• Member Since 7th Oct, 2012
  • offline last seen 7 hours ago


I have no idea what I'm doing.



In the aftermath of the Changeling incursion of Canterlot during the marriage of Shining Armour and Princess Mi Amore Cadenza, Equestria gears itself for war against the Changeling menace. Against a foe that can take the shape of anypony, assume their life, and undermine Equestria from within, the Royal Pony Sisters create a new institution to monitor their Royal Guard for any Changeling corruption, cowardice, and incompetence: the Commissariat. As total war rages across the land one hero stands out above the rest; Commissar Blueblood, Hero of Equestria. Or at least that's what the propaganda says. The truth, as ever, is far more complex, as the esteemed Blueblood is merely looking for an easy and sedate life. Unfortunately, fate has a habit of throwing him into increasingly dangerous and suicidal missions, which he must survive with a combination of self-preservation, lying, and sheer blind luck, even if doing so only fuels his soaring reputation!

Equine military fiction in the style of Ciaphas Cain and Flashman.

Cover art done by me.

Proofread and edited by the always dependable Setokaiva.

Chapters (52)
Comments ( 996 )

Oh you gotta be bloody kidding me.

No offense meant to you or your story, of course (and sorry for that harsh introduction). I'm mad at the circumstances (or rather, how destiny seems to have kicked me in the crotch), because right now I'm reading through the Ciaphas Cain novels for the first time, so in a strike of inspiration I decided to write my first story ever: A Cain inspired "crossover" with MLP. No Blueblood, no comimsariat, just OCs in the royal guard, but besides that remarkably similar to your story it would seem (I've just read the synopsis and introduction), the idea of transplanting the Cain character traits/narrative to FiM. And I submitted it some hours ago and it's bound to get uploaded in a couple more hours. Talk about bad timing.

I admit defeat, yours came first, and I'll read it quite eagerly, but this has to be the single most frustrating thing that has happened to me in a long time and I felt the need to comment about it somewhere. God dammit. This is the craziest coincidence.

Hell, reading through the synonpsis/introduction, yours is also infinitely better than mine. This is the worst feeling.

Ha. Ha Ha. Hahahahahahhahahahahahahahahahahahhahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahhaahahahahahahhahahahahahahaah!
Oh my Emperor yes. I love the Cain books and I just finished the most recent ones. This story can only lead to truly AMAZING things. Keep up the good work in the name of the Emperor brother.
Thought for the day: "The blood of martyrs is the seed of the Imperium."


Heh, that harsh introduction had me worried there for a while until I read the whole thing. Yeah, that's some really bad timing there and a stunning coincidence, but honestly I'm more surprised that no one's done this sort of thing before. Well... it's probably been done before but I haven't found it yet. I am sorry about it though. Anyway, I'm sure your story will be great! I look forward to reading your own take on the concept when it's published.


I'm glad you like it! Don't worry, I've got more planned and hopefully I'll upload more in a couple weeks or so.

Oh god, yes!!!

Normally I avoid fics like this, but Ciaphas Cain set to the tune of Friendship Is Magic makes me smile.


It should be a while, I'll have to do an extensive rewrite right now. I think I'll keep the character traits (reluctant hero that believes himself a coward and survives mostly through luck and actual badassery he doesn't want to acknowledge) but I'll change all other aspects of the story to further differentiate it from Cain and your own take. I'm not bitter, it just a chance to invent some more stuff by myself.

I'll eagerly await any new updates from your story!

This is fantastic! I really hope to see more from this fic soon.


Thanks! I wasn't too sure about Cannon Fodder myself actually, was worried about his Blank abilities coming across as a bit of a Deus Ex Machina, then again that'd be in keeping with the Ciaphas Cain novels, but I'm glad you like it. I'm hoping to keep the 40k similarities to a bare minimum, and hopefully the silly grimdarkness won't get in the way of the silly awesomeness of MLP


Glad you like it. I'm currently working on the next instalment and hopefully I'll be able to put it up soon.

Go on, you have my attention.

Interesting, but one question: how can there be border disputes with the griffons, if the map of Equestria doesn't show them even having a border with Equestria.

Maybe Diamond Dogs.


Hmm, perhaps Equestria has overseas colonies elsewhere across the world, ones precariously close to Gryphon territories. I probably should have made that more clear, thanks for pointing it out.

this gives blueblood more of a character than others ive read keep up the good work.

I admit, I'm quite surprised; this fic is very well done, though I have no idea what to expect really as I have never read any of the Ciaphas Cain novels or got that much into WH40K to begin with. From what I've heard, however, Blueblood makes an ideal candidate for Cain; plus, it's interesting to see some redeeming qualities be given to a classic, tepid noble personality and the annoying character of Blueblood in general. Looking forward to see where this goes.


Maybe overseas mining interests?

"stern hand of the Commissariat", shouldn't that be Stern Hoof? Just saying. Super awesome story, I love it! :pinkiehappy:

This seems related. A British Comedy act. :rainbowlaugh:

It involves WW2 and making fun of Nazis, so sorry. It is just so related to “Skulls,” I muttered, “we are the good guys, right?”.


Thanks! I was hoping to develop the character from being a generic posh jerk.


Well if someone who has never read Ciaphas Cain before can enjoy this I must be doing something right, right?


Whoops, must remember in future before posting *Find 'Hand', Replace All 'Hoof'*

And well spotted there! I was indeed inspired by (plagiarised) that scene.

Ciaphas Cain, HERO OF THE IMPERIUM!!!, inspiration + FiM = AWESOME. :raritystarry:

Hmm... Unicorn horns become sensitive when 'lit' with magic, do they? Good idea that one, I'll have to remember it.

Don't sell yourself short; it's awesome! I am loving how Blueblood gets redeemed throughout this story after we all figured him for a, as Blitzkrieg put it, "poncy git". I did some proofreading for you, take a look if you like.

...Luna's moon was making its decent should be 'descent'
A platoon of unicorns was performing magic missile drill, should be '...performing a magic missile drill' or 'drills'
The breakfast had helped in some small way to help the hangover could be 'ameliorate the hangover' or something; you use the word 'help' twice in quick succession. Not a big deal but just pointing it out.
...ram the impudent little pegasus' head into trough should be '...into the trough'
...combatants' skill the deciding the factor. needs to be '...skill deciding the factor'.
"It's-it's," I gasped between ragged breathes, should be 'breaths'
...crawled underneath my undercarriage could be '...crawled beneath my undercarriage'

I'm impressed... There have been a few fics that tried what your doing here, adding a Ciaphas Cain spin to a character(not in mlp mind you, just fanfics in general) but most fall short. Either there's too much Ciaphas in there and it doesn't mesh well with original character their twisting or it just kinda goes through the motions of the 'memoirs' style of writing and doesn't quite work. I'm happy to say this hits far more then it misses.

This Blueblood isn't nearly as smooth talking as Ciaphas can be, still colored by his noble routes and prejudices... but this is that start of his fraudulent rise and the small steps are believable moves up from the prissy one shot character. You could believe him rising to that level of being able to bullshit psychics to their face a few years down the line. Cannon Fodder makes a solid Jurgen expy, fills his role just fine. Celestia taking up editing duties is amusing but definitely will blunt a bit of the impact of some possible events in not being 'romantically' involved or directly in the thick of combat alongside Blueblood like Amberly was to Ciaphas, but the familial connection is freshly different and Celestia is the kind of character I could see doing this to pass her time. I LOVE the play on how the Equestian army works with nobles 'buying' office for the prestige as there was never war before. Also digging that Luna is not being so openly excepted and thus her 'night guard' are affront to the noble play house that makes up a lot of the royal guard. It's definitely being set up for quite the vicious turnaround where most nobles are looking forward to 'fighting the good fight' without truly knowing what that means.... with your hints in the prologue of this event it's likely going to get bloody. Overall it emulates some of the 'grimdarkness' of 40k buts still seems fairly believable within mostly lighthearted mlp world.

Definately looking forward to where you go with this... my only minor hope is that eventually some of the other mlp races are caught up in things. As varied as Changelings can likely be I'm curious at the usage of some dragons, griffons, or any of the other large imposing monsters that inhabit the world and hope that not every battle is entirely versus changelings... again though, I like where your going and would love to see more of it :twilightsmile:


Glad you like it! I do enjoy those 'Blueblood redemption' stories, though I'm attempting my own spin on it.

And thanks for the proofreading, I appreciate it.


Yeah, I was trying to keep the spirit of the Ciaphas Cain novels rather than clumsily transcribing it into MLP, which wouldn't have worked at all. I've seen quite a few 40k/MLP crossover fics where Space Marines team up with ponies and it's just silly in my opinion. At any rate I'm happy that I appear to have picked up on the right ration between the two universes.

As for the portrayal of the Equestrian Army I'm basing it (roughly) on the British Army through the 19th century, when the sale of commissions was standard practice which did indeed lead to a social exclusive officer class made up mostly of aristocrats who treated the army as an excuse to go off on holiday to India or Africa. So when a 'proper' war did break out against an enemy of roughly equal strength, such as as the Crimean War, they were in for a massive shock. I just thought it would be rather fitting given Blueblood's views on social class and the rather elitist view of Equestria (at the very least what we've seen of Canterlot high society in the show), and I'm glad this worked out!

And yes, I'll definitely be including the other MLP races into it as the series progresses. I don't have much planned beyond the next couple of chapters, but I can say for certain that Gryphons will make a major appearance along the line. I'm also currently thinking on how to portray Chaos in this series, or indeed if I should.

1561657 Just a passing thought on 'chaos'... Considering Discord, the equestrian avatar of Chaos, does exist... surely having some followers of discord could work fine :). Something too ease into as Changlings are very much the forefront at the moment but I could imagine after wars start rolling and unrest builds, those that want Chaos to rise could start to gather.... or something. If it was led up to with small events amoung other battles that leads to a growing movement to try to free Discord...

on another side note I remember from the beginning that the mane six all attributed their views into the to Celestia's review of Blueblood's carreer... I'm curious how elements of harmony will get involved in a time of war. Makes me think the the background of the Fallout Equestia verse with the whole 'ministry mares'... not that it think that will happen here but just in how each pony contributed and such. oh well no rush, just more to look forward to :)

I wonder if you will have other regiments of the imperial guard enter into the fray? the elysian droop troops are a no brainer what with the Pegasus natural flying capabilities. some krieg death corps and catchatan jungle fighters would make for some vary interesting character dynamics not just with blueblood but with the the regiment itself. titans? anyway keep up the good work and thanks.


Hmm, that's a thought, I'll have a think about that.

I've yet to read Fallout: Equestria actually, heresy I know, so I'll have to check that out first.


Perhaps, the trouble is trying finding regiments that would fit with the MLP-verse. The Elysians, yes, make sense as an elite unit of pegasi. The Death Korps of Krieg probably wouldn't fit as well. Catachans maybe, but I don't think Equestria has any jungles in it. Thanks for the input!

I really like how things are progressing so far. Though I must ask that we get some more Cannon Fodder. Jurgen was my second favorite in the books and Cain was my favorite. The two of them were freaking invincible. At any rate, keep up the good work in the Emperor's name brother.

You did fine on the battle scene. God the horrible, horrible mess that was Napoleonic warfare and army structure back then...

Here, I did a bit more proofreading for you. And if you're looking for an editor, I would be happy to take the job. I'm already proofing it anyways. xD

'...but inl actuality all I can...' should be '...but in actuality all I can...'
'I noticed that Clear Heavens was noticeably absent,' should be 'conspicuously absent' so as to not use 'notice' twice.
'...that he isn’t sitting on the frontier of some Celestia-forsaken jungle in Zebrica waiting fighting over some red line on the map.' the 'isn't' could be 'wasn't'; switch to past tense. 'waiting fighting' ??? One or the other, probably.
'...such as the mathematical precision' should be '...such was'

you did a good job describing the gore and utter insanity of battle as well as the revelations that blueblood has. i wonder if you have been in combat before?

"Quite how this young commoner was hoof-picked by Celestia herself to command the most prestigious and elite of regiments in the Royal Guard was beyond my reckoning, far be it from me to doubt Auntie ‘Tia’s judgement but he was hardly officer material. [Naturally it hadn’t occurred to Blueblood that I selected Shining Armour purely on his merits as a commander and not because I gave a distant ancestor of his a scrap of land to own.]"

IIRC, this is a guy put in charge of an army that lost the capital to conventional changeling troops in about 10 minutes. I think Blueblood might actually have a point here.

Being immensely powerful is one thing, but a commander needs to be able to... command.

I personally have a hard time believing the ponies in Twilght's family are commoners. Minor nobility maybe, but commoner? Eh...

This was the guy who got suckerpunched so hard that Tirek felt it. He wasn't in command of his forces at the time of the attack, nor was he in his right mind due to changeling-fu.

For that matter, that whole attack was really Celestia's fault, as she was the idiot who should have put her hoof down and said 'threat first, wedding later.'


I'm referring to the failures in the chain of command and the training of the troops. Canterlot fell way too quickly to make me believe that nothing but the shield/Princess/Elements of Harmony would have saved the place. They had deployed troops, and they saw the changelings pounding on the failing shield and they were still overwhelmed in short order.


Thanks! I'll keep in mind to include more Cannon Fodder in later chapters. Jurgen was always one of the best characters in the series


I appreciate the proof reading as always, and would love an editor since it looks like I really need one.


I've not been in combat before, and I'm thankful for that. I've studied military history at university, so a lot of it is based on what I've studied.


Well, Blueblood is right on that occasion but not necessarily for the right reasons.

As for Twilight's family being commoners, remember they're commoners by Blueblood's definition of the word. I don't really see the Sparkles as being nobility, they might be comfortably affluent and middle class, but not actually in position of a noble title and land.


I guess I'm referring more toward Princess Celestia's snippy comment. If he really did earn his position based on his merits then that has disturbing implications for the effectiveness of Equestria's armed forces.

Though considering they're stand-ins for the Imperial Guard, that might be intentional.

A weird part of me want to see mention the Chienese text, The Bark of War, by Shih Tzu (some ancient Diamond Dog/sentient canine text).

Well it looks like I am the official proofreader for this little gem now. I will do my best to ensure quality remains 100%. :twilightsmile:

Just checking Before I start quoting Dan Abbot, Is the 1st Night Guard the only Night Guard regiment formed at the time? And If so wouldn't that make them the First and Only?

I claim first post!! (Proofreader's privilege) :twilightsmile:

"which would mean the only somewhat competent officer in the entire Solar Guard would have his entire career ruined."

If the only somewhat competent officer in the entire Solar Guard could train his troops so poorly that they lose the capital inside of ten minutes, I weep at the competency of the rest of the Solar Guard.

I wish I could like and fave a story more than once. Keep them coming!

A somewhat more somber ending then most Cain stories abruptly stop at but fitting for the first missteps of the Royal guard. one a whole the night Blood arc showed off some interesting characters and did some nice world building for the Military. I'm curious to which named Characters will continue to show up and those which were one offs for the stories (aside from Cannon Fodder of course). all in all a solid start to the series and I look foreward to the Next campaign.

Thanks for all the comments guys, really appreciate it ^^


Sorry for the long time in replying, but yes, the 1st Night Guards are the only Night Guard regiment making them First and Only. It wasn't a deliberate shout out to Dan Abnett, but having just read the entire Gaunts' Ghosts series it was probably inevitable I got some influence from his work.


Yeah, I was slightly worried that I was getting a little too 'dark' with the ending but I'm glad it worked out.

And don't worry all, I'll continue writing more in this series until I run out of ideas, which will hopefully be a long time from now.

Interesting, I am pleased to have found this and shall continue reading. And poor red coat if he wants to get twilight he'll have to go through the entire royal family and a fire breathing dragon, ah pity the fool/mrT:pinkiehappy:

Suicidal thirst for knowledge huh, that reminds me of that one tech priest on that ice world...:twilightoops:
Oh sweet merciful Luna, she is going to awaken the Nercons isn't she

a romance between red coat and twilight would be most amusing.:raritywink:
however i have been wondering some things though if these have already been resoved then just ignore me
1: changlings=orks?
2: techpriests: will we see them soon?
3: tanks?
4:will blueblood ever get laid in the story, not suggesting this turn cloppy just as a aside or tangent to the main plot. ( heh...plot)
keep on keeping on!
Vivas Noctus


Well, to answer your questions:
1: The Changelings are more based on the Tyranids/Genestealers than Orks really, though in my headcanon the closest thing we'll have to Orks is probably Diamond Dogs
2: Hmm, I'm not overly certain about that one, if I can find a way of sticking them in I will
3: Probably no tanks. I'm trying to keep in the spirit of the cartoon and we've only ever had one reference to tanks, the only weapons we've seen are the Royal Guard carrying spears and I just think tanks will just feel out of place. Except maybe steam-powered tanks.
4: He probably will, considering how much of a womaniser Ciaphas Cain is, but I'm not going to start writing clop (mainly because I don't think I can, not that I have anything against it)

hmm it seems that this is more of a weird mix of the warhammer 40 universe and the fantasy stuff...
since they have airships maybe there could be some sort of use for those
will there be other battle grounds like a d-day style assault and close quarters fighting in tunnels or city capture soon?
i know that blueblood has his blade but will he ever get a bolter or bolter style thing to take down fleeing soldiers or enemies?
... just things that come to me when i get bored and you don't update. no rush though.


Well, it's more accurate to call it a weird mix of 40k and MLP, though I'm trying to keep as much of the MLP side as possible at the sacrifice of some of the 40k grimdarkness and such. Which is why I'm not having bolters, let alone any firearms except cannons, simply because I cannot see ponies using them (hooves can't pull triggers and the idea, though awesome as it may be, probably won't mesh well with the MLP side of things as the basic weapon of the Royal Guard, from what we've seen in the show, is the spear. Besides, we've already ascertained unicorns can shoot energy beams out of their horns so personal firearms are a bit redundant).

And don't worry, I always appreciate comments and such, I'm just a bit naff at replying to them. I'm currently stuck with the family over the festive period and I don't have much free time for writing. Well, I'd rather not go through the awkward conversation with my elderly relatives about what MLP is. :facehoof:

Hmm, tanks...probably hoof moved mobile forts for unicorns to fire things out of. Maybe even some thrown explosives and such.

I mean, get a dozen earth ponies. Put them and four unicorns inside a armored box on wheels. Sort of magicish siege tower or battering ram thing.

As for blood, try using words involving Blue, Prince, and Bllod. Or you could do the Mentalist route and try to make it suggestive of Blueblood's character.

Time for a new fic! It has been a while since I read me some wacky 40k, and I've had a bead on this fanfic for some time. This is a good start, establishing both the setting and the mechanics of the narrative to come. It is a delicate balance, between jerkass and jerk-protagonist, but so far, so good! My Admiral Ackbar senses are tingling, though.
And of course, that Rarity. Fussing about her dress one moment, stomping a Changeling inside out the next. :duck:

'I repeatedly bullied this purple filly egghead'
lol - well, I'm sure it was just harmless fun...

'a certain purple, gifted unicorn I used to steal lunch money from'
Um. Well. :twilightsheepish:

Rarity's dresses have a short half-life when in proximity to Blueblood, clearly.

'fear ensures loyalty you see'
Oh, Luna, Luna, Luna.
I see we're got another scary Luna in the making. Good!

“This mare is crazy, please let me out.”
>Who could it be?
"Me!" :twilightsmile:

Nerdtastic Twilight never fails to make me smile. But, from what I recall of 40k, Blanks don't tend to end well in those stories... or maybe I'm just recalling the Eisenhorn Trilogy too distinctly.

As Pinkie Pie demonstrated, unicorns can make for excellent artillery. Just keep pumping the tail.

The fact that this town still existed was either testament to either the ingenuity of ponies to survive in the most inhospitable of environments or their sheer stupidity.

> another good line! I'm enjoying Blueblood's mixture of disdain for all things non-noble, but his concern for Equestria as a whole. It serves as a good grounding for the character, especially as the story develops.

the Nightmare Heresy

> I knew it was coming! Traitor Legions!

fine aristocratic breeding (i.e. inbred to the point of idiocy)

> A cheap shot, but I'll admit I laughed heartily

Chateau le Chateau

> I laughed again, if only because in-verse, there could well be a pony named Chateau who has a Chateau

> I see the Night Guard is being built, in part, on the French Foreign Legion lines. I think that kind of institution, in some fasion, goes back to even ancient times, but it makes for a fun juxtaposition here with the other regiments. Yes, I'll think of them as Foreign Legion flavored.


> was either Equestria's greatest general or worst enemy. Either way, he was a pun. Our Pun!

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