It started when the phone rang.
Hard Head took a deep breath and licked his lips. Surely this time he'd call a sucker. Just one score. One score was all he needed!
It wouldn't work. He's too incompetent for that.
Hard Head frowned. "Hey, I heard that!"
So he did. Thus did I decree.
"Wha...? No, I don't think you're right!" Hard Head said, adjusting the headset. "I'll get a score. Just you wait and see!"
He wouldn't. In fact, even when he got to the call center full of actual scammers, he wouldn't. He'd chicken out. Yeseree bob, he totally would.
"Okay, what is going on here?" Hard Head snapped, throwing the headset down. "Who are you and what do you want?"
Well, I'm your... god, maybe? I don't know. I created you and a lot of the environment in which you live. You only having a one-bedroom apartment and being completely awful at this? Yeah, that's me. Heh. You seen Toy Story 4? It might be kind of like that. I'm not sure.
"So... am I fictional?"
As long as you believe in your heart that you are real, and as long as people love you and your stories, can you truly be completely fictional?
"Y... yes?"
I say no. Also, your headset is now a banana.
Hard Head's eyes widened when he looked to his headset which was, indeed, a banana. Albeit one he could still make calls on.
"I can still make calls on it?" Hard Head said with a frown. "How does that work?"
Well, it doesn't now. The opportunity for a banana phone has passed you by. People are watching you, though. Seeing your actions. Have you ever heard of Netflix?
"N... no?"
Yes you have.
Hard Head frowned. Yes, Netflix. He remembered that, now. He never really got into the third season of Narcos. He was excited for the second season of Mindhunter, though.
"So... people are watching me on Netflix?"
When did I say that? No, no, no, they're reading about you on FimFiction. Therye really enjoying reading about you. They especially liked the ones with Tempest, Twilight, and Pinkie. I like the Maud stuff, myself. Heh. "Hey there, buddy. The sun's getting real low."
...
"Therye?"
Huh?
"You wrote Theyre. Isn't it supposed to be 'they're'?"
Oh, uh, just a typo. I can fix it in post.
Hard Head smirked. "You're a pretty weak god if you can't even stop typos."
Hard Head scoffed. "BronyWriter? My, my, your creativity knows no bounds.
That's when Hard Head's bed turned into a giant alligator. His vision is based on movement. Hard Head gulped and tried as hard as he could to not move. It didn't work, though, and the now crocodile charged at him. Before he could rip Hard Head's hard head off, it turned into Angel Bunny, which is, admittedly, worse. Angel glared at Hard Head, flipped him the bird, then bounced away.
Hmm. A weak god, you say?
"Point taken," Hard Head whispered.
Okay, so here's what the plan is. We--
"Wait, I think I hear something!" Hard Head cried, whipping his head around to see the source of the noise that wasn't actually there. "No, I seriously hear something!"
No he doesn't. It's just him and me.
"No, it's really--!"
Hey, guys.
Hard Head's jaw dropped. So did mine, actually.
"I don't believe it," Hard Head whispered.
L-Larson? M.A. Larson?!
Yep. Sure is. I was passing by and saw that there wasn't anything here that had my signature on it. Thought I'd fix that.
"NO!" Hard Head cried, running in to his bathroom and locking the door. "You keep that demon sharpie away from me!"
Oh come on. I signed construction equipment at BronyCon. It's a compulsion. It's a need. If you don't want the whole name, I can initial your horn, or something.
Uh... no. Larson did not want to do that.
Hmm. I still do, but if you guys don't want it, I guess I could do something else. Hey! I have an idea! Do you guys want to be princesses? I could just throw a pair of wings on you and there you go!
"Well, I mean, I already have the horn, so--"
Hard Head didn't want that. The princess of scammers sounds like a horrible idea!
"I guess I don't want that, then," Hard Head muttered.
You do!
"Huh, I guess I do."
No he didn't.
"I guess I don't."
Yes he does.
"Maybe--"
No he doesn't.
"I don't feel so--"
Okay, if he doesn't want to, then how about you? Just say the word and I'll get you a nice pair of wings in no time.
Wha...? I already have a pair of wings! I'm a pegasus!
See?!
Huh. I guess so.
...
Do you think that a second pair of wings would do it?
I... no! You'd need to add a horn to make me an alicorn!
Oh.
...
...
Do you think that would work?
Oh for goodness sakes. Hard Head didn't want to deal with this anymore and neither did I!
"Oh thank goodness!"
Hard Head was teleported to somewhere Larson would never find him!
I can still find him in Sweden.
That's not where I put him, now good day, sir!
K.
So, uh, I guess it's just me right now. I suppose that I'll see some of you at a con at some point. I'll sign your face. There was a giant sharpie at BronyCon that all of the VIPs except for me were told to sign, so I need to make up lost sharpie time.
Peace.