• Published 30th Dec 2012
  • 39,891 Views, 302 Comments

Humans - Nightwatcher



Humans.... Quite possibly the most infuriating mythical creatures in existence.

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Celestia meets a Human

Celestia let out a deep sigh in her mind, hoping for something to move this meeting along faster. She had been sitting in this same spot for what felt like days, discussing pointless things such as...

“This appletree is on MY property!”

“Can we build this here?”

Last but certainly not least, the ever popular... “Can we afford to pay for this?”

‘Do none of her ponies know math?’ She thought to herself.

Her eye involuntarily twitched a un-noticeable amount.

She did love her little ponies, with all her heart, but sometimes they were.... hard, on the nerves. The repetitive day in and day out of ruling over a peaceful kingdom was.... boring.

Safe of course, and that was what mattered, but boring.

She just wished something would-

‘Crumb?’ Her mind interrupted.

On the edge of her nose, a lone crumb stood guard. In a guard like fashion it trekked from one end of her nose to the other.

‘How did.....’

Another lone crumb came floating down, landing perfectly on top of the first. Then, in total disregard to the fact that they were pieces of non-living food stuff, they began to dance. Skipping to and fro in the tip of her nose as she tracked them. After a short dance, they jumped off her nose to their doom that was the marble floor.

She could swear she heard a small scream.

She looked up, following a faint waterfall of crumbs apparently unseen by the others, to something that put her into a near panic.

Lazing on the rafters high above the hard floor, clothed in a loose fitting brown robe, with what appeared to be a half eaten piece of wedding cake in one of its hands.

Was a Human.

With its other hand the Human appeared to be directing a symphony of crumbs moving about on the woodwork, a light tone of music reaching her ears.

Humans were known across her lands as the single most infuriating mythical creatures in existence. Not at all dangerous unless you angered one, most were actually helpful, but they have a legendary track record full of tricks and mischief the likes of which would put Discord to shame. Like one who turned all the fruits and vegetables in a town ‘alive’ and made them fight a ‘war’ that ended in a giant salad. Or another that turned every cloud in Cloudsdale into marshmallow.

They also had the tendency to pop into existence wherever they wanted to. Most of which were at the worst possible times.

The Human abruptly looked in her direction, their eyes looking for a moment, before a mischievous smile split the Humans face.

‘Oh buck’

The Human looked at the assembled delegates, then to the half eaten piece of cake in its hand, then back to her. All the while its smile somehow getting wider.

‘You wouldn't dare.’

As if it could read her mind, in all reality it probably could, it just nodded. It then stood up and in complete disregard to gravity hung upside down from the rafters, as if its feet were stuck to the wood. The piece of cake still in its hand.

‘Don’t. You. Dare.’

The Human just shrugged and let the piece of cake fall.

She watched the piece slowly fall...... up.

It ‘fell’ up to the ceiling, comically slowly.

It impacted, its squishy from almost bouncing.

The moment the lone piece impacted the ceiling though, an entire wedding cake appeared in its place, complete with a small figurine of herself and the Human.

‘You have got to be joking.’

The Human nodded. Then vanished.

The cake fell.

Landing right on top of her, her magic proving useless to stop the mountain of soft bread and frosting. Her head sticking out of what would have been the top of the massive cake, on her horn, standing perfectly balanced, was the figurine.

The delegates in the room simply staring at their now cake clad princess, all of them doing their best impressions of fish. Then one of her guards snickered.

“All of you....... leave.”

All the while she could hear the Humans infernal laughter at the edge of her hearing.

The moment to door closed every last bit of the cake vanished, changing to multi colored smoke and floating away.

Celestia’s eye twitched once more.

:~:

Celestia walked out of her washroom, a happy sigh leaving her as the days events melted away.

Then in a flash it all came rushing back as she saw the human, clad in all her royal garments, laying in her bed.

It waved at her. Her golden slipper waving about.

“Out now!” Celestia screamed at the Human annoyed.

The Human looked at her for a moment before vanishing, her royal garb flying back to her bedside table by the strange unseen force that was Human magic.

She nearly fell to the floor as a two-hundred pound weight was added to her back, one look telling her that it was the Human. Who was laying on her like a couch. A grape vine in one of its hands and a olive branch in its hair. The Human looked at her and gave a thumbs down, along with a shake of its head.

She used her magic to teleport to the other end of the room, the Human hitting the floor with a thump.

“HA!” She said in near mocking sing song voice.

The Human responded with a annoyed ‘hmnph’ as it got up, dusting itself off.

“You don’t like it much now do-” She was silenced by a pillow flying into her face.

“Oh it’s on Human.” She said picking up the eight pillows in the room with her magic.

The Human responded with an exaggerated ‘come hither’ motion with its hand.

Then what looked like hundreds of pillows appeared above the Humans shoulders, a deep smirk on the Humans face.

“That’s hardly fair....” She lamented.

Their number were cut in half.

“Humans never play fair...”

The Human nodded in agreement before the innumerable amount of pillows came at her.

:~:

One of Celestia guards came into the room, only to see a huge pile of pillows in the center of the room.

“Princess....... Princess Luna sent to inform you there is a Human in the castle....”

Celestia’s head popped out of the pile of fabric.

“I know.....”

Author's Note:

A silly nonsensical story, not to be taken seriously.
Not pre-readed at all so I know there's problems with it.
May add chapters later if I feel like it.