• Member Since 29th Apr, 2012
  • offline last seen Jan 12th, 2019

D G D Davidson


D. G. D. is a science fiction writer and archaeologist. He blogs on occasion at www.deusexmagicalgirl.com.

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When Babs Seed teams up with the bullies to torment the Cutie Mark Crusaders, Scootaloo decides the only way to deal with the problem is with old-fashioned hoofticuffs.

Chapters (1)
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Comments ( 59 )

Lol, dat name.

1732861

Oh, wow. That brings back memories. I haven't read Bernstein Bear books since I was a little little pony.

Continuation please?

Violence doesn't solve problems.... some of the time. Could use a second part.

1732881 This could definitely use some continuation.

yea continuation would be good

I expected a crossover. :fluttershysad:
Oh well, whatever.

Scootaloo spun and, with a roundhouse kick, broke the board in half and sent the shattered pieces clattering against the wall.

Was Scott's dad Chuck Norris by any chance :rainbowderp:

Also feeling like doing the truffle shuffle next comment

[youtube=t5whaRkuipU]

took a good story and ya crapshot the ending.
:trixieshiftleft:

Adorable. From the description I was expecting this to be a quick alternate universe smackdown, followed by consequences for said violence. You did a great job of following Scootaloo through a little slice of her life, even working in some D'aww moments with Sweetie Belle and Rainbow Dash. The "ward of the village" explanation is great too. You acknowledged that Equestria is a diverse place with many ways of caring for orphans, then gave Ponyville an old-timey community kindness method that fits the show's upbeat nature well in my opinion. They don't have too many orphans knocking about, so when that brand of tragedy occurs the entire village pitches in a little at a time. As long as Scootaloo doesn't make a hog of herself, she's got an open door anywhere. That's really cool, and I applaud you for it. I was not expecting that level of thought from the description, so it might be helpful to mention something about her training to take on Babs to let readers know you put some depth into this. As it stands, the description just sounds like Scoot gave the Manehattan filly a good kick upside the head instead of backing off when Diamond Tiara and Silver Spoon first show up in the barn.

Also. Hands. Hands as a form of measurement for Scoot's flight. I understand why you used it, but it doesn't quite gel right with the story. There's no reason for Scootaloo to think in those human terms. You might want to try using hooves, heads, pony-heights, or even meters instead. It's a minor detail, but worth a mention. Alternatively, you might have Scootaloo and Lyra chat for a bit about using Hands as a form of measurement. Say Scoot tried staying with the unicorn for a night or two, but wasn't much for conspiring about humans and the Mares in Black who cover 'em up. You did great on the other pony anatomy, and that is worthy of congratulations! I think heartgirth is two words, though.

This story is a much more brutal retelling of what the episode was trying to tell. It also has 100% less CMC building a float to the A-Team music. I like how you took the premise from the episode, expanded a little on how it might have gone, and then ended on a pensive note. This story is very close to how things often go in the "human" world, and that gives it more punch. I think the characters were very well depicted, especially Sweetie Belle and Silver Spoon in their little standoff. These are the things that endear this story to me.


On an entirely subjective scale that really means nothing in the grand equation of life, and even less to the author of this little fic I'm sure, I'd call this a 7/10. Great for what it is and well worth a read. On a real scale that's actually used here, have a thumbs-up and a moustache! :moustache:

Silver Spoon's probably gateful Sweetie doesn't know any of her sister's moves^^

Or didn't use them, in any case. Huh. Maybe she does know some, and that's why she didn't really want to fight to begin with...

1734259
:rainbowderp:
Long comment is long...

Liked because of punny title.

1733471

I'm always eager to receive critiques so I can improve. Could you elaborate?

1734259

Thanks for the thoughtful critique. You're correct about heart girth; I was misusing the term and have now removed it. As for the hand as a measurement, I fully agree with your point. I debated with myself over whether to use it and finally went with it, justifying it by remembering that at least some creatures, such as Iron Will, do have hands. It's still a ridiculous way for ponies to measure height.

You may be less impressed by Scootaloo's "knocking" if you know what inspired it:

to asnwer your question, the ending part makes Scoots the bad pony for standing up for her friends. Okay the chokehold was a bit ..much but Babs deserved eveything else she got. Not to mention that all Daimond got out it was some mud in her mane.

Now im not saying Babs it totally evil, she just needs help... and good smack is often the first step.

While "One Bad Apple" is my favorite of the Season Three episodes...part of an issue I had was how suddenly protective Applejack was at the end, in comparison to the previous CMC episodes.

I mean, really, Applejack? Out of all the times you could have noticed the bullying, you STILL have to be directly told what's going on?! You didn't notice any bump or bruise on your little sister and her friends after Babs came to Ponyville? Good farmhand, you may be, but your credentials as a sister seem to be... lacking. Heck, I would have liked to see our quiet and logical Big Mac actually take notice. He's usually not around in these episodes, and why not have a bit of big bro and little sis bonding?

No wonder I think, harsh ending and all,Scootaloo snapping was more realistic. What's the point of "snitching" if whom you would snitfh to didn't even notice previously?

Meh, I'm probably over-thinking everything, but if no one takes noticd about the bullying, or speaks up... what's the real option? To talk, or after a couple weeks of harassment, to fight back?

1735944>>1738031

Considering the things that she and her friends do in their quest for cutie marks, I wouldn't be surprised if Apple Bloom comes home covered in abrasions on a regular basis anyway. If Applejack has no reason to suspect anything, I think it's possible she could be oblivious.

I find it curious that when Sweetie Belle lists responsible adults she and the others could tell, she names Applejack, Rarity, and even Twilight Sparkle--but not her own parents. It's a strange omission, especially since this is the first episode to show Sweetie at home. Of course, having parents out of the picture is par for the course in shows like this.

I also find it curious that kicking Babs in the nose never comes up as a possibility. We know the CMC are more than capable of tussling with each other, as they do it in "Return of Harmony" and "Lesson Zero," and in the latter they even slap Twilight around.

Originally, I conceived of this story as more of a humor/action piece, an epic throw-down between Crusaders and bullies. As I started writing it, though, Scootaloo took center stage and the tone grew more grim, and when I set up Scoots's back story, I suddenly knew what the final scene would be. I intended to tweak the episode's nose, but ended up confirming its message instead. I agree that Babs has more than earned herself a spanking, but such punishment shouldn't come from other kids her age. Fighting is a last resort, and the CMC haven't exhausted their other options. Most particularly, they haven't told a responsible adult. "One Bad Apple" may be a little too pat with its face-heel turn and happy ending, but while writing this I came to the conclusion that its message is correct anyway.

1738380

Applejack oblivious, yet another flaw of some CMC episodes.

Well, part of my... over-thinking... came from looking at the intro to the Bad Seed musical.number. While they weren't shown paying the bits for them, the CMC were given malts by somepony, making me think that that very pony saw Babs and company kick them out and steal their treats... and did nothing about it. Sure, it was part of the musical number, but still, I keep interpretting a hidden.implication that Cheerilee -and parents in general- are too lenient, if DT and SS have gone from opportunistic bullying to outright malicious abusers.

True, it was a nice message, yet the ending of the actual episode just feels... too easy.

1735484

Ahhh. Well, diamonds among dust and all that. Still, in the story "Knocker" sounds a lot like a kid-friendly version of "Living Rough", an expression for homelessness.

Then again, it also sounds a lot like this:

Given the story's title, I'm sure that went through your mind at some point during the writing process. :scootangel:

1739299

Ha! I wish I had known about that. I've actually never seen Breaking Bad. If I had, this story might be a crossover.

Huh. I thought one of them was going to get cancer and start a meth trade.
I was wrong.

Brilliant story! Will there be a sequel, or is it a oneshot?

A watch and moustache for you! :moustache:

1749497

That's what I was thinking too!! The title brought this to mind:

fc06.deviantart.net/fs70/i/2012/332/0/3/breaking_babs__super_giant_size__by_pixelkitties-d5mfjlh.png

Faved to read later. :pinkiehappy:

1749497>>1772801

I'm not opposed to continuing it, but I'm afraid I planned it as a one-shot.

1772801 My new wallpaper.

Ezn

That was, appropriately enough, a punch in the gut. Poor Scoots. I disagree that a continuation is necessary; although the ending is pretty abrupt, I think the lack of continuation kinda meta-reinforces the "opportunities lost" thing.

Good message.

I've seen you use dam and sire in other works, and I've gotta say they really weird me out -- bit of a pet peeve. Points for horse terminology and all, but I really can't imagine those words being used in the show.

I'd like a continuation, but the ending actually works fine as it is. Let it hang a bit.

I agree the CMC should've at least tried to tell someone. I could see the ending coming. Well, the general direction. But still, damn.

Damn, was hoping for a sequel, oh well.

I can like this as a melodramatic story, but...

Diamond Tiara & Silver Spoon are the career bullies of ponyville. For ponyville to have career bullies, bullying has to be something the majority of adults tolerate. I find it difficult to believe that no-one has ever told on them, and that an adult has never noticed. As an aspect of worldbuilding, telling an adult is almost certainly not going to work, because DT & SS wouldn't exist in a world where it did; expect possibly as villain of the week.

Rainbow Dash is also being a bully here, sitting on her high horse (haha) and browbeating Scootaloo into not asking any awkward questions about Rainbow's moral authority. "What would you have done? Exactly?" I would like to ask her. "Any guarantee your plan would have actually worked? At all?"

And just like the episode, Babs actions go completely unaddressed. She was the one who threw things, who harassed, who stole, who destroyed property. I'd also argue that bullying can cause emotional scars just as real as those caused by being a changeling food source. And while she may not have gone for the first punch, but she did go for the first crippling move.

Whether or not you plan to write a sequel, in your head-canon for this story, did Babs get punished in any way?

2080947

All fair points. The episode in question, however, repeatedly brings up telling an adult as the best solution to the problem. I suspect Diamond Tiara and Silver Spoon have indeed been ratted out, but have continued their bullying anyway. They probably get away with it largely because they're passive-aggressive bullies who prefer put-downs to punches. Babs is the first bully we've seen get physical. She ups the ante, so the CMC get more aggressive in their response.

As to your question, it is a good question, but I cannot answer it. I know of only the events about which I have written.

My Gawd! Just amazing!

I liked it up until the end - but I like stories with happy endings, or at least some amount of hope. It seems like Scootaloo's abandoned at the end of this story, both by Rainbow Dash and Magnum and Garden Wishes. True, beating up Babs wasn't the best decision, but the consequences seem rather severe. At the very least it could have used a Sad tag.

I do really like the scene with Rainbow Dash at the end, where she reaches out to tousle Scootaloo's mane and then decides not to. That little detail expresses RD's reaction incredibly well, and very concisely. And there's at least hope the RD and Scootaloo will be able to mend their relationship.

I guess it's the part about Scootaloo getting kicked out that I don't like, when they were thinking of adopting her. I realize you kind of need that for the "opportunities lost" line at the end, but the consequences do seem rather harsh.

1738031
Snow123
Had some good points, I mean in the actual episode, how did no one notice Applebloom lost her bed? :rainbowhuh: Or even Cheerilee could have said something to Applejack, if she noticed those three tormenting the CMC. But grownups don't pay attention to that kind of thing in Ponyville I guess.

I don't think of Scootaloo as anything more than someone who decided to STOP being a victim. The CMC *tried* to be friends with Babs. Too bad the 'no snitch' rule holds true in Ponyville.

It's a shame Scootaloo lost her chance for a home. But she did learn something. Maybe not what others thought she should learn though.

1) She doesn't have to be a victim. She can fight back.
2) She can't count on anyone but herself, Sweetie Belle and Applebloom.

Rainbow leaned forward and nearly pressed her nose against Scootaloo’s. “Did you understand what I taught you? Didn’t you understand how easy it is to hurt somepony?”
“Yes!”
“Then why did you do it?”
“She was a bully!”

“So are you, Scootaloo!” The words hung in the air for a minute.

No Rainbow. When someone can't sleep in their own bed, or their hard work is trashed for fun. That is the bully. And maybe you shouldn't have taught her those strikes right off. Maybe you should have spent more time explaining the whole 'learn to fight to avoid fighting' part of Martial Arts. Or isn't that cool enough for you?

“And did you have to choke her half to death?”
Scootaloo sank lower. “No.”

Babs didn't have to break her wing either. And those 3 didn't have to take over the clubhouse. Or do all the other things they did.

“But my friends have taught me that sometimes you gotta talk about your problems. Ya can’t just start swingin’ your hooves.”

Again, she didn't just start swinging. And Rainbow should learn to think before shooting her mouth off in front of more impressionable kids.

“You said I’d know when.”

“This wasn’t when, kid. When is when you’re surrounded by shapeshifting monsters tryin’ to take over Canterlot. That kinda thing. Maybe I shoulda been more clear about that.”

That isn't how life works. Not all bullies or threats are shape-shifters.
You did good Scootaloo. Don't let anyone tell you different. Ok, maybe a tad too far with the chokes, but aside from that, even after learning to fight you waited.

Applejack should be just as mad at herself for not noticing what was going on under her own nose. And mad about her cousin bullying her sister and her friends.

D G D Davidson
I really liked this story, please don't take anything I wrote as cheap shots.
Also, while it may look like I'm talking to a computer when addressing RD....I'm actually not crazy.
:pinkiecrazy:

2311409

And when they DO notice bullying, it's to themselves through a newspaper.:facehoof::facehoof::facehoof: And then they oust and bully a trio of children because they felt hurt over some words.

... Ponyville, when one over-analyzes, sucks for foals.

... That, or I am over-thinking way too much, again.

2368394

:rainbowlaugh:

No, I think you nailed it.

Let me start by saying this story has some wonderful ideas. In an ideal world, parentless children could be cared for like that. I've never heard of it in practice, but it certainly would get the community involved and bring them closer to everyone as well... certainly beats the potential isolation Scootaloo could be feeling :scootangel:

Some of the transitions from the descriptions of the actual episode to the story had a bit of a shift in tone which felt a little weird and inconsistent. However, the training was believable, as well as the strengthening of the relationship between Scootaloo and RD (it wasn't in-yo-face, but subtle). Babs behaved was pretty consistent with her character on the show. The plot holes were minor and previously addressed by other posters.

When reading the actual fight I was at first expecting Babs to be killed or paralyzed early on... the use comic relief, however, really helped keep it interesting and feeling like an episode of MLP made for much older kids. I called the ending, or at least a variation of it, since I expected it to be worse...

Also, you made this Pegasus pony cry. Congratulations :applecry:

I'll just forget what I read. (Nevertheless Thumbs Up etc)

Oh, I love the "ward of the village" explanation for Scootaloo! This should be an interesting journey.

I do think "cover me" is to obscure to really be an effective obscenity (I get the reference, but I think most of the audience will be scratching their heads), and "udder" generally only applies to mammary glands that are filled with milk or otherwise really obvious / baggy.

this was good hope ya do more

This is good, but it deserves a follow up. Yeah you got the whole. Babs was a bully, Scoots learns to fight from Dashie, and The fight + Fall out.


But the ending opened up a lot of questions.


What happened to Scoots after she gets out of the hospital? What about Babs? How does Scoots actions effect the Mane 6 / other CMC? Does she get perma-banned from the Belle household or is she forgiven? Does she eventually get adopted rather than ward of the state? What happens with her and Dashie now? The CMC's relationship with DT, SS, and Bab Seed now that they've been put in their place?


This is such a great story, but I'd like to see more. Will there be more?

This totally needs more chapters! :D

I want Rainbow Dash to adopt Scootaloo. :rainbowderp::heart::scootangel:

Please PLEASE continue story.

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