“What are you two doing?” asked Twilight.
“It’s an Iron Pony competition,” answered Rainbow Dash. She and Applejack were busy doing calisthenics to warm up.
Applejack said, “See, we've set up a bunch of events to decide which one of us is—”
“The most athletic pony ever!” Rainbow broke in.
Twilight nodded. “And I'm here too...?”
“I don't know,” said Rainbow. “Why is she here?
“To be our judge and keep score,” answered Applejack.
“Oh yeah, somepony's got to record my awesomeness for the history books.”
“And why am I here?” I asked.
“Because you wanted to come,” reminded Twilight.
“I regret it. Watching two sweaty fillies grunt and moan while they try to beat each other up is not my cup of tea. Now if they were human—”
“Hey,” said Spike. “There’s a crowd here to watch.” And so there was. It seemed like half of Ponyville had come to see who would be the Iron Pony.
“Hello and welcome to the first annual Iron Pony Competition!” said Spike, slipping into announcer mode. “Let the games begin!”
The event was set up as best-of-twenty. If there was betting available, I would have put five bits on Applejack. I decided to leave before the end of the competition, though. The hardware store wouldn’t be open all day.
Rusty Nail ran the place. I couldn’t say that I was encouraged by his name, but he seemed to have everything I needed.
“Buildin’ another one of them contraptions?” he asked.
“That’s right.”
“I got somethin’ here you might be interested in.” He pulled out a small generator. “This little baby here is what you need. Just drive it with a belt, and it’ll make electricity.”
“Shut up and take my money!”
I gleefully carried my purchases back to the library. The next robot was going to be awesome. Definitely more than 20% cooler than the last one. I grabbed my trusty hammer and got to work.
Later in the day, I heard that Rainbow won the Iron Pony competition by a score of fifteen to five. Too bad for Applejack. I would have liked to see the pegasus taken down a notch.
As the sun was going down, Twilight yelled at me to stop hammering on things so she could get some sleep.
“Why are you going to bed so early?”
“The Running of the Leaves hoofrace is tomorrow. Applejack challenged Rainbow to a rematch. Plus, I’m going to be running. Are you going?”
“I don’t know anything about running on four legs.”
“Well…I have some books you can borrow.”
“Sounds good.” I went inside the library and found the rulebook for the race, as well as a help book called Your First Race.
I scanned the rulebook. It was very thin, as there were only three rules: racers may only complete the race by using their hooves, racers must stick to the marked path, and racers must have fun.
I supposed that meant that Spike was disqualified, as he didn’t have hooves. It also made it very difficult for me to use some kind of mechanical advantage.
I decided to enter anyway. If nothing else, it would give me a chance to see Twilight in action so I wouldn’t be surprised by her speed when it came time to end her.
In the morning, Pinkie came by to borrow Twilight’s hot air balloon to call the race from. Spike managed to convince her to let him be the co-announcer.
Twilight and I trotted to the starting line. Applejack and Rainbow where there giving each other dirty looks. Both of them seemed a little surprised to see us.
“Twilight? What in tarnation are you doin' up here?”
“I'm racing,” Twilight answered.
Rainbow laughed. “Good one, Twilight. What about you Valiant?”
“No silly contraption to give you an advantage,” chuckled Applejack.
“If you ever insult my robots again, you’re going on my hit list,” I said.
Suddenly, the race started. Applejack and Rainbow ran way out front.
I cantered along with Twilight. “Shouldn’t we be going faster?” I asked.
“The rules didn’t say anything about winning, but they did tell us to have fun,” she said. “Did you read Your First Race? It advised to go at a comfortable speed.”
“Whatever.” We went along in silence for a while. Surprisingly, we caught back up to the two competing ponies. Applejack was in the dirt head over heels.
“Rainbow Dash just tripped me!” she hollered.
“She did not,” said Twilight, “and if you slowed down and looked where you're going, like me, you'd see that you tripped over a rock.” I hadn’t seen that, as Applejack and Rainbow had been too far ahead when it happened.
Applejack muttered something and ran off towards the front of the pack. Soon after, we caught up to Rainbow in a similar situation.
“Applejack tripped me!”
“Don't you ponies ever look where you're going?” said Twilight, annoyed. “You tripped on a stump, see?” I hadn’t seen that, either. Maybe my eyes were going.
“Oh, I see. A big cheater is what I see,” said Rainbow.
“ Rainbow, Applejack would never cheat. It was an accident. Remember, this is just a game.”
“Yes, but the rules have changed, and two can play at that game!”
“Dun dun dun!” I said. Rainbow gave me a dirty look and sped up to catch Applejack.
We began passing a few exhausted racers. Apparently, Twilight’s pacing was paying off. She looked a little winded, but pushed on. Despite our progress, I didn’t think we were anywhere near the front. Also, we passed Applejack and Rainbow fighting in a pile on the ground.
The finish line came into view. I stepped up the pace a little. Twilight was panting now, and barely able to keep up with me. That made me slightly proud.
“Hey look, the hardware store’s open,” I said, leaving the racecourse. Twilight gave me a strange look, but shrugged and went on.
“Hey there Valiant,” said Rusty Nail as I came in. “Look at these beauties that just arrived.”
“Double area cylinders!” I said happily. “Twice the force, half the size. Nice.” We quickly worked out a deal, and I took them off his hooves.
I got to work integrating the new actuators into the design. In a small static test, they kicked hard enough for the machine to actually hop off the ground a few inches. I grinned. The pressure wasn’t even all the way up.
Twilight arrived back at the tree and asked what was so important that I left the race early. I explained that Mr. Nail had some cool new stuff.
“Valiant, I got fifth place. If you had stayed in, you would have easily beaten me.” She showed me a medal that she had won.
“Oh, uh, I do regret that now, I guess.” I had never won anything in my life, and it looked like I had just thrown away my chance.
“Oh, and Princess Celestia showed up earlier. She says that she loves the season of fall.”
My disappointment quickly turned into rage. “I missed her? Figures, she only shows up when I don’t have a weapon ready to go.” I kicked part of the robot.
“You know, I think you could be charged with treason for remarks like that.”
“That’s because this is a dictatorship where the concept of personal liberties is unheard of. And no, I’m not a traitor. I was never loyal to Equestria to begin with.”
“Who are you loyal to?”
“The United States of America. It’s not a perfect country, but at least you feel like a citizen, rather than a subject. Make no mistake about it, Celetia’s rule will eventually end. If you don’t come to democracy, democracy will come to you.”
“Uh, I’m going to go inside now,” she said.
“Freedom isn’t free!” I called after her.
lol robot vs celestia....this is gonna be gooood
308448
yes. yes it will
308448 Not really. I think it would go something like this.
"Ha ha ha! I have destroyed your castle and defeated your guards! What now Tyrestia?"
"I can drop the sun on people I don't like"
FIERY SQUISH!
Testify - Rage Against The Machine
Democracy
Were going to free the shit out of you guys
418313 And THAT'S a hilarious mental image...
On another note, I absolutely love the completely nonchalant way he plots to kill the Princesses and half of the Mane 6.
501874 Take the Power Back - Rage Against the Machine
But I didn't bring my buck'o'five...
I am so anticipating his meeting Flim and Flam
Chapter 13:
Freedom isn't free.
True dat.
"Make no mistake about it, Celetia’s rule will eventually end"
Did you mean to say "Celestia's rule will eventually end"
Good story though
Well, it did take Tony Stark two tries to get the awesome Iron Man suit, so I guess this is the same.
In the words of a rather large and patriotic robot, "DEMOCRACY IS NON-NEGOTIABLE." I actually hope to see Valiant get that message across to Celestia at some point during this, if only to see how she reacts.
Giant robots? Talk about democracy? I have a feeling that Liberty Prime will shoot laser out of it's eyes soon.
Applejack is a Pegasus now? Or is he lamenting on the fact that she lost?
Did somebody say... freedom?
diexx88blog.com/wordpress/wp-content/uploads/2013/03/murika.jpg
media.desura.com/images/groups/1/3/2258/484751_10151675573057791_201277932_n.jpg
But most of all,
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Muh freedoms.
I don't know if this is a loop hole or me being dumb, but technically he could use his hooves to control the robot & make it move forward. If it's a loop hole then, damn I'm good, if not, well I'm fine if it wasn't, just means I had another derp moment
3704300 Hes saying he would like to see Rainbow get taken down for once
627545 That part pisses me off. WHO WOULD WANT TO DO SUCH A THING?!
3938022
A) It's joke, stupid.
B) He's Weird Al FUCKING Yankovic.
C) In a world filled with ponies and HTP Weird Al that can build the Juggernaut using hooves and primitive tech, your argument is invalid.
D) He won't kill them unless it has a GORE tag.
E) If you enjoy stuff like that, go read CUPCAKES.
3994529
A) That's not very nice.
B) Nah, Weird Al appears later
C) Yes, he can
D) Um, maybe I should add a gore tag...
E)
1766625 this guy knows
I know what's happening. LIBERTY PRIME VS TYRANTLESTIA
3728351 :LOL NOPE
I'm sorry Celestia, but I thought this was America!
>>> If you don’t come to democracy, democracy will come to you.”>>>
Pure democracies usually collapse rather quickly and are subject to becoming little more than mob rule.
What we have in the USA is a representative republic. (Alondro takes over the world and slaughters 99.9% of the human race... because it was fun.) See, now THAT'S a tyrant!
4284228 yeah but you just solved the overpopulation problem and you also have enough people to replenish. I see nothing wrong!
1337 leet likes
5656511 No, He only killed women and children, and Greg, can't forget about Greg.
I love this story.
America, fuck yeah!
[youtube=https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=MGQaH3-LK54]
Freedom is the only way!
After reading this again for a second time after a long time..this joke is no longer funny and more annoying.
*Lenny intensifies intensifies.*
Valiant! Use cryogenic or an exothermic rocket against celestia as a fire type she's weak to ice type attacks
7370349 How's he going to get liquid nitrogen, though? You need to think these things through.
s2.quickmeme.com/img/d6/d61f98730c3c24ebd6fa5742c131f9a3ca88e1a39a48a6852d39f5dd70de8184.jpg
7370349 Pleb, haven't you played pokemon? It's the other way around. If he had pressurized water jets, like they use in factories to punch holes in steel though...
s2.quickmeme.com/img/0c/0cbab72d90342d24c66a356bdbfbaf477ea3e43d8d9f2131feec0f6d4f611b71.jpg
7571773
We don't need pressurized water jets, what we NEED is a Mossberg 500.
Really missed a good "Holy Grail" reference chance there.
https://youtu.be/0_elgBgbMSk
Shut up and take my money! 👌I see what you did there nice.
Meme 100
All I can say about this story is dear god it's all a meme lol
10252173
Always has been...
Must... avoid... speaking... about... politics!!!
Lol, This is a comedy story, Moto, don't take it seriously.
The question eating at me is: where is he getting money from?