Day 19: Supplemental
Enclosed further in dossier are the patient’s documented entries before she was admitted.
Dear Diary,
I’m not sure how I’m supposed to start one of these things. I’ve always wanted to write one, but I guess I never really got around to it. I feel kinda weird just writing stuff into a book, but I guess it’s better than saying it out loud to nopony in particular.
I’m also not that sure I have much interesting to say.
I’ll try to think of something better to write tomorrow.
Diary,
Am I supposed to put notes in here about my life, or just write whatever?
We got some really awesome candy at the store today.
My boss has been talking about ordering them for a while, and we finally got some. Only one batch. And get this: I got to have them! I mean, I paid for them, of course, but my boss said since I wanted them for so long, I could try out the first order. She said there’s gonna be more coming after that anyway. And then she lemme take them home.
They’re special candy from overseas and they are so good.
Seriously. I ate like half the box already. After the first five or six my tummy started to grumble, but I don’t even care. They taste like pure delicious. They have a kind of liquid center and they melt into your mouth when you bite them and oh my gosh they’re so good.
Why am I not surprised I’m already talking about candy in my diary.
I’m not sure I like that word. It sounds kinda lame. Is there a better word for something you write in every day? Notes? Log? Journal?
I’ll try to pick one I like, I guess.
Hmm.
More later, I guess.
Di Journal?,
It’s kind of strange to write about this, but Lyra’s been sort of weirding me out lately.
I’ve known her for like, a ton of years. I can’t even remember how many. But lately she’s been giving me weird looks. I dunno if I’m reading too much into it, but I kind get the feeling that she... likes me.
I wouldn’t be too upset if she did. I mean, she’s cute, sure, and she’s totally awesome to hang around. I just think it’d be kind of awkward if we started going out and things didn’t work out. Super awkward, probably.
I guess I’ll wait a little while and see if she brings it up.
Nothing else exciting is going on. I totally ate a bunch more of those chocolates. There’s still a lot left, but I have to force myself not to chow down on them every time I get home. They’re so good.
I don’t have any plans for this weekend, or at least, nothing exciting. Actually, I should remind myself to make a doctor’s appointment in a few days. I’ve been hearing this weird buzzing in my ear the whole day. You know when you get water stuck in your ear and it won’t go away? It’s kind of like that, but with a fan or something. It’s really annoying. It kind of reminds me of a bunch of bugs. Like, if you stuck your head in a beehive and all the bees were buzzing around you and they wouldn't go away? And that reminds me of when Lyra and I went to the royal wedding and those horrible bug-ponies showed up, and that was pretty much the worst thing. They were all gross and buggy and ick.
Hopefully it'll be gone when I wake up, but I’ll go to the doctor’s just to make sure.
Still haven’t thought of a good name. Journal seems okay for now.
Done for today!
Journal,
I feel totally sick today.
My stomach started freaking out when I was on my break at work. I almost threw up it was so bad. My boss wanted me to go home, but there’s no way I’m taking half a day off work for a stomach ache. Gotta save up some money. More chocolates coming in next month, if nothing else.
I don’t feel any better since I got home though.
The buzzing is there still. It’s way louder. It sounds like everypony is talking to me through a wind-tunnel, and it kind of shakes in my head when I turn it. And it still has me thinking of those stupid bug-things. Whenever I close my eyes, the black reminds me of their gross skin or skeleton or whatever it was. I feel awful, and my stomach still hurts. I thought maybe one of my chocolates would make it better, but that was definitely a stupid idea, because it sure didn’t.
Ugh. I don’t feel up to writing anymore. Everything is spinning and stuff right now.
I should go lie down. Feel like I’m gonna be sick. I’m go gonna go lie down for a while. Hopefully when I wake up, I’ll feel better.
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huehue Regidar
I've been pondering for a while. "Should I write a comedic mock-parody of the ever present sub-genre that is 'This pony is actually a changeling! WOW! So sad and shocking!!', or would it just be a mindless attack stemming from my own hatred for these stories?"
I think that I have to now. It'll be called "Twilight is Actually a Changeling....But not Really". Yeah...That sounds good.
I have to admit, I was expecting this to be a pretty boilerplate Changeling story, though I should have known better given the source. The last two chapters really won me over—in particular the style contrast on display in the final chapter. This was a nice piece of work.
Wow, not sure why, but it seems like you've put a soon on a traditional idea. Looking forward to reading the rest.
I beat Skeeter!
That's some nifty cover art.
Not bad, but I kinda saw it coming.
So Bon-Bon is a changeling or am I percieving the image wrong? That kinda seems just like Diaries of a Madman....
As much of a laughing matter people tend to make it these days, drug addiction is not funny. It really isn't.
You've accomplished something here that I didn't think was possible.
You've gotten me interested in a story with chapters that have less than 1000 words each.
2924612 I read it as she thought herself to be a changeling, but really wasn't. The imported candy caused to view herself differently after consumption. Or she is a changeling and her journal was in code.
If you're gonna use my art for the cover you should really source it :b
WELP: http://www.equestriadaily.com/2013/07/story-unfamiliar-skin.html
So, the candy from Prance (even though they've said "French" on the show) made her think she was a changeling?
Neat.
2924374
this happened with the last story i had too, once again after hours of scouring derpibooru. maybe some pictures are just too good to pass up...
2924920
i thought i did, but i must have missed it. source link added, and sorry about that.
2924982
bohemian rhapsody anyone?
Wow, this definitely didn't go where I think it was going.
But it was an awesome twist. 
Excellent story!
Coming back from the movies I find myself with another darf story to read!
I shall do so and as usual, comment on each damn chapter.
~Skeeter The Lurker
2925818 OMG ITS SKEETER!
...i really don't know,..
I guess I've kinda put you on my mental "Cool guy" list.
2925987 heh same here along with Jake the Army Guy and a few others
2925987>>2926061
Really? My name now invokes such statements?
Huh. How cool.
Well, I guess I AM everywhere.
~Skeeter The Lurker
2924301
i'm glad you liked it. the ending was the bit i was worried about souring everyone with... i guess it means all the editing folks gave helped with the execution.
were you the person who ended up reviewing it? i didn't get the usual email forwarded to say that it was posted, which meant i only found out through the grapevine that it was accepted.
2926094 Hmm. That's odd.
Yes, I was, and I was the one who dispatched the email as well. It should have gone to the same address you used in the fanfic submission, so if you received the original submission email, you should have gotten my comments as well. (And I assumed you had, since you'd apparently fixed one or two of the issues I noted between me writing them up and the story going live)
In any case, yes, I definitely enjoyed it. Let me know if you still don't have the email by tomorrow morning, and I'll just PM you the comments.
Oh, incidentally—if you're curious—this is the first thing that's actually cleared my pre-read for posting so far. So yes, nice work.
2926124
like i said, someone passed the word along to me, but they didn't mention names. i suppose i could have just asked, but this works fine too. no need to send the stuff along, with that in mind - just wondered if there was an error with the emailing or something.
Huh, the last chapter is something I never got to read, but wow, it kind of takes all the mystery away, though it makes for a clean and orderly ending. I guess it works out. Congratulations on getting this featured on EQD!
On the one hand, the ending makes it less generic and is a lot more interesting than a less subversive conclusion. On the other hand, it makes the entire plot feel a little contrived and pointless; like all the other emotional buildup didn't actually mean anything.
I guess I'll split the difference and not vote.
Psychoactive, toxic candy? 'Elf and Safety will have a field day with that; crawl right up that manufacturer's arse and tear them apart from the inside out.
Hear that sound? That is the sound of a legion of lawyers sharpening their legal knives in preparation for a court fricassee.
As an aside, "legion" would make a great collective noun for lawyers...
2926445
I certainly get where you are coming from. I thought the story was an interesting and unique take on the genre and the ending caught me off guard (what can I say? My willing suspension bridge of disbelief is buttressed by anti-gravity.), but the last two chapters felt like a variation of "It was all a dream".
Overall though I enjoyed the story.
2926752
It's not a 'just a dream' variant, it's a first person view of a psychotic episode en medius res. Everything described was real, as told by an unreliable narrator.
We know enough about changelings for the symptoms described to throw her claim of being one out the window, after all.
A nice piece, but he resolution would be helped by an epilogue.
2924982
Personally I've always preferred canon characters to OCs.
2926957
I prefer cannon characters, but to each their own, I guess?
derpicdn.net/media/W1siZiIsIjIwMTIvMDcvMjIvMjNfMjVfMjdfMTRfNTMyNThfX2ZsdXR0ZXJzaHlfcmFyaXR5X3N1Z2dlc3RpdmUiXV0/53258__fluttershy_rarity_suggestive_plot_cannon_cannon%2Bponies.png
2926092 indeed it is because of you and a few others that im trying to comment on stuff instead of faving and running
Note who sold the poison candy... PRANCE!!
That's right, the French are behind it all!
I KNEW we shoulda blown them up! Space Ghost was right! *goes to blow up France*
2928314
Glad I could convince a few to do so.
Even if it's nothing more than a 'good job', it's always nice to get a comment.
~Skeeter The Lurker
2928618
Indeed, I always try to comment if I have something to say. Especially on stories of new and unknown writers.
If your comments are polite and constructive it's just the best way to get people to Smile Smile Smile.
A brilliant low-key psychological thriller, with a fantastic use of unreliable narrator. Thank you for this.
That was fun!
2927671
dat flank-cannon...
So was BonBon mutated into a changeling? Or did one inside of the candies infest her?
2924368
Yeah, but I was out most the day. Plus being first was only a bi-product of my readings.
~Skeeter The Lurker
And now she relapses and gets a better relationship with Lyra.
I dunno why, but I like the direction your latest fics have been going.
Keep it up dude!
~Skeeter The Lurker
2929431
If only, if only.
2925416
Hey.
Hey you.
This story rules.
That is all.
How very mysterious.
So we cannot know what is fact?
Then our minds shall write the sequel.
Excellent work, dear Author.
Sorry I don't really like it! One chapter is only like a couple sentences!
This is the best page view generator I have ever read. Knightly must be loving the ad revenue
2932383
Read on.
~Skeeter The Lurker
imageshack.us/a/img37/5394/twistwhatathwist.jpg
No regrets.
2926752
Or was it? DUN DUN DUUUUUN!
Perhaps these "candies" are actually an experimental "conversion" method.
...OR it could all be the result of taking brain-altering chemicals for an extended period of time. Seems more like the latter, what with the blood in the vomit. The "biomass" was the candy filling and the red was the blood loosed by her body giving out.
I liked it it until the twist, but the twist sucked. Mostly because it wasn't a twist, but rather felt like 'I have no idea how to conclude this. Here, reader, she MIGHT not have been one, OR WAS SHE? You decide!'.
If she actually was a changeling, why confuse us with an ending that didn't actually answer the questions about her mission et cetera? If she wasn't one, it still fails to offer a different perspective on the whole story. You could have as well said 'Surprise motherfuckers, Bon Bon used to be the long lost sister of Blueblood!' - it wouldn't have changed things a bit. No matter how I interpret it, it leaves me unsatisfied after such a nice buildup.
So please, focus on your strengths. The whole inside of a changeling's mind idea is well done, the format of short log entries wonderful. The joke with Bon Bon's voice on the hand again is stupid fanpandering, as it doesn't fit in as nicely as you might have thought when you wrote it. It only distracts and leaves someone, who has no idea which bg pony Bon Bon is, confused.
You will still get far with this, as this is exactly what modern Hollywood movies do and the majority eats it up. But to me, and several others no doubt, it feels shallow and artificial, not artistic. Don't render your skills meanigless because you tend to walk into that Hollywood trap. Don't try to be artistic, try to make good stories. The art will happen on its own.
2938698
you're entitled to your opinion and all, but this bit
is kind of rude. this story is written exactly the way i wanted, and in fact had less exposition at the end in the original version because the point of the story had nothing to do with what came after Bon Bon's episodes. as i noted in the author's notes, the whole thing is meant to be an exercise in variable realities, perception, and the nature of understanding as permeated by mental-illness. you're one hundred percent right that it robs the development of an emotional climax—but then you spun around and said i went 'hollywood' with this. in my mind, this is the exact opposite: it's a conclusion that's entirely unfulfilling to anyone who was following along with Change Bon and hoping for her that things would end well.
guess what? there is no ending. sometimes bad stuff happens. that's the whole point of the story.
i do appreciate your input, and i agree that the ending leaves unanswered questions, but that was kind of the idea. i just don't appreciate the sanctimonious lecturing—there are few things you can say to someone that are worse than 'you can do better'. feel free to reconcile my vision with your personal tastes, but don't accuse me of pandering, because i know exactly what that is, and if i wanted to do it, i'd be writing more porn