Princess Luna
It started when the phone rang.
And nothing happened.
Then it rang again.
Still nothing. Odd.
At the third time, a mass of blankets shifted on a large bed, revealing a dark blue snoot that belonged to one of Equestria's princesses. And Celestia isn't blue. Neither is Twilight or Cadance. That narrows it down a touch. The blankets peeled back ever so slightly revealing a single eye. Its gaze flicked over to the ringing phone, then over to the nearby clock and narrowed.
With a grumble, Princess Luna threw back the sheets she had been snuggling peacefully under and ignited her horn, lifting the headset off of the receiver.
"This had better be good," she grumbled to herself. She took a deep breath and sat up. "Hello?
"Hello, this is Legit Collector from the Equestrian Revenue Services. I am calling to inform you that you are under investigation for tax evasion."
"I was out of Equestria for quite some time and as such, I was not earning an income that would necessitate an income tax," Luna grumbled.
"I believe the errors in question are in regards to the period before you left Equestria."
"I highly doubt that."
"We have records saying otherwise. Now, may I have your name, please?"
Luna glared at the phone as if it was the offending pony. Instead of obliterating it, she lit up her horn and began casting spells all over the room.
"Why do you need my name? Do you not already know it if you are calling?" She cast a spell on the phone.
"I am just confirming your identity. I do know the name of the pony I am trying to reach, but I must make sure you are that pony."
"Oh, oh, I see," Luna said, sending magic through the phone to the scammer. "Well, what if I do not wish to provide that information?"
"Ma'am, you are required under Equestrian law to identify yourself if an agent of the government requires you to do so. May I please have your name?"
Luna paused for a brief moment and checked the spells she had cast. Once she had confirmed their success, she nodded and took in a deep breath.
"Ma'am, if you could--"
"I AM THE PRINCESS OF THE NIGHT, AND I SHALL NOT SUFFER YOUR PATHETIC ATTEMPTS AT SCAMMING! IF YOU CONTINUE DOWN THIS PATH, I SHALL ENTER YOUR DREAMS AND YOU SHALL DESPAIR!"
For a few moments, everything was silent. The Royal Canterlot Voice had caused several pictures to fall down, and the windows had rattled from the force. However, thanks to the wards, no one outside of the room had heard the outburst. Luna sat as still as a statue, waiting for any kind of response.
"M-mawp. Maaawp," the scammer weakly moaned.
"Be thankful that I put a spell on your ears to prevent permanent damage. Now leave me and my subjects in peace."
With that, Luna slammed the headset back down on the receiver.
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With a virus infested computer and the ire of two princesses on his back, Legit Collector was never heard from again.
Mwap mwap mwap mwaaaaaap
Byootiful
Have him call Flim and Flam?
Or Cozy Glow?
Or Chrysalis?
9209888
This, please.
Tirek gets his one phone call, and it's from a scammer...
That is sort of how I dealt with a scammer, I owned a mist-horn...
Could you imagine what the compound interest on 1000 years would be?
Now I kinda want Sunset to be visiting and he tries that line!
Im now waiting for him to call Starlight, and for her to to spell cast them down the phone using the Into The Book spell to put them into the computer Twilight infected and their only escape is into the Tax Revenue Book. And their only escape from that, is to read it and at the end, correctly fill out the applicable forms.
Of course Celestia wouldnt implement a sudden rush of suggested tax code alterations by Twilight during this time.
Okay, between AJ and Luna, that guy is definitely deaf.
(yes, I know Luna cast spells, the the point stands. He's at the very least gonna be traumatised by loud noises.)
A part of me wants you to do Spike. Not out a desire to see a chapter about Spike (that certainly helps though!) but to see if you can keep up the amusement factor that has been gracing this story now for 8 chapters. Hell, why not just do one for everypony to appease the people begging for you to do more ponies. Even if you don't want to, it will at least stop the requests
9209888
Discord. DEFINITELY Discord.
Do not trifle with the Moonhorse.
Also, I can't help but think that calling Mayor Mare would make for some exquisite bureaucratic backlash.
Is that an Archer reference?
And the scammer was never heard from again.
I would like to see one of the princesses call Legit Collector's bluff on being an agent of the government.
(Also, should I keep tracking this? Or are you thinking this is the end of it?)
9210129 Discord would find it very amusing... so much fun. He'd simply have to pay the fellow a... what do you call it? (A visit?) A trolling, yeah! Pay him a trolling.
Sovie is a fwaggot.
9210255
And the scammer never heard again. (Luna's grace notwithstanding)
Yeah, that sounds about right. Well played, Luna.
Just scrolling down and suddenly seeing how large the font size was made me say "Holy shit"
9209858
Well, three really.
Or are you mainly referring to Twilight and Luna since Celestia just hang up after explaing just who the scammer was calling to.
9209922
C-can... can we have this as a chapter? Please?
9210158
I choose to believe it is, and it was hilarious!
9210158
I thought it was a reference to how grown-ups talk in the "Charlie Brown" cartoons.
Luna:thumbs.gfycat.com/MediumLankyClumber-small.gif
Profound knowledge, I really had no idea before this
9343817
Didn't think you'd come to this story you learn, did you?