Paul's Thursday Reviews CCXXXVIII · 9:27pm Feb 4th, 2021
Darn it, 2021! You’re supposed to be better than your older sibling!
I first noticed the water in the parking lot on Monday. I didn’t think anything of it at the time, as we’d recently had a light rain and I assumed it was from that. But then the rest of the lot dried up. All except what was right in front of my apartment, which seemed permanently wet. It was that night I noticed that my water pressure was down.
On Tuesday an announcement was sent out that the apartment owners were aware of a leak in the local water system and were looking into it. I decided to check the water myself and saw that it was coming straight up through the asphalt… and the flower bed around my front door, which was leaking silt. There’s a drain nearby taking it all in, and when I went to check I found water flowing in that would be equal to a heavy downpour, and a large amount of it was coming from under the asphalt layer. Water pressure was even lower that night.
They finally got a plumbing crew out to the area in front of my apartment yesterday at around 10 AM, at which time the water was shut off for the complex. It started as just one guy trying to figure out the problem. By 5 PM, when they called it a night, there were six of them and they’d dug up my flower bed to the point they could stand in the hole up to their shoulders. The problem hadn't been resolved yet. They tried turning the water back on after the crew left, and another pipe in the same area promptly busted. Pressure was so weak it took 30 minutes to refill my commode’s tank.
The plumbers are back today. The hole is so deep now they need a ladder to get in and out. We've been assured the problem will be resolved before the day is out. We shall see. I overheard one of the workers telling the apartment manager that the only reason we didn't have a 20-ft geyser was because the break happened under the asphalt of the parking lot. Recalling what I saw in that drain, I'm inclined to believe him.
Meanwhile, I’m without the water I need to take a shower. Fortunately, I always have a 32-pack of half-liter water bottles on hand. For drinking, of course, but I was able to use them for things like brushing my teeth, washing my hands, and cooking, so I’m not in any serious trouble. Would love to be able to take a shower again, though.
While I marinate in my own stinkiness, let’s get to the reviews.
Stories for This Week:
Myriad Thoughts by Tale Swapper
Little Horn's Story by kwr2k13
Feline-Equine Relations: Or How To Kidnap a Princess of Equestria by ModMCdl
On Some Days by Chapter 13
Crooked Stems by Cadejo Jones
A Rare Cake Indeed by Zodiacspear
Underneath by Dandereshy
Mister Sunshine by Vertigo22
Monsters in the Light by PhoenixDragon44
Mother of the Hives by law abiding pony
Total Word Count: 170,949
Rating System
Why Haven't You Read These Yet?: 0
Pretty Good: 6
Worth It: 1
Needs Work: 2
None: 1
Myriad Thoughts
36,342 Words
Tale Swapper failed to provide cover art.
Just as the whole Anon-A-Miss situation is getting out of hand, Applejack comes to realize that none of the situation makes any sense. Like dominoes, the others begin to make their own realizations, and soon Sunset is back in the fold. But when something this hard hits everyone, it’s going to take a lot more than a mere “I’m sorry” to make things right again.
I have largely avoided the Anon-A-Miss related stories that are all over the site. I never read the original comic, but I got the gist and understood it’s widely regarded as one of the worst storylines in the series. That’s not why I avoided it, though; I avoided it because all these fix-fics were just too easy, conceptually, to be worth my time. Then I saw Myriad Thoughts and, for reasons I can’t claim to understand, decided to give it a try. I guess I thought I should at least see one story about it, rather than dismissing them as a whole.
I really like Tale Swapper’s approach to this. The story does a lot more with this concept than I anticipated. Rather than having each of the Humane 7 recognize Sunset’s innocence and accept her again with open arms, Myriad Thoughts explores the emotional consequences of their swift and ill-advised actions. For some, this is as simple as recognizing that they were wrong about some things and trying to be better – like Applejack recognizing Sunset’s own tactics used against her or Rarity recognizing that Sunset has no motive. Far more interesting are Fluttershy and Pinkie Pie, who realize that they never had a strong connection with Sunset to begin with.
I’m grossly oversimplifying the situations, mostly because it’s hard to describe properly in a mere summary. The point I’m trying to get out of this is that Myriad Thoughts is a lot deeper a story than I ever expected, and I really like that about it.
There are a few issues, some minor and others big. For one, I don’t think the author did any proofing or editing. Typos are all over the place, and sometimes homophones rear their ugly heads. Every story has a mistake every here and there, but in this one the problems are all over the place and it’s extremely distracting.
I also question the point of including the Sirens in this. They do nothing of any real importance that couldn’t have been done by any other character, and their role is little more than a side note. Maybe if Tale Swapper had found a way to incorporate them into the main story more, but no, they act as little more than plot tools. I like the Sirens way too much to think that was the best use for them. That said, I really liked how the story depicted their sudden shift in apparent power structure.
The only other thing that comes to mind is the melodrama. For the first, say, half of the story every character is crying so many tears they could use the resulting salt to flavor an Apple Family Reunion’s meals. Even though the author treated the characters respectfully, I feel they dropped the ball with having all of them behave under duress in identical fashion. Everyone is looking down – sometimes multiple times in the same moment, as if they looked down, decided that wasn’t far enough and really pressed that chin against the collarbone, just to emphasize how depressed and miserable they are. I’m not sure if this is just the author failing to think of a larger variety of ways to show the same thing or said author trying too hard to squeeze every ounce of emotion out of us. Either way, it didn’t work.
Despite these issues, I think Tale Swapper had the right idea with this one overall. It could have been directed with a bit more finesse, but the central themes and topics raised are all spot on and interesting enough in their own right. If the fact it’s tied to the whole Anon-A-Miss fiasco bothers you… well, I can’t fault you for that, but I’d still suggest you give it a try. My only major disappointment is that I haven’t read others in this sub-genre (is it right to call Anon-A-Miss stories a sub-genre?), as I have nothing to compare it to.
Bookshelf: Pretty Good
Previous stories reviewed for this author:
New Author!
Little Horn's Story
15,101 Words
By kwr2k13
I have no idea how to describe this… this thing.
The story of Little Horn, a young Unicorn filly, begins in the magical realm of Equestria, home of the Elements of Harmony bearers, the Solar and Lunar Princesses, Celestia and Luna, and a host of equines with various color schemes, mane and tail styles, and Cutie Marks. Three tribes lived together in harmony in Ponyville: The high-flying Pegasi, masters of weather control who resided and worked in Cloudsdale, the magical unicorns, with feats of magic that would make Trixe Lulamoon, Rarity, or Twilight Sparkle green with envy, and the honest, down to earth Earth Ponies, who worked their farms and jobs in town, providing foodstuffs for everypony to enjoy.
Congratulations, author. You’ve just alienated 99% of your audience, first by telling them everything they already know by heart in the most direct and uninformative way possible, and then directly insulting the beloved Twilight Sparkle as if she weren’t the magical prodigy every single one of your readers knows she is. In the very first paragraph of the story.
And it doesn’t get better. Apparently Discord betrays the Mane 6 and defeats them, minus Princess Twilight who isn’t even aware of his actions yet. But instead of going on a rampage and dealing with the most obvious threats, he’s going to… uh… focus on this nopony filly named Little Horn for no reason whatsoever. And he’ll banish her and her entire family to Earth, where she becomes the male human Sam who has no idea of this origin. But then Sam starts transforming back into a filly, and his medical doctor is fascinated by this so she captures him to study it, and puts a collar on Sam to prevent him from using unicorn magic even though she’s never seen a unicorn or magic before and has no idea how magic works but forget it she has this collar and it works except when it doesn’t for no reason oh wait it’s working again and why don’t the faculty at the hospital notice a freaky boy/filly mutant tied to a table and Little Horn/Sam somehow goes to the dreamscape and contacts Zecora who says she’ll send help but wait here’s Little Horn’s parents as full-blown ponies and the doctor is not freaking out about this at all because ponies are perfectly normal to encounter now and they refuse to sign the release papers except under specific conditions and wait why are they’re refusing to take their daughter out of the hospital unless the hospital meets their conditions as if Little Horn were a burden and whatever happened to the whole Discord thing and the Zecora thing too and why are they talking about Celestia and Luna as though they died even though there’s no evidence of this whatsoever and wasn’t the doctor the villain why is she acting reasonable now and—
Holy cow, this story is a mess. I came here hoping to read a story about Zecora taking an apprentice or something, specifically because I haven’t read too many Zecora-centric tales. What I got instead was… was… whatever this was. It doesn’t help that the writing is telly in the extreme. Oh, and the author directly references episodes as part of the narrative’s description. No, seriously, check this out:
To celebrate the newest Cutie Mark Crusader, they went to Haute Coutre, which was the restraunt patroned by Twilight Sparkle and Spike in the Ticket Master episode.
Epic. Face. Palms.
Then the author is using the Author’s Notes to begencourage people to interact with them directly and influence the story by suggesting how to put their characters and decisions into the plot.
I’ve barely scratched the surface. This story is just plain bad. The plot has no direction or purpose, the characters behave in ways that make no sense, the entire story is one giant plot hole crafted from a hundred smaller plot holes, the author can’t seem to remember basic things that happened in prior chapters, scenes occur out of chronological order with no rhyme or reason, every character is introduced with color codes (some of them multiple times), it goes on and on.
I think I’ve said enough. This isn't even remotely recommendable.
Bookshelf: None
Previous stories reviewed for this author:
New Author!
In this story, which appears to be set before the return of the Pillars of Equestria, Princess CadanceCadence travels to the distant town of Somnambula in hopes of convincing the ponies there to become part of Equestria. Curiosity leads her to investigate the nearby pyramid. She never expected to find it occupied.
This one centers entirely around Cadance spending some time with the Sphinx, although it does not appear to be the same Sphinx as appeared in the show. Yes, it looks identical, but by its own claim it is apparently not the first one to guard the pyramid. Perhaps it is a descendant?
Regardless, this is a cute little tale about the Pink Pony Princess befriending the Big Kitty. Not what I expected, but I’m not complaining. I recommend it for anyone who likes cats, Cadance, or just wants to see some uncommon friendshipping.
Bookshelf: Pretty Good
Previous stories reviewed for this author:
New Author!
On Some Days
1,880 Words
By Chapter 13
One frigid Spring day, a chain-smoking plumber named Silver Lining comes upon a homeless, depressed Lightning Dust. He decides to talk with her. Why? He isn’t sure.
This was a curious story in which two ponies who failed at what they wanted to do in life have a conversation. No, that’s really all it is. It comes out bittersweet in nature. We have no way of knowing if what Silver Lining said to Lightning Dust ever made any difference in her future.
But that appears to be the whole point. It’s a story about doing altruistic things with no way of knowing if said action will make any difference. It feels… heavy in its conclusion. Hopeful, yet also accepting the grim probabilities of reality.
For what it is, I really enjoyed it. I suggest you give it a go. And maybe give it a comment, too; poor Chapter 13 released this and got nothing for it. That’s a shame, as it deserves some attention.
Bookshelf: Pretty Good
Previous stories reviewed for this author:
Eyes in the Abyss — Pretty Good
A Ruler's Regret Never Fades — Worth It
Eyes in the Reflection — Worth It
Crooked Stems
6,185 Words
Cadejo Jones failed to provide cover art.
Derpy invites Lily to her home. Supposedly for tea.
Supposedly.
This is my second story to read by this author, and like the other it qualifies as a Weird Tale. It begins with a surprisingly thoughtful and focused Derpy admitting she knows Lily is a changeling, and the horror label suggests this might be the primary point. It isn’t, though, not even close: before long our favorite wall-eyed pegasus is revealing truths about shadow parasites, warriors from across the planes of existence and time, and a Lovecraftian entity that may or may not be an ally to ponykind. It’s dark, it’s confusing, and it’s fascinating.
One of the curious aspects of Cadejo Jones’s writing is that it feels much longer than it actually is. It’s as if the contents are dense with information, even though it’s really not. I think this is a good thing, as it makes the story seem more… fulfilling, if you will. We’ve got the ever-expanding mystery, cosmic forces to ponder, an enemy to slay (the shortest part of the story, really), and the subtly evolving relationship between Lily and Derpy. The story is startlingly complex for its compact size.
For a while there, I thought this might be a Doctor Who crossover. It may still be, albeit in only a “mention the characters for the sake of the fans” way. But I took a look at some of the Doctor Who lore trying to correlate it to what’s happening here, and I can’t find any connections. It may be that I just don’t know the show well enough, and I’d welcome someone clearing any connections to this story up. Whether it is or isn’t, it felt new, strange, and unique enough that I couldn’t help being interested from beginning to end.
If I had to pick any one thing that might be a negative, it’s the monologues. Derpy in particular has an unfortunate habit of doing this, talking for several paragraphs without pausing to take a breath. However, I must note that Cadejo Jones does a decent job despite this. The dialogue is strong enough that even without any narrative assistance I could still get at least some inkling of Derpy’s emotions throughout. That’s a rare thing and speaks highly of the author’s ability to write a character’s dialogue. Still would have benefitted from a bit of narrative breakup, though.
Overall, I liked this. It feels… ambitious, but also risky. The Need to Know crowd probably won’t get as much out of it as I did, but the possibilities it opens up made it worth it for me. If you’re looking for something mysterious (and perhaps to see Derpy cussing like a sailor), give this a go.
Bookshelf: Pretty Good!
Previous stories reviewed for this author:
Restless Couriers — Pretty Good
A Rare Cake Indeed
5,155 Words
By Zodiacspear
Fancy Pants has heard all about how good Sugarcube Corner is and has decided he wants Fleur de Lis’s birthday cake to come from there this year. Pinkie’s thrilled to get such a special order, but quickly realizes she’s out of her league regarding the cake’s appearance. Making a cake for the elite of Canterlot is very different from making one for the everyday Ponyvillian, after all. This calls for an expert eye, and there’s no eye more experty on elite ponies than Rarity’s!
Or, if you want to keep things really short: Rarity helps Pinkie make a cake.
There’s nothing complicated or new here. It’s exactly what it sounds like, with Rarity allowing herself to descend to Pinkie’s level of mischief for the sake of friendshipping. It’s fun, it’s cute, it has at least one scene of entertaining marshmelodrama. What more could I ask for?
That it be written well. Which is why I’m thrilled to say that comparing this story to the last one I read by ZodiacSpear is like comparing night and day. All the technical issues that killed my rating of Song of Thunder are gone now, showing vast improvements on the author’s part. That’s something I love to see.
The only real problem is the author’s blatant and frustrating naming issues. “Opulence?” Come on, author. I get Opalescence is an unusual name, but do at least a little research. And why, oh why do you insist on insulting my French/Cajun heritage by calling her Fleur de Leis? Her cutie mark isn’t a garland of flowers!
Still, those are just nitpicks. I probably wouldn’t have said anything about them were proper character names not a pet peeve of mine.
On the whole, this was a pleasant read. Nothing intense, just a nice means to whittle away a half-hour of a lazy day. If that sounds good to you, then give it a go.
Bookshelf: Pretty Good
Previous stories reviewed for this author:
Song of Thunder — Needs Work
Underneath
1,856 Words
By Dandereshy
Requested by Dandereshy
Mazy has some sort of demon living under her bed. Nopony believes her, though. Not even her father. So tonight, before the monster arrives to torment her, she’ll prepare to get evidence.
This is a classic tale with a slight twist. You’ve probably seen this concept done before – I can think of at least three different places where it’s come up in my reading. Dandereshy managed to change things up just enough to surprise me with the ending, although in hindsight I most certainly shouldn’t have been. Whether this twist works will likely depend upon the perspective of the individual reader. At the very least, I am pleased at the attempt.
It was interesting to glance through the comments and see some theories thrown about. For my part, I don’t believe there are any subtle messages or deeper meanings in the story. I don’t really have my own theory, though; I’ve seen the general concept so often that the possibilities have all been heard before, and I don’t have a favorite.
That said, I never really got into it as a “horror”. Maybe it’s the familiar theme. Or maybe it was something to do with the writing style. For whatever reason, that aspect of the story didn’t come through, at least for me.
I like the story for trying to do something different with something old, but I don’t think it really works as a ‘horror’. As long as you’re okay with that, I see no reason not to give it a go.
Bookshelf: Worth It
Previous stories reviewed for this author:
366 Hours — Incomplete
Mister Sunshine
3,254 Words
By Vertigo22
Sequel to "There's A Monster in my Bedroom!"
When Twilight was a filly, she was convinced there was a monster under her bed. She was absolutely right, and she and Cadance worked together to defeat it. But Mister Sunshine wasn’t dead, oh, no. He was only banished to the Frozen North (apparently a favorite vacation spot for banished things). Now he’s awake, free, and looking for the child that got away. Perhaps it can find her by going after one who knows her.
Or, to summarize the summary: a really stupid monster does something really stupid for really stupid reasons that will inevitably lead to its death.
This is meant to be a horror, and unlike the previous story in this set, it certainly delivers on that thematically. The majority of it involves the lovecraftian monster, which Sweetie Belle refers to as Mister Sunshine, attacking Rarity and her parents. Which, I should point out, really drew me out of the story: why the heck are Rarity’s parents staying at her house? This story was written in 2018, and we all knew long before then that Rarity does not live with her parents. Is this an AU, then, where the characters all have completely different histories and living circumstances? Is that why Mister Sunshine can’t seem to find Princess Twilight even though she’s got a gigantic eyesore of a crystal castle right in the middle of Ponyville? Does the Castle of Friendship not exist in this world?
Yeah, I’m confused. And that confusion really threw me out of any horror potential this story might have had. It doesn’t get easier with strange descriptions that sometimes left me scratching my head trying to understand what I’d just seen. There were at least two instances where I thought Rarity was dead but, somehow, she was not.
Which brings up another point: it let Rarity live. After murdering her entire family. And alicorn Princess Twilight, who is going to come running with her friends in tow and maybe the other princesses since she’ll remember this thing from her own past, already beat it once as a unicorn child. Mister Sunshine seems to think he has powers unimaginable that will let him win the day regardless, but why didn’t that help it the first time? It looks to me like this monster is essentially an ultraviolent idiot.
I think this requires certain things from the audience to make it scary, most notably to not think about anything that is happening beyond the fact that it is, indeed, horrible. The moment you broaden your focus outside Rarity’s family being slaughtered, it all falls apart. And because I did so, the story held no fear factor for me, as I was too busy being incredulous.
Clearly, there are people who think this is terrifying. And that’s fine. But it’s going to take a lot more than this to chill my blood. Having a recognizable setting and a villain that isn’t dumber than a bag of rocks would have helped tremendously.
Bookshelf: Needs Work
Previous stories reviewed for this author:
"There's A Monster in my Bedroom!" — Worth It
Monsters in the Light
3,157 Words
By PhoenixDragon44
Sequel to Creatures in the Dark
After Diamond Tiara and Silver Spoon are murdered, Detective Clue Finder of Manehattan is tasked by the princesses to find their killer. Clue Finder is, oddly enough, ecstatic.
This sequel is nothing it needs to be. The exceedingly short story is: Clue Finder is a serial killer, he goes after Apple Bloom, the monster from the first story protects her. Not only is the plot basic, but the writing has all the same issues the last story did – no surprise, considering it was written only a month later. Worse, we are given no further clues regarding what the monster is, aside from the fact it has a name and doesn’t so much as blink when tears in reality occur. Oh, and if a random non-character shows up and asks it for help in another dimension, it will say “yes” without so much as a “do I know you?”
While I had no hope of seeing the author’s grammar, writing style, or storytelling ability improve in just one month, I had hoped that this sequel would have given us more about the mysterious monster. Seeing something normally considered disturbing – perhaps even lovecraftian – turn out to be the good guy is a rare enough occurrence that it captures my interest even if the writing is terrible. But PhoenixDragon44 failed to deliver even on that front, so I am forced to keep my rating for this right where it was for the last one. A pity.
Actually, with the poor writing of the story I probably would have given this rating regardless, but I would have at least acknowledged the attempt.
Bookshelf: Needs Work
Previous stories reviewed for this author:
Creatures in the Dark — Needs Work
Mother of the Hives
92,730 Words
law abiding pony failed to provide cover art.
Sequel to Reformation of the Hives
At long last, we arrive at the final entry in law abiding pony’s Hive series. Totalling no less than six stories and ~660,000 words (not counting side stories), it’s certainly an impressive achievement. But unlike every other story in this series, it’s clear that this time the author actually intends for this to be a conclusion.
Like most of the Hive stories, this one targets several different topics at once, bouncing from one to another in a way that can seem chaotic. We’ve got Pear Butter being outed as a changeling, Rainbow and Twilight’s souls merging, and Lyra Heartstrings being tested for a new changeling program, just to name a few. But the crux of the story is Twilight Velvet, who has been free from her paranoid delusions for several years now and hiding as an archivist in Manehattan, safely away from the daughter she betrayed.
That Twilight Velvet is the centerpiece is great news for the story in my eyes. It means that law abiding pony is finally learning to address the topics their readers actually care to know about, as opposed to making whole new ones and tossing them aside with the next story. This is reinforced with the very brief subplot of Pear Butter visiting Ponyville, something that I fully expected would be ignored after having been only (frustratingly) hinted at in the last story.
There are still some issues. law abiding pony has a curious sense of timing. A third of the story – an extremely important third – takes place chronologically at the beginning but doesn’t appear in-story until it’s halfway over. Why? No real reason that I can see. It reveals a lot of things that seem to me better read first, yet they are not set there, and I can’t figure out why. Did the author simply not think of the scenes until then and decided not to bother placing them where they belonged? Did they somehow think keeping this pertinent information held back made the first half of the story better? In the end, I can’t say it’s that big a problem, but it still strikes me as odd, to say nothing of how it could potentially confuse readers regarding the timing of events.
And of course there are new plot threads law abiding pony couldn’t resist creating with no intention of concluding them. A few of these things I can understand, such as the new Duchess subset of changelings or Pear Butter’s re-integration into her family. These are things we don’t really need to know about. But the new villain? Yeah, we didn’t need that one. All the other things suggested that conclusions were being led to. The new villain didn’t do anything save create a whole new potential for stories, which was not the point of this one. As such, I don’t think it belongs at all.
That said, I wouldn’t be opposed to seeing what this guy is up to in a major side story. It’s not like we don’t all know who he is. The one and only reason I’m not blurting the name out is because I don’t want to spoil it for anyone who hasn’t already read the entire series from scratch.
Still, I enjoyed this. It’s a strong enough conclusion for the series, and I’m happy to leave it here, especially since the conclusion involved Twilight Velvet’s arc coming full circle. Perhaps now I can finally go about reading something else by this author.
Bookshelf: Pretty Good
Previous stories reviewed for this author:
For the Hive — Pretty Good
Of the Hive — Pretty Good
Aegis of the Hive — Worth It
Culling of the Hives — Worth It
Reformation of the Hives — Worth It
Stories for Next Week:
Breaking Babs by D G D Davidson
Princess Cadance Goes on a Shipping Spree by Dandereshy
The Fruits of Their Labors by Ponydora Prancypants
Grooming A Student by avidreader07
Blueblood: Hero of Equestria by Raleigh
The Masquerade by Monochromatic
Colors by Slateblu1
How Time Flies by Seer
The Mares' Vengeance Pact by Lise
Sunset's Isekai by Wanderer D
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Yikes. Hopefully that water didn't damage anything structural or foundational on top of everything else!
1993 was our big year for the city of Manhattan. It's built on an old riverbed (well, to be honest, anything in Kansas that is flat is part of an old riverbed), so with all the rain, the old sand-filled channels under the streets as deep as a hundred feet began conducting water flow again. Slow at first, but they eroded sand as they went... Oh, look. A sinkhole. And another one. And another one. (each of which would break pipes, because of course...)
Yeesh. Normally I'd suggest heading to a local gym for that shower, but...
Good selection this week, anyway.
I'm glad my story conveyed what I wanted it too properly. Silver walks that same path over and over again, and never did this before. It wasn't that he was a good person, in that way, more that he make the effort... Kinda like how the best things we can do in life are little things that may equate to nothing, but if enough of us do, it may equate to something.
The sister story is more or less a prequel, with a similar message, but a more up-beat one—basically, a less grim and more altruistic approach. Silver is someone who has more or less regretted his choices and remembers what he could have been and what he lost. The sister story has someone who doesn't think back to what he could have been, but embraces his lot in life and enjoys what he has become. One is a drive for success at the expense of a dream, the other is of letting go and accepting and making the best of what you have. I feel like this duality is where Lighting Dusts finds herself in. She can either give up and lament her dream at the possible benefit of success, or accept her loss and truly move on. Either can give happiness (either through surogetting success for her lost dream, or moving on and acceptance) and it's up to her to chose. Was gonna leave her ending up to the imagination... but I might go back and give her a conclusion. Meh, we'll see.
Anyways, thanks for the read—I really appreciate it!
* reads the review of Little Horn's Story *
😬
Oh my. I cannot pretend to not be somewhat disappointed in the fact my story only managed to land a mere rank above Needs Work. Conversely, I am thrilled and thankful for your review, as I know you put time and effort into these gems. Thank you for doing these! When I have the time to read them, they're very much enjoyable.
Not having access to running water is certainly quite the conundrum. I do hope the problem gets fixed soon for you. :3
Oh man, the cover art for Monsters in the Light...
I dunno about you guys, but characters with one evil-looking eye is almost on par with red-and-black alicorn OC when it comes to indicating the quality you can expect from the writing.
5447713
5447717
5447718
5447830
They resolved the water issue yesterday, thank goodness. I'm still not clear on exactly what happened. I took a look down the hole, which I estimate to have been 6 ft in diameter and 8-10 ft deep. The pipe in question is a valve, although I don't know if it's the valve that broke or the piping around it. It may be the main access line for my building. Regardless, they got the water flowing again, so now all they need to do is refill the hole and put the flower bed by my stairs back together. If there was any structural damage, I couldn't tell just from looking down the hole.
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And I reassure you, I'll be reading the sister story in time. How much time, I can't say for sure, but in time.
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I'm glad you're taking it positively! Although you shouldn't take "just above 'Needs Work'" as a bad thing. I still consider "Worth It" a positive review overall.
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To make matters worse: that little 'defect' with the eye never shows up in the story, so the cover art is lying to you.
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Hmm... was it supposed to be symbolic, then?
Sounds like something my younger self might've put into the cover art to make it 'deeper'.
5448127 Yay
5448126 Water at least follows logical rules. If your building is without water and there's a giant hole in front of it, logic will connect the two. Network connectivity bears no relation to logic. I've actually had the following conversation:
"I can't access the Ft. Collins server."
"That's because the St. Louis router is out."
".... But we're in Kansas. Our hub is in Kansas City."
"Yes, but it doesn't work if the St. Louis hub is down."
Or the absolutely spectacular failure in logic I had nothing to do with when an unnamed huge company built a SAN (godawful huge server) with a backup mirrored SAN several states away, so any network failure would be picked right up without the users (scattered across the world) noticing a thing. Worked fine for a year, then the primary site network had a failure... and everything went down. Turns out the primary SAN had to *notify* the backup SAN to kick in, and of course the network was down, so no notification and boom. In testing, it worked fine, because they never pulled the network plug. Sigh.
It would be like your apartment water failing because a dam in Paraguay had a leak. We don't need Skynet to destroy the world. We'll do it ourselves.
Ah man, I'm really not proud of Mister Sunshine in hindsight. It seemed like a good idea at the time, but when I look back on it, I wish I'd made it more focused on how kids are afraid of the dark, only from the monster's perspective and without any violence.
Anyways: I'm glad to see someone who didn't find it scary or good; I'm terribly sorry you subjected yourself to it.
And because I doubt I'll ever do anything with the ideas I had for future entries: no one ever died. They became those little minions and in a future installment, they would've all been freed. It's another case of it seemed like a good idea at the time. In hindsight, I consider it one of my worst story ideas.
5452315
I don't think I've ever had anyone claim to be glad they received a negative review before.
Hindsight is 20/20, as they say. At least it sounds like you learned a little from the experience!
5448129
Of course. The honesty in your reviews is very much appreciated. Critique makes authors grow, not fans.
5452318
I'm almost two months late on responding, but I'd like to clarify why I'm happy about it.
The first story is one I'm very proud of for a few reasons. I wrote it in 30 minutes, it got featured, and I think it captured the essence of cutesy interaction well.
Mister Sunshine was one that I was proud of for the opening chanting and that's about it. I wrote it at a bad point in my life when my interest in writing fanfiction was waning. When I reflect on the story, I consider it to be one of my worst stories I've ever written. When people say that they like it, I cringe, but I put a smile on my face and thank them. Heck, if I'm to be honest, I think you were too kind about it. It's an absolutely dreadful story in my eyes and one that I've contemplated deleting because I consider it to be a failure of a sequel.
The two story ideas I had in mind to round out the series would've probably failed too as they were stylistically too different from the other two.