• Member Since 18th Apr, 2013
  • offline last seen 12 hours ago

B_25


Thanks for Coming In! | Retired

Comments ( 101 )

Gonna read this soon but um, for the short description it has het instead of her*

11265611
Thanks for the save!

I'm intrigued, keep going! :twilightsmile:

11265621
So when is the next chapter gonna be released?

11265726
Dang bro It just got released

Nice keep going.

a good start, not a spelling or grammar mistake to spot so far either.
gonna keep a watch on this one.

I'll have what she's having.

Love the cover but not sure how to feel about the story…

una historia interesante

While normally stories like this aren't exactly up my ally, this is really well written, so I think I'm keeping my eye on this one.

11265667
Apperciated!

11265726
Soon!

11265936
Thanks!

11265949
That's a surprise! I hadn't done a proper sweep—aren't I lucky!

And thanks! Hope I don't disappoint.

11265950
Careful! Rainbow's life is a dark and bitter cocktail.

11266020
At least the cover is nice. :D

11266099
Gracias!

11266466
Glad you think so! Hopefully the story rolls the ball further.


To Everyone

~ Yr. Pal, B_25 ~

11265949
Whoops! Few mistakes went through!

Changed, edited, with revisions to dialogue.

Wow! Introspective depression porn! Haven't seen that before.

Good show. Can't wait to see where this goes!

Wow your writing is unique! After reading the prologue this story isn’t exactly what I thought but, that’s not a knock against it just my preference. Good luck with the rest of your story :)

'if there's nothing missin in my life then why do these tears come at night?'
-Lucky (from the song Lucky, as sung by Britney spears)

THIS IS HOW YOU BEGIN A STORY !!!!!!!

This is how you write a first Chapter!!

you know that feeling of satisfaction that you get after reading something great? Yeah thats the feeling I have right now....

just ...wow.....

I've been dying for more Spike x RD. I'm sure you'll kill it yet again, dude!

It is hard to tell what is going on to be honest (not the story, just the action or rather what everyone is doing). However, the mood is very well clear that I could almost taste the rain.

I agree with Joe I am not sure what's going on, but the mood is clear. I feel the rain, the emotions. I can't wait to see what happens next.

11272626
Thank you for the criticism!

Could you give more detail? Or provide examples?

I would like to revise this chapter to your recommendation.

11272880
The same applies to you! Please let me know of any possible suggestions.


Thanks guys!
~ Yr. Indebted Writer, B

11272931

Its footsteps cracked the air as they passed down the steps. Touching the ground, the beast carried forward and toward the fountain. Despite looking ahead, it didn't see the ponies clearing its path. Much less the lone stallion blocking the way in defiance.

The silhouette's knee broke into the stallion's him, knocking him aside without regard. The stallion fell, slumping into the mud. He rose, growling, to the beast that continued to the fountains. The stallion's mouth opened in a shout—but friends appeared at his side.

They wiped the mud from his chest, pulling back on his shoulders, dragging him away. They disappeared. As did those in the area. Some looked back over their shoulders with worried expressions.

At the fountain, the dragon took a seat, a rumble to the ground, a casting of wind. Its massive size sat with legs opened. It leaned forward, elbows resting on thighs, claws clutching a letter and ring of two keys.

It brought the letter to its face. It stared at it for a while. Rainbow made out its heart-seal. With its other claw, the dragon flexed the sharp end of the talon to the heart, planting it there. Its right eye twitched as its arm shook. The talon remained still.

Then its claw dropped.

The dragon dropped its head, sighing, raising to gaze lovingly at the seal. He brought it to his lips, holding the kiss with closed eyes. Then the letter was clutched to her heart. The drizzling of the sky turned into rain. The dragon curled over the envelope further to protect it.

Here for instance. Call me a simpleton but I can't exactly visualise what is going on here. I mean, I get the general idea that Spike has arrived but his means of arrival feels like it's missing a beat. Like why did this stallion block the way? How does the fountain look like? Do you mean the seal of the letter is coloured with a rainbow or did it have Rainbow's symbol with a heart-shape?

Just an example.

11272965
I appreciate this immensely.

Let the revision begin!

11276435
In a few days! Work has been a slough, lately.

I like it. I could see this as a noir film.


Which actually hurts you in a way as the tone is so foreign that I have a hard time recognizing ponyville. I like how we are often missing the Whats and Whys as we are be shown around by Rainbow Dash and she doesn't care. So despite not always understanding things it works.

Oh my, this is spicy even without them kissing out. Also definitely an improvement from last chapter.

I think that all the editing, and extra editing, really paid off with this chapter.

The dialogue really flows more fluidly, and the prose is as strong and descriptive as ever.

Great job, B.

Very good story, been tracking since that first chapter. Got me lookin forward to the next

11283490
I strive to impress!

Any notes or suggestions? Or is this chapter good to set sail?
~ Yr. Pal, B

11283548
Not without help from my broski! Thanks for being quality assurance.
~ Yr. Pal, B

11283915
Appreciate you reading this story of mine! I can only hope that you continue to do so.
~ Yr. Pal, B

11284002
Personally, I think you may have just written the best Romance I've ever read in this site. Keep up on clarity and you should be golden.

11284028
Thanks, pony boy!
~ Yr. Pal, B

Wait are their going to be some neigh sayers to this couple and why do I feel like their going to have a kid soon?

Also I think it was rarity final wish to get them together.

This story you're weaving is going really well, and I'm looking forward to where this is going.

11286170
Thank you! :D
~ Yr. Pal, B

H-Hope you don't mind, Rarity.

I don't think see does if you know what I mean:ajsmug:

11287552
why do I feel like that will bite them in the butt or flank later becuase I think she has spikes egg and child in her now or is it not heat season?

:heart: Daw, this is a more introspective plot than I expected. Love it, and a very emotional scene. Bravo

11288083
Always appreciate you, Chill.

Not one for the clop, but the rest reads well so far.

Hehe twilight such a freaking tease haha

"Don't worry. I know how hard you Wonderbolts train." Twilight pulled back from the embrace. "What happened before you came over for wine? Flew through some branches? Survival training in the Everfree?"

Good one twilight, good one :raritywink:

Holy crap is this heading where I think it is??

Ngl, I really wasn't a Spike fan for awhile but you got me hooked here. Killing the game bruh

11291321
Where is that?

And thanks! He's tricky.

11291356
Looking like a threesome sequel or something is what I meant. Could be wrong, but it just had that feel there near the end of the chapter

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