• Member Since 22nd Mar, 2013
  • offline last seen 54 minutes ago

Elric of Melnipony

Ask your doctor about DERPIPONE(TM)!



Once upon a time, in the magical land of Equestria, humans were suddenly all over the freakin' place.

Legends said nothing but horrible things about them, and that the only way to deal with a human was to make them no longer be a human. First contact showed otherwise, and cooler heads prevailed. The newly-organized Transmogrification department was gutted, with most of the agents sent to work elsewhere. Many government employees were organized to help the humans settle in; the best and brightest got to work at the extremely challenging job of calculating multiversal exchange rates so that human cash could be traded in for bits.

Now, for the first time ever, you can see what it's like to work at the Conversion Bureau.
(Don't forget to upvote if you fave!)

This is by far my most popular story, so... thanks, everyone!

Chapters (1)
Comments ( 311 )

This was rather enjoyable.


But of the good kind.

Who, me? :pinkiehappy:

Glad you liked it! :twilightsmile:

Mission accomplished! :rainbowdetermined2:

And let the TCB weaboos come out of the woodwork and mass downvote this story. This will be fun to watch.

Comedy is a harsh mistress, and sometimes she demands sacrifices.:derpytongue2:

We don't need TCB anyway. They will not be missed.

There hasn't been a story like this before? I'm impressed. It's such an obvious idea.

None that I'm aware of. Although it's possible there may be one or two variations in the future; a couple of people liked the idea when I first brought it up in a thread in the Human in Equestria group.

The Throb will soon deposit another load across the face of Equestria.

That made me laugh more than it should have.

Also, I love the "u r comies" guy.
Great fic! Have a favourite and a Like.

Writing that line probably pleased me more than it should have.:rainbowlaugh:

And thank you! I'm glad you enjoyed it!

“Who in the shit-pits of Tartarus is Chuck E. Cheese?”

Stopped, faved, tracked, stalked.

*Continues reading*

Ignoring all the typical TCB pro/con stuff that people fight about... (honestly people it's just a story)

and the newly-founded farming settlement of Lower Cloudsdale already had some very impressive crop yields. (She didn't know what research Twilight had done to prompt that land-use recommendation, but her former student was to be congratulated nonetheless.)

... this is, to me, undoubtedly the funniest line in the story. :pinkiecrazy:


There's just something about the soil there, y'know? :raritywink:

“I'd, um, like them all fed to my animals, if that's okay with everypony.” :yay:

I dunno why...

But I was expecting a joke or two to come up about having an American Express card...

~Skeeter The Lurker

Excellent little story- one I would like to see expanded on at some stage. Only if you want to, of course.

Also, am I correct in reading that Fluttershy was "killing them with kindness?"

The closest idea I ever had was to write a fic called 'The Conversation Bureau', on the grounds that every time I read the TCB title, that's what I said in my head.

I suppose a sequel/spinoff is always a possibility. And the answer to your question depends on how broadly you define "kindness".

I would read that.

This was fun! Ridiculous, silly, eye-rolling, chuckling fun! My brain-Pinkie approves! :pinkiehappy:

All of Twilight's friends were there, and Applejack was there, too.

Aw, poor AJ :applejackunsure: I actually rather like Applejack....

Light and laughter,

It's a reference to a horrible (but seemingly authorized) bit of MLP merchandise that came out in Germany. Go to Derpibooru and search for "Terry" to get the full WTFness of it.

magically mindfuck them, and turn them into ponies. However, to the dismay of the Section – and especially Catseye, the deranged unicorn who held the position of Head Brainwasher Catseye, the worst of the lot, was locked up, drugged up, and allowed to live in a sick and twisted hallucinatory world of her own devising.

I love you

3584055 No one will be safe from them we are all in great danger.

*trots off to check it out* Hee, that's some pretty funny stuff. Thanks for the heads up! I'd never seen those particular images before. You line was funny on its own, a little more so with context!

Now to get back to work before I get too deeply entranced by Derpibooru....

Light and laughter,

A little disjointed, but the payoff is worth it. Bravo.

“My egghead princess friend has studied over eighty Earths, and not a single one of them has anything called an 'Amero' on it as anything other than a stupid rumor, not even yours. It's not a valid currency!”

Am i the only one who thinks the NAU is a good idea?

I was going for more of a "day at the office" feel than any single narrative. (Or possibly moments from a few days.) Glad you put up with it and liked the end, though.

Good idea or not, at this point it still remains just a paranoid conspiracy theory.

The story description alone encourages a thumbs up!

Ow. My sides.

And that author's note. i.imgur.com/pkGdrzm.png

I love your explanation for Derpy's name: "Hey, HI!!!! My mother was a pot-headed hippie-dippie weirdo who gave me the most embarrassing name ever!"

As for "God we trust" guy, I'm reminded of a sketch from a comedy troupe called the Frantics. Y'see, some God-botherer wanted to teach intelligent design at a school. The teacher handled that guy by having other creation myths told. By the time they got round to him, he sort of felt foolish. (My personal favorite sequence was "Is there any proof that the world is made of dung and that the human race was coughed up and spit out?" "Edmonton?" "Very good, Monty!!")


I only know a little of their work, but considering how much I enjoy what I've seen/heard, maybe I should seek out more. (I've been known to use "boot to the head" in casual conversation. Best of all, my friends know what I mean.)

The interesting thing about the Frantics is that they used to have a recurring character called "Bill from Bala" who couldn't shut up about his home town. Eventually, he moved to Possum Lake and did a series of adventure films on the Red Green Show. (The reason that the damned things are silent was because Red bought a camera without a mike so he wouldn't have to listen to another boring rant about Bala.)

I'm sorry to say that I only know Red Green by reputation. :twilightsheepish:

You're not missing much.

I'm just shocked that this play on the word Conversion hasn't been done before. Or at least I haven't seen one before.

And one heck of a bizarre, but enjoyable, read.

As far as I know, I'm the first.

And thank you!

Oh my gosh, you turned Derpy into a well-mannered pony version of Yog-Sothoth.
That is hilarious.
And I just love the ending.

I came up with the idea of multi-dimensional vision some time back when I got tired of the many varieties of "Derpy is damaged" headcanon. This was my first chance to use it in a story.

Clumsy? Stupid? Developmentally disabled? Screw that, she's a superior being!:derpytongue2:

she had also been fascinated by stars collapsing in a universe with a very different gravitational constant.

Is that a reference to Stephen Baxter's Raft?

If so, then you are a huge nerd.

Holy Tassadar... Too funny.
Great work, Sir, great work :rainbowlaugh:

9.5/10, (Got really fucking meta at the end.) Would read again.
Reads again.

Yes it is, and yes I am. :twistnerd: (And so are you for spotting it.) :raritywink:

Thank you very much!:yay:

Woo-hoo! Yeah, I know Twilight hates meta fics, but I had fun with it.:twilightsmile:


Read it three times. All I can say about the setting is that it's not a nice place to live.

Sadly, that's true for the settings in a fair amount of Baxter's work.:applejackunsure:

Not always. That neutron star in Flux doesn't seem that bad...if one has been modified to survive in it.

I sense a justly deserved jab at the "free man on the land" bullhonky. :twilightblush:

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