• Member Since 1st Apr, 2012
  • offline last seen September 17th

darf


pony-writer/pornographer looking for work. old stories undeleted. i'm sorry. Patreon here

E

Twilight makes a trip across town in search of something to wake her up. Sometimes awareness is where we least expect it.

Warning: Contains unnecessarily verbose, overly-complicated, inscrutably dense literary self-indulgence.

Now in the process of being dissected in a series of blog posts—check them out if you'd like some help understanding the story:
Dismantling the Morning: Part 1
Dismantling the Morning: Part 2: Em-dashes and Dictionaries
Dismantling the Morning: Part 3: Breakfast on Bloomsday

All included satire is at the permission of the respective authors (allusions are another matter).


Cover art graciously provided by Stinkehund, edited by knighty.

Chapters (1)
Comments ( 169 )

Hmmm... this is interesting. :moustache:

Well, you wanted a heavy block of text, and you made it successfully, Congratulations. :pinkiehappy:

Wow, edited by knighty himself? You must really be the bee's knees. :rainbowkiss:

Something you wrote...that isn't rated mature? What?
:applejackconfused: DOES NOT COMPUTE

The em-dashes are like knife thrusts, quick and sharp, to the eyes.

Pop. I like it. Very poetic.

I don't think I can read Ulysses, though. I feel like to understand it at all I would need to become a scholar of the Classics. Not everyone can be Shakespeare.

Dat title.
The Greek goddess of... morning and roosters.
Think about it. :ajsmug:

2638597

Ew straight ponies ew :pinkiesick:

For what it is, this was a well-made and well put together piece. That said, I absolutely despise stream of consciousness. I enjoy your non-pornographic works, but I'd prefer to not see another stream of consciousness piece.

I definitely liked this one, Darf. This is a great new perspective on third person omniscient writing. I like a lot of what you did, but sometimes your alliteration and use of homophones just didn't work. Did your editor have at this? Some of the strings of thoughts that were messed up I could see were intentional, but there were others as well. Overall, this is a good piece. Getting a reader so involved in a work by making them have to think about the work is a great way to go about it, and is actually something I've been wanting to see.
Thank you,
PinkiePieAndI

2638543
the cover pic was edited by him, not the story :duck:

Yeah, I think I'm gonna have to read that last passage a couple of times to get it. From what I could tell, Twilight was looking out of a window and being existential. Or something.

Whatever. I found myself actually mumbling what I was reading as I read this, because the constant stream of thoughts was addicting to read, and I felt as if reading it aloud was the best way to go about it.

I can't really tell what's being discussed in the consciousness, though. I don't know what I'm supposed to take away from this. On the other hand, though, this is a plausible sort of thought train that Twilight would take- all over the map.

Basically, I tried to come up with something meaningful to say. But I got nothin'. Not even a "good job darf" because I'm still really unsure what to think of this.

But I'll fave for Twilight's outburst. Because that made me grin.

Well, I know I got a vocabulary upgrade. Otherwise I'm not quite sure what to make of this story.

I almost feel bad for commenting on this. I can't think of anything to add.

This story put me in a really pensive mood. I started thinking in ways I don't usually. It's nice when a piece of work has the ability to directly sway how you feel about things. I struggled with some sections, but I learned something from this piece.

Thanks darf.

It was... nice.... :fluttershysad:

Let's just leave it at that. :twilightblush:

Well, that was interesting. I still don't understand how Twilight at first says she'd never heard of the book and then knows it well enough to take it apart. Most of the time your wordplay was pretty intense and even made me hear a rhythm to your words. That rhythm I've only been able to read once, the first time I read Illuminatus!

I've never liked compound words that are made of an adjective and a noun on the spot. Especially if they're constructed from the base verb of a present participle. Too much b-grade fantasy in my ill-spent youth. They might fit a stream of consciousness narrative, but usually they just make the text seem like it was written by a South-American tribal going for theology.

Most of the story could be called superfluous stream-of-thought drivel, but "Too early to be at wits with suspicion of magnetism. Smile past the bloom" stood way above the rest of the text in insight, and fit the moment perfectly.

This was a very nice scrubbing to the brain.
I'll read this whenever I get clogged with other fics. Really appreciate it.

Ah, Twilight, thought you would have understood the social function of pleasantries by now. Forever alone :facehoof:

I liked the poetry of it, the words felt pleasant sliding by, like floating in the ocean.
Some of the references made me sigh in disgust, though.

I guess it is the Ulysses influence that made you feel this series of events deserved this treatment. Ah well, it was a relaxing ride.

2638597 Mornings and cocks? :ajsmug:

P E N I S
:flutterrage:

Ahh coffee. What hast thou wrought?

This story is utter perfection in my opinion. It's the only fic that really allows the reader to be inside Twilight's mind. Kinda reminds me of Sherlock. 10/10 would read again.

You're just doing this to screw with us aren't you?:rainbowhuh:

Mein Got. LoveHate. words, words, words

Complex compoundations that call for continued consideration. "The humbling of reverence is too heady for mortality"-- deeper meaning? or just concatenation? "Celestial affordance has no need -- sleep when sleeping, and not otherwise" a dictionary can't help much, here. Have to come back here. Lot of these. "Deity is consul in suppression saturnalia" ?

"some kind of pompous presumption playing on simpleponies and their propensity for appreciation of appallingly pulchritudinous platitudes" but is it really as pompous as all that?

Conclusion: don't attempt to interpret it. just let it wash over you. It is what it is.

2639064 Oh, she didn't. She was completely BSing her way through that. Rampant generalities and unintended offense.
...Sorry. Still working the remains of the fic out of my system.

I have to say, I really enjoyed this. The writing, though strange and a teeny bit difficult to follow sometimes, is totally original and quite interesting. I loved how to took us inside Twilight's head, and, though I never really thought about it myself, those type of thought match Twilight perfectly, in their own way. I also loved the little scene with Caramel. Except for the end. That was a bit sad. And why the heck is the title in Greek? Anyways, nice work sir.

2640627 That's not so much pomp as it is sesquipedalian loquaisciousness. Or a trivial banality. :twilightblush:

I'll never be able to guess how many times I'll have to read this before I can really appreciate it, but for this time, it was great. I love your approach to stream-of-consciousness writing, as you have a great flow. Even though I didn't understand all of the words put in front of me, I had a good guess at what they were, so it wasn't jarring. Perhaps on a second pass I'll break out a dictionary and maybe a translator for those Latin bits, then really get into the meat of things.

I know you mentioned something about references, but this time I only caught one, and...

—Cloudkicker is my cousin, he said simply, letting the punctuation of the transcendent storebell herald his departure.

Ouch. That's all I have to say about that one. Sick burn, if you will.

I also find it amazing how much detail you can put into a deceptively simple story. The whole fic can be summed up as "Twilight goes to get coffee," but it's so much more than that. Her thoughts are deep and complex, and also something I would expect out of her. As I said earlier, it's going to take a few more readings before I can really appreciate what you have here, but I'm looking forward to it. So far, this is only the second or third story in the fandom that's prompted me to read it more than once, so I applaud your ability to get me interested and wanting to absorb as much as I can.

I wouldn't mind something like this from you again.

Could you translate the title to English please?:fluttershysad:

Not my cuppa.

Man, I kinda want to try to make a "dramatic" reading of this... It might take a few thousand takes, but with this good a piece, it might just be worth it ;)

Ok, you have to appreciate that there is someone willing to innovate a bit.

I get it, you want to make a stream of consciousness, much like Ulysses. So you make the equation: Twilight Sparkle is a genius = her thought processes must be a strange inbreeding between Ungaretti, Joyce, Eliot and Gozzano.

The fact is, no one thinks like that. It just ruins every bit of immersion, since Twilight seems to spew endlessly self indulgent propositions that just scream "ask me what it means, ask me what it means!"

Pointers for trying though, it's really refreshing seeing something new.

You know you're showing off, right? :twilightblush:

But that is the thing about someone who is really good at their craft; sometimes you want to just show off, flex your mental muscles and enjoy the fact that you can, when you focus, show just what it means to be a wordsmith. I certain found some of this to be confusing but that's appropriate because you can't totally understand the mind of someone else, even a literary character. This felt very personal even though the premise is so simple, and it turned out to be a very interesting read. The little conflict about the book club was an excellent touch. This really turned out good - now you just have to do the same thing for the rest of the mane six :twilightsmile:

At last, ascendant and alone.

I just have to say this is a remarkable line. I'm chuffed that you're directly referring to Melt, of course (as you were with the earlier "snowflake spectra plot resolution and lonely halls of frozen snow"), but the resolution of the story's climax is simply precisely right on multiple levels.

Thing is, "ascendant and alone" works well without even understanding the reference; Twilight's conquered her morning (and established her literary snobbery credibility), and in the process driven off Caramel, so it's very literally true.

But the reference to Melt is specifically a callback to the hypothetical Sombra had pondered:

And would it have been worth it, after all,
Would it have been worth it anyhow,
To watch the sunrise shine on diamond streets,
To taste defeat,
To bow my head and learn to sing the scherzo song of Flame
When ascendant and alone she came?

So "ascendant and alone" refers to his wishful thinking that maybe if things had turned out a little differently he could have meekly watched his world melt around him. He would have fallen to Celestia, and the Empire would have collapsed, but at least he wouldn't have slid down the slippery slope and wrecked everyone else's life too.

Basically: Twilight's congratulating herself on avoiding the deep existential tragedy of Book Club by experiencing the mere disaster of social alienation. Wow. What a comment on her character.

Personally, I think the trivial verbosity takes something away. It's still a good fiction, but the excellent characterization does not quite counterbalance this into greatness. Your stream of thought is spot on. However, I would say to show, not tell. I feel that it relies too heavily on the vocabulary to display her intelligence, instead of implying via her quick thought process and ability to problem solve.

That said, this still deserves a spot on my favorites.

I'm a writer- a shitty one- and this makes me want to work on my vocab :raritydespair:

Still, it was cool, though. I like how you approached it. I do feel a little proud that I knew a decent amount of words here though, even if most of them were only vaguely familiar or completely obscure to me.

2642602
it's greek alphabet for "Alectrona", the doric form for a lesser known goddess of the morning and the sense of waking

whoa, man this makes me wish I had finished the Darf-athon sooner, with this as the last fic.
would have blown my hippie noodle.

This is the best kind of showboating I have ever read, possibly alongside Iain M. Banks' works (create significant character over the span of a chapter, kill them off in the next in a page.)

gotta read brevity now before I head out to work :pinkiehappy:

2648715
About this... Did you use "c" to give the word a sense of style? If you are to write the word in Greek letters entirely, the "c" should be a "κ", hence "Αλεκτρονα". I do admit that "Αλεcτρονα" looks nifty though.

2651708
i just grabbed it off a greek translit site. interesting that the romanization of the alphabet includes the translation as a 'c'

i guess i could adjust it if need be though

2652748
I've tried it too just now. It really does translitarate it with a "c".
But, I have also tried the word "Acacia" which is transliterated into "Αcαcια".The right way to write it is "Ακακια" though, as seen in the Wikipedia article.
Therefore, there is something wrong with that translit site. Who knows. I suppose this makes "Αλεκτρονα" the correct title to use.

However, I would advise you not to change it. Let the title be quirky, playful and messy like the story's content! :trixieshiftright:

I can already tell I'm going to read this again and again. Sadly, my vocabulary isn't quite so magnificent, or at least my usage of it isn't; thus I find myself struggling to articulate exactly why I found this outstanding piece of literature so utterly entrancing. Suffice it to say: 'Cool story, bro. Tell it again'.

So after I realized that despite opening this on my tablet a day or so ago, I'd not given it a proper read-through, I decided to do it while I was waking up for the morning. Seemed most appropriate in retrospect. I find I do a lot of similar stream-of-consciousness stuff especially when doing roleplays of any sort or rating; it's a bit tricky to toe the line marked by "too verbose", "disjointed", and whatever the general audience version of purple prose is called, I think there's a name for it. Stray an inch over that line in any direction and the attempt to show oneself as a literary savant falls flat.

Point of all that being, you did really well with this. I didn't think so at first--thought it was way too erudite to stand up as a narrative--and then it comes into focus just a minute in: It's Twilight Sparkle. It doesn't just work, it makes perfect sense. This is probably a good representation of her thoughts and feelings all wrapped up into one, and it takes a lot of focus and a keen mind to grasp it even were she to write it down. Keeping up with her on the fly, well, I imagine it would probably be akin to having a conversation with the sort of language used here. So very challenging, but like a good riddle or puzzle, there's no comparison for the feeling when you realize you've got it figured out.

I would read the hell out of more like this.

Okay, you've earned my watch. Just don't do it again. :duck:

Please do forgive me, but I cannot read this. I tried, I really did! It reminds me of hardtack. Sure, its literature...but it's smothering itself. Its not narrative, but a stream of consciousness too dense and not punctuated to my liking. I find this unfortunately too dry for my liking. There is little to imagine, when every thought of hers is being shoved down my throat and I am having to dissect what is being said, because there is little punctuation. Perhaps that is the style with this sort of writing(?), but I can now clearly see why this is not my kind of writing...

Oh well, there's always next time, Darf. A next time, I dearly look forward to! :raritywink:

I had some fun reading this ! Even if English totally isn't my main language and I didn't understand all the big words in it :twilightblush: , I enjoyed it because those thoughts felt totally in character of Twilight and were funny ... I loved the gap between Twilight's speech and Twilight's thoughts... That was funny.

This may seem silly, but maybe if you want more people to try your non-porn stories you could just... stop write porn stories for a few weeks? Then the people would get "darf-thirsty" and read your non-porn stuff, instead of skipping them, waiting for the next clop-worthy story. Or maybe not.

This was an excellent, fun read for me. I can say that I'd never have been able to appreciate it without having studied Ulysses and also read it 3 times. There are a few things that I am missing in this story – it's so dense that it took me at least twice as long to read this as usual – but for the most part I was able to unfold it and enjoy it all the way through.

Beautiful work!

Read the last chapters of 120 Days. This is exactly what I needed to get a thorough brain scrub and remove the sensory overload. Again.

2640627
Not quite.

—The Days and Dalliances of a Fortunate Foal, Lyra loquated lyrically. It’s an inspirational autobiography from a local pony. Probably my favorite read of the year!

Umbrage. Verbal pulp. Twilight bittered. She had vomit more cogent literary. Some mare from Ponyville, Cloudsdale or other had visited it on the world. Twilight’s lips threatened to let her hushwords out, but politeness overbeared.

She just didn't want to be rude to Lyra and Cheerilee.

And good lord, this fic was hard to read all the way through. Not from lack of quality or anything, but I always have difficulty reading things that don't exactly follow what I expect them too. I caught myself skipping half a page a number of times. Not entirely sure it was worth all that effort, but it was nice, at the very least.

A bit difficult to read :applejackconfused: But enjoyable none the less :ajsmug: Seemed rather dream like in it's narrative stream of consciousness.

This story is doubleplusgood! Twilight duckspeaked fluentwise. Bb bellyfeels ingsoc and newspeak; would be plusgood idea for you toowise.

Story is unlong, but unsimple – I doublepluswant to read fullwise again.

... How I felt like talking after reading this. First person to get the reference gets a cookie, but the person who not only gets it, but can correctly translate this for me into the above jargon:

I have a dream that freedom will ring from the top of every mountain, equality and justice for all...

... gets a brownie. Have fun!

Login or register to comment