Sam Horner's life hangs in the balance as a mysterious illness slowly weakens him. While his parents are preparing to say goodbye to their son, a mysterious benefactor shows up in Sam's dreamscapes, which resemble locations from My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic. Notable locations include Ponyville, the Everfree Forest, and Zecora's hut. Will Sam recover completly and become something different?
Special Thanks to zeusdemigod131 (Zecora), who will be providing Zecora's role in this story.
Chapters (6)
More please
Thanks! I'm getting help with Zecora's writer, since she can help with the proofreading.
The 2nd chapter takes place the 1st evening on May 1, and the talk with the female doctor (I am going to make her slightly obsessed with the ponies a la Mr. Crocker from Fairly Oddparents). Anyone want to help me with a name for the female doctor in Chapter 3?
Anypony wish to help Small Horn find her parents (once her change is complete) pm me. I have npc roles for Small Horn's mom, Shimmer, her dad, Big Horn, and her grandfather, Grand Horn. Zecora will play a big role in helping Small Horn find her destiny, because its what her Cutie mark is telling her. (She joined the CMC's before Discord interrupted her dinner, banished her family, and seperated her from her pony friends.
Quick send in zecora or doctor whooves!
Zecora's player offered to help with her rhyming style and if you can help reccomend how Dr. Whooves and some other ponies can rescue my oc, I'd be greatly appreciated.
Please PM me on who do you want to help Small Horn rescue her parents and grandpa, and be placed in a safe location to practice her magic (stupid magic suppression collar).
I want to have small horn and her family rescued in time for Thursday, when Twisted Spectrum's characters announce the big reveal and invite everypony to AJ's farm. CMC Reunion, YAY! (Small Horn's a new Crusader, prior to discord's little switcheroo.
My other fic involving Apple Bloom and Babs Seed, Little Apple Cousins, has hit a snag and probably needs editing.
You might want to make it so that the names of the chapters all line up right, either spell all of the numbers out or don't spell any out. Just a little something that made me make this face.
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Yes, im being totally serious, it takes some serious skillz to do teh rhyming, why do you think zecora doesnt show up much in the show .-.
Brenda Chritlow (the voice of Zecora) had an interview on Everfree Radio a while back, along with some of the notable voice actors/actresses like Tabitha St. germain, tara Strong, Nicole Oliver (Princess Celestia) and Ashleigh ball (Applejack and Rainbow Dash).
Sorry, i like the story, but not your writing style.
So you won't see me in the next couple of chapters...
Sorry if i took your time ^_^
OK, the Doctor lady is bat-shit crazy, but why? Some odd fetish for ponies? WHYYYYY!!!!
Just why... FIX THE STORY!!! You had a good idea, and now you've gone and ruined it with the poorly thought out plot.
Erase it all, try again.
Oh wow a new chapter already???
That was quick.
Edit:
Still confused though.
I'm trying to figure out how a collab would work, but the only solution I can come up with is warping space and time, so I don't think I can help you there
Yes! Time to start On Our Own!
Whoever is reading this, if you want to read On Our Own when we started it, then just go to my stories because it'll be there :)
Uhm, Sparkler, I don't see On our Own. What Happened?
I still have Chapter one on my google docs collab and I'm wating tonight to work on Chapter 2. I can send you an excerpt for chapter 2 if you want, along with vast data and crankshaft (BLT185).
A Gentle Breeze of Change is another collab with Vengeful Spirit, TehCanadianBrony, and some others. This story features my Pegasus, Zephyr and her adventures with Chance the earth pony stallion, along with Gearswitch and Gizmo.
Guys,
On Our Own is on my story section, not Sparkler Hooves.
I have been informed by Sparkler Hooves' dad that she cannot help in the new story as Harmony Trebleheart, Small Horn's cousin. I am holding auditions via PM and also at small.horn.unicorn@gmail.com. I have google docs there, and I need help establishing the family relationship between small horn and her cousin.
Here is the e-mail I received:
"Coby will no longer be working on collaborative stories for this, or any other, site.
As a parent, and a writer, I encouraged her to express herself creatively and put her work out there for the world to see and give constructive criticism on. What I didn't expect was for a minor child to be working with adults or carrying on conversations with strangers online. "
I understand his concerns, so I am now tasked with replacing one of my collaborators for On Our Own.
2678194 Little Horn now is safe and has her own adventure with her cousin, Harmony Trebleheart at On Her Own.
I remember when this story was called "Small Horn".
Meh.
2821434 Yeah, SatyranPhoenix772 suggested to rename her Little Horn, since small horn sounded more like something Diamond Tiara and Silver Spoon would come up with to tease Little Horn with.
Besides, it goes better with the theme I had for her family.
The Grandfather's name is Grand Horn
The Father's name is Big Horn
and she, the 3rd generation, is Little Horn.
Follow Little Horn's continuing adventures at On Our Own.
Lunar rolls the book around her hooves and takes out some critic glasses.
" lets see here, The hook was weak and made me cringe. The cmc's dialogue sounded funny. Story has to much 'Tell' and not enough show and there were still some grammar errors too"
Lunar looks away cringing even harder.
" and that discord scene..." she shivers.
She looks back at the paper and points at the end.
"That super long Author's note need to be a blog post"
Lunars eyes rolled around in her head "I got dizzy just from seeing it"
Lunar sat back down and removed her glasses.
"Well those are my frist impressions. The story line could be intresting, just your old regular ponies, going head frist at a being of chaos without a trace of fear..."
Lunar looks around and smacks her lips
" Left a bad taste in my mouth Little horn,"
She frowns "I'd give it a two outta five"
She strains a weak smile "You'll get better I just know it"
3424393 Little Horn nods,
"Yeah, well, I get better with my cousin harmony in On Our Own! I get to meet my fellow Cutie Mark Crusaders and Apple Bloom's cousin, Babs Seed, shows up to join in our Crusading!"
Sorry I like your writing style but not the storyno I won't be that snarky. Bad ferret! Bad!It's agonisingly poignant throughout the first chapter how desperate the author is for love and companionship, and how little experience he has with it at all. First he copied his character almost word for word into taking the place in a scene that Apple Bloom once filled, indicating that this may be the first and only time he ever even witnessed a situation like this, and has no other experience to draw upon. His self esteem is so low that even the teasing from Diamond Tiara is enviable enough to crudely jury rig himself, or, herself in Bloom's place. Then demonstrating a lack of awareness on how to actually get people to be friendly with you, he had all the characters just spontaneously become friendly to this one, again parrotting scenes that had no color from any experience outside that one. His insecurity necessitated that he give the character fast friends and a loving protective father, despite being unable to figure out how those things could ever happen naturally. This is an author who doesn't know what love, family or friendship is, and wants to so bad that he arranges his character to acquire a magical talent in having those things.
It's almost surreal because he seems well read, and put a lot of effort into writing a very coherent storyline, yet his moral foundations are completely absent. It's like he's been bedridden for the great portion of his life, with no one to interact with outside of the ponies on television and his caretakers, only able to look outside at others having lives, and wonder what friendship could be. The focus on hospital procedures might be related to this. He reminds me of what I could have been, maybe if I wasn't such a huge asshole.
THEN WHY DID YOU NAME HER SMALL HORN
Dreams and See don't rhyme
There is nothing about sensing someone needs help that would make you pull your cloak over your head.
2653698 rhyming really isn't all that hard. You figure out your general meaning, then find words that fit that meaning that also rhyme (make sure to pick words that rhyme easily), then build your sentences around your words. if you're still having trouble, don't be afraid to totally rewrite a sentence here and there to make it work.
For example,
with rhymes ample,
I'll lend a sample,
of some rhymes,
(though awkward at times)
with which your writing shines!
(okay, so that last one was an off-rhyme, but whatever.)
5542145 This story was my 1st attempt at a fan fiction based on the 5 score, divided by 4 universe. I got better for the sequel, On Our Own, now with 12 chapters and hopefully the 13th chapter will lead our group to meet up with the mane 6 and other humans turned ponies.
I do welcome other authors to collab with me and write in their own character (unless you want to use one of the canon characters in the story).
5543460 I'm not complaining or anything. I'm just saying that I don't think rhyming is as hard as everyone makes it out to be, and offering advice based on the technique I use for rhyming to maybe make it easier for others to rhyme. I really wasn't referring to the story/writing/characters specifically, just commenting on a kind of general trend I've noticed. If you want help rhyming though, I can do that
.
the idea is interesting, but I have to agree with 3424393 on this one. your writing needs a lot, and I mean A LOT of work. you need to show, you're only telling. Your writing is like "this happened, then this happened, the she felt this way.". Rather than just saying what happens, try DESCRIBING what happens. not just "he was admitted to ICU", do something more like: "The sirens of the ambulance wailed as it sped through the rainy night. Mr. and Mrs. Horner sat in the back and watched their son worriedly. Only this morning he was as healthy as horse, yet here he was, lying prone, with pale skin covered in strange, blue spots. It almost seemed surreal: how could their son fall so ill, so suddenly, and on his birthday too? They followed the directions of the medics and doctors with all the vivacity of wind-up toys. The remainder of the night was but a blur of linoleum tiling and hospital gowns for Mr. and Mrs. Horner, but it was far more than that for their son, and the doctors tending him. (etc...)"
Of course, that's not that great since I just sort of banged it out in one go, but you get the idea.
EDIT: also, it was kind of weird that a 25 y/o is being referred to as a "child"
(very late) EDIT 2: This only means you have room to improve. keep writing, keep reading, and over time, you'll get better. just don't give up on it.
5547152 I am still working on A Gentle Breeze of Change, which features Summer Breeze, my Pegasi OC. She has 3 sisters, Autumn, Winter, and Spring, with Spring being the youngest and the most intropective (she always looks on the bright side of things, as evidenced by her sun and rose cutie mark).
Little Horn's adventures with her cousin and friends continues with the sequel, On Our Own. Harmony Trebleheart has been asked by her pony aunt and uncle (Little Horn's pony parents) to watch over the foal while they are away on business. Along the way, Little Horn learns about the magic of friendship and is essentially "Home schooled" for magic studies. Some of Little Horn's classmates from Ponyville make an appearance and The Cutie Mark Crusaders are reunited!
Uh no it wasn't. The exact line went, "Beware. Beware you pony folk. Those leaves of blue are not a joke." You wrote, "Those blue plants, They are no Joke!"
Also this story needs a human tag.
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Like your profile picture
6230722 Thanks.
Don't know if that's a reference to season 5 or not, but they are thinking in the right direction now. Also, yes, they do get their cutiemarks in season 5
6860992 I was going to give Little Horn her own Cutie Mark. It's a heart like her cousin, Harmony, with two unicorn horns (representing her parents) and her own horn at the bottom).
On Our Own is the sequel where Little Horn talks with the Crusaders and they help her find her special talent.
This story pains me physically.