• Member Since 2nd Nov, 2012
  • offline last seen 3 hours ago

Admiral Biscuit


he/him

T
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In the mythical magical world of Equestria, six friends unite around a round table to vanquish their foes--an alicorn, a unicorn, two earth ponies, a shy pegasus, and a GE Dash 8-40CW.

Wait, what?

That’s right, Rainbow Dash is now a locomotive.

Twilight does not take this well.


”What the hell just happened? Did I really read that? Oh, my god, I did. I did read that.”
--Katrina Patrick Lumsden

”That’s not even a Dash 8-40CW. That’s an EMD SD70ACe. You’re an idiot.”
--Some pedant on the internet

Chapters (1)
Comments ( 206 )

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Do we really need story notes for this one? It’s got footnotes, train facts, memes, one song reference, and a 4100hp GE Dash 8-40CW.

I suppose if there’s enough demand, I’ll come up with something.

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What the hell did I just read?

"Hey... Hey Twilight..."

"Dash... I swear to the Maker..."

"Look... I'm full of stallions..."

"Oh Celestia..."

"They wanna ride me..."


"..."

Ah yes, I haven't seen a "Rainbow Dash turns into X" story in a while

--Some pendant on the internet

Talking pendants. What will people think of next?

”What the hell just happened? Did I really read that? Oh, my god, I did. I did read that.”

Couldn’t have said it better myself.

that 13 annotation ruined my comment. I hope you're happy.

This is actually not the first story about Rainbow turning into an inanimate object that was posted today.

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... seriously? I'm not sure if that makes this better or worse.

The sad part is, I don't know if Glimglam foud the right string to pull, or if Twilight's tenuous grasp on reality has finally just snapped.

...

:pinkiegasp:

...

Oooookay. Way to derail my train of thought before the story was a quarter over.

I'm smiling after reading this, yes. But it's a very unsure smile. :rainbowhuh:

...what?

You know, when I said bizarre, this was not what I was expecting.

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It's called "a quality horseapple post". The trick is to be mind bendingly rediculous but we'll written enough to keep you engaged.

I predict featurebox soon for this one.

Does this mean she now lives at Horseshoe Curve?

”That’s not even a Dash 8-40CW. That’s an EMD SD70ACe. You’re an idiot.”
--Some pedant on the internet

I'm not too sure. I imagine that the casual observer would have difficulty telling them apart on the grounds they look so similar.

Dash 8-40CW
upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/2/20/CR_6114_1993%2C_Altoona%2C_Pennsylvania.jpg

SD70Ace
upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/thumb/4/43/CSX_Loco_No.4761.jpg/1280px-CSX_Loco_No.4761.jpg

in the standard 4’8½” (6 liters) gauge.

6 litres? Did you, perchance, mean metres? If that was the case, 4ft 8 1/2 works out to 1.4351 metres. 6 metre gauge would have a whopping 19.685 feet between the rails!

I... what?

I honestly thought that "6 liters" was an obscure unit of measurement until I saw "12 km". I should know better than to trust you by now :twilightangry2:

intervenous drug users

...How? Perform surgery on oneself to bridge two veins every hit :derpytongue2:

Kind of surprised that a conversation could still be held after those horn blasts. Those things are loud.

But now she has a marefriend and that makes her best pony.

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There was also this, which also makes no sense:

400,000 pounds (12km)

I'm pretty sure the good Admiral is fucking with us. (Just look at the rest of the story!) :rainbowlaugh:

10375261

Do we really need story notes for this one?

One one hoof, I would like an explanation for... that. *gestures at the entire story*
On the other, I'm not sure I actually want to know.

I did enjoy it though, it was amusing in an absurd sort of way. :rainbowlaugh:

10375570
Especially given this loco has a tractive effort of 108,600lbf.

I'm disappointed at no references to confusion and delay. You have made the fat controller very sad..... LOL

I haven’t done the conversion myself, but I suspect your metric units might be off. I’m sure it’s 1.4 bushels to the meter. But don’t take my word, I can never remember how many gallons there are in a kilowatt.

Someone needs to lay off the mind-altering substances. Or share...

Did you do DMT while playing Garry’s Mod again, Admiral?

Biscuit, dear friend, kind sir...I ask this with all kindness in my heart and concern for your well being:

What in God's name have you been smoking, and where can I get some?

My ma bucked the corn and her ma before her, and what’s good enough for them is good enough for me.

"Wasn't your maternal grandmother a Pear? Did they even grow corn while in Ponyville?"
"That ain't no nevermind."

Pinkie Pie was Pinkie Pie.

Which was both more and less helpful than you'd think.

This was definitely a thing. I especially liked the metric conversions. Now we just need a heartwarming slice of life between Rainbow Dash 8-40CW and Fluttersherman.

If you're not on drugs, you probably should be. (And that's without reading the story itself)

She looked both ways before crossing the tracks, like a good pony.

*pats Twilight gently on the head.*

Instead of her normal greeting, she let out a blast from her Nathan K5LA air horn which was deafening in an enclosed location. It also broke the window that Rainbow usually broke.

At least she is consistent enough to rule out she had been replaced by a changeling.

Then she took several deep breaths to calm herself, and also a shot of Herr Vodka, and then since nopony was paying attention, brought the whole bottle to her lips and drained it dry because it was that kind of day.

She even skipped the ice cream?


Good story!
I enjoyed reading it.


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But what if we have a leap year?
Then the entire math is wrong!

This reminds me of 2012 me. 👍

As I was reading this I was thinking, "oh God, this is going to end with them all dying of carbon monoxide poisoning isn't it?" Glad to see I was wrong.

Comment on footnote 3:
Or "cousins"

I'm glad I read these in the morning. Then my brain can't process what I'm reading enough.

10375705
...and now I’m picturing a scene from Goldeneye. Yellow tank, blue train...

Eh, there are worse ships.

Let's see... I've read Twilight as a fire truck, Applejack as a pickup, Fluttershy as a Sherman tank, Princess Celestia as an Ohio-class submarine, and now Rainbow Dash as a Dash 8 locomotive. The list continues.

:rainbowhuh:

There. I can't say anything more to this. Except Wat. Yes. Wat?

10375790
Next up, Princess Luna as a Lockheed SR-71 Blackbird.

Either that, or a space shuttle. Either works.

10375421
As soon as I read the title I knew I'd find you here XD

10375304

What the hell did I just read?

Fun locomotive facts! :heart:

10375305

"Hey... Hey Twilight..."

"Dash... I swear to the Maker..."

"Look... I'm full of stallions..."

4100 of them, in fact! That’s a lot of stallions.

railpictures.net/showimage.php?id=313596&key=2447926

10375309

Ah yes, I haven't seen a "Rainbow Dash turns into X" story in a while

I thought that was an old, dead meme, and then it turns out that someone else published a “RD turns into X” story not that long before mine. :rainbowlaugh:

10375972
But, honestly, a Dash 8? Why not a WP FP-7 or a GP20 High Nose?

10375310

Talking pendants. What will people think of next?

You know what I mean, Captain Nitpick :derpytongue2:

Spelling error fixed, and seriously I do love that you’re the one that caught that particular one. :heart:

Pendants should be the inanimate objects they are, not have rude opinions.

10375319

that 13 annotation ruined my comment. I hope you're happy.

I take it you, too, have been near an idling locomotive?

10375329

This is actually not the first story about Rainbow turning into an inanimate object that was posted today.

I am in equal parts shocked and horrified. And amused.

10375344

The sad part is, I don't know if Glimglam foud the right string to pull, or if Twilight's tenuous grasp on reality has finally just snapped.

Certainly could be a little bit of both. Glimmy is a smart pony, and she’s pretty good under pressure, maybe moreso than Twilight.

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