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I've arrived. I can only faintly hear the hive. Mother's voice is gone from my ears. But I know I have a purpose—I just can't remember what it is.

Edited by Jake the Army Guy, Eldorado, and Horizon.

First Published
23rd Jul 2013
Last Modified
23rd Jul 2013

huehue Regidar

I've been pondering for a while. "Should I write a comedic mock-parody of the ever present sub-genre that is 'This pony is actually a changeling! WOW! So sad and shocking!!', or would it just be a mindless attack stemming from my own hatred for these stories?"

I think that I have to now. It'll be called "Twilight is Actually a Changeling....But not Really". Yeah...That sounds good.

I have to admit, I was expecting this to be a pretty boilerplate Changeling story, though I should have known better given the source. The last two chapters really won me over—in particular the style contrast on display in the final chapter. This was a nice piece of work.

Wow, not sure why, but it seems like you've put a soon on a traditional idea. Looking forward to reading the rest.

I beat Skeeter!

Not bad, but I kinda saw it coming. :applejackunsure:

So Bon-Bon is a changeling or am I percieving the image wrong? That kinda seems just like Diaries of a Madman....

As much of a laughing matter people tend to make it these days, drug addiction is not funny.  It really isn't. :pinkiesad2:

You've accomplished something here that I didn't think was possible.

You've gotten me interested in a story with chapters that have less than 1000 words each.

>>2924612 I read it as she thought herself to be a changeling, but really wasn't. The imported candy caused to view herself differently after consumption. Or she is a changeling and her journal was in code.

If you're gonna use my art for the cover you should really source it :b

#12 · 105w, 6d ago · 6 · · Day 14 ·

Mother, forgive me, for I am weak and stupid and miserable. I should never have been chosen. From day one I was unsure. Where another in my stead would have been sure and succeeded, I have been uneasy and failed at every turn.

It is impossible to overcome the first guilt: that of an almost infinite number of genetic combinations, you were the one to be born.

So, the candy from Prance (even though they've said "French" on the show) made her think she was a changeling?

>>2924374

this happened with the last story i had too, once again after hours of scouring derpibooru. maybe some pictures are just too good to pass up...

>>2924920

i thought i did, but i must have missed it. source link added, and sorry about that.

>>2924982

Mother, forgive me,

bohemian rhapsody anyone?

Wow, this definitely didn't go where I think it was going. :rainbowderp: But it was an awesome twist. :twistnerd: Excellent story!

Coming back from the movies I find myself with another darf story to read!

I shall do so and as usual, comment on each damn chapter.

~Skeeter The Lurker

>>2925818 OMG ITS SKEETER!:pinkiegasp:

...i really don't know,..:derpyderp1: I guess I've kinda put you on my mental "Cool guy" list.:twilightsheepish:

>>2925987 heh same here along with Jake the Army Guy and a few others

>>2925987>>2926061

Really?  My name now invokes such statements?

Huh.  How cool.

Well, I guess I AM everywhere.

~Skeeter The Lurker

>>2924301

i'm glad you liked it. the ending was the bit i was worried about souring everyone with... i guess it means all the editing folks gave helped with the execution.

were you the person who ended up reviewing it? i didn't get the usual email forwarded to say that it was posted, which meant i only found out through the grapevine that it was accepted.

>>2926094 Hmm. That's odd.

Yes, I was, and I was the one who dispatched the email as well. It should have gone to the same address you used in the fanfic submission, so if you received the original submission email, you should have gotten my comments as well. (And I assumed you had, since you'd apparently fixed one or two of the issues I noted between me writing them up and the story going live)

In any case, yes, I definitely enjoyed it. Let me know if you still don't have the email by tomorrow morning, and I'll just PM you the comments.


Oh, incidentally—if you're curious—this is the first thing that's actually cleared my pre-read for posting so far. So yes, nice work.

>>2926124

like i said, someone passed the word along to me, but they didn't mention names. i suppose i could have just asked, but this works fine too. no need to send the stuff along, with that in mind - just wondered if there was an error with the emailing or something.

Huh, the last chapter is something I never got to read, but wow, it kind of takes all the mystery away, though it makes for a clean and orderly ending. I guess it works out. Congratulations on getting this featured on EQD! :twilightsmile:

#26 · 105w, 6d ago · · · Day 2 ·

Broken [ hr ] code.

On the one hand, the ending makes it less generic and is a lot more interesting than a less subversive conclusion. On the other hand, it makes the entire plot feel a little contrived and pointless; like all the other emotional buildup didn't actually mean anything.

I guess I'll split the difference and not vote.

#28 · 105w, 6d ago · 4 · · Day 4 ·

I remember something left over in this body before it became mine—she and my host have lived together for a long time.

That is horrifying. The mare Lyra loved and lived with for so long is now gone (possibly dead), and replaced by a clumsy imposter. :raritydespair:

Seems to be contaminated with a mix of magic and toxic ingredients, possibly from automation of preparation process or ingredients themselves. Packaging found after further search indicates the candy is an imported variety from Prance

Psychoactive, toxic candy? 'Elf and Safety will have a field day with that; crawl right up that manufacturer's arse and tear them apart from the inside out.

Hear that sound? That is the sound of a legion of lawyers sharpening their legal knives in preparation for a court fricassee. :pinkiecrazy:

As an aside, "legion" would make a great collective noun for lawyers...

>>2926445

On the one hand, the ending makes it less generic and is a lot more interesting than a less subversive conclusion. On the other hand, it makes the entire plot feel a little contrived and pointless; like all the other emotional buildup didn't actually mean anything.

I certainly get where you are coming from. I thought the story was an interesting and unique take on the genre and the ending caught me off guard (what can I say? My willing suspension bridge of disbelief is buttressed by anti-gravity.), but the last two chapters felt like a variation of "It was all a dream".

Overall though I enjoyed the story.

>>2926752

It's not a 'just a dream' variant, it's a first person view of a psychotic episode en medius res. Everything described was real, as told by an unreliable narrator.

We know enough about changelings for the symptoms described to throw her claim of being one out the window, after all.

A nice piece, but he resolution would be helped by an epilogue.

>>2924982

It is impossible to overcome the first guilt: that of the thousands of an almost infinite number of genetic combinations, you were the one to be born.

Personally I've always preferred canon characters to OCs.:trollestia:

#33 · 105w, 6d ago · 2 · · Day 18 ·

Wow.

>>2926092 indeed it is because of you and a few others that im trying to comment on stuff instead of faving and running

#35 · 105w, 6d ago · · · Day 6 ·

A changeling—sick and unable to keep up a convincing act.:twilightoops:

They must improve before the wedding, lest he'll be discovered and doomed.:raritydespair:

I shall read on.:twilightsmile:

Note who sold the poison candy... PRANCE!!

That's right, the French are behind it all!

I KNEW we shoulda blown them up!  Space Ghost was right!  *goes to blow up France*

:trollestia:

>>2928314

Glad I could convince a few to do so.

Even if it's nothing more than a 'good job', it's always nice to get a comment.

~Skeeter The Lurker

>>2928618

Indeed, I always try to comment if I have something to say. Especially on stories of new and unknown writers.

If your comments are polite and constructive it's just the best way to get people to Smile Smile Smile.   :pinkiehappy:

A brilliant low-key psychological thriller, with a fantastic use of unreliable narrator. Thank you for this.

That was fun!

So was BonBon mutated into a changeling? Or did one inside of the candies infest her?

#43 · 105w, 6d ago · · · Day 12 ·

'tis fairly obvious it caught a cake of pure love after nearly two weeks of crumbles.:twilightoops:

What a miserable existence.:twilightsheepish: Luck is required.

I shall end on.:pinkiehappy:

#44 · 105w, 6d ago · · · Day 1 ·

Oh, cool, diary/logbook style?

I like already!

~Skeeter The Lurker

#45 · 105w, 6d ago · · · Day 2 ·

Hmm.  I like how this is going.

Seems it doesn't know that shit's gone wrong for the hive.  Assuming of course that this is after the wedding.

~Skeeter The Lurker

#46 · 105w, 6d ago · 2 · · Day 3 ·

Hm...  Spike, maybe?  Following Twilight?

Nice job catching the emotion of the drone, I might say.

~Skeeter The Lurker

#47 · 105w, 6d ago · · · Day 4 ·

Faint memories?  Oooo.

So the real Bon Bon might come back.

~Skeeter The Lurker

#48 · 105w, 6d ago · · · Day 5 ·

I don't think that what's meant by green eyes.

Still...  This a very nifty take on it.

~Skeeter The Lurker

#49 · 105w, 6d ago · 1 · 1 · Day 6 ·

Oh my.  Looks like it's going insane.

Moving on...

~Skeeter The Lurker

#50 · 105w, 6d ago · · · Day 7 ·

The bug seems dense in the fact that Lyra and Bon Bon are an item.

Also, she's definitely going insane.  Or getting schizophrenia.

~Skeeter The Lurker

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