Don't write on two hours of sleep, trust me.

A story with an Anon and the methods he takes to dissuade the Princesses from asking him so many questions about his home and culture. Lacking the basic courtesy of a pony and definitely disregarding their pride in magic, this human drops to lows that are usually seen only in the most disgusting of humans.

Enjoy or not, I had fun writing this and it's more for my sanity than anything.
PS- No actual sex is in this story so calm yourselves.

Professional Reviews

"drunk/10 not bad" –NuclearWaffles21

"I'm seriously rock hard right now." –Rebel

"yeah the 3 children in my basement won't shut the fuck up" –Winter the Gimp

"This is both extremely stupid, and written in such a way that I expect your non-trolly-stories to not be extremely stupid." –bobbananaville

"I don't remember how I found this story, but it was weird, and I liked it." –Narlepoax III

”I like story! Is very good! Now you go to Gulag!” –Joseph Stalin

Celestia has had a long day of ruling Equestria, and wants nothing more than to enjoy a relaxing shower.

But certain intruders won't allow for relaxation...

It's December 24: Hearthswarming Eve. While most ponies are doing some last-minute shopping, or trying to get that last bit of work done before a glorious week off, the homeless of Manehattan are all scheming up ways to avoid the annual post-New Year's blizzard. Some will head south to warmer climates. Some will rely on the kindness of others. But Lima Bean?

Lima Bean has a foolproof plan all her own.

(Cover art done by the always amazing TJ Pones! If you don't follow him, you should!)

(Inspired by The Cop and the Anthem by William Porter, with additional inspiration derived from Red Skelton's portrayal.)

Featured on December 15, 2018! Many thanks to those of you who read it to give me my first feature!

A depressed Anon, aided by countless books on psychology and philosophy, tries his luck at being a therapist for the fluffy ponies that surround him. Do ponies even have the problems he deals with? Do ponies even need the help he can offer?

Art by osawari_64

Edits by Tranquil Serenity.

Discord has lived for quite a long time. Centuries as a ruler, a millennium as a rock, years as a reformed draconequus, it all gets very tiring. A nap is exactly what he needs. But when you live forever, time loses its meaning, years pass in the blink of an eye, mortals come and go like mayflies. And that's fine.
After all, any being that is truly important will live forever. Discord would never associate with anything less.

IRS Scammers. We all hate them, and in Equestria, it's no different. Once technology advanced to the point of phones and computers, scamming came with it.

Unfortunately, not everypony is as gullible as some other nasty people would like.

Find this story and more in a print copy! Just click these words here!

Featured on EQD 11/26/18!

This story is a sequel to You Can Go With This

Much to her surprise, Twilight receives an invitation to the Dragon Lands.

As it turns out, she is brought there under false pretences. A monster has moved in recently, and despite the best efforts of the locals they haven't been able to shift it. Could Twilight, being as how she has monster experience, have a look?

She has a sneaking suspicion it may be a 'monster' she's familiar with.

This story is a sequel to Scary Monsters

Following on from his jailbreak the local human finds himself in something of a rut, and decides that this is due to his nagging feeling that the previous matter had not been resolved to his satisfaction.

He decides the best way of rectifying this is to break into at least two castles, get locked up again and disappoint just about every single entity he happens to encounter.

Often while naked.

The local human, finding himself possessed of strength beyond measure in this strange world, decides to be a brutish nuisance. You know, running around half-naked, stealing cider and that sort of thing.

When his behaviour lands him in jail he casually breaks out and - more on a whim than anything else - breaks out the other jailbird too. Because that's mischief, and she had to have done something wrong, right?

They then run from Twilight, sit around a fire and sleep in a cave.

-

Ahahaha I got featured and I don't even have a picture what even is this.

"Humans.... Quite possibly the most infuriating mythical creatures in existence. If you ever have the 'luck' to meet a Human in your travels across Equestria, then you must be careful. Humans are extremely powerful creatures, some would say more so than Celestia or Luna, they are also more unpredictable than Discord. They can help you in a tight spot if you're lucky, or play nasty tricks on you if you don't hold the Human's favor. In my time I've seen a Human give a filly pounds upon pounds of gold, and the same one turn greedy ponies into gold. The only one I ever have seen 'face-to-face' was in my earlier years, he helped me repair my wagon when it broke down in Everfree Forest, by fix I mean a whole new one appeared not ten feet away, and the only thing the Human asked for in return was a spindle.... But be warned, never anger a Human, a trick or two in fair game is fine, but if you ever manage to truly anger a Human...... you'll be part of the small number ever to meet non-existence." - Star-Swirl the Bearded.

A silly nonsensical story, not to be taken seriously. Some chapters are not connected to others.