Rarity Wrecks a Lambo
Rarity Wrecks a Lambo
Admiral Biscuit
Donna had picked up plenty of wrecks, but she had never seen one happen right in front of her.
She’d glanced down to check the paperwork for her last tow, just to verify that she’d left the customer copy in the car. A moment later, a flash of yellow caught her eye. She was still trying to recognize what it was—she’d never seen a Lamborghini Diablo before—when it barreled past her, slid off the road, caught a tree and then yeeted itself off into the woods.
It didn’t sound like any crash she’d ever seen on television or in a movie, just a screech of tires, a hollow bang followed by a few thumps and cracks of branches snapping, then a loud clunk from the engine, and then all was silent.
What do I do? She had a radio, that was first priority. “Donna to radio, uh I just saw a crash in front of me.” There was a ten-code for an accident, but she didn’t know it and it was hardly worth digging out the book. “Some kind of sports car, hit a tree, it looks pretty bad.”
Donna shifted the truck into gear and flicked on all the switches on the light panel: strobes, rotaters, and worklights. A quick look at the road, no cars coming.
“Radio to Donna, what's your twenty?”
“Just dropped that car off on Guinea Road.” She had a pretty good mental map of the area. “So it’s just gonna be north of Billwood Highway, right near the railroad tracks.”
“Ten-four, standby.”
She parked the wrecker on the shoulder, facing oncoming traffic, and flipped the switch for the outside speaker.
“Radio to Donna, police and rescue have been notified.”
“Single vehicle,” Donna said. “Went off into trees, some kind of sports car, it’s pretty messed up. Didn’t roll. I’m going to check on the driver.”
“Stay safe.”
“Ten-four.” She grabbed her work gloves off the dash and hopped out the door. She knew some first aid, the truck had a fire extinguisher, and the L-arms for the stinger could easily bash through glass if it came to that. Hopefully it didn’t come to that; the passenger compartment appeared mostly intact.
What do you even say when approaching a wreck? The front of the car was demolished, and it had strewn bits of plastic and glass along its path.
She hesitated as a blue glow lit along one of the doors. Electrical fire? Before she could decide if she should go back to the wrecker and grab the fire extinguisher, the door popped partway open, then jammed in position.
Scissor doors. An expensive sports car.
Something started pounding on the door, almost like a hammer, and then it stopped.
“Are you okay?”
“I don’t know just yet.” A faint blue glow washed across the windshield and she heard a sharp plastic crack, then a moment later the passenger side door swung up and a white unicorn clambered out of the wrecked automobile.
She was floating the inside rear view mirror alongside her, and once she was clear of the car, studied her reflection, brushing aside her curled mane.
“Is there anybody else in the car?”
“Just me, darling.” The unicorn looked back at the wreck. “You don’t think it will explode, do you? Perhaps we should move further away.”
“Cars only explode in Hollywood.” There wasn’t any smoke coming from the wreck, just steam from the ruptured cooling system. “You can sit in the wrecker if you want. I already called for police and rescue.”
“Don’t need rescue,” the pony said, then stuck our her hoof. “I’m Rarity, by the way.”
“Donna.” Donna grabbed her hoof without thinking and shook it. “You sure about rescue?”
Rarity nodded.
“Let me call that in.” Donna opened up the passenger side of the wrecker then walked back around and reached the mic through the window. “Donna to, radio.”
“Go ahead.”
“Driver got out of the car on her own and says she doesn’t want rescue. She does not appear to be hurt.” Then, just in case the dispatcher considered saying something unwise over the air: “She’s sitting in the cab right now.”
“Ten-four. I’ll call and cancel the rescue. Uh, can you check ten-fifty-five?”
Fifty-five? That was a new one. Donna got out her cheat sheet and traced her finger down it.
10-55: Suspected DUI “Uh, I think that’s going to be negative, but I’m not a pro. Nothing obvious.” She hung the mic back up in its clip as the radio squawked its reply. “So, what happened?”
“That stupid car wouldn’t stay on the road, that’s what happened. I should have just turned tail and walked away, I wanted a good car and that’s what they sold me.” She snorted. “The entire outside’s plastic, not a good solid metal or wood. No wonder it wouldn’t stay on the road.” Her horn lit and a glow surrounded the sundered front bumper. It lifted off the ground and wavered in the air before it bent and was discarded again in the leaf litter.
Donna had heard the engine rev before it lost control, and had an idea that the driver was at least partially to blame for the accident.
Partially was being generous. Unless the car had suffered a mechanical failure. At least Rarity hadn’t insisted that the tree jumped out in front of her, unlike some customers she’d pulled out of the woods.
“Say.” Rarity turned around, noticing the boom and winch on the back of the wrecker. “You could pull that car out of the woods, couldn’t you?”
“This really isn’t the right truck for it,” Donna admitted. “It could cause more damage.”
“I really doubt that would matter at this point.” Rarity said. “Look at it, it’s obviously ruined. Even if it could be fixed, I wouldn’t want it back. It’s not worth it.”
Donna was no expert in the value of wrecked exotics, but had little doubt that what was left undamaged would be worth tens of thousands of dollars to somebody.
“Besides, I only paid ten bits for it.” She frowned. “I should have known better, a decent coach from Tracey & Fales costs twice that and you have to hire a pony to pull it. Or I suppose a rough and ready pony could pull it herself.”
“Bits? You mean bitcoin?”
“Bitcoin? No, real bits.” Rarity lit her horn and dropped a heavy golden coin in Donna’s palm.
“Is this solid gold?”
Rarity nodded. “Completely immutable, although there are plenty of unicorns who have tried, or so the legends say.”
“What are these even worth?”
“One bit?” Rarity shrugged, then pointed her hoof at the remains of the Lamborghini. “A tenth of that. Well, before I wrecked it. Now it’s worth noth—do you want it?”
“Want it?”
“Well, why not? I have no use for it, and you have a truck which can tow it away. Surely such a service comes at a cost.”
Surely the car was still worth thousands, and even if it wasn’t, she could keep it anyway and say she had a Lambo. “The cost of the tow, whatever it turns out being, is less than the value of what’s left of that car.” An honest answer was the best one. “I couldn’t possibly accept that.”
“I could toss in that bit coin to sweeten the deal,” Rarity offered.
“Well. . .”
“I have the title for the car in the glove box.”
Victoria eyed the mangled Diablo before turning back to face Donna. “Okay, so you weren’t kidding about having a Lambo. How did you even afford that? And why? It clearly needs a ton of work, and you know I’m not a bodyman.”
“You wouldn’t believe me if I told you.”
“Try me.” Victoria crossed her arms and tilted her head back towards the garage.
“It all started when I saw a unicorn crash it.”
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...Or a modified Honda Civic.
So, so true.
lol i love it and this sure sounds like Marshmallow.
Ten bits for a Lamborghini... Two bits for an apple....
Don't expect a lot of tourists from Earthside, Your Highnesses... (Nor diplomatic missions- the per diem alone would bankrupt the UN.... ]
wheezing out laughter So, as it turns out giving a car to someone with hooves instead of hands? Bad idea. Really bad idea.
So just how much is a wrecked Lambo like that worth?
Whatever happens though, I bet Donna's keeping the bit.
I mean if she wants a car that'll stay on the road she could get a Rotunda.
Well, guess this is all the more reason to be concerned if I find a unicorn as my uber driver xD
Excuse me for several moments.
Goes downstairs to the family gun safe. Gets out my firearms, gets the ammo, and tries to find a portal to this Equestria…
Darn it that part is impossible. Entities like this make me mad because they ruin perfectly good cars out of sheer stupidity. Now to read what prompted this story.
10872285
Quite a bit as all the good bits are in the rear, unlike normal front engined cars that would likely have major engine damage from a frontal impact like that.
Rarity is the Element of Generosity, not the Element of Responsible Driving.
I just bought a Subaru Crosstrek. I woulda bought a Lambo but I'm not quite there yet.
...and Rarity wrecked the last one in stock.
Ponies must be significantly more durable than humans if they expect to walk away from a high speed crash in a wooden or cast iron cart with no crumple zone. That or they willingly sacrifice their cart pulling pony as their "crumple zone".
That is extremely in-character.
Ha! Perfect.
Looking at you Trixie.
Thats a Big crumple zone.
Its almost as if they designed it knowing the average idiot would try hitting it with trees to get round needing a logging license?
Delightful bit of randomness. There's a reason Rarity owns a cat. She can exude that same level of "it's not my fault, and in fact never happened at all" confidence after a disaster. And hey, if she's giving away Lambos, call it a tip.
The question is what kind of car would work for Rarity...
Magnific story!
10872707
Something that works better as a show piece than a performance car. Aston Martin comes to mind, just don't let her drive it.
10872707
Ubers. Only Ubers.
10872707
A Deusenberg. Preferably chauffeured.
images-wixmp-ed30a86b8c4ca887773594c2.wixmp.com/f/fb40fb27-9804-480b-bb90-ae1a3ab66ad8/d4umjbr-79b00f03-73d9-4f8a-9efc-35da3d066b0d.jpg/v1/fill/w_900,h_697,q_75,strp/rarity_fink_by_sketchywolf_13-d4umjbr.jpg?token=eyJ0eXAiOiJKV1QiLCJhbGciOiJIUzI1NiJ9.eyJpc3MiOiJ1cm46YXBwOjdlMGQxODg5ODIyNjQzNzNhNWYwZDQxNWVhMGQyNmUwIiwic3ViIjoidXJuOmFwcDo3ZTBkMTg4OTgyMjY0MzczYTVmMGQ0MTVlYTBkMjZlMCIsImF1ZCI6WyJ1cm46c2VydmljZTppbWFnZS5vcGVyYXRpb25zIl0sIm9iaiI6W1t7InBhdGgiOiIvZi9mYjQwZmIyNy05ODA0LTQ4MGItYmI5MC1hZTFhM2FiNjZhZDgvZDR1bWpici03OWIwMGYwMy03M2Q5LTRmOGEtOWVmYy0zNWRhM2QwNjZiMGQuanBnIiwid2lkdGgiOiI8PTkwMCIsImhlaWdodCI6Ijw9Njk3In1dXX0.oQ7uNiraNSrSbFBzkwL8UeBBsypM61gA4FAbEPikHYI
Rarity.. you silly mare.
10872195
Worth mentioning the Ford Pinto, which was designed badly enough to at least provide the name for this trope (Hollywood explosions are cooler than real ones).
10872582
The pony pulling the cart is the driver by any reasonable definition. If they aren't going to be protected, nopony is.
Never give a squirrely mid-engine rear-wheel-drive exotic with a manual transmission to a novice driver. They always do one of two things, or both at the same time; burning up the clutch and/or wrapping themselves around a tree. No traction control, no assists, no second chances.
Every time I hear about the Diablo I remember the one movie where Brendan Fraiser made a deal with the Devil.
Lambo?
static.zerochan.net/Lambo.full.449631.jpg
(Alondro is such an otaku... so lame.)
10872251
Or a shave and a haircut.
Barber would get a massive tip if an Equestrian bit really is worth that much.
Reminds me of the dotcom bubble days.
Another one of your brilliant ideas coming to life, and goodness its got the perfect amount of elegance, humor, and crash-y stuff! Tis a generous amount of enjoyment with the generous pony included in this fun lil' fic! Hope ya didn't mind, but I made a lil' reading on this sporty fic of yours!
Audio Linkyloo!: https://youtu.be/9abD4JmbqN8
(I don't mean to offend anyone with this comment in any way!)
10872954 Or you could, y'know, just build cars that don't try to murder unwary drivers.
But then it wouldn't be Italian, now would it?
10872894
Ford Pintos don't really explode. You could roast to death in an early (1971-1976) Pinto hatchback or coupe (but not the station wagon of any year) because in a rear-end collision there's a potentially lethal 1-2 KO: the collision could compress the fuel cell into the rear axle, sparking a fire and simultaneously warping the body of the car so that the doors were no longer able to open. "The BBQ that seats four" was the Pinto's nickname, and that's a pretty apt description of it.
Of course, in Hollywood, a door ding is enough to make any car erupt in fireworks.
A Yugo rolls to a stop smoke bellowing from it's windows - Rarity's ride home
Thank you my Spikey but must you smoke while driving ?
You should check out Tree Huggers Van.
Blue Blood had a coach with cruise control... You can guess how his trip ended
with the spare tire in his caboose
Along with the bumper hitch jack and signal flares - That'll put blood on the highway
After doing some research, I presume that Rarity mistook the Diablo's carbon-fiber body for plastic. Because if it's actually made of plastic, she may very well have been ripped off and got a counterfeit Lamborghini.
Also everypony knowns that Pinkie is the best driver out of the Mane 6. Pinkie Sense is better than any blind spot monitor.
10872251
Nothing stopping you taking our produce or vegetarian meals through and exchanging them for bits. We do have lots of fruits and vegetable options.
*sighs* And I'd bet good money Rarity doesn't even have an interdimensional driver's license, doing that to a Lambo.
Wrecks economies, wrecks high-performance sport cars...
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cyB4E8-1PTM
That's it. She is getting the squirt bottle. With ice water.
10872195
That’s an expensive mod, though.
One of my pet peeves, TBH. And I love it when comedies call Hollywood out on that.
10872218
There’s DLC in the blog post, that’s not as good as a second chapter, but it’s something. . . .
10872226
Thank you!
10872251
I expect that rules would go in place very quickly to normalize the currency (and not allow ponies to carry actual bits in the to the US).
10872280
Hey, she’s got a horn, too. She could drive with that.
And if I can ever find it again, there was a guy who taught more than one horse to drive an actual automobile.
10872285
Probably a fair bit, just in salvage parts. I’d have to guess tens of thousands, especially if you part it out.
Of course she is.
10872292
That would (or if it got off road, it’d be a match for the smaller trees). Not really her style, though.
Funnily enough, one of Ford’s automotive service divisions is called Rotunda. (Tools, IIRC)
10872370
I’d roll with it. Figure worst case, it’s going to make a great story at the funeral.
10872415
Eh, at least it wasn’t a 30s Cord.
And the important thing is that everypony was okay, and Donna’s got a Lambo in her garage now.
10872430
Yeah, there’s a good chance the engine and transmission survived, with minimal or no damage. And a lot of the interior parts would be worth a fair bit, too, as well as any body panels that made it through with little to no damage.
I don’t know the market for those, but I did some quick googling and a set of reconditioned rims for that car is like 12k, and if she just bought it the rims that didn’t get damaged in the collision are probably good enough to sell for 3k each. More if they’re got the tires on them.
10872458
Exactly!
10872553
Just save your bits.
I haven’t seen a Crosstrek, I don’t think. I assume that’s a fairly new model (or a not-in-the-US model)?
10872582
To be fair, unless things go badly wrong, you don’t tend to have high speed crashes in wooden or iron carts. And the physics aren’t intuitive as speeds ramp up (nor the fact that the cart surviving more-or-less intact doesn’t reflect on how the occupants did).
I mean, that is historically accurate. Not great for the cart pulling ponies, though.
10872610