It started when the phone rang.
Granny Smith grunted and groaned as she slowly got up off of her chair, her joints popping and her muscles protesting the movement. She walked up to the telephone and put the headset on. It took a few tries to press the right button to answer.
"Hello? Who is this?"
"Yes hello, this is Legit Collector. I am glad that you have answered. You see, I have recently come into some money from an inheritance of five million bits lately, but I would rather avoid the inheritance tax. If you help me, I shall reward you with one million bits!"
Granny frowned and tilted her head. "Well, that does sound like a big problem there. Ah could use the bits fer sure. What is it you exactly need me to do?"
"Ah! Yes! Excellent! Thank you so much! I will be certain to reward you for your kindness. All I need from you is your bank account number and routing number, then I can process the transaction."
"Well that sounds mighty fine there, young'in. Just give me a moment." Granny Smith slowly walked up to an end table with a drawer, opened it up, and began flipping through the papers. "It'll be nice ta have some bits around fer once. Ah've been in welfare ever since mah husband passed away."
"Oh, I am sorry to hear that."
"Yes, it was quite the tragedy fer sure. He was tryin' ta get a new watering system up fer our crops, but Ah wasn't so sure that he was up for it. He was always really stubborn."
"Yes, that is too bad. Now when you find the--"
"It was a disaster from minute one, young feller. He musta hit some pipe or somethin' when he was diggin', because the next thing we know, gas is comin' outta the ground. He tried ta get it ta stop by throwin' a bunch of matches down there because he heard somethin' about fire takin' all of the oxygen out or somethin'."
"Ma'am, I am sorry to hear all of this, but I really don't--"
"'Course Ah only found out after the fact that it's an actual fire that you're supposed to blow up, not a gas leak. He had ta run his tail off to avoid gettin' blown up. The explosion just about leveled half of the orchard."
"Yes I see. I am sorry that your husband was killed in an explosion, but--"
"Oh that wasn't what done him in, young feller. He tripped on a rock a few days after that."
"What?! Then why did you tell me--"
"Oop, Ah got it! A bank statement."
"Oh good. Now I just need the account number and the routing number."
Granny Smith rattled off the numbers, then put the paper down and began walking out the door. "Hope that helps you."
"Yes it does! Now I can transfer... the money to... Wait, this account has closed!"
Granny scoffed and waved her hoof to get Applejack's attention. "Well now, that is odd, young colt. Ah should have at least ten or fifteen ducats in there."
"I... ducats haven't been legal currency in Equestria for a hundred years!"
"Oh, has it been that long?" Granny Smith tisked and shook her head. "My my how time flies. Seems like only yesterday Ah started up mah very own bank account. Put in five ducats and thirty-three cents. But of course, that could get you a lot more in those days. Not like now when--"
"Do you have a different account?! One that isn't closed?!"
"Hmm? Oh, sure, sonny. Here are the numbers."
Granny Smith put the headset next to the lawnmower. Applejack grinned and pulled the cord.
* * * *
"Legit Collector" groaned and slowly took the headset off. He took a deep breath and sat up from the floor.
"Not again," he grumbled. He pushed himself to his hooves, lit his horn, and crossed another number off of his list. "I'll get one. I just need one. Just one. He growled and slammed his hoof on the table. "Ponyville will not beat me! I'll get the money from one of these yokels if it is the last thing I do!"
He looked down the list of failed attempts and grimaced.
"It... ah... very well may be." He shook his head and put his brand new Flim and Flam Industries telephone headset on. After taking a deep breath, he looked at another number and began dialing it. Instead of the usual beeping of putting in a number, he heard nothing. Frowning, he checked under his table. The phone was still plugged in.
"What in the...?"
"Legit" typed in the whole number and waited for the sound of the ringing phone. He heard nothing.
"I..." "Legit" took the headset off and rolled his chair to another table where the box that his phone had arrived in sat. He lit his horn and grabbed the papers inside.
"Thank you for purchasing your new Flim and Flam industries telephone. It is the..." "Legit" scanned the paper, flipping through pages until he got to one about the warranty. "We have a two day warranty on our..." His eyes narrowed and he tore apart the paper. "Those bastards said thirty days!"
"Legit" rolled over to his desk and pressed the on button for his new Flim and Flam Industries computer. "I am going to give them a piece of my... my..."
The computer wouldn't turn on. "Legit" growled and grabbed the computer, tearing it off of the desk and throwing it through his recently repaired window.
"MOTHERFUCKERS!!"