It was late on a winter's night when Fluttershy found a strange creature on her doorstep that nopony had ever seen before. At first she thought that it was just another animal, a hairless ape, but the more and more it behaved like a pony the more she decided she would raise him as her own son--named Harry. How will he grow up in a world meant for ponies? And how will Fluttershy's friends react to this creature?
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Chapters (17)
Pinkie making Harry laugh was cute. Also, Fluttershy trying all she can to comfort him and make him fell comfortable. Oh, gosh, I hope Twilight don't do anything to freak the infant out too bad. Can't wait for Chapter Two.
I take it your rewriting
2365833 Eeyup
Good story man I liked it
good start
Not exactly an original concept, but so far better than most others. I'll follow and see how this goes.
Not bad for a rewrite so far.
Rarity is secretly an escapee from a world where humans keep ponies as slaves!
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.
.
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Okay, probably not.
Rarity.... how dare you......
I bet Rarity is a little bit jealous of Fluttershy for having a little colt to call her own. I have a feeling though, that something bad might happen with Harry, and Fluttershy might not know what to do with him, and might have to turn to Rarity which will change her mind about the poor little thing. That was cruel of her though to talk about Harry like that when she came over. I hope she warms up to Harry though, because out of the rest of the girls, Rarity seems motherly in a way like Fluttershy.
This part isn't wrong in itself, but the way the whole scene is written implies that Fluttershy was working alone in the cottage, Harry says mama, and Twilight somehow hears it from the library and teleports into the cottage a moment later.
2369110 Maybe I should have made it more clear. It happened sometime later.
2369114
I realized that, but you should probably make it more clear.
I don't know exactly what you did, but this sounds a lot better than the original.
2369408 Well first I talked to a Gypsy Fortune teller to get an idea of the finished product. She told me that I needed to burn it in the fires of Mt. Doom, so I gathered up a group of twelve dwarves and went on a quest. Along the way we were chased by a dragon, which ended up eating most of the dwarves. When we finally got to the top of the mountain all I got was a stupid ring, so I decided to just rewrite the thing.
An easy way to separate time is a BIG line across the screen. It helps separate time
2369501 There, you guys have your line.....
2369512 OHH yeah.. that makes it much clearer that a quick jump in time has occurred... If you find something that works better you should use it. But you need to separate quick jumps like that.. and the line does it pretty well. Good read.
2370171 Than what will you use for a Spike emoticon?
I like this, just one little gripe I have with this chapter. As cute as it is, mama wouldn't be Harry's first spoken word. A babies first word is usually mama or daddy, but that's because the parents constantly encourage the child to speak those words with visual cues like pointing to themselves and saying mama, or daddy. Since Fluttershy didn't actively try and get Harry to call her mama, his first word would have been something random that he heard in passing from Fluttershy or her friends.
Sorry I think about little things like that when I read, and it's not really a big deal, just pointing it out, carry on.
darn it, why must I get so into stories like this one; I only find myself disappointed that there isn't more to read from it
Aww :D Fluttershy is so awsome adopting Harry :)
rarity is being a hoe right now, but I wonder if she is talking to the other 4 of the mane 6 or planing to do something to harry.
i lost it at "so wana go for round two?" dam flutterstrike you fight for your son :')
Aww..this is a sweet yet sad chapter. How dare that mare say that Harry was ugly, but Fluttershy showed her a thing or two. I really do wish that the rest of the Mane Six except for Twilight who is warming up to Harry would treat him good. I would really like to see Rarity start treating him kind.
So he's talking in whole sentences before he learned to walk? I suppose living among quadrapeds could do that. How old is Harry now?
Okay, I've definitely seen this story before.
2374256 It's a rewrite. The old version is gone.
Won't happen again. The next time the final draft will be the first I publish.
2374268 Oh.... sorry.
And please don't tell me this story will tunr out exaclty the same as the other version. I didn't like that one very much.
2374280 Nope, it'll be different. Basic events will be in place, but I've added a lot and fixed up the ones that were there before.
2374340 Oh, good. I'm sorry, I just didn't like how things turned out in the last version. I mean, Harry never grew up to accomplish anything? I also didn't like the way the CMC treated him, I expected them to be friendlier than that.
Has Twilight forget that Spike walk on two legs and take things with his hands? And Fluttershy you've fed animals with insects and fish. So meat shouldn't be a problem. But for the outer ponies, it may be. And the baby lern to talk fast in this world and he is barely a year old if I'm not wrong.
Still, this story have potential. I like the more assertive Fluttershy. Don't piss her of when close to her kid.
2374711 They previously thought that he was an animal. That's why him talking and walking surprised them.
Question: will Harry have some special talent to match ponies´ magical abilities?
2374957 You'll have to stay tuned. ;)
2370570 um... Uh... Dangint what would I use? Wait... I think I got it... Um alright F6H5$ means spike emojicon there!
It still bugs me about time lapses.... when did harry learn to speak full sentences? How many months have passed? And there are still weird time gaps that occur due to everything meshing together... but i really like the story mate. keep it up.
It's actually MOM Y U NO having fun? *trollface*. I think to make this story crash and burn and rise out of its ashes you should make it that Harry is actually a scientist that was working on some kind of genetic project when some partical collider exploded and thuse he turned young and temporally lost his memory. *Smile that kills plot lines of stories*
well, another awesome story with an update to boost, keep up the awesome story.
Three words: Bloody Bucking Brilliant. That's it, I'm done here.
...or not, still will be watching this story for more, I must admit you don't see HiE fics staring kids, and you've seem to have done it pretty well.
Aww...not matter what he is, either a pony, or a non-pony Fluttershy loves and cares for Harry which I know she would. It is getting kind of worrying now with him getting bigger. Another one of the Mane Six have become good friends with Harry and that is Rainbow! :). That just leaves two more, Applejack and Rarity.
Only the element of kindness can touch a guy like that *manly tears* She makes an excellent mom if I do say so myself; Good Luck with Harry Fluttershy
This is really touching. If this keeps up, I'll have to hold back the waterworks even harder than before.
I keep liking this story more and more ! Keep writing :)
This is adorable. I keep seeing a little Harry Potter running around.
The new fourth chapter was kinda short but what the hay I enjoyed it!
Why does his name keep changing from Henry to Harry?
2384349 It doesn't, Applejack accientily calls him Henry.