Inner Strength
Panic building, I pushed open the door to Twilight's library.
The five of my friends were seated in cushions around the table, which was at the moment, covered in various books and scrolls.
“I’m so sorry I’m late everypony. I know you called an emergency meeting, but Sandra just came down with a broken leg after a walk in the woods, and she was slightly feverish so I had to talk to Dr. Fauna, and-” I began, stopping suddenly when I caught the look on everypony’s faces.
Oh no, this was serious serious.
“Wha- What happened? Did Celestia get kidnapped again?” I shuddered. “Is Chrysalis planning another attack?”
Twilight fought to keep her expression neutral and levitated a letter over to me. I grabbed the papyrus and quickly scanned it. I instantly regretted it.
Dear Princess Twilight Sparkle,
Hello, my name is Morning Skies, and I represent the Make-A-Wish foundation. We’re writing to you in regards to a very special colt.
At this foundation, we believe in hope, and we believe in kindness. And nopony else shows those qualities as much as you and your friends do. That in mind, the colt I’m writing to you on behalf of, Blue Melody, has used his Make-A-Wish wish to request that you and the other Elements of Harmony can visit him in the hospital.
Our schedule is good to work around yours, but I respectfully encourage you to hurry. Blue Melody has stage four Hepatoma, and unless he has a miraculous pull-through, much less than a year left. More than likely just a hoof-full of months.
Regardless, I bid you a good day, and do so hope this letter reaches you and your friends in good times.
Respectfully,
Morning Skies.
A myriad of emotions shot through me all at once.
A terminally sick colt had requested to meet the six of us. I should be honored! I had most likely become a hero in the eyes of an innocent little foal!
I tried my best to put the thoughts of how much pressure that put on me to the back on my mind. No, this wasn’t about me. This wasn’t about my friends, this was about Blue Melody.
But still… meeting him in… a hospital?
I shook my head softly as I snapped back to reality. I noticed my body was trembling and I had goosebumps all across my skin.
Oh Celestia, I can’t say no to this innocent colt, but still… stepping back into a hospital…
“...Fluttershy?” A voice called out to me. The voice somehow seemed so far away.
I broke visual contact with the letter to stare up, searching for whoever called my name. I blinked hard as I realized my eyes were beginning to tear up.
Rainbow Dash had left her seat and was walking toward me. It must have been her that called my name.
“Fluttershy, what’s wrong?” She asked as gently as possible, placing a hoof on my withers. ”It’d just be a quick visit then it’d be over. You make some colt’s day and move on. I know you get anxious, but this is… what’s going on?”
Nononono, I can’t tell her. This is my problem to handle. I don’t need to drag her into my business. That’ll just make her sad, then I’ll feel bad about telling her, then I’ll be more sad, and she’ll try to cheer me up while she's sad… and… and…
“I’m… I’m fine.” I managed a small smile. “You know me and meeting new ponies. But I’ll be fine. It’s about this colt, not me.”
Rainbow Dash looked far from convinced.
“Fluttershy, I’ve known you for… what, almost ten years now?” She started.
I could only nod.
“Yeah, so I know when you’re holding back the truth. So suck it up an- I mean… Tell me what’s wrong, because I know it’s not the colt that’s making you upset.”
Damn you, Rainbow Dash. Damn you to Tartarus and back. You and that… stupid emphathetic expression that I just can’t fight back against. Please… don’t make me…”
“I…” I squeaked. “I’m afraid of hospitals!”
I clapped a hoof over my mouth as soon as the words of betrayal leaked out.
Oh no, there they all were. They were going to judge me for putting my own feelings over a terminally ill colt. They were going to judge me and I deserved every single insult they could think of.
“Fluttershy, I…”
Rainbow Dash looked around the room for assistance, but none came. Resigning herself to her fate, she sat next to me and wrapped a wing around me, ever so gently pulling me toward her.
The hug was appreciated, and I really did just want to sink into it and just enjoy the comfort, but it felt wrong. What if she took it the wrong way? What if it just cracked me open so hard and I started crying in front of everypony? No Fluttershy, you need to be strong. You need to-
My body betrayed me and sunk into Rainbow’s embrace as I hid my face into her chest. I don’t doubt she felt her chest growing damp, but to her credit, she didn’t say anything. She just sat there and let me cry myself out.
I will give credit to Rainbow. She’s so often callous with other ponies, and even though she can be rough around the edges with me, she’s so often softer when talking to me.
She acts completely different and probably has to act out of her comfort zone, just for me.
Gosh, I am an awful pony.
“I’m sorry.” I replied automatically, trying to dry my eyes on Rainbow’s chest fluff as inconspicuously as possible. “I can b-be there. I’m just not a fan of hospitals.”
And there it was. The truth was now out there. I was worried over my own ideas, despite the fact that a dying colt wanted to see me. I was an awful, terrible pony, and now my friends could judge me for it.
There were a few moments of silence, and then Twilight spoke up.
“Well... why? You seemed to have no problem when we visited Rainbow Dash after she broke her wing.”
I was so tempted to just run away, save me the embarrassment of having to talk about my feelings.
But if I had learned one thing since Twilight came to Ponyville, it’s that they wouldn’t accept me keeping all my emotions bottled up like I had. They’d just keep pressing and pressing until I caved, and then to their credit, they’d try to help me through all of it.
I really did appreciate all my friends. I loved them like family, but… I didn’t want them to have to worry over me. I was a stress case. Sure, I wasn’t useless, but I wasn’t getting any better. But the sympathetic looks from the other five ponies in the room only served to make me feel worse.
“Hey…” Rainbow spoke softly, lifting my chin so my gaze met hers. “What happened?”
No. I would resist. I didn’t need to break wide open in front of all of them and jus-
"About five months ago, Zephyr was trying to attract some other mare, did some stupid sort of stunt, and got really messed up and put in the hospital.” I blurted out.
Celestia dang it, Fluttershy! You and your big mouth!
“H-He…” I continued. “It wasn’t just like some small screw up. He somehow messed with a storm cloud or… something, and it s-stopped his heart. He was clinically dead for a while, and had all these broken bones, probably from the fall… and then I saw the nurse ponies trying to restart his heart a-and…” I tried my best to hold back a sob, but failed.
“A-and I know I wasn’t s-super close to him… b-b-but the sight of him lying there, with the machine flatlining… I was so scared! And then I r-realized how often we face dangerous odds, and Rainbow Dash goes to the hospital at least t-twice a year!”
Oh heavens, I was full on crying now. Just please, go away. It hurts. It hurts in my chest for ponies to see me this weak and helpless.
“S-so now every time I s-see a hospital… The c-cold unfeeling rooms, a-and the constant smell… and... it makes me think… a-and I… I just… I can’t!”
With a sob and a sudden burst of energy, I fled the room. I didn’t stop until I was all the back in my cottage, and instantly all of my animal friends were upon me.
They were used to seeing me cry, shameful as it is to admit that. So they knew exactly what to do.
Angel went off to brew some tea, Fuzzylegs and a couple other smaller animals went and fetched some spare blankets and pillows, and Harry wrapped me in a big, comforting hug.
I didn’t feel nearly as bad crying in front of my animal friends as I did my pony friends, but the pain still remained.
Stupid pony, a terminally ill foal just wanted to see you and you made it about yourself. You selfish pony. This wasn’t about you! This was never about you. You’re a horrible pony.
I couldn’t deny that. I was so ashamed of how I acted. I was… somepony others looked to as a hero after all the Elements of Harmony business. I should just have ignored my feelings and continued on for them. I mean sure, I had emotions, but there were so many more! So many that wanted to view me in such a positive light that I just plain didn’t deserve.
I wasn’t a hero. I was just a silly pony wrapped up in something way bigger than herself. Twilight and Rainbow Dash? Natural leaders and heroes. Applejack and Rarity? Not so much, but they were strong and determined, and never shied away when they had to step up to the plate. Pinkie? Well, she was always a wild card, but never let anypony down.
I was the odd one out.
I vaguely noted that somecreature was brushing my mane at that point.
It was an oddly calming experience. It brought back memories of being doted on by my mom when I was young and sick. Very calming, loving feelings.
I turned my head to see Angel struggling to hold my brush. He had a smile on his face, and pointed toward the table next to my couch. On it was a steaming fresh cup of tea.
I let out a small smile myself as I pulled the bunny into a hug. He had his moments when he was downright a pain to deal with, but he was always supportive when I needed him to be.
“Oh Angel!” I sobbed. “I can’t do it! I can’t go back to a hospital! I had nightmares for weeks after last time and… and.. And that colt deserves… deserves better…”
Angel just merely shook his head, and after a moment of consideration, leapt out of my embrace.
He swiftly searched along the walls, eventually plucking out a picture hung up with tape, and returned it to me.
I cautiously picked up the picture and looked at it. I instantly recognized it. It was the time Rainbow Dash got sick and I refused to leave her side. I stayed at her house and watched over her all night during the worst of the illness, all by myself, just to make sure she was okay.
But why did Angel show me this?
All I did was leave all my emotions at home and focus on the… one most important thing…
I remembered that Rainbow had told me after that just my presence, just me being close by had made her sickness “a bajillion times more bearable.”
It was fine with me, I worked against sleep deprivation and my own hunger and pain because I needed to see her happy. I managed to...
But that meant…
Oh, that clever, manipulative little bunny.
“I mean…” Twilight trailed off. “I sent her a letter detailing exactly when we planned to show up, I guess all we can do now is hope she’ll make it.”
The rest of the ponies, as to be expected, looked less sure.
“Well… here we are.” Rarity said tersely. “Room 215.”
Twilight took a deep breath and walked to the door. She vaguely made out voices behind it.
They were expecting us at this time, so…
Twilight gently opened the door to an unexpected sight.
There, sitting in the chair, right next to the bed holding a very sick blue and white colt, was a butter colored pegasus dressed in some sort of green jacket, with tan pith cover covering her pink mane.
“You’ll never get away with this Auizotl!” The pegasus growled in a poor attempt at Daring Do’s raspy voice.
Her voice instantly changed to a lower, obviously villainous voice as she read from a book. “Then, Daring Do, I shall make sure you will meet your DOOM!”
The blue colt stuck in the bed next to her let out a giggle.
“No way will that big dumb meanie beat Daring Do! What happens next?!”
Twilight thought that today was a great time to write a lesson in the Friendship Journal, and it’s true that I did learn something.
Sometimes, being afraid can stop you from doing something you know in your heart is the right thing to do. I’d like to say I learned that there’s not a problem with being afraid of your fears, but I learned something else instead. I learned that no matter your low points, true friends will be there to pick you up, regardless of whether they’re a pony or not.
I also learned that facing those fears, especially for the sake of somepony else, is a reward in itself. I was so scared to just look at a hospital after the accident my brother got into recently, but with the support of my friends, I faced those fears and gave Blue Melody the meeting he always wanted.
I believe in him, that he’ll get better, but I also believe in myself. After the meeting, Rainbow Dash took me aside and told me she was proud I conquered my fears. I'm not afraid to admit that I almost cried again at that moment. But it wasn’t just an attempt by me alone. It took several creatures to push me out of my comfort zone and support me, and that’s okay. I feel I took an important step forward today.
And with that in mind, I’m also going to make sure I visit Blue Melody as often as possible.
He’s a tough little colt, but maybe I… if I can do more than support him emotionally… I can teach him something my friends have taught me. And maybe with time we can both get better.
Today I think all of us learned something about being the best pony we can possibly be.
Satisfied with my entry into the journal, I dropped my quill.
I stretched out and rolled onto my side, gently petting Angel, who was peacefully sleeping next to me.
Maybe I was looking at things wrong.
Sure, I was an adult with plenty of friends, and plenty of time to work out my own issues. And sure, I hadn’t really had more than a few attempts to really push me to tackle those until now.
But if not for me, and not for my friends, I could be determined to grow and improve for one little terminally ill colt who I brightened the day of just by showing up.
Maybe I could get to the point where I could just walk in, unabated by emotion, and make somebody happy the way my friends do.
Maybe someday I could get over my insecurities, with some help.
But until then?
Baby steps, everypony.
Baby steps.
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I see you finally found a compelling reason why fluttershy is afraid of hospitals
Also, I have the need to congratulate you for being fearless enough to successfully tackle 1st person POV, known for being particularly difficult. keep up the good work.
This was actually a brilliant look into Fluttershy's psyche. I agree 1st Person POV is hard to tackle, but here it's done exceptionally well as we see her react to her own emotions as well as the reactions around her. Fluttershy's perspective on herself, while sad at times, is perfectly believable and it makes the "baby steps" she makes at the end all the more satisfying.
Just a beautiful fic all around. Well done!
If this is what you write when you're drunk you should drink more often. But always drink responsibly
Wha... You wrote THIS while DRUNK? Man, I can't imagine what marvels you can write SOBER!
10497474
And yeah, I've come to realize first person is extremely rewarding when done decently.
Thanks!
10497496
Thanks! I've never done anything from her POV, so this was a bit of an expiriment, but I'm glad to see people seem to enjoy it!
10497705
Yes sir/ma'am!
10497850
All the rest of the shit under my name. And I wasn't like, stumbling and falling over myself drunk, but yeah, I was drunk.
This was so sweet and emotional, it was really interesting reading from Fluttershy's perspective. Kudos
but also, I really hate to nitpick but there's just one tiny detail I noticed. Near the beginning of the fic, the colt is referred to as Blue Melody. Then at the end he's called Blue Harmony. Idk which you meant for it to be but I just figured I'd point it out.
But that's just a minor thing, otherwise this was excellent! Thank you for sharing.
10498025
Ah shit, let me fix that. But thanks! And I'm glad you enjoyed!
hot damn! this was awesome! i love these sadder types of stories, and this one was almost perfect. you, sir, are one hell of a writer.
10498159
Thank you!
Bittersweet. Thank you.
10498194
A pleasure.
Hmm, interesting idea, I like it.
10498651
I'm glad you like it.
You wrote this while drunk? Like seriously I'm starting to think you are incapable of writing a bad story.
10498755
That's because I removed everything I wrote in like 2013. Those were pretty damn bad.
I've never related to Fluttershy this strongly before.
I feel like you skipped the part where she overcomes her fears and self hatred? It's all well and good to know that somepony needs you and it's worth making sacrifices for them but that kinda falls away once your phobia hits and throws you into a blind panic.
10499032
I've spent enough time in hospitals to relate, and I've had to do chest compressions on a drug OD victim, not fun stuff.
Nicely done.
10499716
That sounds unfortunate. Glad you liked it though.
10499735
I work security, part of my job unfortunately.
10499780
Oof.
10499795
Yeah, the feeling of someone's ribs breaking during chest compressions is not something you forget, it sticks with you. So I TOTALLY understand where Best Poney is coming from in your story.
If you wrote this while drunk, then I need to read some of the works that you wrote while sober. Poor Fluttershy, though.
10500430
https://www.fimfiction.net/user/119262/Jinzou/stories
(Just remember that even thought the earlier ones have a seen drop in quality. They're not bad, just I've gotten to the point where I kinda want to rewrite them and polish them up)
And Fluttershy will be okay. She's a strong mare.
If it’s being sent to a princess wouldn’t it make sense to be more professional than personal?
Damn, that’s what happens when you try to be a good friend?
“Was”? So, this is a flashback?
Also, this was very interesting.
10500881
I feel when sent to a princess it should be a cookie cutter letter just edited from a prompt, that's what I was going for.
Fluttershy thought that because she didn't want to open up about her feelings, and the expression on rainbows face was making that hard.
No, I just fucked up the tenses.
10501204
Cookie cutter letter edited from a prompt?
10501291
"Hello "name" this is "writers name" from "hospital name". I represent make a wish. "Patient name" has requested your presence.
Or something like that. I don't know how make a wish letters are structured.
These paragraphs are brilliant! So real like Fluttershy's just in front of me. You really pictured Fluttershy's feelings well.
10549447
Aw, thanks! I'm so glad you think it's fitting!
As someone who is not a big Fluttershy fan (she and Pinkie are characters that never really struck me, I guess), this was a great look into her psyche. You definitely pulled off the first-person perspective well. Including all of her animal friends was also great touch. I'm also saying that as someone who despises Angel. (Twilight kicking him into the mud was one of the funniest moments of the series for me, LOL.) But he was absolutely what Fluttershy needed here.
The reveal that Fluttershy was already there brought a tear to my eye. You bastard. For something you wrote while drunk, this definitely spoke from the heart. Great job.
10569090
I'm absolutely right there with you on Fluttershy and Pinkie (and Angel).
I feel like if the writers had some more balls this could viably happen. I mean the Avengers get Make-A-Wish calls all the time, and the M6 have actually saved the world and when all the magic was taken by Tirek, Twilight feasibily saved those terminal foals directly.
Glad you enjoyed it!