• Member Since 28th Jun, 2013
  • offline last seen 3 hours ago

Jinzou


I have been known to write smol horse words on occasion. Join my Discord?

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The Elements of Harmony have become heroes in the eyes of the general populace of Equestria.

So when Twilight gets a letter from the Make-A-Wish foundation, asking her and her friends to come visit a dying colt before he passes on, it should be no issue...

Right?


Featured October 25th, 2020!

Chapters (1)
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Comments ( 33 )

I see you finally found a compelling reason why fluttershy is afraid of hospitals :yay:

Also, I have the need to congratulate you for being fearless enough to successfully tackle 1st person POV, known for being particularly difficult. keep up the good work.

This was actually a brilliant look into Fluttershy's psyche. I agree 1st Person POV is hard to tackle, but here it's done exceptionally well as we see her react to her own emotions as well as the reactions around her. Fluttershy's perspective on herself, while sad at times, is perfectly believable and it makes the "baby steps" she makes at the end all the more satisfying.


Just a beautiful fic all around. Well done!

If this is what you write when you're drunk you should drink more often. But always drink responsibly

Wha... You wrote THIS while DRUNK? Man, I can't imagine what marvels you can write SOBER!

10497474
Thanks! :yay: And yeah, I've come to realize first person is extremely rewarding when done decently.


10497496
Thanks! I've never done anything from her POV, so this was a bit of an expiriment, but I'm glad to see people seem to enjoy it!


10497705
Yes sir/ma'am!


10497850
All the rest of the shit under my name. And I wasn't like, stumbling and falling over myself drunk, but yeah, I was drunk.

This was so sweet and emotional, it was really interesting reading from Fluttershy's perspective. Kudos

but also, I really hate to nitpick but there's just one tiny detail I noticed. Near the beginning of the fic, the colt is referred to as Blue Melody. Then at the end he's called Blue Harmony. Idk which you meant for it to be but I just figured I'd point it out.

But that's just a minor thing, otherwise this was excellent! Thank you for sharing.

10498025
Ah shit, let me fix that. But thanks! And I'm glad you enjoyed!

hot damn! this was awesome! i love these sadder types of stories, and this one was almost perfect. you, sir, are one hell of a writer.

10498159
Thank you! :twilightsmile:

Bittersweet. Thank you.

10498194
A pleasure. :twilightsmile:

Huk

Hmm, interesting idea, I like it.

10498651
I'm glad you like it.

You wrote this while drunk? Like seriously I'm starting to think you are incapable of writing a bad story.

10498755
That's because I removed everything I wrote in like 2013. Those were pretty damn bad.

I've never related to Fluttershy this strongly before.

I feel like you skipped the part where she overcomes her fears and self hatred? It's all well and good to know that somepony needs you and it's worth making sacrifices for them but that kinda falls away once your phobia hits and throws you into a blind panic.

I've spent enough time in hospitals to relate, and I've had to do chest compressions on a drug OD victim, not fun stuff.

Nicely done.

10499716
That sounds unfortunate. Glad you liked it though.

10499735
I work security, part of my job unfortunately.

10499795
Yeah, the feeling of someone's ribs breaking during chest compressions is not something you forget, it sticks with you. So I TOTALLY understand where Best Poney is coming from in your story.

If you wrote this while drunk, then I need to read some of the works that you wrote while sober. Poor Fluttershy, though.

10500430
https://www.fimfiction.net/user/119262/Jinzou/stories :raritywink:

(Just remember that even thought the earlier ones have a seen drop in quality. They're not bad, just I've gotten to the point where I kinda want to rewrite them and polish them up)

And Fluttershy will be okay. She's a strong mare.

I apologize if this letter is unprofessional. Usually this is not the case, but regarding the fact that this is being sent to a princess, I felt the personal touch was needed.

If it’s being sent to a princess wouldn’t it make sense to be more professional than personal?

Damn you, Rainbow Dash. Damn you to Tartarus and back. You and that… stupid emphathetic expression that I just can’t fight back against. Please… don’t make me…”

Damn, that’s what happens when you try to be a good friend?

Gosh, I was an awful pony.

“Was”? So, this is a flashback?

Also, this was very interesting.

10500881
I feel when sent to a princess it should be a cookie cutter letter just edited from a prompt, that's what I was going for.

Fluttershy thought that because she didn't want to open up about her feelings, and the expression on rainbows face was making that hard.

No, I just fucked up the tenses.

10501204
Cookie cutter letter edited from a prompt?

10501291
"Hello "name" this is "writers name" from "hospital name". I represent make a wish. "Patient name" has requested your presence.

Or something like that. I don't know how make a wish letters are structured.

Nononono, I can’t tell her. This is my problem to handle. I don’t need to drag her into my business. That’ll just make her sad, then I’ll feel bad about telling her, then I’ll be more sad, and she’ll try to cheer me up while she's sad… and… and…

“I’m… I’m fine.” I managed a small smile. “You know me and meeting new ponies. But I’ll be fine. It’s about this colt, not me.”

These paragraphs are brilliant! So real like Fluttershy's just in front of me. You really pictured Fluttershy's feelings well. :heart:

10549447
Aw, thanks! I'm so glad you think it's fitting!

As someone who is not a big Fluttershy fan (she and Pinkie are characters that never really struck me, I guess), this was a great look into her psyche. You definitely pulled off the first-person perspective well. Including all of her animal friends was also great touch. I'm also saying that as someone who despises Angel. (Twilight kicking him into the mud was one of the funniest moments of the series for me, LOL.) But he was absolutely what Fluttershy needed here.

The reveal that Fluttershy was already there brought a tear to my eye. You bastard. For something you wrote while drunk, this definitely spoke from the heart. Great job. :yay:

10569090
I'm absolutely right there with you on Fluttershy and Pinkie (and Angel).

I feel like if the writers had some more balls this could viably happen. I mean the Avengers get Make-A-Wish calls all the time, and the M6 have actually saved the world and when all the magic was taken by Tirek, Twilight feasibily saved those terminal foals directly.

Glad you enjoyed it!

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