• Member Since 22nd Mar, 2013
  • offline last seen May 4th, 2017

Elric of Melnipony


Ask your doctor about DERPIPONE(TM)!

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Twist has a colt in mind to be her special somepony, but she doesn't feel ready to approach him just yet. She's read plenty of books and has even started writing romantic fiction of her own, but it still isn't enough for her to really feel like she understands relationships. She decides to ask other ponies for their perspectives on romance.

(Note that this may contain some advice that can apply to real-world relationships.)

New and improved cover art courtesy of Arcum42.

Chapters (8)
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Comments ( 122 )

You're off to a very good start. I don't see why your thumbs ratio is so low. I've heard a lot of people say they don't like Twist, but I didn't think it was that bad.
Wonder who Twist's crush is. Not Snails or Chowder. The only other colt I've seen her shipped with is Featherweight.
Looking forward to more.

2436356
RP as in role-playing, or something else?

2438843
Thanks! And yeah, I think this is just some unwarranted Twist hate.

Cross-Forest

I see what you did dar!:ajsmug:

2440469
It's a throw-away joke, but I was so hoping someone would pick up on that.
:twistnerd::pinkiehappy:

Rarity is very wise; with experience comes wisdom.:eeyup:

This is.... kind of adorable actually.

So i'm guessing, based on the 'fiction' parts and her denial of every colt Twi could think of, that Twist has a crush on Big Mac? Hardly surprising, I would imagine a number of fillies have childhood crushes on him givan (according to hearts and hooves day) he's about the only guy in town who isn't obviously attached or just plain weird.

2475349
Thank you! Glad you're enjoying it.

The love interest in Twist's story is a very thinly-disguised Big Mac, yes. I like to think Twist is something of a realist, though; she knows that the age difference is a huge problem. Big Mac is fine to write about, but for an actual relationship? She has her eye on someone in school.

I do have a definite character in mind, but I haven't decided if I'm going to say who he is or not. If I leave it open-ended, the reader gets to decide. Then again, I may just frustrate people who want to know. For now, I'll just say I have a certain fondness for lesser-known characters. (That's why Cherry Berry and Flitter happen to be in the library in the second chapter.)

This chapter was wonderful! I love Luna and her dreamwalking ability so I naturally squeed the moment she appeared, and you did this really well. :)

The ending came a little bit quicker than I had expected, but a nice story nonetheless.

2489409
Yeah, sorry if it seems a little abrupt. I just hadn't lined up any more characters for Twist to go to. But as I said, there's always the possibility of new chapters if there seems to be an actual demand. I'm sure I could come up with something...

So, you know, encourage others to read it and upvote it, maybe? :twilightsheepish:
Please?

It does seem like there's a huge amount of story missing. We don't even know who Twist was in love with, or what happened to her! I think there's definitely lots more for you to explore, but nonetheless this was a really cute read. :)

2489748
Too much of a tease, huh? I had planned on keeping it a mystery, but I suppose her love interest could be identified. Maybe one more chapter is called for...

There is demand here, and lots of it. Please, more chapters.
By the way, your name is nothing short of epic. From where I'm from, very few people recognize that particular name in fantasy fiction. It's nice to see a fellow fan, and one that is a great author to boot.

I will be adding this story to my favorites box in the romance section. It handles the subject with such skill, and the characters are done perfectly.

2493874
I'm honored! :raritystarry:

And you have no idea how glad I am that you actually recognized the basis of my user name. I agree with you, there doesn't seem to be much love for Elric these days... which is baffling when you consider how much the Elric Saga (and the other Eternal Champion stories) influenced fantasy, and gaming (D&D got as much from it as it did from LotR, by my reckoning), and even pop culture in general.

And yeah, I'm convinced I can manage at least one more chapter. :pinkiesmile:

Shady, huh? I think I'm good with that. :scootangel:

Daaaaaw!!! I love this story. Great job!

I adore this story! Twist is my favorite!! :twistnerd:

2595654
:twistnerd: So glad you like it! Maybe you should join the Twist group!

I loved this story. I hope you consider writing the wedding in it too, along with a description of Shady. I'd like to know what they look like.

2657367
For me, it's enough that Twist is getting married, and I sort of feel like there really isn't any need to explore the event itself. (But anyone who wants to write the wedding or some other spin-off idea is welcome to do so.)

As for Shady, he can be seen in several screencaps from Ponyville Confidential. He starts off running the printing press, and at the end he's promoted to photographer. (I'm pretty sure that's a fan-given name rather than an official one, so that could be why you weren't familiar with it.)

2657492
It is Shady Days, my bad. I just couldn't remember what he looked like or his name.

“He's a good friend and that's it. And even if he wasn't, he likes Peachy Pie.”

Shouldn't Twist be lisping here?

“What's that?”

And maybe this one.

2811825
Good point. I do mention that she's working to lose it, but that first quote could probably use at least one lapse in it.

Oh gosh, "super-cute" doesn't begin to describe this.

I haven't been able to read much in the way of Twist fics but even if I did I'm pretty sure this would be up there. She's adorable all the way through, and between her intelligent personality, the side-romance story snippets and her small-scale character journey involving her lisp (I see what you did there from Luna onward!), you've turned her into a compelling character who's fun to both follow and live through as she goes on her "quest."

I've really only got three nitpicks. Not genuine problems, but nitpicks. The first is that your movie-style "panning in from space" opening just seems quite unneeded. I know the English majors of the fandom like to encourage people to avoid "weather-report"-style openings and whatnot but there's also nothing wrong with jumping straight into thingsl Take away that first paragraph and literally nothing is lost -- in point of fact, it makes it easier to focus on the places we're really interested in (in this case, Ponyville and Golden Oaks).

Seondly, the ending actually has the reverse dilemma -- it just felt really abrupt. Ironically, it would have felt less abrupt without the Epilogue, I think, which tells us so much about Twilight's destiny but dedicates a single sentence to the main character. :rainbowlaugh: Save from cutting the epilogue, I think bringing the romance book text back for one more go and having it allude to what happened after Twist's "quest" might have been a better way of bringing things full circle. Maybe even reveal that it ended up being a best-selling book in your future-scenario (if you did, I didn't catch it. I was looking for it, too!).

Finally, and this one's more to personal tastes... I know folks love them some Luna and you certainly validate her existence here.... but if Twilight's making a list of people to ask about love, then why would she leave out... oh, I don't know... the princess of love herself? :rainbowlaugh: Busy Empress she may be but I'm sure Cadance would be fine with finding the time to guide a young foal's inquisitive heart. Seems like a no-brainer' really. :)

Anyway, despite those last few paragraphs, I really enjoyed this. Twist needs more love always. This is one of those stories that really needs to be told, even if it doesn't put flanks in seats due to its stars or premise, as it were. Good job! :heart:

3035052
Your nitpicks are valid, and I can't really argue with them. Regarding the first, I think I wanted to get a larger perspective of the setting, plus I was really looking for an excuse to fit in my own views on their world's relationship to its sun. Still, as being self-indulgent goes, it's a much smaller offense than many fanfic writers have committed. :twilightsheepish:

As for the second point, I was mostly using that to tie the main chapters together, as well as dropping subtle hints about the chapters themselves. I hadn't even considered the idea of Twist actually publishing her cheesy romance, but maybe I should fit something in somewhere. :pinkiesmile: Also, you're right that maybe my epilogue focused a little too much on Twilight; I was mostly trying to establish that this was some time in the future, and I wanted to let the reader fill in the blanks on Twist's happy ending. I suppose it could be revised, but I'm not sure how I would go about it... :applejackunsure:

The third nitpick: how the f:yay: did I not think of including Cadance?! :facehoof: Perhaps an additional chapter is in order at some point.

2945164 IS IT PIPQUEAK? OH MY GOD THEY WOULD BE SO CUTE TOGETHER.

3237737
Hi, I'm Troy McClure. You may remember Shady from his ink-stained supporting role in "Ponyville Confidential".
tinyurl.com/m927owo

3237775 Ooooh. Y'know, he kinda looks like Rumble.

This is adorable!:raritystarry:
I love it!:heart:

3244357
:twistnerd: Thank you!

:pinkiecrazy: Don't forget to push the link on everyone you know -- PM everyone following you, hand out slips of paper with the web address to strangers on the street, write it on the bathroom wall...

3244398

I'll make sure to tell many people about it. :raritywink:

Why would anypony hate Twist?

3250336
I've never understood that myself. There seem to be people in the fandom who do, however...

3250348
Perhaps I'm fortunate that they missed me when I did my own Twist fic last year. (Did I just paint a target on my back?)

I do like this one; it's as sweet as it has to be with a filly of that age, and, well, I think everypony needs a talk with Luna now and then.

3250367
Wouldn't we all welcome a visit from Princess Luna?

3250417
I have a story fragment -- it may not fit anywhere, and I don't know yet how it could be extended -- about a dying human who, right before The End, sees Luna at his bedside.

So to that extent, the answer is Yes.

Alright, I read the Prologue and Chapter 1, and I think I see what your EQD reviewer was talking about with regards to commas. Though not technically grammatically incorrect, the way you've written your intro section feels extremely start-and-stop. The overuse of commas breaks up the flow too much and makes the paragraphs awkward to read, a problem exacerbated by the em-dash and the parentheses. Paragraphs should be a mix of long phrases and short phrases, and you have hardly any long phrases.

Outside of the intro section, however, your paragraphs aren't really sizable enough for it to have a noticeable effect, but it's quite evident in those opening sentences.

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