You are writing erotica. You don't have to go safe
While I'm liking how this story is shaping, I do have some complaints. 1: Lack of paragraphs. It's just block after block of words.
2: As a seasond vet of the less respectable side of the fandom (I.E. The peverted side) we normally call it stallionhood, no - in the middle. You can also use shaft, rod, member; take your pick. Same rule applies to female genitals, henceforth refered to as marehood.
If you're new to writing sex scenes then let me give you two tips I learnt;
1) NEVER use the words penis, cock, vagina or pussy. It's an instant turn off. Instead, use words like rod, shaft, member and stallionhoob instead of penis. And folds, cunt, lower lips and sex instead of pussy.
2) The beauty about sex is that it's effecting all five senses, don't focus on the feel alone, write about the smell, the sight, and the taste. It'll make for a far more erotic experience.
4560570 to each their own. I think digestion kinda ruins the fun most of the time, but other times I just wanna laugh at somepone's misfortune. I'm a sadist
Maybe she could start slow with him, it would help, but she knew she would have to tell him first.
i thought that was the direction the story was going to take , when it didn't it left me wanting , and last night i ended up thinking about the scenario where she did decide to do that with him and how things would play out from there and it made me want to write a separate fic that does that now.... pretty sure im going to need a proofreader since i fucking hate this language , but i wonder if i would requirer any assistance beyond that.....
1: You're writing a mature rated fic with sexual content, there are no safe words for genitalia. Go balls deep into it. 2: Add paragraphs. It's hard to read what is essentially a wall of text. I'm surprised the mods let it pass. 3: Check your spelling, grammar and punctuation. If you miss these things, get someone to help you out.
I'm following this because it has potential to be a good story. Please don't ruin it.
4600792 I'm surprised the mod passed it too. Even I don't understand what I'm writing in this story, nor do I know what I'm doing...sorta It's like I black out mid paragraph and, when I come to and read over it, I scratch my head and say. "Hu...did I really write that?" Other than that, thanks for the tips. May it serve my mind well.
Hmmm, I didn't expect you'd write something like this, and I didn't expect to want MOAR, and yet here we are. Please continue good sir!
You are writing erotica. You don't have to go safe
While I'm liking how this story is shaping, I do have some complaints.
1: Lack of paragraphs. It's just block after block of words.
2: As a seasond vet of the less respectable side of the fandom (I.E. The peverted side) we normally call it stallionhood, no - in the middle. You can also use shaft, rod, member; take your pick. Same rule applies to female genitals, henceforth refered to as marehood.
Other than that, it's a good story.
Ooh, my favorite!
Please keep this up, it's rare to find Macro/micro play like this without going into full vore.
4556684 smartass.
4556513
img4.wikia.nocookie.net/__cb20130315021757/glee/images/f/f4/Sad-i-know-that-feel-bro_3969556_lrg.jpg
I've looked in many places to find fics like that, and since I couldn't, I made this.
Hopefully It'll get better from here.
4556513
Seconded. I'm a fan of full vore myself, but this stuff is still fun to read.
You could do with a few editing cleanup passes, but I'm liking what you've got going here. 8/10 will be waiting for more
I don't know if someone's pointed it already, but in your story description it should be phase, not faze, in the context you're using the word.
4559897
I kind of get how people find full vore exciting but the ones straight up having someone get digested I don't understand.
4557374
Well thanks for doing this.
When you label this as mature, no one is expecting you to play safe.
If you're new to writing sex scenes then let me give you two tips I learnt;
1) NEVER use the words penis, cock, vagina or pussy. It's an instant turn off. Instead, use words like rod, shaft, member and stallionhoob instead of penis. And folds, cunt, lower lips and sex instead of pussy.
2) The beauty about sex is that it's effecting all five senses, don't focus on the feel alone, write about the smell, the sight, and the taste. It'll make for a far more erotic experience.
I hope that helps
safe words? what?......
Going to echo what others said, but yeah, this is quite good so far.
Personally, I'd like to see him go smaller, but I get why you'd want to keep him around a certain size for the oral stuff to work.
4560570
to each their own. I think digestion kinda ruins the fun most of the time, but other times I just wanna laugh at somepone's misfortune. I'm a sadist
4561241 This seems to be site-dependent, and even subculture-dependent in a single site. I've seen folks laughed at for using terms like "flower."
when i read this line
i thought that was the direction the story was going to take , when it didn't it left me wanting , and last night i ended up thinking about the scenario where she did decide to do that with him and how things would play out from there and it made me want to write a separate fic that does that now....
pretty sure im going to need a proofreader since i fucking hate this language , but i wonder if i would requirer any assistance beyond that.....
moar please
1: You're writing a mature rated fic with sexual content, there are no safe words for genitalia. Go balls deep into it.
2: Add paragraphs. It's hard to read what is essentially a wall of text. I'm surprised the mods let it pass.
3: Check your spelling, grammar and punctuation. If you miss these things, get someone to help you out.
I'm following this because it has potential to be a good story. Please don't ruin it.
4600792
I'm surprised the mod passed it too.
Even I don't understand what I'm writing in this story, nor do I know what I'm doing...sorta
It's like I black out mid paragraph and, when I come to and read over it, I scratch my head and say. "Hu...did I really write that?"
Other than that, thanks for the tips. May it serve my mind well.
Pony please, that was wonderful and well written~!
loved it
I didn't understand what half of those words meant but I don't think I want to read any more.
I loved it I have this same Fantasy that your Cadence has. Also "Did you just blow me in my sleep?"
4969120 I find you'r comment to be on the funny side of things today