//------------------------------//
// Prince Blueblood 
// Story: Hello, This is Not a Scammer, I Promise 
// by BronyWriter 
//------------------------------//

It started when the phone rang.

Prince Blueblood sat up in bed and raised an eyebrow. Nopony was supposed to have his phone number. Although, he had given it out to a few of the pretty mares at the bar he'd visited last night. Of course, he was in disguise, so nopony should have been able to guess that it was him. He shrugged and sat up out of bed, lighting his horn and sliding the gold, jewel-encrusted headset on. 

"Hello? Who is this? Why are you disturbing my sleep?"

"Oh thank goodness! I was afraid that I wasn't going to get through to somepony! I need your help right away!"

Blueblood rolled his eyes and laid back down in bed. "Oh, how terrible for you. What petty problems are you trying to bore me with?"

"I have recently come into some money through inheritance, but I find myself unable to collect it because of some terrible tax laws. If I go through normal channels, it shall be taxed up to fifty percent, and I cannot afford that!"

"Hmm. I see." Blueblood chuckled to himself and shook his head. "How much money are we talking about?"

"I am currently about to receive ten million bits from my recently deceased grandmare."

Blueblood's eyes widened. "That much? My word. That would be quite a sum. But what are you calling me for?"

"I need somepony to transfer the money to. It's a little backdoor, so you couldn't ever tell anypony about it. It would save me millions! In return for your help, I am willing to give you a million bits as payment for your time."

Blueblood grinned and shot out of bed. "Oh, of course! Of course!" He giggled and began pacing back and forth. "Although, if it's not totally above board, I will require a little more than that. Say, three million bits?"

"Oh, oh no that is still too much. Thank you, but I will try somepony else."

"Nono, wait!" Blueblood stopped pacing. "Aha, I was... jesting. One million bits is a good amount. Yes. Quite fair. So, what do you need me to do?"

"Are... are you serious? Do you really want to do this?"

"Yes, yes," Blueblood snapped. "What do you need from me?"

"I... aha... ahahahahah! Oh sweet joy! Today is finally the day!"

"Yes it is, now--"

"Oh... oh I'm sorry, I need a moment. Ha. Ahahah! Yes yes yes! Ooh, weeks of tribulation! All of it worth it!"

"It will be when I get my million bits!" Blueblood growled. "NOW TELL ME WHAT YOU NEED!"

"Oh... aha. Yes. Yes, I just need your checking account number and routing number. That's all." The voice let out a happy sigh. "Oh. Sweet joy. Sweet, sweet joy."

Blueblood frowned and tilted his head. "Are you alright? You've really been waiting for this."

"More than you can ever imagine. More than you can imagine. Now, I need those numbers."

"Of course, of course. I think I have a bank statement somewhere. Give me a moment."

"Take all of the time you need!"

"Yes, quite."

Blueblood walked over to a large stack of papers lying on the floor next to the door. He frowned and began flipping through them. Junk. Junk. Fan letter possibly containing some form of poison. Marriage proposal. Junk. Junk.

As he flipped through them, the door to his room opened. He glanced aside and saw Celestia walk in, frowning at him. 

"Blueblood, what is going on? I heard you yelling. I something wrong?"

Blueblood giggled and began flipping through the papers with increased zeal. "No no, Auntie Tia. Nothing is wrong at all! Everything is going right for once because... aha!" Blueblood grabbed one of the papers and brought it closer so he could read it. "I'm coming into some money soon."

Celestia's eyes narrowed. "Oh? How?"

Blueblood waggled his hoof. "Now that would be telling. Suffice it to say, I should be able to pay you back soon."

"That will be the day," Celestia muttered. She walked up to Blueblood and lit her horn, tearing the headset off of Blueblood's head. He gasped and swiped at it. 

"No! It's my money!"

Celestia tisked and encased Blueblood in a shield before putting the headset on. 

"Hello? Hello? Is something wrong? Do you have the numbers?"

"Lady of Light, Celestia the Wise, Bringer of the Dawn, Warrior of Fire--"

"Oh fuck!"

"Celestia the Dragonblade, The Bane of Necromancers, She Born of the Sun, Defeater of Chaos, Celestia the Just, The Guiding Hoof of Equestria--"

"NOOOOOOOOO! Celestia fucking dammit!" Celestia heard something crash on the other end of the line, as though something was being thrown through a window. "You couldn't let me have just this one?!"

"Bringer of Peace, Lady Protector, Bringer of Balance to the World, She Born of Fire, She Born of Sunbeams, She Born of the Dawn..." She looked over at Blueblood and shrugged. "Celestia the Powerful--"

"Just this once! Please just let me have this one! I promise I'll stop making calls!"

"Bringer of Order, Liberator of Equestria, Mother of Ponies, The Bright Diarch, Steward of the Moon--"

"I'll never, ever ask for anything from anypony again! I proommmiiiiisssee!"

"She of Fucking Dammit, apparently, Mistress of Good, Conqueror of Evil, Destroyer of Evil, Bane of Evil--"

"You know what? Fuck you! I'll get you for this! I'll scam every penny out of every pony in all of Equestria! Then you'll know that you should have given into my demands! I... I... fuck you!"

*SLAM!*

Celestia sighed and shook her head as she slid the headset off. She looked over to Blueblood and saw that his eyes were wide and his jaw was nearly on the floor. She made a quiet noise of disgust to herself, placed the headset back on the receiver, then tore the whole thing out of the wall.

"Wait, wait no, Auntie Tia! That's my telephone!"

Celestia rolled her eyes and dissipated the shield. Blueblood rushed to block her, but she made it out of the room, slamming the door behind her. Blueblood squeaked when he heard several locks being clicked shut on his door.

"Oh... oh is that the way of it? You're just jealous! You're stealing my money! You can't do this!" Blueblood groaned and sat down on the floor. "You can't."