Spa Chat
Rarity sighed as she slid lower into the hot tub. She had forgone the use of any facial wraps today; best to keep both eyes open. She winced as hot water splashed against her neck and along her cheek. Squinting one eye, her horn glowed. The towel that wrapped her mane was like an elaborate turban, but it came untied in an instant and floated to the shelf, already folded. Rarity leveled her gaze at her companion. Maybe this wasn’t the best idea, she thought.
Pinkie Pie laughed again, squeaking her rubber ducks. They were each a different color, and each duck made a different note when squeezed. “‘Cause I love to make you—!” orange, yellow, red. The ducks squeaked with particular notes and Rarity couldn’t help but fill in the missing words. It was like each duck had said “smile” instead of just letting out an irritating wheeze of air.
Rarity shook her head, causing her mane to shower water around her into the tub. Getting Pinkie Pie to join her for a spa visit wasn’t easy, and she was determined to make the most of it. “Say, Pinkie, could I get your opinion on this article?” She used magic instead of her wet hooves to open the glitzy fashion magazine behind her. It had stayed hidden, shielded by her body for several minutes because—
“Are you sure you don’t want to have another water fight? That was a lot of fun!” Pinkie chirped, bouncing in place in the tub, sending little waves out from her position. Rarity held the magazine a bit higher as she glanced at the surrounding walls; they were still dripping wet. When they stepped into the tub, Rarity had accidently bumped into Pinkie, making a tiny splash. The resulting water war had nearly engulfed every surface of the room. The armistice was called after the spa ponies threatened to exile them forever.
“No thank you, I’ve had quite enough of that. I just realized we’ve never spent much time together and I thought I could get to know you a little better. So what do you think of this article? It’s about—” Rarity blushed, and not because of the hot water. “It’s about how ponies like to enjoy themselves. If you know what I mean.” Rarity batted an eye with a knowing giggle.
Pinkie was juggling her ducks. “I wish Gummy were here— he’d love this bath. His skin could really use a good exfoliant, too.”
Rarity glared at Pinkie while her left eye twitched. “Were you even listening to me?”
A few bubbles rose to the surface of the water in front of Pinkie as she sighed with contentment. “Oh, heh heh, yeah. Sorry, I was thinking about making Gummy smile and I forgot about your smile. I totally know what you mean, Rarity.”
Rarity nodded and replied, “I hope you’re not uncomfortable about the subject.” She lowered her voice to a whisper. “I’ll admit, I love to gossip about it, but it’s a bit… taboo.”
Pinkie laughed, ending with a snort. “Nahh, it’s okay, Rarity. You can ask me anything!”
“Oh good,” Rarity sighed as her eyes scanned back and forth over the article. “The article says stallions generally like it more than mares, but I just can’t believe that’s true. I mean sure, they talk about it more, but mares enjoy it just as much. Don’t you think?”
Pinkie smiled and nodded vigorously. “Absolutely, it’s not a stallion-only thing!”
Rarity sighed and said breathily, “I wish I had a little more experience with it. I mean—” Rarity blushed a deep crimson. “Well, more experience without any pain.” Rarity sighed again. “It’s just so complicated.”
Pinkie Pie brightened up and chirped, “Well, you can ask me! I have plenty of experience!”
Rarity nearly lost her magical grip on the magazine, as she blinked several times in rapid succession. “Y-you do? Of course you do! You like to make ponies smile! A-are you… I mean… could you teach me a little about it?” Rarity swallowed and blushed yet again. Her eyes darted left and right; she just couldn’t look directly at Pinkie. What have I said? I’ve gone too far; I can’t ask that, even of a good friend!
Rarity missed Pinkie’s raised brows. “Well, sure. I mean… I’m not like a world-class teacher or anything, but I’m teaching two ponies about it right now!”
“T-two!?” Rarity could hardly believe her luck.
“Yep, two ponies at the same time!”
“At the same time?!” Rarity’s eyes went wide. “Darling, I had no idea! I mean, I just have so many questions…”
“Go ahead and ask me if it’ll make ya happy!” Pinkie squealed and squeaked her purple ducky this time.
This is my chance! Rarity took a deep breath to calm herself. “My first question is: does everypony NEED to do it? I mean, I’ve heard stallions say they need it, but my father says that’s nonsense.”
Pinkie Pie didn’t even hesitate. “Of course everypony needs to do it. I’d say at least once every few days. What kinda silly question is that?”
Rarity blinked with her mouth agape at Pinkie. “Every few days? Surely you mean by yourself.”
Pinkie burst into fits of laughter. “Well duh, how else would you do it?”
Rarity sighed in relief and replied, “Well, you ARE teaching right? You have to be there to teach about something so… physical.”
Pinkie gasped, then nodded. “Oh yeah, of course! Silly me!”
Rarity cocked a brow at Pinkie. What an odd answer… but then again, it’s Pinkie Pie. She shook her head to clear away any doubts. “If I may be so bold: how often do you do it? You said every few days, right?”
Pinkie giggled and replied, “Well, I guess it’s about once or twice a day. Pretty normal, I’d say. Except when I eat too much cake, then I try to put it off at least ‘til the next morning.” Pinkie’s wet hair became even flatter and she frowned. “Having a tummy ache is no fun.”
Rarity nodded in rapt attention. “Of course, of course. It would never mix with a tummy ache.” Rarity blinked. “Wait— did you say once or twice a day?” Her voice rose an octave. “As in: every day?! As in today?!”
“Yepperoonie. Right after I woke up, in fact.”
Rarity nearly fell off her seat and into the center of the hot tub. “Th-this morning? R-really? Was this a teaching session… or…? No no, I’m sorry. I shouldn't pry.” Rarity was blushing, but also smiling. She was really getting to know more about Pinkie today.
Pinkie shook her head with a smile. “It’s okay, Rarity. You sound like you really want to know, and it makes you happy. You’re like Twilight on this subject!” She giggled and finished with a snort. Rarity let out a dry, nervous laugh of her own. “Anyway, nope. This morning it was just me, in the bathroom, right after my morning shower. How often do you do it?”
Rarity gulped and thought, I suppose it’s only fair that I answer. “I don’t do it nearly so often. It’s only maybe once a week, sometimes less.”
Pinkie gasped, “Rarity, you need to do it more than that! That’s not healthy!”
Rarity blushed again, but nodded. “Oh my, that’s… well, I don’t know as much about it as you do, apparently. I shall endeavor to take your advice. I must say, you’re very ‘open,’ Pinkie. I hope I’m not embarrassing you.”
Pinkie glanced around the spa. “Nahh, it’s just you and me. Plus, you gotta get over stage fright at some point if you ever want to perform. After that, this stuff is easy. Besides, aren’t you embarrassed asking all these simple questions?”
“S-s-simple?!” Rarity’s mouth was agape at Pinkie. “Well, if that’s the case, you wouldn’t mind if I asked some more personal questions?”
Pinkie shrugged and squeaked her green ducky. “Go ahead.”
Rarity’s mind went into overdrive. There were questions whirling around in her head like powder in a shaken snowglobe. “Well, did it hurt the first time?”
Pinkie tilted her head and shrugged. “I don’t know. It was so long ago, I don’t really remember.” Rarity nodded as Pinkie continued, “It can get a little uncomfortable sometimes, but afterwards I’m always like, ‘Ahhhh...’”
You don’t remember your first time? That’s… sad, Rarity thought to herself, but she dared not say something to offend Pinkie. Rarity blushed a deep crimson. “So… afterwards is when it feels best?” She leaned forward, eager to know more.
“Definitely— I prefer to get it over with quick.” Pinkie squeaked her blue ducky. It made a low tone that made her giggle.
Rarity sat rigid on the hot tub’s shelf. “Quickly? Really? You don’t want to take your time to enjoy it?”
Without looking up, Pinkie replied, “Not really. The end is the part that makes ponies smile, so it’s my favorite.”
“Oh, of course. I just thought… never mind, to each her own.” Rarity watched for any discomfort from Pinkie. She could detect none from either Pinkie or the rubber duckies she was now playing “Camptown Races” with.
Rarity was about to ask another question when Pinkie volunteered some information. “You know what I don’t quite get? The smell.”
Rarity stammered, “Th-the s-smell?”
“Yeah, it smells different depending on what I’ve eaten. Twilight said I could learn more about my diet from the smell, but that’s just gross. Besides, I don’t have time for that. I’ll just keep eating candy; it smells sweeter that way.”
Rarity’s eyes went wide. She had to simply sit and process what Pinkie had said for a moment before she could respond. “It smells different depending on what you’ve eaten? I’ve never thought about it before, but I suppose that makes sense.” Rarity took in a deep breath, steeling herself before asking her next question; it was quite personal. “Pinkie, I’m sorry if I’m being to nosy, and you don’t have to answer if you don’t want to, but… do you use any sort of tools to… assist in the process?”
Pinkie giggled, “Um, no, not unless there’s a real problem. I once had to use some meds to, uh, clear things up. You know what I mean, right?” Rarity nodded. “So no, I just use my hoof and some tissue paper.”
Rarity repeated after her, enraptured by her candid answers. “Just your hooves and tissue paper…”
“Hoof, not hooves. Seriously, I don’t think you need two hooves.” Pinkie giggled and smiled at Rarity.
Rarity shook her head and blinked a few times. “Just one hoof? Oh, well, of course, darling. You’re not using any tools.”
Pinkie tilted her head at Rarity. “Do you use tools to help you? I’ve heard of teaching aids, but I don’t think most adult ponies need any tools to get the job done.”
“I-I-I…” Rarity’s entire face and exposed neck above the waterline blushed until she turned from white to a light shade of red. She answered my questions, so it’s only fair I answer hers. “Yes, I do use a toy to help me sometimes. I know it’s a bit juvenile, but I find it’s easier that way.”
Pinkie giggled, “That’s okay, Rarity. If it makes you smile, and it works for you, who am I to judge?”
Rarity sighed with relief. “Why thank you, Pinkie. It’s so refreshing to speak openly about things sometimes.” Rarity glanced around the room to ensure the spa ponies were not within earshot. “You mentioned that you did it in the bathroom this morning. I find it’s much more comfortable in bed. Although the article suggests trying it in the shower, or even the hot tub.” She gestured to their surroundings and patted the water, making the surface ripple.
Pinkie’s face screwed up, like her nose was trying to retreat into her eyes. “Ewwww, in the bed? Rarity, that’s just gross. And the hot tub? That’s worse— think about all the other ponies that might want to use it!”
Rarity nodded, mentally taking notes. “Of course, you’re right. I’ll stick to the bathroom from now on.” She flipped a page in the magazine, then dug deeper into the article. “You know, the article also says it feels better if it’s messy. What do you think?”
Pinkie’s face still had that look, like she had crunched into a sour apple. “Well I guess that’s true, but stick to the bathroom anyway. The bed is just… no.” She shook her head, spraying water around the tub and making her hair fluff up.
“I still have so many questions. What about—”
Pinkie was nodding during the commentary. Rarity could swear she heard something rattling around behind those baby-blue eyes. Pinkie glanced at the clock and gasped, “Oh my gosh, we’ve been here for over an hour!” She hopped out and began to dry herself off with a fluffy, white towel.
Rarity climbed out of the bath and shivered as the cold air hit her coat. She wrapped herself and her mane in towels. “I’ve had an… interesting time with you, Pinkie. We should do this again.”
“Well, if you’re really curious you could come with me to my lesson. It’s in about twenty minutes.”
Rarity’s jaw almost hit the floor. “Are you serious? I’ve never… I couldn’t… but… I really want to know...”
Pinkie Pie waved a hoof dismissively. “Relax, Rarity; it’s not a big deal. If you just want to watch, that’s fine too. I was kinda hoping to use you as a model, but you’re a mare just like me. It’s a little hard to teach colts, since their plumbing is different.”
Rarity’s mind contorted, trying to comprehend what Pinkie was saying. “Big deal… watch… wait… a mare? You said two ponies earlier! You mean two stallions, right?!” Rarity’s heart slammed in her chest and her breath became shallow. Her wide, unblinking eyes reflected Pinkie like dark pools of liquid ink.
“Huh? No, one stallion and one mare.”
Rarity’s jaw was open in shock at this point. She put a hoof to her chest to calm her beating heart. She felt a bit queasy. “A mare and a stallion? And you want me to join? Three mares and a stallion? I-I-I just can’t. It’s too much.”
Pinkie laughed so much her belly quaked. “Not a stallion and a mare, really. Just a colt and a filly. They’re only foals after all.”
Rarity’s entire body tensed, and she felt adrift— disconnected from what she was hearing. “F-f-foals?” Her voice had risen two octaves.
“Yeah, Pound and Pumpkin. Are you coming along or not?”
This was too much for Rarity. She swayed on her hooves, her heartbeat became weak, her eyes rolled up into her head. She toppled over onto the tile with a wet thud.
“Rarity! Rarity! Are you alright?” Pinkie knelt and fanned Rarity with a hoof. “There’s no reason to act so dramatic. It’s just potty training!” Pinkie tilted her head as a thought came to her.
“What were YOU thinking of?”
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LOOOOOL
Awesome story XD
I figured it out about halfway through when Pinkie mentioned the tissue paper...Wow, that can be taken way out of context. Still, stories like these are hilarious because it always in massive shock from one of them.
Bravo, my friend! A Spike Moustache for you!
Am I the only one who reread the story after the plot twist?
lololololololollolololololololololololololololoololololololololololololololololololololololololol!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
When she mentioned teaching 2 ponies... I had an idea what was going on...
then needs to do it clenched it.
HAHAAHAHAAHAHAAAHHHAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!
Do one about Spike and the magazines.
I came all over this story as I laughed.
That was freaking hilarious.
Oh Pinkie, why would Rarity be reading about potty training?
I was about half way through when I got the joke, and I was trying really hard not to start laughing, since its like 12:00 at night and I don't want to wake everybody up :P
lot
3826783
Thanks, I must have fat fingered that one and missed it in editing. fixed.
SWEET MOTHER OF CELESTIA O.O
3826580 I have no idea. But that's Pinkie Pie for ya. Now I'm almost interested in seeing just how that plays out.
Rarity, you are a horrible, horrible mare for thinking about what you were thinking about. For shame.
That was simply hilarious. The best jokes really are the ones you don't see coming. Well done.
I'm actually surprised I caught on to what Pinkie was really talking about long before the end
But this was still goooood
I thought I had the twist all figured out, but you had me wrong. Anyway, listening to this song is the absolute best way to read this story
That was entertaining. I'm rather proud of myself for predicting the ending.
Oh, poor Pinkie Pie, Rarity mistook you for a Kinky Pie, and now she's all confused!
I love this.
I kinda figured this one out about halfway through, then psyched myself out because I misunderstood something.
Oh well, still funny.
stories like this are predictable, cause they're all over the place around here and it's a classic plot for comedy. but nevertheless, this was an example of how to do it well. nice job.
HAhahaHAAAAAAAAAAaaaaaa!
Figured that there was going to be some innocuous and hilarious misunderstanding right at the beginning, but it was subtle enough for me not to get it until near the end. Well done.
Looking back some of what Pinkie Pie said should've been a dead giveaway. Can't believe I didn't catch on til Pinkie Pie actually said it.
Also. dare I ask what kind of "toys" Pinkie Pie thought Rarity might use for potty training?
3828819 Yeah. If I hadn't already seen other examples of this kind of story, I would never have figured it out before the end.
3831011
My nephew used something like this: http://www.amazon.com/Quabbin-Toilet-Targets-for-Boys/dp/B0017W4ZTM
3828819
3826138
3826143
Hmm... some ppl get it early, some get it half way, some not till the last line. It was a tough choice when it came to just how much to give away. I didn't want to make it obvious, but I did want to give a few hints. I haven't read any story like this one before, so I didn't know I was being... less than original. Since "there's nothing new under the sun," I hope I at least executed the story well enough to get some
for those who've seen it before.
I've never felt my hand slap my forehead so hard before I read that ending.....Clever girl.....
When she mentioned two ponies I thought it was eating. It wasn't until the smell that I knew it was the porcelain throne.
3831998 I still think the story was great! Usually when I try to write up something like this that was supposed to have a pay off at the end, every pony figures it out halfway through or sooner. So yeah, this was an awesome story!
Figured it out very early in the story, but loved it anyway!!
you have demonstrated outstanding intellect in this, well done to you and your friend for tricking all of us like that!
You know, I was thinking a shower or maybe a bath at first, then I saw through. But God, I do NOT want any part of whatever Rarity had in mind. Ever.
Oh jesus...
That ending...
I had a hunch, but, my god... Flawless execution of this, mate.
Flawless.
Approved for Twilight's Library.
~Skeeter The Lurker
What the hell did Rarity show Pinkie that made Pinkie think of potty training?
3836161
Nothing. Rarity just talked about how "ponies enjoy themselves," and Pinkie had other things on her mind at that moment. The rest, as they say, is history.
3835381
Cool beans. I didn't even notice 'til now but this story has been added to a few more groups than the initial three. I guess I don't need to do anything more to get it added to Twilight's Library. Thank you.
Come on, Did anyone seriously fall for this? I saw it coming a mile away.
This was a great read and had a hilarious ending. Well done.
..... Right up to the second-last sentence:
(not that funny)
.... ends: stops breathing for a second
Totally predictable, but real fun anyways. Loved it!
Flawless Victory!
Figured it out when Pinkie mentioned smells.
G
O
D
D
A
M
N
I
T
I FELL FOR IT!
Must... Not... Burst out laughing in class... And remember to breath!
Coincidentally, I may have read this on the toilet.
3837601
Aye. So did I, mate. *Nods* So did I.
LOL
Loooool.
i knew there was something strange when pinkie said it smelled diferent according to what she ate. then when she said that doing it in bed was gross
. and then i had an epifany, "twice a day, everyday", "giving lessons, to two ponies"... 
... from there on i couldn't stop laughing.
silly rarity
.
Saw it coming but didn't stop me from shitting bricks.
That's really all there is to say on the matter.