THE Most Exclusive Resort in Manehattan!
December 24
A stark white unicorn stallion gingerly strolled down a snowy sidewalk, a red-and-green scarf wrapped around his neck. Sidling up to a lamppost behind a bench, he pulled out a small notebook and pencil, and began reading aloud:
“Manehattan at Hearthswarming’s Eve is always a sight to behold. Not that it isn’t grand in its own right, but there is truly something special about it near the end of the year. Maybe it’s the brightly-colored decorations, which always manage to bring a smile to even the grumpiest of ponies. Or maybe it’s the sweet smell of gingerbread and spice cakes that waft through the air. Or perhaps it’s the soft snow that falls, covering all of the sleeping homeless vagrants. Often considered an eyesor-” He stopped. “Wait. ‘Homeless vagrants?’ That doesn’t sound right. No, let’s call them...vagabonds. A bit Dickensian, but it sounds better.” he said, marking out the line, and writing in pencil above it. “Anyway. Where was I? Oh, right. The snow.” Clearing his throat, he continued. “Or perhaps it’s the soft snow that falls, covering all of the vagabonds. Often considered an eyesore among the noble elite, the pillowy shapes they create almost help to keep the atmos-”
“YA KNOW, SOME OF US CAN HEAR YOU.” came a less-than-thrilled voice, spooking the stallion.
“Wh-what?! Who said that?!” asked the startled pony, clutching his booklet and pencil close to his barrel. As if to answer his question, the pillowy snowbank in front of him slowly rose from the bench, revealing a light-green Earth mare. She shook her head, dusting the snow from her mane, and slowly folded her newspaper-blanket. Turning around, she glared at the stallion who had disturbed her.
“You just woke me up from a wonderful dream, ya know that?” she groaned with a frown. “I was dreamin’ that I got to have a whole can of pinto beans for dinner, and you took that from me! They were even warm, too!”
“I-I’m sorry, Miss...?” the unicorn stammered out.
“Lima Bean! Now you’ve overstayed your welcome! Now go on! Git! Scat! Vamoose!” she scolded, swatting the stallion away with a well-worn scally cap. “This is my bench!” The unicorn, thoroughly rattled, did as he was told and galloped away. Slapping the cap on her head, she sat back on the bench with a shiver. Loosening her frown a bit, she stuck her tongue out as she fished around in her gunny sack. Her tattered tweed jacket? No, that wasn’t it. A bag of old bottlecaps? No, that wasn’t it, either. Nope, not that photograph. She smiled as she finally found what she was looking for: a half-smoked cigar. It was a fat one, too! And with it, a box of matches; well, more like a box of match, as she pulled the last one out. Striking it on the ground, it flared up, and she lit the old stogie. Puffing it a bit to get a good burn going, she set it down on the bench before warming her hooves to it.
“Was that you I heard chasing off some good-for-nothing squatter?” came a gravelly, friendly voice. Looking up from her makeshift space heater, Lima Bean smiled.
“Bindle! Ya old goldbrick! How ya been?!” she exclaimed, jumping up from the bench and giving the pegasus stallion a hug. “Here, sit a spell! Warm yourself by the fire!”
“Why, thank you kindly, madame!” the dark gray stallion said in a faux Trottingham accent, tipping his moth-eaten top hat. They sat down next to the cigar, and briefly warmed their hooves. “Well, as for me, I tell ya: it’s been hard here lately.”
“Last I heard, you were trying to sell...oh shoot, what did you call ‘em...right! ‘Amniomorphic Pills’ as I recall. What happened?” the little mare asked. Bindle chuckled.
“Well, some darn egghead went and actually invented some. Suddenly ponies didn’t want my oh-so-magical breathmints. Put me right outta business, I tell ya what. But, right now I don’t gotta worry about any more griftin’ for the rest of the year! At least not here in Manehattan.” The remark seemed to catch Lima Bean off-guard.
“Whattya mean?”
“Well, it’s actually the reason I came over to see ya.” he mentioned with a shiver. “Lima, how’d you like to come with the rest of us down to Mareami? S’posed to be nice and warm this time of year, and there’s a freight headed down there tonight. We could hop on, maybe find a nice warm boxcar, and spend the New Year's Blizzard livin’ in the warmth!”
“Oh, come on now, Bindle, you know my hoboin’ days are behind me. Ever since that incident in Appleloosa, I just don’t got the stomach for it.” she answered, looking to the side. Looking back at her colleague, she continued: “‘Sides, I got plans for this winter!” The remark earned a questioning stare. “See, I’m plannin’ on stayin’ at the most exclusive resort in Manehattan! Soft beds, warm meals, and a good solid roof over my head!”
“...you okay there, Lima? You don’t got consumption again, do ya? ‘Cause I don’t know how somepony of our, uh, ‘status’ is gonna get into a place like that.” the stallion asked, giving his friend a sideways glance. Lima Bean giggled to herself.
“Ya don’t get it, do ya? I’m goin’ to jail, ya ninny!” she said, playfully shoving the stallion. Before Bindle could respond, she raised her hooves in defense. “Now don’t go gettin’ me wrong here. I’m not gonna murder anypony, or anything awful like that! I’m just gonna get in enough trouble to get me thrown in for about ninety days! And after I’ve ‘paid my debt to society’” she emphasized with air quotes, “I get to walk out, fat and happy, right at the beginning of spring! It’s fool-proof!”
“...I don’t know, Lima…” Bindle replied, rubbing a foreleg. “You sure you know what you’re doin’? It sounds like an easy way to get locked up with some of the real nasty types.” The mare waved her hoof at the response.
“Oh, c’mon. This is Manehattan we’re talkin’ about! The worst that ever happens here are barfights and conponies.” she replied, looking up in thought. “‘Sides, remember Railsign? She went to jail ‘cus she tried to steal something real expensive! And she got ninety days for it!”
“Well, if you know what you’re doin’, I hope it works out for ya.” Bindle said uncertainly.
“I do. You know I don’t go into things madcap. Wouldn’ta gotten this far in life if I did.” she said with a well-worn smile. Bindle laughed to himself.
“Yeah, ya got me there. Well, if ya change your mind, the freight leaves tonight at eleven-oh-five.” he said, giving the mare a hug. She returned it, picked up her cigar, and looked at it before hoofing it over.
“Hey. Here ya go, ya big lug. Happy Hearthswarming.” The stallion took the half-smoked stogie, and took a long drag.
“Thank ya kindly, Lima Bean. Happy Hearthswarming.” he said with a nod. “I’d give ya something if I had it to give, but I’ll getcha somethin’ next year.” The little green mare waved away the offer as she put on her jacket.
“Don’tchu worry about it. I’m gonna be living fat offa the government’s teat for the next three months!” she exclaimed, as the two waved each other goodbye.
Lima Bean ambled down the street, shivering from the cold. She’d occasionally stop and look into a store’s window display. They were always something to behold, but most shopkeeps went all out during Hearthswarming: the candy store would build an entire little wintery pony village out of sculpting sugar, complete with sporadic ‘blizzards’ of powdered sugar, or a handypony’s shop would make a functioning nutcracker out of hooftools. She smiled at each one, remembering fonder, fatter times from her youth. Continuing down the sidewalk, she stopped at a newer-looking store: “Rarity For You.” she quietly said to herself. Looking down at her tattered and holy tweed jacket, she smiled. She knew exactly how she was going to go to jail.
The door opened with a jingle, and a light blue, taller-than-usual unicorn came from the back, staring at a clipboard. Her mane was frazzled, and she seemed stressed. “Welcome to ‘Rarity For You!’” she quickly said. “I’ll be right with you in just a moment!”
“Oh, take your time, take your time…” Lima replied, eyeing a row of fancy couture. Stopping at a midnight blue dress, she turned over the price tag...and nearly wretched. Three thousand bits?! she thought. What kinda pony wastes that much money on a dress they’ll probably wear once?! While a price like that for a single dress seemed insane, she could at least tell that it was expertly made. Most importantly, it looked to be about her size. “Say, I think I’d like to try this on…” she mentioned indifferently. Finally looking up from her clipboard, the unicorn blanched at the sight in front of her: a dirty Earth pony, covered in barely better than rags and a shabby gunny sack slung across her back. And it was hoofing the merchandise! Doing her best to not panic, she quickly stepped over to the mare, and put on a nervous smile.
“Um...are you sure you’re interested in that one? I’m not sure you can affor…” she stammered as she tried to avoid intentionally insulting her patron, “...afford to be seen in such a dark color.” Sensing the situation, Lima Bean internalized a smile, and pursed her lips, as to appear deep in thought.
“Oh, but it just screams Me! don’tcha think?” she asked. The employee began to protest, but a crash from the back room cut her off.
“Excuse me a moment.” she said, before running to the back, muttering about raccoons. Taking advantage of the distraction, Lima Bean took the ensemble off the rack, and scurried into a dressing room. Removing her threadbare jacket and sack, she slowly slid on the dress. Taking a moment to feel the softness of the fabric, and the delicateness of the lace, she closed her eyes. She imagined herself as some well-to-do mare at the Grand Galloping Gala. She’d enter Canterlot Castle, her name would be announced, and all the stallions’ eyes would be on her. She’d slowly descend the staircase, and before long some duke or earl would beg for her hoof to dance. She’d daintily refuse, though, as to not appear desperate. He’d ask again, and she’d reluctantly acquiesce. He’d take her hoof, and they’d dance to a-
“Hello?” asked a strained voice. “Are you still here?”
Well, that’s enough time daydreamin’. Time to get on with the plan. Lima Bean snorted to herself. “I’m in here!” she shouted back. Clearing her throat, she stepped out from the dressing room and struck a pose. “Whattya think, dollface? Is it me?” she asked. The unicorn hemmed and hawed for a moment, apparently trying to think of the right way to phrase her answer.
“It, uh, it really brings out your eyes.” she said with a forced smile. “Now, if I may suggest something that you...would look even better in? Perhaps not something so...expensive? And something that took months to design and make?”
“Oh, I don’t know, I think it-” Lima Bean said, before the sound of fabric tearing cut her off. The skirt had wrapped around her hind legs, and moving forward had apparently caused the catastrophe. The unicorn’s irises reduced to pinpricks, as she witnessed the sight of an extremely costly dress’ entire back end being split in half. “Oh! Whoops! Clumsy me!” the green mare said as nonchalantly as she could. A twitch formed in the unicorn’s eye, and her breathing became more erratic, bordering on hyperventilation. She magically ripped the dress off Lima Bean, and tears formed in her eyes.
“This...this took weeks to sew! WEEKS!” she wailed, collapsing on her flank. “And you can’t even get this fabric now! It’s been out of stock for months! How...how am I going to explain this to Rarity? This was one of her best designs!”
“Ya know,” the Earth pony commented, “it might be hard to believe, but I’m flat broke. Not a bit to my name. So there’s no way I can pay for that dress.” As she retrieved her jacket, hat, and gunny sack from the dressing room, she returned and placed a foreleg around the trembling unicorn. “Buuuuuuut, I’ll betcha that you and, uh, ‘Rarity’ would feel a whole heap better if you saw me pay my debt to society in jail, wouldn’t ya?” she asked with a barely-concealed smirk. The remark did nothing to calm the employee down, as she shuddered and blinked back tears. Shutting her eyes, she took a deep breath, stood up, and cleared her throat.
“Well. Theoretically, yes. But if there’s anything that Rarity has taught me, it’s that everything has a reason for happening, and we should be grateful for it. And this...accident, as it is, is just an opportunity for me to take this nearly ruined dress and turn it into something better. So, for the time being, I think it would be best for everypony if I just took the rest of the day off, and brainstormed some ideas for this. Which means this store is closed for the day, which means you have to leave. Goodbye, and Happy Hearthswarming!” the employee said brusquely.
“Hey, now wait a minute - I deserve to go to j-” Lima Bean protested, before being picked up in the unicorn’s magic and placed outside. Turning around, the door slammed and locked in front of her, and the ‘OPEN’ signed turned to ‘CLOSED.’ With a huff, she stood up and dusted herself off. “Alright, okay, fine. Ya can’t win ‘em all.” she muttered to herself. “Who else would throw me in jail, then?” She looked down the street, and a glint caught her eye: the sign of a jeweler’s shop. “Now, THERE’S a pony who wouldn’t mess around!” Walking down to the store's facade, she looked in the window. Various diamond and gold necklaces and earrings were on display, and they gleamed like the noontime sun. At the bottom right was a sign:
“PROTECTED BY MANTICORE(™)
MAGICAL THEFT DETERRENT SYSTEM”
Smiling, she opened the door to the shop and stepped inside. An old brown pegasus stood behind the counter, and he frowned as soon as the mare entered. “Just so you know, my cheapest item is eighteen hundred bits. It’s a sterling silver chain necklace, and I doubt it’d look good on you.” he stated in hoarse, raspy voice. Donning a smirk, Lima Bean walked over to a display case.
“Oh, not to worry, my good stallion. Money is no object to me! See, I was thinking of getting something for the special mare in my life, you see, and I just wanted to see what you offered.” she said, gesturing to a display of jewel-encrusted necklaces. With a sneer, the shopkeep walked over to the case. “Specifically, this necklace, brooch, and earring set here. May I see it?”
“That set costs over sixty thousand bits.” he said, his voice dripping with condescension. Lima Bean kept her smirk and merely nodded. Rolling his eyes with a sigh, he removed the set from the case. “And no, you can’t try them on.” Before the mare could respond, two other ponies, well-dressed unicorns, entered the store. Before walking away, he turned to glare at Lima Bean. “And don’t touch anything!” he hissed. As soon as she was sure his attention was elsewhere, she began to grab the trinkets, and stuffed them into her tattered jacket pockets.
If this doesn’t get me thrown in jail, NOTHING will! she thought, working quickly. Jamming the last earring into her pocket, she turned to leave. Okay, just ten steps, and I’m on easy street for the next three months! Lima Bean walked outside and...nothing. No alarms, no bells, no nothing! Well, maybe it’s a silent alarm? she thought, before one of the unicorns that followed her in stepped outside, setting off an ear-piercing alarm. He began to run, only to trip over the homeless mare in front of him, causing them both to fall to the ground. As he scrambled to get back on his hooves, the shopkeep came running outside.
“THIEF! POLICE! THIEF!” he shouted, pointing at the unicorn. Before Lima Bean could blink, two officers were swiftly tackling the stallion. “He stole a set of my jewelry worth sixty thousand bits! I want you to throw the book at him!”
“Don’t you worry, sir, we’ll make sure he pays his debt to society! In jail! That’s at least ninety days for you, pal!” answered one of the policeponies, slapping the back of the crook’s head. Retrieving the ill-gotten goods from the officers, the pegasus turned to Lima Bean, helping her up.
“I...I’m sorry for treating you so harshly, miss. I guess I shouldn’t judge a book by its cover. Have a good day, now.” He said sheepishly, refusing to look her in the eyes. As he returned to his store, the mare stood there, mouth agape.
“What...oh, come on! It’s not fair! Schmuck probably picked it out of my pocket when I was leaving...now he gets to live it up in the lap of luxury!” she muttered to herself.
Lima Bean sighed as she came to a stop at a street corner. Taking a seat on the curb, she puffed a strand of mane out of her face before a familiar voice caught her ear.
“I see ya still ain’t in jail. What’s wrong? You change your mind on it?”
She looked up. “Heya, Bindle. No, I haven’t changed my mind on it. I’ve just had an awful streak of luck lately is all.”
“Oh. Well, it’s a shame you weren’t with the rest of us: we just ate like princesses!” he said, sitting down next the mare with a grunt. “Yup, the whole of ‘Bakery Row’ had samples, free for the takin’!" He patted a full belly for emphasis.
“No kiddin’. Well, why aren’t ya still there?”
“Well, we woulda stayed, but as soon as they saw what we was doin’, they called the cops. Ran us right off.” he chuckled in response. “Yelled something about ‘causin’ a riot’ or ‘disturbin’ the peace,’ or some other nonsense.” Lima Bean smiled. Causing a riot? In Manehattan? She was pretty sure that every day’s rush hour was a riot, so how could they tell? Bindle continued talking as something caught her attention out of the corner of her eye.
A rock. Just a plain, simple rock. But it gave her an idea. Causing a riot, huh? Disturbing the peace, eh? I bet that’d get me thrown in jail, good and proper! she thought. Reaching down, she picked it up, and looked at it.
“...and I tell ya, that gingerbread was some of the best I ever tasted! Spice Cake really outdid herself this year, and, uh...what’cha looking at there, Lima?” he asked, eyeing her suspiciously.
“Oh, I was just thinking: how much you think I’d get for breakin’ a window? ‘Specially one of these windows?” she asked, gesturing to a store behind her.
“Oooohhhh no. No you don’t, Lima Bean! You drop that rock and get that thought outta your head right now!” the stallion stated as firmly as he could. But it was to no avail.
“Ya know, it’s been a while since I played stickball, but I betcha I still got a mean fastball.” she said, a smile overtaking her face.
“Don’tchu do it! I mean it, Lima Bean! You put that rock down right now!”
The Earth pony reared back, and heaved the stone through a nearby store window as hard as she could. Unsurprisingly, it shattered the glass, starting alarm bells to clang and nearby onlookers to gawk. Bindle jumped up with a frown.
“Now you done it! Fine! You wanna get arrested, that’s on you! But I’m not gettin’ mixed up in this!” he shouted before galloping around the corner. Just at that moment, two police ponies appeared racing down the street. With a smirk, Lima Bean thrust out her front two hooves, ready to be cuffed. Her smirk wilted, however, as the two officers ran past her. Turning around, she poked her head around the corner to see them pouncing on Bindle. Cuffing the stallion, they brought him back to his feet and marched him to a nearby paddy wagon. Jumping off the curb, she ran over to the three.
“Now wait a gosh-darn minute here! He wasn’t the one who busted that window, it was me! Throw ME in jail!” she shouted, tugging on one of the officer’s sleeves.
“Don’t try to cover for him, ma’am. Do you honestly think we’d believe somepony broke a window and then waited for us to arrest them? And besides, we nearly caught this one trying to incite a riot earlier!” the policemare said, shoving Lima Bean off. “Happy Hearthswarming, ma’am, and have a good night.” And with that, the wagon, and Bindle with it, were gone.
Lima Bean stomped down a side street with a scowl. Night had fallen, and with it, more snow. “Of all the rotten luck...Bindle gets to spend winter inside with a full belly, and he didn’t even have to work for it! Lucky duck…” she continued her quiet tirade until her stomach’s rumbling interrupted it. With a whimper, she hopefully stuffed a hoof into her gunny sack. Fishing around, all she could feel was her newspaper-blanket, an empty box of matches, an old folded photograph, and the little bottle cap bag. The caps didn’t hold any value, but she liked the jingle they made when she walked, and they reminded her of good times with better friends. Slinging it over her back, she restarted her tirade. “...I bet ‘Bakery Row’ won’t even have any samples left…” Turning a corner, something snapped the mare out of her grumbling: the most delicious smell was wafting down the street. Tracing it, she turned another corner, then down an alley, back out onto another street, before finally ending at an elaborate restaurant facade. Squinting to read the name, she cocked her head.
‘LE RESTAURANT GASTRONIMIQUE CHIC’
“Huh. I bet whatever’s cookin’ in there costs a beautiful bit. Ooooo, I betcha they got an amazing dumpster selection!” she said to herself. Working her way behind the building, she stopped. “Wait. Waitwaitwait. If this place is as fancy as it looks, I bet it’s even more expensive! And I bet there’s no way in Tartarus they WOULDN’T call the police on me! And I’ll even get a heckuva meal out of it! Lima, you’re a genius!” Looking at her reflection in a nearby window, she took off her cap, stuffed it in her sack, and ran a hoof through her mane. It was dirty, but she could work with it. Spitting in her hoof, she slicked back the rat’s nest as best she could, and rubbed the dirt from her face. Flashing her reflection a winning smile, she turned around to walk inside.
Hôtesse was miserable. She had drawn the short straw in having to be head waitress that night, which meant dealing with all of the nonsense caused by the little trust-fund hellions that made up the next generation of Manehattan’s upper echelons. They were rich, they knew it, and they acted like it. What’s worse, she had to put up with their varying...she liked to call them ‘hobbies,’ because any other word she’d prefer to use would get her in trouble. Hobbies that just so happened to include tripping waiters, using the silverware to gouge various dirty limericks into the tables, and worst of all: dining and dashing. She hated that more than any other awful thing the youths could come up with, because it always - ALWAYS - meant that it would come out of her paycheck! And it’s not as though the brats couldn’t afford it! They just did it for the rush.
“Hey, ‘tesse?” came a mildly panicked voice. With a sigh, she turned around to see the host, Champagne Glass, squirming in front of his lectern.
“Oui, what is it?”
“C-can you cover for me? For just a minute! I need to...go.” he emphasized with head nod towards the bathroom. Rolling her eyes, she nodded.
“Oui, but please hurry.” And with that, the stallion galloped off towards the back. Hôtesse smoothed her apron and took her place at the host’s station, and hoped against hope that nopony would come in. After all, it was an hour before closing on Hearthswarming Eve, who would want overly-priced Prench food now? Her eyes grew wide as the answer came waltzing through the doors: a filthy-looking mare, wearing a disgusting-looking jacket and a dirty sack slung across her back. She walked up to the lectern, stared the waitress straight in the eyes, and cleared her throat.
“Excuse me, madame, but I would like your finest table. For one, if you please.” Hôtesse stood flabbergasted at the mare in front of her, unable to speak. Sensing the discomfort, Lima Bean pushed forward with her charade. “O-oh! I apologize, madame! My...uncouth appearance must have given you quite a shock! You see, I don’t normally look like this, but every now and then I enjoy…’slumming it,’ I believe is the proper term. It seems I may have become too convincing.” she added with a titter. “Also,” she whispered conspiratorially to the waitress, “I have a bet with a friend that I could collect enough bits to pay for a fine meal. And I won!” To prove her point, she pulled out the tiny cloth bag, cinched shut with twine, and shook it. The bottlecaps inside must have sounded real enough, because Hôtesse gave a knowing nod.
The waitress internally sighed. Of course. she thought, I’m here working my tail off, while some bourgeois heiress gets money that she doesn’t even need...FOR FREE! Simply by pretending to be poor! There’s no justice in this world. She cleared her throat, and looked at the chart in front of her. As it turned out, there was a table near the kitchen that was open. “Oui, mademoiselle. I will take you to a table.” As the two turned around, Champagne Glass returned, heaving a sigh of relief.
“Thank you, ‘tesse! I owe you one!” he whispered as he passed the mares.
You owe me more than un, monsieur. She thought, only giving a tight-lipped smile in return. As they walked to the back, Hôtesse could feel the entirety of the restaurant’s patronage staring at them in shock and disbelief. The green mare behind her had a smug smile plastered on her face, and occasionally waved as they neared the table. Obviously she was not somepony who cared what others thought of her; then again, having excess money must do that. Hopefully she tips well.
“Why thank you.” Lima stated with a short curtsy, before sitting down.
“Would the mademoiselle like a drink to begin her meal?” Hôtesse asked through a forced smile. The Earth pony nodded, and was hoofed a drinks menu. Lima quickly flipped to the back, and spotted the most expensive wine she could find.
“Yes, I think I’ll have the…’Cheval Blanc, 947 Saint Emilion’...and leave the bottle.” she said, carefully sounding out the name of the libation. The waitress paled when she heard the order.
Ma déesse! That bottle is nearly a thousand bits! Just how much did she manage to gain through begging?! she thought, before regaining her composure. “Oui, mademoiselle, excellent choice. It will be out shortly.” Lima nodded as Hôtesse hoofed her a dinner menu before leaving. Sparing a moment to fully take in her surroundings, she struggled to keep her composure. The restaurant was gorgeous! It had lighting just low enough to create a comfortable yet intimate ambiance, and various paintings were hung around in strategic locations to create a striking contrast to the deep red walls. One art piece in particular caught her attention:
“‘The Fallen Maredonna,’ by van Klop.” she whispered to herself, reading the plaque underneath it. “Huh. Talk about culture.” Opening the menu, she flipped through the few pages within it, getting hungrier and hungrier with every meal description she read. However, she stopped at one that nearly made her heart skip a beat: a white truffle souffle.
Using incredibly rare truffles from near the southeastern border of Prance, our souffle arrives at your table bathed in applewood smoke, and features a gold leaf mosaic atop it. It is finished with a rare cognac flambe, which marries the complementary flavors, resulting in an experience never to be forgotten.
Looking down at the price, she nearly choked. Twenty-five hundred bits?! Yeah. I think I know what I’m getting. Closing her menu, she noticed the waitress returning with her bottle of wine. After pouring a glass and placing the bottle into a bucket of ice, she looked expectantly towards her customer. Lima ignored her as she picked up her beverage, swirling it around. She took a dainty sniff...before downing the entire glass. “Ah...truly excellent, like you said!” she exclaimed, staring her shocked waitress in the face. “So, for my entree, I believe I’ll have the white truffle souffle, and don’t skimp on the cognac, please.” Hôtesse’s mouth dropped open. “Is there a problem, madame?” Lima asked with a knowing grin. Barely shaking her head to restart her brain, the waitress cleared her throat.
“Non, non, non problem. If that is all, I will tell the chef to begin immediately.” she replied, still reeling from the request. Putting on as best a smile she could, Hôtesse plucked the menu from the green mare’s hooves, and headed towards the back. I only hope that Chef Bouillabaisse doesn’t mind making such a complicated dish so near to closing...she thought, leaving the table.
Oh, I can’t wait to sleep in an ACTUAL bed, with a roof over my head and a full tummy tonight...Happy Hearthswarming to ME! Lima thought with a grin. While waiting on her order, she pony-watched, observing the various patrons around her. Some of them were clearly old money: elderly nobility, who wore fashion from decades ago, but still managed to hold themselves with finesse and decorum. Then there were the new blue-bloods: middle-aged ponies who had become titans of industry, were ridiculously wealthy, but didn’t quite know how to act with the same grace and poise that the old money did. Finally, there was the young money: immature ponies who had somehow stumbled into affluence, usually by inheriting it. They were loud and obnoxious, and in her experience, always seemed to be the first to sneer at her when she asked for spare change. Nearby, however, she could overhear snippets of a conversation.
“I don’t know why you’re being so stubborn about this!” came an angry hushed voice.
“Because it’s my money, and I’ll do with it what I please! If I choose to burn it for heat, that’s my prerogative!” grumbled a much deeper, older voice.
“You’re acting like I’m proposing we steal candy from a foal.” whined the younger voice. “All I’m saying is that if we cut your employees’ health insurance, we’d be able to afford that property down in Mareami! Think of the hotel we could build on the beach! It’s prime real estate, and we’d stand to make millions from it!”
“I refuse to let my ponies go without a means of paying for medical bills because you want to exploit a tax loophole!”
Lima leaned back in her chair, tilting her head to hear more of the conversation. Ooooo...rich family drama!
“Oh, come on! I’m just trying to make sure that there’s still plenty of money for when...you know.” the younger voice pleaded, lowering his voice near the end.
“When I’m dead?” came the grumpy voice. “Here’s a thought: cross that bridge when you get to it. Until then, I’m going to spend the money I earned how I please. Now let’s drop it, and just enjoy the rest of our meal. It’s Hearthswarming Eve after all, and I want to be in a good mood when I see my grandkids tonight.” The two ponies went silent and returned to their food. They began to speak up when Hôtesse and what appeared to be the head chef returned with her entree.
And it was truly a sight to behold! The other patrons in the restaurant must have agreed, as they had all stopped to watch the event. Removing a glass dome, smoke poured from the cart. Next to it was a sizzling hot saucepan, whereupon the chef poured a tiny amount of cognac, setting it alight. While still flaming, he drizzled the flambe over the souffle, and presented it to Lima with a bow. She could feel her heart skip a beat. No, make that two beats. Three? Was this a heart attack? Heckuva way to go out, I guess. Better than dying in the gutter. She snapped back to reality as the first scent of her meal wafted towards her. No, her heart was beating just fine; apparently time had stopped from witnessing the spectacle in front of her. As the staff left her to it, she suppressed the urge to dive face-first into the plate, and instead daintily picked up the fourth fork from the left. Is this the right fork? I don’t know. Who cares?! This smells AMAZING! She took a bite, shuddered, and was temporarily transported to whatever Heaven must be like. Lima ate as quickly and as classily as she could, but still probably ended up looking like a pig scarfing down the morning’s slop. She didn’t care; she couldn’t. The taste was worth every dirty look, every rude murmur, every self-important judgment! After...well, she lost track of nearly everything, time especially, but when she finished her plate, she sat back in her chair with a contented sigh.
“Would mademoiselle like a dessert?” came a terse, if polite, voice. Lima jumped in her seat, before delicately coughing to cover up the faux pas. Hôtesse hoofed her a small, single page menu. Quickly scanning the parchment, she focused on the most expensive item she could find.
“Oh! Um, yes, I’ll have the...saffron pound cake with lemon caramel sauce. And extra saffron, please.” the green mare requested, hoofing the menu back to her waitress.
“Oui, excellent choice. It will be out soon.” Hôtesse replied with a tight-lipped smile. She was trying hard, very hard, to keep quiet, but something about this mare seemed...off. As if the homeless pony facade...wasn’t a facade at all. She may have shaken a bag of bits, but the Prench pony was beginning to have her doubts as to whether or not there was actually enough money in it to cover everything. If this filthy mare didn’t have enough...well, there would be Tartarus to pay.
Oh, it has been forever and a day since I’ve had pound cake! And at four hundred bits a plate, this’ll be the best I’ve ever had, I just know it! Lima thought before pouring herself another glass of wine, and resumed her pony-watching. Most of the patrons had finished their meals and left, with only a few tables still occupied. The few that remained kept attempting to sneak a peek at the homeless pony, and occasionally whispered to each other. They probably know what’s going on, but at this point? At this point, I don’t care. I’ve already racked up a debt big enough that I’ll be in a warm jail cell by the end of the hour! I’ll have to keep this in mind for next winter.
“Dad, if we don’t jump on this now, we’re going to regret it!” muttered the voice from earlier.
“No, you’ll regret it. Me? I’m fine the way things are. My company makes more than enough to let us sleep on a bed of roses.” retorted the older voice.
“Yeah, but-”
“Which is something I had to earn to appreciate!” the father hissed. “In case you forgot, not all of us were lucky enough to grow up shielded from the outside world by a wall of money!”
“Oh, not this again.”
Lima’s ears perked up, and she leaned further back in her chair to continue listening. Oooo, this is getting juicy!
“Your gateau à la sauce citron caramel, mademoiselle.” interrupted a Prench-accented voice, causing the mare to again jump out of her chair.
“Jiminy! You walk on cat’s feet, ya know that?!” she blurted out, before slapping a hoof over her mouth. “Ahem. I mean...thank you, madame.” Hôtesse dropped the plate on the table with a clunk before walking away.
Now I KNOW that there is something up with this mare! she thought with a barely-concealed frown. Lima savored the dessert, making happy little murmuring noises with each bite. Pushing the empty plate away from her, she slid down in her seat.
This is, bar none, the BEST idea I’ve ever had! To Tartarus with those other dumb ideas I had earlier, THIS is how I’m getting thrown in jail every winter from here on out! she thought with a smirk.
“Don’t leave too much of a tip, or else they’ll expect the same next time.” cautioned the seemingly perma-upset voice from earlier.
“Or I could not be a bitter old miser, and leave a decent one to help make their Hearthswarming?” sardonically retorted the older voice.
The younger voice sighed. “We shouldn’t even HAVE to tip. If the restaurant you work at doesn’t pay you enough, then you just need to work harder…”
“And I’m sure you know what a hard day’s work is like. Anyway, go collect my coat and hat from the check-in while I go to the bathroom.”
Lima finally saw who the younger voice belonged to: a dark orange unicorn stallion, probably middle-aged, with a bit sign for a cutie mark. He wore a frown behind a neatly-trimmed goatee, and a large pair of glasses. Sneaking a peek to where he had come from, she saw his father: a mauve-colored unicorn. He was old, probably in his seventies, and was missing most of his mane. He had knobby knees, and bags under a piercing set of eyes. This, combined with the conversation she had eavesdropped on, told the little green mare that while this stallion may be physically old, his mind was still as sharp as a tack. As he walked towards the restroom, a polite cough interrupted her thoughts.
“Your bill, mademoiselle. I will return shortly to retrieve your payment.” her waitress warned, glaring at the Earth pony while she picked up the dessert plate. “It is expected to be paid in full.”
Lima gave as polite a smirk as she could, and as soon as the other mare was out of sight, grabbed the bottle of wine. She chugged it as quickly as she could, finishing just in time for her waitress to return. Placing the bottle down, she let out a loud belch. “Excuse me.” she exclaimed with a sheepish giggle. The action made Hôtesse scrunch her nose in indignation as she snatched the check from the table.
“Mademoiselle, I may be reprimanded for asking this, but I must know: are you able to pay for this meal?!” she demanded, shaking the bill. Lima shook her head. “Tu mens, pas bon, sale, dégoûtant, fille d'âne! I should have known!” Hôtesse screamed, hatefully pointing a hoof at the mare in front of her. “I should have known you were some voleur-mendiant, trying to steal from us!” Tears began to stream down the head waitress’ face. “It’s bad enough that I must deal with the galopin that terrorize us, but I refuse to let some larron rob us! That meal cost more than any of us make in a month, and now it’s going to come out of all our salaries!” Turning around, she shouted to Champagne Glass to call for the police. However, before he had a chance, a gravelly voice interjected.
“Uh, before you go and do that, could I ask what the bill amounts to, madame?” Hôtesse’s head snapped to where the sound had come from. It was the mauve-colored stallion from before. She gave him a once-over before muttering her answer.
“Nearly four thousand bits.” she spat out. “And this imbécile believed she could eat it and not pay for it!” The elderly unicorn rubbed his chin, and stared at Lima.
“You wanted to have a wonderful Hearthswarming meal, didn’t you? And you just don’t have the money for it. Shoot, you probably don’t have the money for most things, do you?” he asked. She shook her head. Turning back to face the waitress, he continued. “I tell you what: how about I pay for her meal? Would that keep her out of jail?” Lima’s eyes widened at the offer.
“Monsieur, I understand and appreciate what you are trying to do, but I cannot allow this to happen.” Hôtesse replied. “If you pay for it now, she may try it again, believing she will be saved in the same manner.” The stallion chuckled.
“Well, that might be true, but something tells me that you’re not going to let her back in again after all is said and done, right?” he asked. The waitress bobbed her head back and forth as she thought it over.
“Oui, I will make sure she is banned from this restaurant.” she answered, casting a glance at the homeless mare.
“Then what does it matter who pays for it? This way, you don’t get stiffed, she doesn’t go to jail, and everypony’s happy. Sound good?” he offered. Lima stood up from the table with a start.
No! I REFUSE to let this happen AGAIN! “Sir,” she coughed out, “I appreciate what you’re trying to do, but I don’t deserve it. What I really deserve is jail. About three months of it, to be exact!” Turning to face her, the stallion frowned.
“Oh, swallow your pride for five minutes! I’m trying to keep you out of prison! You know, when I was like you, I wish I had had the same guts.” Turning back to face the waitress, he continued. “How about this? I cover the price of the meal, and I add in, say, a thirty percent tip? Would that help smooth things over?” Hôtesse’s mouth dropped open.
“...oui, I mean, yes! Y-yes it would. Very much so!” she stammered out.
“Dad, what’s taking so long?” came the angry voice from earlier.
“Oh, I’m just squaring up a bill is all.” the older unicorn answered nonchalantly. Scrunching his nose, the younger pony tilted his head in confusion.
“What do you mean? We already did! You even left more of a tip than you should’ve! What ‘squaring up’ do you need to do?!” he demanded. His father raised an eyebrow at the outburst.
“I’ll tell you when you’re older and can appreciate it better.” he growled. Looking back and forth between the three ponies in front of him, the orange unicorn sputtered in anger as he finally understood the situation.
“Wait...are you paying for that...that VAGRANT’S MEAL?!” he shouted, cruelly gesturing at Lima. “I’m putting you in a home as soon as the new year starts.” he muttered, turning away. Squinting at his son in disbelief, the elderly pony turned to Hôtesse.
“You know, I think a fifty percent tip would be an even better way to smooth things over, wouldn’t it?” he asked with a wink.
“WHAT?!” the younger unicorn shrieked. “Dad! Are you insane?!” His father chuckled as he hoofed over a large bag of bits to Hôtesse. She opened the bag, nodded vigorously, and cinched it shut again. Facing Lima, she sneered.
“Leave.” she hissed. “And do not come back. If you do, we WILL call the police!” As the little green mare left the restaurant, she could overhear the beneficent stallion’s son berating him.
“I swear, you must be trying to make sure I don’t have any inheritance left…”
Lima Bean trudged out onto the sidewalk. Despite her best efforts, despite her best intentions, and despite having the best meal of her life, she was still looking at spending another cold night shivering under the stars. And yet...that wasn’t what bothered her. No, it was what had transpired after. The guilt she felt for reducing that mare to tears gnawed at her. Obviously the waitress worked hard for her money, and she had nearly taken it away from her! And for what? To spend a few months in a comfortable jail cell? For all Lima knew, she had nearly created another homeless pony! After all, she knew what it was like to be one paycheck away from the streets…
Fourteen Years Earlier
“So what does the boss want to talk to us about?” a light purple pegasus asked, pushing her way to the front of the crowd.
“‘Dunno. All I know is he asked me to call everypony to the main floor so he could make some sort of announcement.” Lima answered, shrugging her shoulders.
“Maybe we’re all getting raises and a company cart!” another pony joked, earning laughter from the other ponies around him. They quieted down when the factory owner left his office, and stood atop a large shipping crate.
“Fillies and gentlecolts! I have wonderful news!” he shouted through a megaphone. “Through careful negotiation, I have managed to figure out a way for the company to double its profits!” Excited murmurs rose from the crowd. “Even better, it will keep you from having to work yourselves so hard!” Many of the ponies looked at each other, bewildered. “Because,” he continued, “the factory is going to be moved!”
“...down the street?” asked a mare in the back. The owner shook his head.
“No, it’s being moved to Rambling Rock.” The crowd erupted in shouts of anger and confusion. “Now-now hold on, everypony! Calm down! This is good news!”
“HOW IN TARTARUS IS THIS GOOD NEWS?! I CAN’T MOVE MY FAMILY DOWN THERE!” shouted a large stallion in the middle.
“Well…” the owner replied, his voice beginning to waver, “...like I said, you’re no longer going to have to work so hard anymore. You’re all being...let go.”
“YOU MEAN FIRED!” an employee shouted.
“Hey, now nopony’s being fired here! You’re just no longer employed with the company, is all!”
“WHAT’S THE DIFFERENCE?!” asked another.
“Well, for starters, you’ll be able to collect unemployment. You couldn’t do that if you were fired. Secondly, and I really want to emphasize this here, I am more than willing to give each and every one of you a glowing review for any jobs you may apply for!” he replied through the megaphone.
“ARE YOU KIDDING?!” an employee to the right demanded. “SO AFTER FORTY YEARS OF LOYALTY, YOU’RE THROWING ME OUT, JUST LIKE THAT?!” The crowd grew angrier and angrier, and the shouting grew more and more intense. “I’M A THIRD GENERATION EMPLOYEE HERE! WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO DO NOW?!” The owner began to appear agitated, and placed the megaphone to his mouth again.
“Look! I know that this is going to be a difficult change, but there’s nothing to be done about it! The new warehouse is nearly complete, and the machinery is going to be moved out of here on Monday! And like I said, I’m willing to give a positive review for any that request it!” he yelled, the anger showing in his voice. “If you don’t want it, it’s no skin off my nose! Now when you leave at the end of your shift in an hour, make sure you clear your lockers out, because after today anything left becomes company property! You can collect your final paychecks on Monday!” He then lowered his megaphone and returned to his office, leaving a mass of enraged ponies below.
Lima was numb. Completely numb. Nopony expected this. What was she to do? Wait! Maybe the owner would need a new secretary! She didn’t want to move to Rambling Rock, wherever it was, but if it meant staying employed, it was worth a shot. She ran up the stairs to the owner’s office, past her desk, and rapped on the door.
“I said there’s nothing to be done about the factory closing, so leave me alone before I call security!” he shouted from behind the door.
“No sir, it’s Lima Bean! I just had a question for you!” she replied. An approving grunt was heard, and the sound of locks being undone. He opened the door and stepped outside his office to the waiting area. “Sir, I was wondering: this new factory location? You’ll need a secretary to go with you, won’t you? Nopony knows the filing system better than I do!” The owner stared at her, sighed, and leaned against her desk.
“No...no, I won’t need a secretary, Lima. I’m sorry. You’re the best secretary I’ve ever had, but your job has already been replaced. And besides, you couldn’t move there, could you? Aren't you taking care of your mother ever since your father died?” She nodded. “Exactly. To leave right now would be devastating for her, wouldn't it?” The two stood in silence for a moment before she spoke up.
“...sir?” He nodded. “Why are you moving the factory? We’ve been running in the black for years, and there’s no way that Tall Tale will be able to re-employ over two hundred ponies, at least not quickly.” The owner coughed.
“Well, like I said: moving the factory will double the profits. The ponies who we’ve hired in Rambling Rock are willing to make pencils for half the wage of anypony in Tall Tale. And a quarter of what anypony in Vanhoover would. It just made good economic sense in the long run. My father started this business, and I need to make sure it lasts through my grandchildren.” he said, unwilling to look Lima in the face.
“But...but you’re the biggest employer in this town! Without this factory, all that’s left are restaurant and clerk jobs!” she retorted, tears welling in her eyes.
“Like...like I said, Lima, the decision is already made. The contracts are signed. And the warehouse is nearly built. If we don’t follow through with this, I’ll be sued into oblivion, the company will cease to exist, and everypony loses their jobs anyway.” he stammered out.
“I see…” she sniffled. Turning around, she grabbed a nearby box and began emptying out her desk. The framed photo of her family, a flower pot, and a few of her favorite pens and pencils. All the while, her boss, or rather former boss, stood in the corner watching. After packing up the remaining personal effects, she walked towards the door.
“Lima...for what it’s worth...I-I’m sorry.” he said just above a whisper. Without acknowledging him, she opened the door. Just before she walked through it, she turned around.
“I hope your new factory works out for you. As for the rest of us, I suppose we’ll just have to make do. Have a nice life.” And with that, she left the office, factory, and job for good.
The next half-decade was hard on her. As she had predicted, Tall Tale was unable to absorb such a massive and sudden influx of unemployed ponies. She worked what odd jobs she could to support both her and her mother, but it was barely enough. The little town simply could not deal with such a negative economic shift. Worse still, she had to re-mortgage the house when her mother came down with lung cancer, ending with her death four years after the factory’s closing. Falling ever further behind on her payments, the bank finally foreclosed on the property a year later, leaving Lima Bean destitute and homeless. Figuring that there was nothing left for her in Tall Tale, she hopped aboard a freight train heading south, where she met a nice stallion named Bindle. He proved to be both a true friend and mentor, teaching her how to survive when you don’t have a permanent address. The two rode the rails throughout Equestria, meeting and befriending other hobos, before finally settling down in Manehattan.
PRESENT
Lima slouched down on a curb near the restaurant she had been thrown out of. Fishing through her sack, she pulled out the folded photograph. It was the same one that had sat on her desk for years, and one of the few things that she didn’t lose in the foreclosure. She stared at it for what felt like hours, before breaking down into tears. “Mom...Dad...I’m so sorry. You taught me better than this. I should’ve worked harder to help you both...I should’ve...I-I should’ve…” she shuddered, before a polite cough interrupted her. Snapping her head up to look at where the sound had come from, she saw the same mauve stallion who had paid for her meal. He had a meek smile on his face, and was wearing a thick peacoat. Quickly stuffing the photograph back in her bag, she wiped her nose on her foreleg. “Th-thank you. For earlier. There’s no way I can repay you, but...just, thank you.” Slowly sitting down with a groan next to her, he sighed.
“What’s your name?” he asked.
“L-Lima Bean.” she said with a sniffle.
“Ah. Well, Lima Bean, you don’t owe me a thing.” he replied, pulling a cigar out of his coat. Lighting it up, he took a puff. “You know, I used to be in the same place as you...more or less.” He took another puff. “I was born on the, uh, ‘wrong side of the tracks,’ and ended up begging on the streets here. Nopony wanted to help me; they always yelled at me to get a job, like a company would just hire any dirty bum off the street. Or they would call the cops to run me off. It wasn’t until, well...I lucked out. I was stumbling down the street one day, drunk as a skunk,” he chuckled at the memory before continuing, “and I saw this little filly running after a ball or something, and darn near ran right into the street as a cart was coming. I grabbed her just before she got flattened. Saved her life, I think. Just as I do that, her mother comes running up, thanking me up and down about how I saved her little girl. She offers me anything I want in return. Now, I knew this mare had some money, just by the way she was dressed. I didn’t know she was the owner of that huge steel mill just north of here, though!” he chuckled again, and took another puff of his cigar. “But before I can answer, she offers me a job, then and there. As a night-shift janitor. I figured ‘what the hay, if I work a few days I can re-apply for welfare again.’ It ended up being the best thing that ever happened to me. And do you know why?” he asked Lima. She shook her head. “Because without it, I wouldn’t have met my incredible wife, Celestia rest her soul, I wouldn’t have a bull-headed son, or his amazing daughters, and I definitely wouldn’t be in charge of the steel mill now! Or the other six mills scattered across Equestria.” he said with a glint in his eye.
“You...you own EQ Steel?” the little mare asked in astonishment. He nodded with a grin.
“And, as head honcho,” he said, reaching into his coat, “I can hire practically anypony I want, for any job I want.” With that, he pulled out a business card, hoofing it to Lima:
Ingot Smelter
CEO, EQ Steel
She mouthed the words on the card before staring back at the stallion. “Now, maybe I’m wrong, but I get the feeling that going to prison is probably the best of a bad situation for you.”
“How do you know?” Lima asked, cocking an eyebrow. He took another puff from his cigar.
“Because I can tell you’re more clever than that. Nopony talks their way into an expensive restaurant, orders exorbitantly-priced food that they can’t afford, and not have an exit plan. You didn’t try to run, and even argued with me about wanting to go to jail!” he answered with a short laugh. “So, the way I see it, you’re a lot smarter than you let on. And those are the kinds of brains I like to hire.” She looked back down at the card.
“Mister...Smelter. I...I really do appreciate this. But I don’t think I’d be a good fit for a steel mill. My best years are behind me, and even then, I don’t think I could’ve been dealing with molten metal.” she whispered sadly.
“Who said you were going to be doing that?” he asked. “Do you know your way around a typewriter?” She nodded. “Well then, it sounds like you’re a perfect fit. See, business is booming at the mill up north, and the paperwork is starting to pile up. We need somepony to cover what doesn’t get done during the day, and so we’ve opened up a few night shift typist positions. It’s decent pay, and your benefits kick in at the end of your first ninety days. So what do you say?”
Lima stared at the card, then Smelter, then the card, and back to Smelter. Jail? Or a job? Jail? Or a job? An enormous grin overtook her face, and the tears came back. “Yes! Yes! Just tell me when and where!” He smiled in return, and slowly stood up.
“Well, you’ll still have to have an interview. Company policy and all that. But just show up at the beginning of the year, and show my secretary that card. It’ll get you right in, and then at that point it’s just a matter of filling out some paperwork.” he finally rose to a wobbly standing position. “Until then, just-”
“DAD! There you are! Good grief, I was worried sick about you! You can’t just run off like that! And get away from that filthy degenerate! You might get Lime Disease or something!” Ingot shook his head with a sigh as his son ran up. As the two walked away, he turned his head to shout at Lima before being ushered into a dark green carriage, emblazoned with a gold “EQS” on the side.
“Remember! First of the year, and the mill just north of Manehattan!”
“You bet! I’ll be there with bells on!” she yelled back, nodding enthusiastically. As the carriage pulled away, she looked down at the card, scarcely believing it existed. She flipped it over and over in her hooves, before placing it under her hat. “YES!” the little green mare shouted, pumping a hoof in the air. She couldn’t believe it! Just a few hours ago, the best she could hope for was a warm jail cell! But now? Now, she was practically guaranteed a job in a week or so! And that sure beats the horseshoes out of prison! Bubbling with excitement, she began to do a little dance, right in the middle of the sidewalk. The little mare was so overtaken with the newfound spring in her step, she failed to notice a dislodged chunk of concrete nearby. A chunk of concrete that just so happened to connect with her rear left hoof, rocketing it in a speedy direction behind her. A direction that just so happened to be in the same vicinity as a police officer. And a direction that just so happened to cause the chunk of concrete to collide with said police officer’s face, making a loud “CRACK”-ing noise.
“SWEET CELESTIA’S NOSE HAIRS! DID YOU JUST KICK A ROCK AT ME?!” shrieked an extremely angry, authoritative, and nasally voice. Lima froze in place, and her eyes grew wide. Slowly turning around, she saw one of Manehattan’s finest marching towards her, a hoof holding her snout. Blood was trickling around it, and it was clear that she was not full of the same holiday spirit Lima was.
“I...I swear, officer! It was an accident! Really! It was!” she pleaded. As the policepony neared her, she recognized her from earlier: she was one of the officers who had wrongfully arrested Bindle.
“Yeah, sure. Why is it that this is the second time I’ve seen you today? And it’s the second time that a rock BREAKING SOMETHING has been involved?!” she shouted, still holding her snout. Lima attempted to stutter out a response as she pulled out a pair of cuffs. “Ya know, it’s bad enough I gotta be walkin’ the beat on Hearthswarming Eve, but this? Trying to break my nose with a rock? Since you seem so intent on going to jail, I think I should help you achieve that dream! And assaulting an officer of the law is the perfect way to do it!”
January 2
Being sent to prison was...a mixed bag, of sorts. While it wasn’t exactly the resort she had dreamed it to be, it was still better than shivering in the cold. And having three square meals a day was certainly nice. She had actually put on some weight, believe it or not! But knowing that she was stuck here for another twenty-three weeks was hardly a consolation when she had lost out on the opportunity of a lifetime. A real, honest-to-goodness job had practically been given to her on a silver platter, and she lost it in a matter of seconds! Even worse was the fact that she had been sentenced to six months, not the ninety days she was hoping for. She guessed it was true what they said: always be careful what you wish for, because you might just get it.
A loud banging shook her out of a deep sleep, as a guard clanged her nightstick on the bars of her cell. “Hey, Bean! Mail call! You got something.”
An envelope was tossed onto her lap, and the guard left. Blinking her eyes awake, Lima stared at it warily, as though it were a snake ready to strike. Who could be sending her mail? She hadn’t received any since she left Tall Tale. The seal had already been broken; the guards had probably checked it to make sure that she hadn’t been mailed a means of escape. She pulled out its contents to find a Hearthswarming card. “A bit late for that, don’tcha think?” she snorted. Opening it, she read the hoofwritten note inside. Her eyes grew wide, and she read it a second time. Then a third. And finally a fourth. Throwing the covers off, she jumped out of her cot with a jolt. She quickly scanned her surroundings to make sure there were no errant rocks nearby, and she danced a happy little jig and sang an exuberant ditty. As she celebrated, she tossed the card to her bed…
Dear Lima Bean,
I was worried something had happened when you didn’t show up yesterday, so I had my assistant attempt to track you down. Imagine my surprise when we found out you had been arrested mere moments after our talk! From what I understand, it was an honest accident, but what can you do? It’s an injured police officer’s word against the homeless pony who inadvertently caused it. Unfortunately it was too late to pay your bail, but wouldn’t you know it? I’m working on a little project with the mayor right now: “Jail to Jobs.” Basically, it’s a work-release program where, as long as you keep your nose clean, you pay your debt to society by working at any number of places! And would you believe that my steel mills are at the top of that list?
Should the project be passed by the city council, (which it should, seeing as I'm its head) it will begin next month. I know it’s not exactly what you were hoping for, but I will promise you this - if you show that you can do the job during the work release, the real thing will be waiting for you as soon as you’ve served your time. After all, what sort of nut would turn down a mare who already knows our filing system?
Get some rest, get something to eat, and I’ll see you next month. And a Belated Happy Hearthswarming to you.
Yours,
I.S.
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This is really great. A comedic story with bits of sadness and heartbreaking moments, but a happy ending
The cover art is cute. I just wanna give her a big old hug. Also, I was happy to read that everything works out in the end in this story.
Good job! Keep up the stellar work.
A good ending for Lima sounds great. As long as we forget about all other homeless people who didn't get that.
Usually I set things on fire.
People are useful, as they can still walk around for a bit while on fire. After one falls, you just light up another one!
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This seemed interesting, so I read it on a whim. Needless to say, I was pleasantly surprised. The jokes were well set up, and the plot carries that holiday spirit of positivity in spite of everything. One question, though. Is Bindle okay?
9347972
Well this was her story.
Glad this had a happy ending. I was getting some Matchstick vibes from this at points, and I have...issues...with that story, the same issues Sir Terry had. So I’m glad it didn’t go that way.
9348125
It's a case of values dissonance. To the people of the time, going straight to heaven with a pure soul is a far better fate than living on the streets and letting her soul wear down to a corrupt nothing.
But nothing beats "I have given her the greatest gift of all - a future."
9347972 Sometimes you have to be glad that a starfish got thrown back into the ocean.
It seems that luck did not leave her after all.
Good story :)
As someone who was familiar with the source material, it's surprising to see the ways you've chosen to diverge from the original. The protagonist in the original was a refined gentleman. The gender reversal is unimportant and expected, but you've made it a plot point that the mare in this story is both and appearance and in spoken word, dirty and uncultured. It's an interesting choice that i can't say I agree with, but that I assume was made to adapt it to a modern audience who wouldn't relate to a homeless person walking around in a tuxedo and speaking as might an Oxford gentleman.
Going into this, I was most looking forward to seeing your handling of the scene where he approaches the lady, she's receptive to his advance, and he gives a sincere and heartfelt apology for the misunderstanding, while she cries at the loss of a man of such courtesy and gallantry as he walks away stoney-faced, as if leaving a pile of gold on the street because he couldn't carry it. You removed that scene completely. Why? Because of the gender reversal? Because you thought a stallion accepting the advances of a mare wouldn't come across the same to a modern audience? Was it because you couldn't reconcile it with your "dirty and uncultured" rather than refined gentlemare protagonist? It's a shame that you couldn't work this in. It was by far the most emotional and memorable moment in the original story. That scene made the story.
Instead of a man with a happy childhood full of fond memories, saddened by the loss of things he feels he can never recover...and yet who through all his hardships insists above all else that he hold himself high, and act with dignity and decorum, despite being on the precipice of despair over how far he has fallen...a man who continues to conduct himself with grace and poise, and yet who cries himself silly over the loss he has endured. You've taken all this away and replaced it with mere pity and victimhood? "Oh, woe is me for I endured such hardship as a child. But I was a good mare taking care of my mother and it's not my fault that the big bad greedy man took away my job!"
I'm sorry, but I'm not sure you understood the original story.
Finally, you've completely changed the ending. The original was a downer. Immediately upon working through his inner turmoil and resolving himself to fix his situation, the protagonist in the original was arrested for no very good reason through no fault of his own, and despite his sincerest apologies and assurances was thrown in jail, the end, roll credits, too bad. Instead, you've predictably chosen to have your mare "rescued" and handed a "lived happily ever after." Instead of an unhappy ending through no fault of his own, you've given her a happy ending through no fault of her own. It's...nicer I suppose. But it doesn't tug at the heartstrings like the original did.
You've crossed your 't's and dotted your 'i's, but you've stripped the story of the meaning and depth that made it so memorable. You've modernized it in ways that leave it empty. Instead of a man who retained his dignity through and after his fall from grace, then being damned the moment he chooses to redeem himself, you offer us an unremarkable mare who endured hardship and who is then saved through happenstance.
I apologize. But I don't think you understood the original story.
9348699
Or maybe, rather than being to stupid to "understand the message of the original" he wanted to write his own story inspired by the original instead of just being lazy and copying it verbatim with the human exchanged for ponies?
9348699 Just a moment, here. Remember, this is this story. If it were identical to the other story, it would not be this story after all. It would be that story.
The filly you used for your cover art is cranium combustingly adorable.
Having to pay for a dine and dasher out of your paycheck sounds ridiculous. Do they expect staff to tackle these people?
9348956
Thanks! All the near-death-inducing adorableness credit should go to TJ Pones. He is a master of the cute arts! Check out his stuff if you want to see more of it!
9349108
Perusing his stuff right now.
Such cute
My dome's blown
An excellent story with a heartwarming ending! Thank you!
A story as great as this has become the best of my season. That is why I can not reason; why this story is tagged as sad when all I feel is glad.
Not a happier tale have I read in too long, this story has filled my day with song.
9348699
Actually I think it's based on an old Mexican movie by Cantinflas, since the film is about a homeless man, who at one point in history also has the same idea of going to jail and comes up with exactly the same thing.
1Romper something and the grocer tells you to go.
2 Trying to steal something and not get it.
3 Send someone to prison for throwing a stone.
4 Although the part of the restaurant is very different because it begins a fight that ends in revolt and ends up escaping out of fear as the situation is out of control, although with a full stomach.
After that he ends up giving up trying to prison and the story continues
I haven't read this yet, but I loved the O Henry story. Can't wait to read the pony version!
9349315
I'm sure the story has been redone many times, but he mentions the story by title, The Cop and the Anthem and the author by name. Double checking, he's also linked a comedic adaptation. I think that may be the source of the difference of opinion here. That version he linked as his 'additional inspiration' has a swapped protagonist. It's a parody, with an established character from somewhere else being substituted in for the role of the protagonist, rather than actually playing the character in the original story. Kind of like...imagine if you were to film a version of Star Wars, except with the character Jean "Luc" Picard from Star Trek playing "Luke" Skywalker. Not, the actor Patrick Stewart playing the character of Luke Skywalker...but rather instead replacing the character of Luke Skywalker with the character of Jean Luc Picard. That's what the adaptation that the author of this story linked as his inspiration, is doing.
Here's the original screen version. It's famous largely because Marilyn Monroe was in it, although Charles Laughton who played the protagonist was very famous too.
9349929
This reminds me of the saying "there are no original ideas" everything is always based on something , but I must say that although the films seem very different to me, Although undoubtedly unites them one similar.
I find the film very funny, although I would like it to have better subtitles. My understanding of English is only 75-80%, maybe less and i'm much is lost.
9349108
Saw your stories title in the featured section and thought of a short story I saw as a kid.
As I read the description, I was happy to learn where you got it from.
How the hell did THIS monster come out of THAT glorious pony's loins? Yikes.
PFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFT
d'aww
9348699
Or maybe, just maybe, this isn't an adaptation of the original story? Maybe, and stay with me here, this is a different story entirely? One about a homeless pony? One that takes place in Equestria? One written by a different author? I mean, I might be crazy, but I'm fairly certain that this isn't the story that inspired it.
9350539
Read the story description. He attributes it, links two different versions, and states that these were his inspiration. I think it's pretty reasonable to point out and discuss divergences from the source material he is literally citing by name in the story description.
Anyway, you seem to have missed later discussion. Apparently he took a lot of inspiration from a parody version.
9350713
A parody he specifically mentioned in the fic description. Not sure what the issue is.
9350794
You tell me. I'm not the one freaking out and downvoting people for having the audacity to talk about how this story diverges from the story that inspired it. This story is significantly different in tone and character from the original, and in ways that as I explained in great detail, I think significantly detract from its emotional depth. Do you any of you want to discuss the comments I actually made? Or are you just angry that I didn't drop a pile of praise on the author?
If all you have to offer is "gee, this story is different than the source material" yeah, no kidding. That was my original point that I made in the first place. The question here is, why were these changes made? They didn't improve the story, they detracted from it. They replaced a complex character with a simple one. They replaced a character who chose very deliberately to live his life in a certain way and who made deliberate choices, with a character blown around in the wind by circumstances and then "rescued" like any generic damsel in distress. Elements were removed that made the protagonist admirable and likable, and new elements were added that made the protagonist unlikable. The vastly contrasting personalities of Soapy and his sidekick were removed and instead we get Lima Bean and Bindle who feel like the same pony with the same personality speaking with the same voice.
Why? Why were these changes made?
@Harmlesskitten13: I understand that you didn't want to end on a tragic note, and so you tried to give us a happy ending, but do you see how it converts a heartstring-tugging bait- and-switch surprise ending into a fairly generic "and then the damsel was rescued" sort of ending? I understand the gender reversal, but why did you remove the encounter with the girl when it gave Soapy a moment to shine? I understand that you were heavily influenced by a parody version of this story, and so we ended up with a low-class character living in her element instead of a high-class character living out of his element, but do you see how it resulted in reduced contrast, both between character and environment as well between protagonist and sidekick?
Soapy angrily refused to accept charity and was offended when it was implied that he'd stolen from a church...because dignity despite his circumstances was at the very core of his character. He has standards and yet we're left wondering at the irony that he spends most of the story trying to break the law in order to get into jail and yet is so very deeply bothered by the idea that people might think he's actually a bad person. Whereas you introduce Lima Bean by telling us how she's been scamming people. Why did you remove likable qualities from the character and turn her into a sleazeball? Do you see how that reduces our attachment to her?
What was the story you were trying to tell here? Why did you reduce the emotional depth of your protagonist?
Maybe you have reasons. Maybe they're good reasons. But I think these are legitimate questions.
9350914
Honestly to me it just seems like you're being incredibly salty because this fic had the audacity to take concepts from another story without directly copying that story. Literally all of your complaints boil down to "it isn't the story that inspired it". So? Does that mean that stories about wizards in school need to be Harry Potter clones? If I make friendship power a system of magic, do I also have to copy the tone and themes of MLP, unable to do what I want to do with the story because being inspired by something somehow traps me into recreating the original? I personally find that to be incredibly stupid.
Well, now i don't know what to feel. Reminds me of everything wrong in the world and just how close most people are to taking the worst of it. Good story, bad feels.
That was beautiful. And a much better and more complete ending than the original. Though I do wonder what happened to Bindle. Happy Hearthswarming!
Featured in December for Rated 'E' for Everyone
Well this was a lovely and entertaining story I just read
Surprisingly and pleasantly good.
Oh sweet Harmony, that was amazing.
This was a very nice story. Happy Holidays to you as well.
I honestly love how the ending is much happier than the original ending. Furthermore, Lima Bean is much more fleshed out as a character than Soapy. Good job on this.
That was amazing! I really hope that there's going to be a sequel to this story.
I love this. Especially since what Lima was attempting to do actually does happen in major cities across the world. In fact, it's quite common in my country for jails to open their doors to homeless people for a night.
Featured in December for Twilight's Library
Ah, what better tale for the season than one of capitalism! (And a little bit of police abuse).