Maud
It started when the phone rang.
Maud Pie slowly, carefully put Boulder down and walked over to the phone. She blinked and put the headset on.
"Hello?"
"Yes hello, this is Legit Collector from the Equestrian Revenue Service. I am calling to inform you that you are currently under investigation for tax evasion."
"Hm," Maud said.
"Yes, now before we begin, I must ask you if you are a princess or a powerful unicorn or some other manner of powerful creature."
Maud blinked again and looked down at herself.
"No."
The voice on the other end sighed in relief. "Good. Good. Now, may I have your name, please?"
"No."
"Ma'am, it is law that you must identify yourself to an agent of the Equestrian government, now may I have your name?"
"Who are you looking for?"
"Ma'am, you must--"
"You said I'm under investigation. So you already know who I am."
"Ma'am, you owe the Equestrian government ten thousand, nine hundred and sixty-three bits!"
Maud shook her head. "No."
"Yes, you do!"
Maud shook her head. "No."
"I insist that you do, and if you do not pay then you will be sentenced to no less than nine years in an Equestrian penitentiary!"
Maud shook her head. "No."
"Stop saying that!"
Maud blinked. "Okay."
"Now, there are several ways we can go about this. First--"
"You're a scammer," Maud said.
"I... I am not! As I was saying..."
Maud took the headset off and walked over to Boulder. She put the earpiece next to him, then walked away to go back to the quartz she had been examining.
"-- payment cards. Now... Ma'am, are you listening to me?"
Boulder was neither listening to him, nor a ma'am. He was, however, sitting there.
"You know what you are? You are a terrible pony! You steal and lie about it! I am trying to help you make it right!"
Boulder was neither a lying thief, nor a pony. He was, however, sitting there.
"You know what? Fuck you! I hope you rot in jail forever! You are the worst ever!"
Boulder was neither the worst ever, nor capable of rotting like a living thing. He was, however, sitting there.
"Gah! Fuck you!"
*Slam!*
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Poor Boulder, I feel bad for him having to hear that kind of abuse
But seriously, I like how Legit Collecter's adapted his method, and I enjoyed Maud's indefatigable ambivalence.
Maud, the ever-unflappable. I'm glad this continues.
Okay, I lied, this one was the best. The only victim in this was Boulder... who had to listen to all that negativity!
And this is why rocks don't pay taxes. No one dares to ask them.
9229492
Not necessarily. Powerful beings can always lie about their strength.
Maud would later claim that Boulder had the biggest satisfied grin she'd ever seen him have. Nobody knew whether she was telling the truth, but he was definitely sitting there.
This is exactly what Maud would do.
I wonder when he'll get through to Flim and/or Flam
9229691
I believe we've seen one do exactly that in this very chapter, yes
9229804
If he did, he'd probably end up paying them somehow.
Don't hurt Boulder's feelings!
9229885
How many bits do you want to bet that Flim & Flam get called on a 1-900 number?
9230120
If you think the Flim-Flam chapter will be gold, imagine the Discord chapter.
9230128
I can think of only one entity, that would be more chaotic and destructive towards an IRS scammer...
But we'll need another author...
Well, at least he learned something...
This one was brilliant
These have been just great! Every single one has been spot on with the characters, and I've thought about doing some of these in response to scammers I've had to deal with. Maud's was especially fun, as I loved the descriptions you used with Boulder. Seems like the perfect guy to respond to scammers. Looking forward to more!
Don't sell yourself short Maud, we all know you're the strongest pony in Equestria.
9229896
Boulder has existed for eons and shall continue for eons more once all scammers have become less than dust in the wind. What do the natterings of an impermanent sack of flesh and fluids mean to one who shall outlast so-called immortals?
9231445
Maybe it is discord making the scam calls.
9230128
I imagine the scammer will be talking through a banana at some point of that chapter.
Ok this is one of the best chapters yet
Aaaand it continues! I had to prepare for an exam so I have just discovered the new chapters. Twilight's is my personal favorite so far, but this is very well done too!
9229492
9229536
If it makes you feel better,
Boulder was neither capable of feeling bad, nor be affected by negativity. He was, however, sitting there.
This, all of this 9233323
Making a large paper weight wasn't enough for the scammer. I won't be surprised if its Discord, but it seems more fitting that he's enjoying someone else creating the chaos.
he's learning.