“Ugh... you have to be kidding me,” Celestia sighed, slumping down in her seat. “What type of date is nearly an hour late?”
She had already eaten her dinner, alone; along with her dessert, alone; and to finish it off, an entire bottle of wine, alone. Now she was just waiting for the check to arrive before leaving.
Suddenly, a great boom could be heard from outside, shaking the entire building and causing great cracks to race along the ceiling. The stricken roofing swiftly collapsed, the sound of settling dust and debris followed by a voice shouting, “The type of date who crashes through the ceiling, of course!”
From the hole in the roof fell a bipedal creature of a strange attire. Red and black jumpsuit with white slits for eyes and a plethora of weapons and pockets. Why someone would possibly need so many pockets, Celestia couldn’t begin to guess.
Dusting some drywall off his shoulder, Deadpool waved to his date and jumped in his seat, leaning over the table. “Oh, sorry about the wait up. You know how busy you can get when mutant ape lizard monsters suddenly spring up at work.”
Celestia blinked. “Um... are you serious?”
“Oh, and traffic. Whew, that’s the last time I interdimensional travel using a rental.” Leaning back in his chair with both feet kicked up on the table, he asked, “So, how was your night so far?”
“Um... Deadpool,” she said, remembering his name from his profile page, “I was alone here for nearly an hour. So... not the best of times.”
“Whoops,” Deadpool chuckled, shrugging his shoulders. “Guess the time got away from me. On account of the mutant ape zombie people. That were attacking me.”
“Hey, I thought you said they were mutant ape lizard people...”
“Anyways–” Deadpool interrupted, picking up a menu and flipping through it. “They have any good grub to eat here? I already got stabbed through the stomach multiple times on the way over, so I’m just starved.”
“You were... stabbed in the stomach?” Celestia asked, glancing over the table to see if this was true. By the look of his shredded suit and the copious amounts of dripping blood, it must be.
“Oh, that was nothing compared to what happened to my colon,” Deadpool replied nonchalantly from behind the menu, tilting his chair so it leaned on its back legs. “Ooh, they have chimichangas!”
“Well, um, Deadpool, I was just about to leave, and...” Celestia really didn’t know what else to say. His arrival was completely random, his mannerisms were rude, plus, who wears an outfit like that? Definitely not good date material, that’s who.
“Hey, say no more. We can take this date to the streets!” Deadpool said, falling backwards in his chair to back-roll and flip into a standing position. Striking a heroic pose, he declared, “I promise you, this will be the best date ever!”
“Um… I was thinking I’d go back to the castle. To be honest, you’re starting to freak me out a bit, and I drank a lot of wine.” Celestia got up from her seat, a little lightheaded from the booze already kicking in. “Thanks anyways for… showing up, I guess.”
Celestia departed from the table, trotting briskly towards the exit while leaving Deadpool behind. But like any good hero… villain… mercenary… we’ll just go with that for now, Deadpool just doesn’t quit.
“Wait!” he called out, jumping to front flip off the table using his hands to land before the alcohol-infused princess. “We can still have a nice night. Wanna go for a moonlit walk through the park? A movie? An abandoned alleyway most likely filled with hobos I can beat up to impress you?”
“None of those sound really appealing…” Celestia tilted her head to the side and sized him up. “Also, how exactly are you immortal again?”
“Oh, I’m just impossible to kill, is all,” Deadpool gloated, showing off the wound he received previously which had turned to smooth… well, mostly healed skin. “My healing factor power makes me regenerate anything. Heck, I can cut my own head off and reattach it!” Deadpool pulled out a katana from the scabbard on his back. “Wanna see?”
“Uh… no thank you, I think I’m good. I’m just going to go home… and strangle a certain somepony for putting me through this.”
Celestia exited the restaurant, a migraine already forming through the buzz of booze that had descended upon her brain. The migraine only grew larger as Deadpool followed close behind her, walking in a confident swagger as if he owned the streets.
“Do you mind leaving me alone?” Celestia called over her shoulder, scowling at the troublesome… whatever he is.
“Very much so, but I tend to ignore that,” he replied, whistling a tune reminiscent of an annoying internet viral song related to Friday’s and late nights.
Muttering obscenities under her breath, Celestia quickened her pace to escape the red and black spandex-clad menace. Unfortunately, alcohol, plus the fact Deadpool had longer leg length, made it so he could keep up with her with no problem. “Do I have to call the Royal Guard?” she shouted to him, stumbling over a pothole in the street but continuing to walk nonetheless.
“No need, now that I’m here!” Deadpool said, catching up to walk beside her. “Just making sure you get home ‘aight.”
“I think I can handle getting back ‘aight,” she replied with a bit of contempt in her voice, scooting over away from him.
“Not with the threat of manbearpigs on the loose. Heard that they’re getting pretty antsy, so I’ll escort you back to make sure you’re safe,” he assured her, winking slyly. “As is the ‘gentlemanly’ and proper ‘to get some’ way to go.”
“Like you’d ever get so–” Celestia stopped in her tracks, eyes widening as she stared at the alleyway leading off the side of the road. Red eyes glowed in the darkness, along with grunts similar to a man, growls like that of a bear, and high pitched squeals of a pig.
From the shadows appeared a creature straight from the mind of someone tripping on bad LSD after reading some Lovecraft. It had half the body of a man, half of a bear, and another half of a pig. It basically amounted to a messed up monster with nice abs, half its body covered in hair and a snout and tail of a pig.
“Ah, it seems the manbearpig infestation I made up has proved fruitful,” Deadpool said, unsheathing a katana and drawing an Uzi clipped to his utility belt. “Don’t worry, princess, I got this covered!”
With a cry of heroic dedication to justice, Deadpool jumped at the manbearpig with his sword swinging and the Uzi spraying bullets everywhere. With a cry craving for the taste of the flesh of the idiotic, the manbearpig bit at Deadpool’s arm holding the katana, crunching through the bones, at the same time using his bear claw to rip the arm holding the Uzi right off Deadpool’s shoulder.
Staring back at Celestia with large amounts of blood squirting from the stump that was once his arm while his other was being used as chew toy by a made-up creature, Deadpool said, “You might want to call the cops. Or animal control. I’m not sure what jurisdiction this guy falls under.”
“I’ll… be sure to do that,” Celestia replied, slowly backing away as Deadpool attempted to use his dismembered arm as a club against the manbearpig.
Turning away from the sounds of Deadpool’s legs being ripped off, Celestia quickly made her way to the castle while muttering under her breath, “That’s it, I’m choosing the next date.”
Lol....
LOL
BOB WHAT
3147710 Or from Al Gore.
Bahahaah! I love this story...Glad to see it rise again! ...May i make a suggestion? Link. Any of the links. All of the links. They reincarnate, you know? He isn't immortal, but his spirit sure is!
...
...
...well, that was different.
Well, that was... Deadpoolish.
I never thought I would see a Deadpool/MLP/South Park crossover in my life, but here comes Rainbowbob, somehow proving me wrong. Again.
DEADPOOL REALLY!
Fuck yeah!
Goddamn manbearpigs!
Celestia x wolverine
Technicly he can't die.
OK who is next Zerif from Fairy tale
3147829
That would make a very dry, boring, and in no humorous date.
I'm still for Zeus with Hera showing up halfway through and wrecking shit
You forgot the part where they mixed LSD and Ecstasy together, all the while tripping on shrooms and reading said Lovecraftian novels with the Cult of Cthulhu.
Suggestion: Trigon from Teen Titans or The Genie from Aladdin
3147861 ok how about Galagtagus
Now that Deadpool is out of the way, how about Duncan McLeod?
3147917
I think a date with Gildarts might be pretty funny though, even if he's not immortal.
Master of Death Harry Potter, plz.
Mortal Kombat has three immortals that I can remember off the top of my head:
Raiden
Fujin
Shinnok
Any of those has my vote.
3147934 yup the guy who breacks everything and his part robot and has a kid but mabey the Impossible man
Gen 3.5 celestia, ganondorf, and Zant all on the same date.
Why not have her date someone with the intellect and culture to interest her? I, of course, am suggesting R'as al Ghul (the comics version, not the movie version).
The manbearpig was the highlight of this chapter
As for more suggestions, why not Zasalamel or Raphael from Soul Calibur?
Link from the zelda series? He's been reincarnated so many times he's practically immortal, not to mention they have the whole saving the world using OP jewelery thing in common.
And the joke could be that it's toon Link with a Twilight Princess Link user photo.
I would vote for Q, but he's pretty much Discord
Deadpool...why?
Suggestions:
Ryuk from Death Note.
Bowser from Super Mario Bros.
Dracula from Castlevania.
The Winged Dragon of Ra from Yu-Gi-Oh!
3147928
Oh yes, I quite agree with this one.
My vote is still for Alucard from Hellsing
3148031 Link himself doesn't reincarnate. The "Spirit of the Hero" does. And Link doesn't seem to keep any memories of his past lives. If they actually are his past lives.
Also, Toon Link is completely separate from the other Links. He had to prove himself worthy to become Hyrule's new hero. Or whatever was left of Hyrule anyway.
3148075
........I think I remember someone posting a page from a magazine with this info...hmmm.
Well anyways, it's just a suggestion and I do think it could kinda work with the whole time travel ability since it affects his age as well.
I still say Shinigami-sama. DOITDOITDOIT!
Chuck norris, as a joke. But why not the robot devil?
3148038
Oh now there's a thought. A side story chapter in the form of one of those "this is just one of our successful matches" ads, featuring Discord and Q. It's a match made in chaotic narcissistic heaven.
Hmmm..... I suggest Dagon or Cthulhu from Lovecraft...
I'a Dagon I'a Cthulhu :3
Bender of futurama
Robots are immortal, right?
in my book master chief seems immortal so I vote him!
The Nameless One from Planescape: Torment. (Bonus points for getting killed in the middle of the date and coming back.)
Dracula from Castlevania.
Don't forget, you could send Celestia to her date's world, too. No need to keep this solely in Equestria!
Marshall Lee The Vampire King
Wow. That's exactly what I had in mind when I suggested him to you!
Are you going to do Wolverine next?
Hey, I don't know if we can make multiple suggestion, but I've got another one: Vash the Stampede!
He's pretty immortal, with a super healing factor. Apparently, he doesn't age either.
Captain Jack Harkness
images6.fanpop.com/image/photos/34800000/Captain-Jack-Harkness-John-barrowman-and-David-Tennant-doctor-who-34840887-600-480.jpg
He's dated humans and aliens of all genders, so I don't think a magical pony princess is too far out of his range...
Also, I second Bender Bending Rodríguez, that would be hilarious.
not to mention
i192.photobucket.com/albums/z202/vendettachrncls/anime/Baccano/SzilardQuates.jpg
would be fun
Ash ketchum.
Hasn't aged, and survives lightning bolts all the time.
(Maybe as a joke, I mean.)
Greynarl and Barbarus, the twin dragons from Dragon Quest 9, I think they can't die...
My top picks?
1. Sheogorath (although maybe not the best choice immediately after Deadpool... by the way, did not see that coming, and completely loved it!)
2. Captain Jack Harkness
3. Okay, bear with me on this one, because most likely no one will have heard of him. Gig, from the game "Soul Nomad and the World Eaters". Murderous god of war and death. Or rather, by the end of the game, murderous god of war and death who helped save the world from his own kind.
http://disgaea.wikia.com/wiki/Gig A wiki page.
http://www.gamespot.com/soul-nomad-and-the-world-eaters/forum/favorite-quotes-may-contain-spoilers-42179942/ Some quotes.
And... I dunno. Look him up if you're interested. Let's just say there's a reason he's last on my list... he's actually one of my favorites, but the chances of him being chosen are unlikely.
Okay, now do THE GOD EMPEROR OF MANKIND, OUR UNDYING LORD! next!
If I may, I do believe that Raoul Tejada deserves something of a highlight. Our favorite ghoul cowboy needs more love!
Do Goku!! He's immortal because he can just be turned into a kid again using the dragonballs, or he can wish for immortality, or invincibility, I mean, he was already resurrected. I DON'T CRE ABOUT CANNON IT WOULD BE HILARIOUS!!!
Do it. AJ implores you
I choose you...Emperor of Mankind!
3147961 You forgot Shao-Khan