• Member Since 2nd Nov, 2012
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Admiral Biscuit


he/him

T

Burger King’s tenuous foothold in Equestria could be more profitable if they were able to source beef locally, rather than import it from Earth. A purely financial decision, although the king of the minotaurs and by extension, cows, doesn’t exactly have the same view of the matter.

They think he’s open to negotiations; he knows they’re open to capitulation.


Now with a reading by StraightToThePointStudios!

Chapters (1)
Comments ( 74 )

That was delightfully odd and I think this might be my favorite minotaur king I've read about, even if he is only talked about rather than appearing in story.

King Asterion is my kind of ruler. This is the perfect blend of Pro Revenge and Malicious Compliance. *insert evil laugh*

Well, that's one way to make a point. But, you know, Burger King kinda brought it on themselves for being the idiots to broach the subject first. :rainbowlaugh:

Unless the whole Wendy's angle wasn't a bluff...but I'm pretty sure it was on King Asterion's part. It's not like Burger King would've been in any position to know one way or the other, and after this, they probably didn't want to go digging to find out.

:D Lovely fic, had a smile reading through all of it!

To Serve Man




:twilightoops: It's a cook book!

:moustache::raritywink: Yummy

Is it funny that my favorite part was the discussion of Tauran royal outfits for every occasion? :twistnerd:

:rainbowlaugh: Well that was hilarious, if a tad dark.

I'd like to think that it was a fake arm, but I wouldn't put it past the minotaurs for it to be real.

Delicious surrender.

ETA: In a strange confluence of events just now this twitter account that only posts pictures of ponies eating burgers crossed my feed: https://twitter.com/hayburgers

We don’t have Burger King here in Australia instead we have Hungry Jack’s same big American company but they had to change the name because there was already an Australian take away place called Burger King when they came in and so Hungry Jack’s was born

:rainbowlaugh: Fantastic. I do feel bad for the negotiation team. If only the executive who first suggested local sourcing had been made to attend. Ah well, lesson soundly learned, and I prefer Wendy's anyway. Or the Habit, or Five Guys...

Ahhhh, a nice "To Serve man" style showing (there's even a Twilight Zone epi of the same name), anyone remember the author?

One of the lesser lights should have noticed this set-up and start laughing once the arm was served with a "To Serve Man" quote ...

Not at all surprised that McDonalds was able to make it work. They are good at adjusting the product to fit local culture.

I was expecting the king to pull out monkey meat, but the arm was better.

According to Greek legends, the original Minotaur was an anthrophage. :pinkiegasp:

10915167
And the bastard son of a queen, with "Asterion" being what was going to be his name before they found out about his... deformities.

Just saying, all of this lines up far too well to be an accident.

Well you have a story where Ponies, too, eat Humans. :rainbowlaugh:

Adorable, interesting, and enjoyable all around! Tis a bountiful harvest of everything a person could ask for, and then some! Gotta say, it's always nice to see your personal depictions of human interactions with Equestrians! They're just so enticing and intriguing! Hope ya didn't mind, but I couldn't resist making a reading of this burger-y fic of yours!

Audio Linkyloo!: https://youtu.be/vre1M6qLslQ

(I don't mean to offend anyone with this comment in any way!)

We were in a pony McDonalds, an official franchise. One of the few human restaurant franchises that had actually made it work.

Now I'm curious which other companies tried (and failed) to set foot within Equestria.

Saffron didn’t reply right away, she just took a spoonful of her McFlurry and that was all the answer I needed.

The moment I read "McFlurry" I thought "There must be something MLP related to this.", and it turns out I wasn't disappointed:
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Source.
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10915115 McD's never needed beef... :unsuresweetie:

10914718 COOKING IS GROSS!!

You have to eat people ALIVE, like a PROPER giant dragon! :pinkiecrazy:

“What the waitresses brought out was an arm on a bed of greens, what looked like a whole human . . . forearm?” She motioned at my elbow and down to my hand. “And as everyhuman at the table was recoiling in horror, King Asterion went on as if this was perfectly normal, saying how tasty human meat was, didn’t they agree, and he couldn’t wait until the contract was signed and he could get a steady supply for the Hunt Club.

Alondro recoils in horror, "THIS IS NOT SOFT VORE!!! I CAN'T FAP TO THIS!!!" :trollestia: Munches on a piece, "Bleh, tastes kinda rancid. Must have been a convention attendee." :rainbowlaugh:

Pinkie Pie procured the arm... while also gathering the main ingredient for "Cupcakes".... :pinkiecrazy::rainbowhuh:

10915427
:derpytongue2: But you get the stringy stuff caught in your fangs and if swallowed whole you can feel them scream all the way down.

I want to call this a "slice of life" story... I really do... but for professional reasons I'll simply claim it to be fulfilling and in good taste.

Puns aside, well done and a fine addition to the softer background world building you do so very, very well.

It wasn't a Minotaur arm: it was a shaved Yahoo arm, bought from the Houyhnhnms.
(They do a good business selling off the surplus population of the pests to carnivorous species.)

10914554

That was delightfully odd

:heart:

and I think this might be my favorite minotaur king I've read about, even if he is only talked about rather than appearing in story.

Thank you!

And yeah, he does sound like a cool dude. As long as you stay on his good side, anyway.

10914564

King Asterion is my kind of ruler. This is the perfect blend of Pro Revenge and Malicious Compliance. *insert evil laugh*

Yeah, exactly. Can’t argue with his negotiating skills, and even if Saffron doesn’t know, he got some kind of deal before Burger King fled.

10914612

Well, that's one way to make a point. But, you know, Burger King kinda brought it on themselves for being the idiots to broach the subject first. :rainbowlaugh:

As they say, play stupid games, win stupid prizes.

Unless the whole Wendy's angle wasn't a bluff...but I'm pretty sure it was on King Asterion's part. It's not like Burger King would've been in any position to know one way or the other, and after this, they probably didn't want to go digging to find out.

It was totally a bluff. King Asterion did his homework, set them up, and watched them walk right into his trap.

10914779

Is it funny that my favorite part was the discussion of Tauran royal outfits for every occasion? :twistnerd:

It’s not weird at all (although it might be to ponies). A proper King has an outfit for every occasion.

10914861

I'd like to think that it was a fake arm, but I wouldn't put it past the minotaurs for it to be real.

It could be fake, but then it might not be. In Burger King’s case, would you want to guess wrong?

10914885

Delicious surrender.

The best kind :heart:

ETA: In a strange confluence of events just now this twitter account that only posts pictures of ponies eating burgers crossed my feed: https://twitter.com/hayburgers

Hah, that’s fantastic!

10915034
Last time I was in Australia I thought about going there and getting some Hungry Jack merch, but I always get stopped and inspected at customs, and having an empty Hungry Jack’s onion ring box in my bag would likely raise questions.

I suppose these days if I really wanted it, I could order something online.

10915049

:rainbowlaugh: Fantastic. I do feel bad for the negotiation team. If only the executive who first suggested local sourcing had been made to attend.

Yeah, you ain’t kidding. And then the rest of the team could have pointed to him, said ‘it was his idea,’ and fled. Sadly, as if often the case, the idiot who had the idea wasn’t the one who had to confront the consequences of his idea.

Ah well, lesson soundly learned, and I prefer Wendy's anyway. Or the Habit, or Five Guys...

:rainbowlaugh:

If Five Guys wanted to open an Equestrian franchise, and if they did their homework, they might very well call it “Five Mares.” Or . . .

derpicdn.net/img/2013/2/16/244691/large.jpg

10915106

One of the lesser lights should have noticed this set-up and start laughing once the arm was served with a "To Serve Man" quote ...

Probably the intern got it, while all the suits were in full panic mode.

10915115

Not at all surprised that McDonalds was able to make it work. They are good at adjusting the product to fit local culture.

Yeah, and I feel like they’d be clever enough to not rush in, but do their homework first, then come in with a plan and a suitable marketing campaign. If it took years and hiring a couple ponies to make it happen, so be it.

I was expecting the king to pull out monkey meat, but the arm was better.

King Asterion is a believer in go big or go home.

10915167

According to Greek legends, the original Minotaur was an anthrophage. :pinkiegasp:

Wasn’t basically everyone in Greek legend? Except for Zeus, who was . . . well, whatever the next step beyond polyamorous is.

10915192

Just saying, all of this lines up far too well to be an accident.

:trixieshiftleft:

10915231

Well you have a story where Ponies, too, eat Humans. :rainbowlaugh:

When they can get them, anyway. At least King Asterion was nice enough to cook it first.

10915267
Thank you! And that was fast! :heart:

10915298

Now I'm curious which other companies tried (and failed) to set foot within Equestria.

According to me (because who else are you gonna get), Budweiser tried and failed (their draft horses were granted asylum), Matchbox succeeded, Taco Bell has name recognition and desire (but a complicated relationship), Disney and McDonald’s made it work, Red Lobster has some franchises as well. Also Nike with their “Air Secretariat” hoof boots and of course Camelbak is popular with the pegasi.

The moment I read "McFlurry" I thought "There must be something MLP related to this.", and it turns out I wasn't disappointed:

There’s almost always pony art of it, I love the fandom.

10915425

McD's never needed beef... :unsuresweetie:

Someone in corporate back in the day had heard the McMealworms so much, he actually figured out the price per pound for mealworms as compared to beef (mealworms are way more expensive).

You have to eat people ALIVE, like a PROPER giant dragon! :pinkiecrazy:

Gollum likes it raw and wiggling.

Alondro recoils in horror, "THIS IS NOT SOFT VORE!!!

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10915712

I want to call this a "slice of life" story... I really do... but for professional reasons I'll simply claim it to be fulfilling and in good taste.

:rainbowlaugh:

Puns aside, well done and a fine addition to the softer background world building you do so very, very well.

Thank you! :heart:

10915776

It wasn't a Minotaur arm: it was a shaved Yahoo arm, bought from the Houyhnhnms.

Whatever it was, it’s not like BK’s team would know the difference (or ask too many questions, given the circumstances).

(They do a good business selling off the surplus population of the pests to carnivorous species.)

I have heard some people speculate that certain creatures in Equestria can decide to donate their bodies for food, sort of like donating bodies to science but tastier?

Damn. King Asterion missed an opportunity to acquire a copy of The Most Dangerous Game and set it up as a centerpiece.

Must have been before the Impossible Burger was a thing.

Fun fact but McDonald's works by making most of their money from real estate.
Then the owners of the place also have to run by the rules and use equipment only McDonald allows.
Also for example they make money by making deals with ice machine companies too and they constantly break so repairs are paid by owners of the restaurants, not McDonald


That’s something he might have done,” Saffron admitted. “He was wearing his surrender clothes, so he would have been expecting complete capitulation. I don’t think he would have had to have them draw weapons

I don't think they would play around and they would just pull out guns.

Also, there is no way they wouldn't hire bodyguards to escort them.

The moment King Asterion would threaten them or his waitresses pulled out weapons, the bodyguards would make themselves more noticeable as a warning and ready to act.

And by bodyguards, I mean the ones that look like the military. Considering what monsters live in Equestria they would be allowed to hire them.

10915617 Feeling the screaming and the struggles is like HNNNNNNNNNNNNNNGGGGG!!!

(Hisoka would totally get off on it if he was a dragon... you know he would.)

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:fluttershbad:

10915857 Lol, vore blueballed. :rainbowlaugh:

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