• Published 28th Sep 2018
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Hello, This is Not a Scammer, I Promise - BronyWriter



IRS scammers go after the Mane Six

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Non-Canon Bonus Chapter: Big Mac

It started when the phone rang.

Big Mac looked up from his lunch and looked in the direction of the phone for a few moments before slowly standing up an walking over to it. He expanded the headset then slid it over his head.

"Y'ello."

"Yes, hello, this is Legit Collector from the Equestrian Revenue Services. I am calling to inform you that you have not paid your income taxes between the years of two-thousand and sixteen to two-thousand and nineteen. As a result, you owe the Equestrian government two-thousand, nine hundred and sixty-six bits and ninety-one cents. Failure to pay will result in seizures of passports, bank accounts, and personal property. On top of that, you will spend nine years in an Equestrian penitentiary. Do you understand what I have told you?"

Big Mac nodded. "Eeyup."

"Good. Now I must ask you if you have intentionally defrauded the Equestrian government or if this is a simple mistake on your part."

"Eeyup."

Er... yes to what? You've intentionally defrauded the Equestrian government?"

"Eeyup."

"I er... uh... o-okay, then. I'm certain that you are remorseful and would like to get this matter resolved."

"Eeyup."

"Good. Good. Now, if you wish to get this matter resolved, you need to go to the local Barnyard Bargains or some other such general store. From there you must purchase payments cards in the amount that I have stated. Do you understand?"

"Eeyup."

Big Mac walked out the door of the house and began walking around the farm, circling it a few times before the voice on the other end spoke again.

"Well? Are you there? Did you reach the Barnyard Bargains?"

"Eeyup."

"Ah, good. Now, I must warn you that you cannot alert the cashiers or other workers that you are using these payment cards for taxes. If you do then they will either charge you great amounts of interest, or they shall call the local police so that they may arrest you for tax evasion. Do you understand?"

"Eeyep."

"Er... yes, that's good. Uh, go to the cards, then."

Big Mac went back inside the house and waited for a few moments. He then walked over to the back room of the house and held the speaker of the headset away from him.

"'Scuse me, miss, but Ah'd like to buy these here payment cards."

"Good, good, now don't tell her that they're for--"

The barest smirk crossed Big Mac's face as he went into his Cousin Orchard Blossom's voice.

"Oh why that would be might fine, young'in. Might Ah say what a fine, strapping, handsome stallion you are! Just let me take those cards and Ah can get 'em rung up. So, what were you going to use these for, if you don't mind my askin'?"

"Don't tell her! Don't tell--""

"Taxes. Forgot ta pay some income taxes."

"NO! You stupid son of a--"

"Oh my, that sounds serious. Well Ah'd best get these rung out real quickly, then. Not a good thing for you to be in debt to the government." Big Mac waited for a few more seconds. "There. Here you go, good sir."

"Thank you kindly, ma'am."

Big Mac put the microphone portion of the headset back to its original position. "Y'ello."

"Grrr. You were lucky. I told you not to do that. In any case, you have the cards now?"

"Eeyup."

"Okay, good. Now, there are some numbers on the back. Read them off to me."

"Nnope."

With that, Big Mac hung up.

* * * *

The sun was shining, the air was tranquil, and everything seemed to be going just fine. The colts and fillies were playing tag in the nearby park, and their parents gossiped around them. Everything was just fine.

Until...

"GYAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!"

Huh, that was weird.

Author's Note:

Yeah, I had an idea for another chapter that I needed to get out. I promise that I'm working on chapter 2 of the sequel. There might be a few more of these. Who knows?