1. Member Since 7th Jun, 2012
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I am not contained between my hat and my boots.

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Pinkie gets very excited about patio furniture. A little too excited. Having a whole store full of it is going to push her to her limits. The story of Cadance and Twilight isn't the only interesting thing that happened that day.

A quick and fun one-shot, done on the spur of the moment. Enjoy!

Now with audio reading!

First Published
28th Jan 2014
Last Modified
28th Jan 2014
Comment posted by Misty Skyshadow deleted at 12:23am on the 29th of January, 2014
#2 · 164w, 6d ago · 1 · ·

I love you for writing this:moustache:

#3 · 164w, 6d ago · 1 · ·

This is great!:pinkiehappy:

#4 · 164w, 6d ago · 1 · ·

That was.... You just.... I don't even....


#5 · 164w, 6d ago · 2 · 5 ·

This is bad and you should feel bad.

#6 · 164w, 6d ago · 2 · ·

This is delicious crack.

#7 · 164w, 6d ago · 2 · ·

You weren't joking. :rainbowderp:

#8 · 164w, 6d ago · 1 · 1 ·

Yes. Just yes.

#9 · 164w, 6d ago · 1 · ·

This was actually good! Pinkie's in character here more than in the episode...and that's kinda scary o.o' Well done! :D

#10 · 164w, 6d ago · 2 · 1 ·


Thats a lie and you're a hater.

#11 · 164w, 6d ago · 1 · ·


Yes it is a lie. I'm teasing Oca. Now shoo.

#12 · 164w, 6d ago · · ·


Um, congrats? :unsuresweetie:






Thanks, everybody! :twilightblush:

Glad I can bring a little enjoyment your way. :pinkiehappy:


Oh, I feel bad.

I feel so bad right now! :yay: :fluttershyouch: :yay: :fluttershbad:



My first crackship, and it's a doozy! ^.^


Don't worry, I knew he was teasing. :twilightsheepish:

#13 · 164w, 6d ago · 1 · ·

Why am I reading a story about Pinkie Pie raping :trollestia:furniture :facehoof:

Awesome fic though :rainbowwild:

:twilightblush: I was wondering what that Romance tag meant


#14 · 164w, 6d ago · 3 · 1 ·


It's not rape if the furniture likes it! :trollestia:

#16 · 164w, 6d ago · 2 · ·

Twilight Sparkle: "I got off lucky with just having my visit with Cadence disrupted by Discord, didn't I?" :twilightoops:

Pinkie Pie: "Used patio furniture is AWESOME!" :pinkiehappy:

#17 · 164w, 6d ago · · ·

My thoughts throughout the story::derpyderp1::pinkiehappy::unsuresweetie::twilightoops::eeyup:

#18 · 164w, 6d ago · 2 · ·

What the hell is WRONG with you? This is just...depraved. :twilightoops:

#19 · 164w, 6d ago · · ·

Words fail me. I am not sure how to feel.

#20 · 164w, 6d ago · · ·

"She breathed heavily, drunk with the intense emotions that only finely aged, all-weather furniture could induce."

This belongs in a vault of legendary sentences. Also,

#21 · 164w, 5d ago · · 1 ·

Haha That was perfect XD

#22 · 164w, 5d ago · · 1 ·

Best Pinkie Porn 2014:pinkiehappy:

#23 · 164w, 5d ago · · ·

Soooo.... pinkie has now been shipped with literally everything.  So there is that, and what has been read cannot be un-read. Uhh.. good story that took a very unexpected twist lol. Your writing style is good. I shall up vote and favorite. You should write more things like this lol

#24 · 164w, 5d ago · · ·











#25 · 164w, 5d ago · · ·

Whoa. Pinkie Pie is Dirk Gently? That... explains so much.

Also, you used 'resist' twice in three paragraphs. Might want to change one of them.

#26 · 164w, 5d ago · · ·


This is...yeah

liked and favorited

#27 · 164w, 5d ago · · ·

words do not describe.

#28 · 164w, 5d ago · 7 · 1 ·

I disagree with your depiction of Pinkie Pie's lascivious behavior.  She would court the patio furniture slowly and lovingly, throwing it parties and getting to know it, before proceeding to the furniture orgy.  :pinkiehappy:

#31 · 164w, 5d ago · · 1 ·

Well. This explains the real reason for the Party of One flip out. She was setting up an orgy.

#32 · 164w, 5d ago · 1 · ·


Pinkie Pie: "You're not the only one who got off lucky!" :pinkiesmile:


Then I have done my job well. :twilightsmile:


Sorry... after seeing the new episode... I just had to write it. :unsuresweetie:


This is the intended reaction! :twilightsmile:




Thanks! :twilightsmile:


Where's my (lawn-chair-shaped) trophy? :pinkiecrazy:


I intend to, I intend to.


Are you, perhaps, aware of my clop-posting alt account? :duck:



It's just hooves and furniture. Nothing objectionable happened, right? :pinkiecrazy:


I'm glad somebody got that reference!

^.^ I loved those books. It's a shame there aren't more of them.




Oh, they do. They do. Just gotta read the story to see that!



You're right!

Pinkie would take it slow and have a meaningful relationship with the furniture!




Yeah, I figured I wouldn't be the first to have done this...

At least maybe I'm the first to manage to squeak it in with an 'everyone' rating?


She does like her inanimate objects, doesn't she? :heart:

#33 · 164w, 5d ago · · ·


Twilight Sparkle: That's not what I meant, Pinkie! :facehoof:

#34 · 164w, 5d ago · · ·

>>3863402 No. I was not aware of this, but I am now! Lol

#35 · 164w, 5d ago · · ·

This kind of thing actually happens quite a bit in real life - check out a web show called "What the F$&k is Wrong With You?", an episode called "More Cushion for the Pushin'".

#36 · 164w, 5d ago · 1 · ·

Okay... that was odd. I can't believe I am saying this... but you might want to rate this teen, possibly even mature. Pinkie Pie having a furniture fetish is not an everyone concept.

#37 · 164w, 5d ago · · ·


fine but I do believe pinkie has not been shipped with luna...has she?:unsuresweetie:

#38 · 164w, 5d ago · · ·


Yep. Well, I've seen her shipped with Nightmare Moon,if that counts. While also being Nightmare Moon. And they were both shipped with Trixie too.

#39 · 164w, 5d ago · 1 · 1 ·


Fridge Horror Moment: That's why Pinkie Pie likes used patio furniture - it's got experience, it's been around the block a few times, it knows exactly what it wants and how to get it, and it's not afraid to cut right to the action. :twilightoops:

#40 · 164w, 5d ago · · ·

I never realized that furniture could be so eroticized. I've heard about stories where Rainbow is humorously shipped with a kitchen sink, but that seemed more parody than anything else. For humor and genuine erotic moments to occur in a story like this is both enjoyable, and curiously puzzling. I will have to think about this.

#41 · 164w, 5d ago · 1 · ·


Twilight: "And you're not allowed on the library's back porch anymore."

Pinkie: "Oh Puh-leez. Your table and chair set's barely a year old. I'm not into that pedophile stuff."



It's dirty little secret, and it'll be publishing another pinkie fic soon... An 'anthro-futa-Pinkie does the mane 6' kind of fic ^.^


I know this. ^.^

Name anything, and there's somebody out there with a fetish for it.



This fic contains absolutely no sexual themes. :trollestia:


I'd begin with the assumption that every mane 6 pony has been shipped with every princess.


And there you have it.


New fic-related headcanon acquired


it was still intended as a parody... not something actually erotic.

Though... I suppose, anyone who shares Pinkie's fetish might find this very erotic.

#42 · 164w, 5d ago · · ·

>>3864485 "Well I found them both in a packing crate once while delivering mail - Does that count?" :derpytongue2:

#43 · 164w, 5d ago · · ·

You wrote this in two hours!?!  Dang, I wish I could write that well, that quickly.

#44 · 164w, 5d ago · · ·

>>3866047 Interesting. You have caught my attention and I shall follow you. Very very closely. Ps. Luna is best pony.

#45 · 164w, 5d ago · · ·

I just… I… um… uh… er… what?

#46 · 164w, 4d ago · 2 · ·

Not sure how you got away with an "everyone" rating for this.

This is the most ridiculous thing i've ever read. well... perhaps not the most ridiculous... maybe in the top fifty... but i've seen an awful lot of weird things in my time, including twilight masturbating with high explosives.

Seriously. that's a thing. search it. "Twilight makes love to explosives".

#47 · 164w, 4d ago · · ·


Well, they were 'shipped' together, so yeah, it counts! :trollestia:


It just takes practice. :twilightsmile: And lots of good feedback.


Excellent! ^.^

(And no, :trollestia: is best pony.)


:pinkiecrazy: Give in to the random furniture love! :heart:


I'm not sure how I got away with that either. :twilightblush:

But, I suppose, technically, there is no sexual content in this story. :rainbowwild:

#48 · 164w, 4d ago · 1 · ·

Yo, I hear you reply to everyone.

#49 · 164w, 4d ago · 1 · ·


That I do. :twilightsmile:

Comment posted by swRainbowDash5467 deleted at 9:10pm on the 1st of February, 2014
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