• Published 15th Apr 2014
  • 8,594 Views, 146 Comments

Undead and Unconcerned - Banjo64



The zombie apocalype has come. And gone. And nopony seems to care.

  • ...
15
 146
 8,594

Chapter only

Spike woke up to face the new day like any other after the zombie apocalypse had come. He got up, brushed his teeth, and headed downstairs for breakfast.

“Morning!” he greeted Twilight, who was, as usual, reading a book with her remaining eye. The other one had been missing for a while now.

“Boooooks...” moaned Twilight.

Spike made his way to the kitchen and made himself some scrambled eggs.

Twilight didn’t eat anything. She hadn’t eaten anything for weeks now. Probably because she had a hole where her stomach was supposed to be.

After eating and putting his dirty dish in the sink, Spike went back into the library proper.

“So... anything on the schedule today?” he asked.

“Boooooks...” moaned Twilight.

“Of course. So... you won’t need me for anything today?” asked Spike.

“Boooooks...” moaned Twilight.

“You sure? I was hoping to go gem hunting with Rarity.” said Spike.

“Boooooks...” moaned Twilight.

“Ok then, see you tonight!” said Spike as he headed out the door.

“Boooooks...” moaned Twilight.


Morning in the apple household came later than usual. Likely because the rooster hadn’t crowed, as he didn’t have a head anymore.

Still, the apple family woke up to greet the day in their tried and true routines.

“Apppppplessssss...” moaned Applejack.

“Maaaaark...” moaned Apple Bloom.

“Eeeeeyup…” moaned Big Mac.

Granny Smith didn’t say anything.

After a few minutes, the family meet in the kitchen to eat a healthy breakfast of various apple goods. At least, they would have if they needed to eat anything.

“Apppppplessssss...” moaned Applejack.

“Maaaaark...” moaned Apple Bloom.

“Eeeeeyup...” moaned Big Mac.

Granny Smith didn’t say anything.

As they had started the day a bit late, Apple Bloom had to go straight to school. She grabbed her bags in her rotten jaw and dragged herself out the door. Applejack put her hat on her exposed brains and hobbled her way out to the fields. Big Mac put his trusty collar on, and followed after his sister.

“Apppppplessssss...” moaned Applejack.

“Maaaaark...” moaned Apple Bloom.

“Eeeeeyup...” moaned Big Mac.

Granny Smith watched as her family set out.

“Sometimes, I feel like I’m the only pony here with half a brain left. They all forgot to eat! Again!” she said.

Big Mac came back in with a blush on his face. he was still half asleep.

“Eeyup...” he said.


Rainbow Dash’s morning was not so typical. She woke up at the sound of something crashing through her front door.

Or rather, somepony.

With a resentful sigh, Rainbow forced herself out of bed to see who owed her a new door.

Unsurprisingly, it was Derpy.

“Morning, Rainbow Dash! I have a letter for you!” she said.

“Sigh... morning, Derpy.” said Rainbow Dash.

The letter turned out to be from the weather department. Apparently, as one of the few remaining non-zombie pegasi in Ponyville, she was being promoted. Again.

But then her half-asleep brain remembered that Derpy was missing a foreleg.

“Wait... Derpy, aren’t you a zombie?” asked Rainbow Dash.

“Oh! Right, I forgot again.” said Derpy before she fell over on the floor and laid still.

Rainbow face-hoofed.

“You’re UNdead, Derpy. Not dead.” said Rainbow Dash.

“Oops. My bad.” said Derpy.


Fluttershy didn’t wake up until well into the afternoon. This was intentional: many of her animals needed to stay out of the sun to keep from getting burns on their exposed intestines, so she usually went to bed earlier in the morning.

True, she had taken the longest of everypony in town to get used to the whole zombie apocalypse thing, but she wasn’t about to a let a little thing like a zombie plague keep her from taking care of her animal friends.

And it wasn’t that bad. She didn’t have to pay for food anymore. And her little Angle had become such a nice bunny after he lost his entire lower body, even if he started moaning a lot more than he used to.

Still, Fluttershy did everything she could to make him feel better. Even if she couldn’t give him carrots anymore, she could still give him and the rest of her animal friends the next best thing.

After freshening herself up, Fluttershy made her way downstairs to great the new day.

“Good morning everyone. Who wants to gnaw on my head first today?” she asked.


Rarity, it turned out, didn't need to go gem hunting today. Spike didn’t really care, as he still got to spend time with his crush.

“Spike, could you be a dear and fetch me some ruby string? This suit needs a few more stitches before I begin the finishing touches.” said Rarity.

“Sure thing!” said Spike as he ran off.

She hummed and tittered around the unfinished suit in question.

“I still can’t decide whether I should try to highlight the stallion’s missing jaw, or draw the eye away from it. On the one hoof, any form of rot from this horrid zombie plague is untasteful. But on the other hoof, it has more or less become a trend.” she said to herself.

“I suppose I could try to do both... draw attention away from the ruined flesh while still making it more... profound. But the colors of such an attempted would most certainly clash! Unless... IDEEEAAAA!” she sang out.

“This could be the next big thing! I just need to determine what colors go well with a pony’s inwards!”


Mr. and Mrs. Cake had come to accept certain things in their time working with Pinkie Pie. Her... unique talents had long since opened their eyes to the idea that ‘impossible’ wasn’t a word in her dictionary.

Never the less, the zombie apocalypse had given Pinkie another way to remind everyone than any effort to understand her would be hopeless.

“PARRRRTYYYYYY!” Pinkie somehow sang and moaned at the same time. “PARRRRTYYYYYY!”

Business had been slow for the party mare after it became apparent that zombies don’t eat anything. Not that this fact had stopped her from throwing a bash right then and there.

The occasion? ‘Happy Fifth Week of the Zombie Apocalypse!’

But that wasn’t the reason Mr. and Mrs. Cake were shaking their heads in disbelief.

“PARRRRTYYYYYY!” Pinkie sang. “PARRRRTYYYYYY!”

“How can she sing, let alone talk, when she doesn’t have a head?” asked Mr. Cake.


After school (Cheerilee unfortunately wasn’t a zombie), the CMC meet up in their club house for another day of crusading.

“Ok, girls, what’s the plan for today?” asked Sweetie Belle.

“Maaaaark...” moaned Apple Bloom.

“Raaaaainboooooow...” moaned Scootaloo.

“Ok! Well, next on the list is… balloon flying! You girls up for that today?” asked Sweetie Belle.

“Maaaaark...” moaned Apple Bloom.

“Raaaaainboooooow...” moaned Scootaloo.

“Ok! CUTIE MARK CRUSADIERS BALLOON FLYERS! YAY!” yelled Sweetie Belle.

“Maaaaark...” moaned Apple Bloom.

“Raaaaainboooooow...” moaned Scootaloo.


Celestia sat patiently as Luna read her the latest report.

“Well, the plague has finally been successfully contained. Our non-infected population has nothing left to fear from their undead-brethren.” she said.

“Suuuuun...” moaned Celestia.

Luna signed.

“It wasn’t funny the first time, Tia.” she said.

Celesta giggled. She thought it was funny.

“Also, we received word that, while the plague never made it far from Equestria’s borders, the wastelands were struck.” said Luna.

“Oh? What became of the Changelings?” asked Celestia.

“Discord is looking into it right now. Apparently there’s no immediate danger.” said Luna, “Though I hesitate to take his word for granted.”

"I see. And he still denies any involvement in this?" asked Celestia.

"Indeed. Though I must wonder why it took three weeks for anypony to even notice that this plague was even spreading. Surely somepony would have noticed the decaying flesh and repetitive moaning." pondered Luna.

"Considering how long it took Spike to notice Twilight was missing an eye, let alone undead, I can't say I'm surprised." answered Celestia, "Some of our little ponies are just that predictable, I suppose."


“Loooove...” moaned Chrysalis.

Discord and Queen Chrysalis’s personal assistant just looked at each other, not sure how to address the horribly bloated and deformed shape of the changeling queen.

“Loooove...” moaned Chrysalis.

“Er... my queen?” asked the assistant.

“SHUT UP FRANK! CAN’T YOU SEE I’M SUFFERING SEVERE INDIGESTION RIGHT NOW?” shrieked Chrysalis.

Discord gave up, and burst into a fit of laughter.

“I must say, even I was surprised that zombie changelings actually create love instead of taking it. It has certainly done wonders for your figure, oh queen.” he said.

“Shut it, and get me some Tums or something! Ugh... my poor stomach...” moaned Chrysalis.


Prince Shining armor and Princess Candace looked nervously at the letter in front of them.

“So... zombies.” said Shining Armor.

“Apparently.” said Cadence.

“And my sister is one of them.” said Shining Armor.

“Unfortunately, yes.” said Cadence.

“And no one even noticed anything was wrong with her for three weeks.” said Shining Armor.

“Yep.” said Cadence.

...

“You know, I wonder if any of our guards are zombies, but we just haven't noticed yet.” said Shining Armor.

“Probably. What do you think, Flash Sentry?” asked Cadence.

“Twiiiiliiiiight...” moaned Flash Sentry.

Author's Note:

Short, silly, stupid story from a short, silly, stupid idea.

Enjoy.

Also, can anyone tell if Scootaloo's a zombie? She seems perfectly normal to me.

Comments ( 142 )

“Wait... Derpy, aren’t you a zombie?” asked Rainbow Dash.
“Oh! Right, I forgot again.” said Derpy before she fell over on the floor and laid still.
Rainbow face-hoofed.
“You’re UNdead, Derpy. Not dead.” said Rainbow Dash.
“Oops. My bad.” said Derpy.

That killed me.

Seriously, this was a really funny story. Random, just like it should be.

A nice little read.

That was awesome.

:rainbowhuh: what, did I just read?

Fluttershy... Rarity's alive?... Talking headless pinkie... WHAT? HOW? AND WHY?

:rainbowlaugh::rainbowlaugh::rainbowlaugh: this is memorable!

“PARRRRTYYYYYY!” Pinkie sang. “PARRRRTYYYYYY!”
“How can she sing, let alone talk, when she doesn’t have a head?” asked Mr. Cake.

:rainbowlaugh: That killed me, just a brilliant, random piece 5/5 mustaches :moustache::moustache::moustache::moustache::moustache:

This is how I like my zombie apocalypses. Nearly unnoticed, with a dash of new normal "f**k"-geddaboutit.

Nnneeeaaattt...

That was a very silly and amusing read.

Cute and funny little oneshot.

.....suuuuun :trollestia:

You are a beautiful soul for writing this.

Is most of the moaning that the zombies are doing their way of screwing with the living? I mean, several of the zombies are still perfectly capable of speech and AJ is coordinated enough to put on a hat. It seems that most of them are still pretty cognizant.

That was...a rather cute take on the zombie apocalypse!

Well done! :rainbowwild:

“Suuuuun...” moaned Celestia.

Luna signed.

“It wasn’t funny the first time, Tia.” she said.

Celesta giggled.

All my yes! :rainbowlaugh: :pinkiehappy:

It's like ponified Shaun of the Dead - but with better execution!

“Wait... Derpy, aren’t you a zombie?” asked Rainbow Dash.

“Oh! Right, I forgot again.” said Derpy before she fell over on the floor and laid still.

Looks like Derpy is both undead and unconcerned.:trollestia:

Upvoted and favorited. This is amazing and amusing both.

Well, that was interesting. Pretty good too.

“Apppppplessssss...” moaned Applejack.
“Maaaaark...” moaned Apple Bloom.
“Eeeeeyup...” moaned Big Mac.
Granny Smith watched as her family set out.
“Sometimes, I feel like I’m the only pony here with half a brain left. They all forgot to eat! Again!” she said.
Big Mac came back in with a blush on his face. he was still half asleep.
“Eeyup...” he said.

As well as others, I loved this part! Nicely done!:rainbowlaugh::rainbowlaugh::rainbowlaugh::rainbowwild::rainbowwild::rainbowlaugh::pinkiehappy:

4239632 Don't want to sound rude...but nobody cares. :twilightsmile:

Sort of retreading the same ground as the British comedy film "Shaun of the Dead". If your best friend had been turned into a zombie that just mindlessly followed a pre-mortem obsession, would you necessarily notice any difference in the people around you. It's clear that, in Equestria, the answer is 'no'.

Except with Derpy. She can't get anything right. Even being a slavering, mindless undead. :derpytongue2:

A fair amount of spelling errors aside, this was gut-bustingly (haha, I made a funny) hilarious! :rainbowlaugh:

“SHUT UP FRANK! CAN’T YOU SEE I’M SUFFERING SEVERE INDIGESTION RIGHT NOW?” shrieked Chrysalis.

I don't care if it wasn't intentional, Dead Rising reference FTW!

~The lizardman needs a new gut

Hey look, I found Pinkie's head!

:pinkiesick: "Faaaave. Uuupvooote."

I want to have foals with this fic

[zombie moaning noise]

4243360 Aww, c'mon. It has the potential to be funny.

Twilight: "Boooookkss."
Rainbow Dash: "Twilight, knock it off. All of this moaning has gotten really old, really fast."
Twilight: "Boooookkss."
Rainbow Dash: "Wanna play hardball, huh, well fine. Guess I'll just go dog ear a bunch of pages in the new Daring Do book at your library."
Twilight: "Rainbow Dash, don't you dare!"
Rainbow Dash: "HA! Made you talk!"
Twilight: "Ponyfeathers."

Before reading: fc03.deviantart.net/fs71/i/2011/165/3/d/what_about_zombie_ponies__by_johnjoseco-d3ivaee.jpg
After reading: static.fjcdn.com/pictures/Well+ok+then_965d7c_3159509.jpg
So, all in all: i.imgur.com/YNeMCMu.png
Edit: There must be a story of that first picture, but I haven't found any in the Necromancy group, I really should force Shade to write some... But i'm afraid she'dd mutilate me.
NO PAIN NO GAIN, RIGHT? *He screamed as she forcefully ripped his gut open.*
Worth it.

4244073 <Gasp> It's the new Arrow to the Knee!

4244134 Don't know if it's your intention or not, but you're coming off as a bit snide here. If it was your intention, well, there's no reason to be a dick.

Must admit, I personally would have liked a few more descriptions... even if that would probably have 'earned' this fic a Dark tag.

I do hope this universe gets explored a bit more, though. The idea is just fascinating. :rainbowkiss:

4244242 Not my intention, i'm on my phone so I keep things short.

So living Macintosh acts like he's undead, while undead Derpy acts like she's alive. :rainbowlaugh:

So I think that officially confirms that Twilight and Flash are indeed unmade for each other.

Definitely cute! Liked and Faved, good sir. :twilightsmile:

Poor Derpy. Can't even get being one of the shambling horde right. :derpytongue2:

And has anyone noticed that Twilight seems a little less monomaniacal lately?

Hey, I found Pinkie's head! It's a little discolored and rough around the edges, but we'll sew it back on and she'll be right as rain. :pinkiesick:

Canon Equestria + zombie apocalypse = prime class unleaded lightmare fuel
And no, I didn't misspell that.

4245681 You'd be surprised by what some people do when they're half-asleep...

4239632
As far as I saw, the only zombie that actually talks is Derpy. Unless I just totally missed something in there......

:rainbowhuh:Why is it that there always seems to be a changeling named Frank? :applejackconfused:This is like the third one this month...

I found this amusing. Especially guessing who was a zombie and who wasn't.

4247596 I'm suddenly tempted to create a story where every changeling has that name.

Big Mac also seemed pretty normal, I can't see what was really wrong with him.

4247515
Well I'm assuming that Chrysalis is a Zombie too, and she has indegestion because she's producing more love then she can expel.

Wait, so all of the zombies can only say one word, Derpy can easily speak? :rainbowhuh:

I actually hoped one of the princesses (Not Twilight!) was a zomb!

I actually thought It was going to be more of a "ZOMC!"
But now, It's more like, "Oh, hi there."
Secretly hoping Fluttershy would become a zombie, would be hilarious.

Wow... I was just wondering about that yesterday... just the idea of "what if there was a zombie plague, but the zombies didn't actually hurt anyone?"

And now I see you've written exactly that. Wonderful! :rainbowlaugh:

This is priceless. That is I didn't pay anything for it, so I got a good deal. Have a happy upthumb.

Now THIS is a story. And somewhat amusing to me due to something I'm writing on my own. But that's not important right now. You're awesome.

4243633 Hm, I thought it might have been a reference to Why Am I A Bug? by DJ TR33.

4247905
Let me know if you do. I'd probably enjoy it.

Login or register to comment