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I have no idea what I'm doing.


At a speech before the General Assembly of the United Nations, Celestia learns why humans usually wear clothes.

29/05/2020 - Now with a reading! https://youtu.be/0qmgcZGUbio

Chapters (1)
Comments ( 240 )


Haha, that was a fun ride.

With my upvote, I cast thee out from the graybar ghetto!

Still want to hear what the Don said about the speech

Long have I waited.

And this was completely worth the wait :twilightsmile:

Now I want to read the story of Blue Blood being sodomised by an office chair

“What about The Daily Mirror?” asked Sir Nigel.

“The Daily Mirror readers don’t care about ponies unless they got big teats.”

This is too brilliant!

The PornHub bit is when I finally lost it. Grand show, sir!

If you think about it, culturally speaking, this is a good thing. Most cultures don't care about the genitals of animals, and unless actively being sexual it's not really a scandal to see them. The freak out is because they view ponies as people, not animals. It's actually a really good sign for relations between the species.

Now you have me picturing Equestria Girls done with Twilight arriving au naturale....

This was hilarious! :rainbowlaugh:

This entire thing was wondefully funny.


The light in the dark, actually.

And I can see this having massive societal implications as time goes on.

Needs to be a prequel

Fox News’ latest blonde lady calling you 'despicable, vile, and obscene' and saying ‘won’t someone please think of the children?’.”

This doesn't go far enough. If Equestria ever showed up in the real world, Fox News would be demanding we nuke them for being socialists trying to brainwash our society.

Would've been nice to see some of equestrias deeply-rooted and contrived norms be challenged by humanity. Imagine them then getting flustered by seeing people wearing socks because they only ever use them as sexy lingerie.

“If humans will cast off their clothing when visiting Equestria.”

I see nothing wrong with this condition.

“Can’t seem to offer an opinion until Her Highness explains her stance on trade unions.”

I love this it’s so how the news is

“You mentioned the ‘bad news sandwich’ earlier. Well, I’ve just found a bit of good news to sandwich this bad news. Your speech is currently the most viewed political broadcast on PornHub.”


Oh my good writer this is absolutely beautiful nonsense that I have enjoyed to the fullest degree. Well done for making me laugh so hard and making a great end to my day. Truly appreciate it

Man, it's a good thing actual Equestrian Ponies have no genitals and their babies are delivered by the DracoStorkus. :trollestia:

Do tell us, uh... student majoring in something involving international relations if I remember correctly.

And now, a proper review.

Honestly, this hits all the right beats of being a comedic story - the situation is fucking hilarious and also thought-provoking, at the same time! The funny is both the situation unfolding as well as the wider ramifications, something comedies can miss. As an International Relations student, it reads off exactly as how I imagine such a gaffe would be handled behind the scenes. Polite, tight-lipped, and everyone is ever so slightly groaning internally :twilightsheepish:

Celestia, Nigel and Olivia, despite some disagreements are all very cordial and understanding while also having top tier dialogue on this whole debacle. I appreciate the fact that they're also discussing the wider ramifications on culture, diplomacy and the news cycle. Both sides have their points, and like proper diplomats, they're trying to understand the other's reasoning. Good touch on Celestia, despite having very valid points, lament that she broke norms on accident.

In short, a very well-written, thoughtful comedy of errors that just gets funnier the more you think about what happens next :twilightsmile: Really happy to see this up after seeing the ideas unfold and thrown around in the Fimfiction Discord. Have a fav!

Now the real question is... where's Starlight's kite?


Ohoho so, so many...

The nudity taboo being discussed openly in the following weeks, in conjunction with discussions on an alien culture. Debates for and against it. Humanity having a collective reexamination of their own cultural norms as ponykind also does. Even more gaffes. Old norms being challenged worldwide. Really, there's so much that this is just the tip of the iceberg, and I can imagine the internet having a field day on it :pinkiecrazy:

I found this FAR to fucking funny to NOT add it to my favs XD MY SIDES THEY BUUUURRRN

I should be annoyed with the stereotypical "Conservative and Trump bad" sprinkled through this, but this fic was a shitpost anyway.

I love stories which get into the cultural differences, especially the weird and taboo ones. Like, yeah, I can see Celestia having to be walked through why showing her genitals to the UN assembly is a problem, and still thinking it's absurd. I love how you managed to get into so much, and totally cracked up at the various news outlets.

...and I kinda want more of this.

'Learnt' is an acceptable spelling of the word in British English.

There must be more of this!!!!

Hmm, possible sequel material, perhaps?

Oh this was great! Some realistic political mixed with fun humor.

Would love to see a human in Equestria sequel to this.

This is excellent. Nottingham eh? What a hell of a place for 1st contact. Having worked for a number of the English aristocracy, I can say that this isn’t totally inaccurate, though a lot of them would just be too chilled or too polite to mention it, and never mind the horses.

andmos #35 · May 23rd, 2020 · · 19 ·

Well, Fox News is not news in the slightest. They even admit they are lying and say it is their right to lie, even By compromising public health and safety.

Shockingly accurate too , the first thing they did was steal glimmers' kite :rainbowlaugh:

Oh please, Fox is more truthful these days than CNN, ABC, or the BBC. Go ahead and try to find 1 positive news story about Trump or a news network that doesn't contradict itself to gaslight people whenever the President says anything. Any place that isn't hardcore Conservative or moderately Libertarian will take every chance to say he's the worst thing since ever. What these mainstream multibillion dollar news networks do is a combination of manufactured Reality TV drama and tribalist Left wing activism. You would know if you paid attention to politics and was skeptical of the news.

To the downvoters, the whole "Trump is stupid and evil" is a joke that was played out by 2016. And if you're serious, unplug yourself from your confirmation bias.

I don't care if you think this post is cringe, this whole tribalism thing is bullshit.

Edit: Also a big shoutout to Raleigh for blocking me so I can't respond to some of the idiots posting below me, but not having balls enough to delete my post.

It would be the greatest honor to see the Night Princess's perfect pussy in full display.

Aroddo #39 · May 23rd, 2020 · · 28 ·

trump is an idot.
republican politicians are evil.
if you cant see that, then you are a tool.

Even better on a re-read! I love it!

And poor Luna.

Do you think the author has something against Fox News?

No. If you read carefully, he beats up on a dozen different news orgs.

Yeah they do, though this one was main target. Funny story though.

Was it? I thought I was a damned sight harsher on British newspapers, particularly The Daily Express.



Eye of the beholder, methinks. This was well-written enough to allow the reader to see what they wanted to see.


Well I mean, the author ribbed off way more British newspapers, on both sides of the political spectrum.

Readership bias always involves an element of familiarity.

I don't know what to think about this fic tbh, on one hand it's quite funny, but on the other side it's just... I guess juvenile and kinda click-baity? Have a confused upvote, author.

Isseus #49 · May 23rd, 2020 · · 29 ·

Too bad you're talking to wide-eyed leftist liberal fanatics here. They think Equestria represents some sort of socialist paradise whereas it shows both capitalism and socialism as good things when done correctly. People are so partisan today that they can't see the side of the opposition and have lost the middle road. Everyone is too caught up in their own bubbles that they've forgotten that politics is supposed to be for the greater good, not to drive one's own views and agenda. People just love to shout their opinions as hard as they can to shut others up and then pretend they won because they refuse to listen to the other side. Nobody discussess things any more, they have decided they are right and everyone else is wrong. And nothing is ever solved by just shouting at others and not listening. If anything, that is what we should take away from the show as well.

What do I think? Let me quote (probably) Voltaire: "I disapprove of what you say, but I will defend to the death your right to say it"

For example: Trump has done both good and bad things during his career as the President. He's not a monster, nor is he flawless.

"Well that was a droll little fic, let me just check the comments secti-"

"Ah. Right. Of course."

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