detailed microstory ever.
And i BEG for more, you bucked up genius! :heart:

We all need another chapter!

Hope you'll continue this, cuz it's better than I thought it'd be.

4860974 I had to look at a dictionary for you.
You guys....Like this?...Really?

I was expecting an angry mob, with cliche pitchforks and torches, commin' toward me and saying.

"How dare you make such a story, with the most out of character Cadance we have ever seen, and the sex? Don't even get us started on how awful it was. One does not simply reach a climax in a matter of seconds. Something like that takes time, not just letting one masturbate while the other gets a 'tongue bath' or whatever your sick, twisted, vorarephile mind called it, and further more-"
Blah blah blah. Rant rant rant. Hate hate hate.

Or an actual vore enthusiast saying, "You call this vore? She hasn't even swallowed him yet! What kind of sick person are you, doing this tongue lathering and blowjobing and-" Blah blah blah and more ranting

So...uh...thanks for liking it! :twilightblush:
And there will be more to come, With wrestling.

Soft vore this well done is hard to find!:heart:

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