Hello, This is Not a Scammer, I Promise

by BronyWriter


Tempest

It started when the phone rang.

Twilight Sparkle and Tempest Shadow both looked up from the books they had been engaged in and stared at the phone for a few seconds before both got to their hooves and walked over to it.

"It's probably for you," Tempest said.

Twilight shrugged and nudged the phone over to Tempest. "Maybe, but this will give you a chance to interact with some ponies. You can't just hang around me all of the time. Think of this as another friendship lesson!"

Tempest quietly sighed as the phone rang again. "Perhaps, but I think it's better that you do it. Your friends are the ponies who call here the most."

"Well, then you can talk to one of my friends." Twilight elbowed Tempest and motioned to the phone with a wing. "Come on. You'll do fine. I'll even put it on speaker so I can listen to how you do."

"If you say so," Tempest said with a shake of her head. "Very well, Twilight. I'll try it your way."

"I know you'll do great!" Twilight pushed the speaker button and walked over to a stack of books to refile. "I'll be right here."

Tempest took another deep breath, took the headset off of the receiver and placed it over her head. "Good afternoon. This is Tempest. At Castle Friendship. To whom am I speaking?"

"Yes, this is Legit Collector with the Equestrian Revenue Services. We are calling to inform you that you are currently under investigation for tax evasion."

Tempest raised an eyebrow. "I thought I'd been pardoned of all crimes against Equestria."

"I um... yes... well, not this one. We were not made aware of it. In front of me I have a warrant for your arrest, which I will sign and deliver to the local law enforcement if you do not pay the required amount of nine thousand, two hundred and fifty-five bits and thirty cents. Failure to pay will result in seizure of all property, bank accounts, passports, and other items we may use to pay off the debt. On top of that, you will also receive ten years in an Equestrian penitentiary."

Tempest's eyes narrowed and she began grinding her hoof into the floor.

"If you pay the full amount now, we will consider the matter closed. If you fight the matter in court and lose you will be subject to the penalties I have mentioned."

Tempest bared her teeth and ground her hoof into the floor hard enough that she began cracking the crystal.

"Oh, um... you can hang up on him, Tempest," Twilight said, rushing over to her. "He's just--"

"How dare you," Tempest growled. "How dare you attempt to scam me!"

"Miss Tempest, this is not a scam. You--"

"I have commanded armies! I have been at the head of the force that conquered your pathetic nation! I have turned your princesses into stone and chained your fellow subjects!" Tempest roared. She tore the headset off and threw it on the table. "I will not be insulted by the likes of you!"

Twilight flattened her ears and gingerly walked up to Tempest. "Tempest, there's no reason to get this angry. It's just a scammer. Remember your friendship lessons!"

Tempest scoffed and wheeled around. "Friendship lessons? Your nation is weak to allow one such as him to even exist! In the Storm King's nation we would have put him to the sword! If he--"

Twilight sighed. Here she went again. She'd learned months ago that it was just best to let Tempest tire herself out instead of attempting to stop her. Twilight picked up the phone headset and put it on before looking back to Tempest, who had begun ranting and pacing.

"I'm pretty sure that I told you about the risks involved in scamming?"

"Oh... oh it's you. What the heck is her problem?"

"Well, she's been through a lot lately, and she doesn't handle frustration well. We're working with her on it."

"And if I ever get my hooves on him, I will not show him--"

"Plus she's been raised in an environment that's not quite as... peaceful as ours."

"I... see? So she's just going to go on like that."

Twilight looked back at Tempest and saw that Starlight had poked her head into the room. Starlight sighed and gingerly walked up to her.

"Hey there, buddy. The sun's getting real low--"

"--standards! You need to prove to him that you are not one to be trifled with, Sparkle. That is the only way you're going to be respected in--"

Twilight shook her head. "Yeah, of all of the ponies you've called, she's probably the one you least want to get her hooves on you. She wasn't lying about leading an army and taking over Canterlot. Plus she learned how to torture and stuff, so there's that too."

"Oh. Oh I get it. This is another attempt to get me all freaked out while you have a laugh at me. Well it won't work, Miss Sparkle! You're not going to fool me this time! You're lying about this Tempest pony and what she does. Go fuck yourself."

*Click*

Twilight flinched when she heard crashing behind her, alongside Starlight's futile attempts to calm Tempest. She sighed and shook her head, gently placing the headset back onto the receiver.

"I'm... really not."