Every story has it's fans. Mine just happen to be nonexistent. But that's okay because I still love to write❤️
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Discord always has this charisma, an overwhelming sense of confidence and bravado. Every pony, whether they like it or not, knows Discord has always been known to maintain an image... including his best friend, Fluttershy. But what happens when Discord is not around, when he’s in a place where his true pain is loose? That’s what Fluttershy hopes to understand. And that night, she herself seeks her own courage to approach her friend.
*Featured on 10/24/20*
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Aww
Well done! This was pretty good.
Well, this was nice.
So much so, she returns the words with a gentle stroke upon his head like brushing a hand atop a cat.
this line. Best part of the whole story. *gives headpats*
Okay, seriously this was super cute, and very believable. I can easily see this happening. There were a few moments where it was a little repetitive in the prose, but overall this is really solid. Keep up the good work. <3
I have to echo what the others have to say. This is an emotional piece, one that I could see transpiring before my eyes that drew my attention. Keep up the good work!
You've got a natural ear towards Fluttershy's voice, it seems, and an eye towards characters' inner dramas. Nicely done.
Beautiful, sweet story. For this point in her development, Fluttershy was in top form here.
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10498273 I apologize for the late response but with that said, I'm very thankful for the love and support this story has gotten. It means a lot to me that you guys/girls enjoyed it
On a side. Note, I've noticed one of the comments got a mountain of dislikes. I would like to know why the dislikes are there because from what I can see, it's not negative and I'm not placing blame on anyone but I'm just responding to everyone at once as to save time. Please and thank you
10499062
You work hard for the story to be where it is today. You had a vision and your fans got to see it in action. That's all that matters.
10499311
Mrs. SunTwi and I are rather pleased you like the reading all the same. We aim to please.
This piece is driven one hundred percent by Fluttershy's inner monologue and thoughts. A lot is said, but very little of it manages to be meaningful or substantial, or illuminate something interesting about either Discord's or Fluttershy's character. It stands out to me that the story tries to hammer home a point about how the characters are always there for one another, but the comfort being offered here isn't really reciprocal. Discord doesn't demonstrate that he's emotionally available to Fluttershy, and the only emotional labor (a term I'm using out of its original context, granted) performed here is from Fluttershy, to Discord.
It's also notable to me that we don't actually know why Discord is upset. Fluttershy assumes it's because of what happened with Tirek, but that's entirely inference on her part. We never actually get to hear Discord's side of this exchange; he's perceived entirely through the lens of Fluttershy's character.
Thus, only one of the characters in this piece, Fluttershy, feels realized. And Fluttershy's thoughts, character, and actions are geared entirely toward Discord, so even she doesn't feel particularly well realized. If you told me that this was a Fluttershy tulpa that Discord invented to comfort him when he's sad, rather than the actual Fluttershy, I'd believe that, because this feels less like a person with thoughts, feelings, and motives of her own, and more like a hollow vessel for someone else's feelings, one who exists entirely for another person's comfort.
The narration indulges in a lot of hyper-inflated emotional language and vivid, purple prose-y descriptions of Fluttershy's feelings and physicality, which, like I said, feels insubstantial. When you trim all of that away, this is really just about a person standing outside of a house and trying to decide whether or not to open the door. And I could get into the logic of the scenario, too (like how many times has Fluttershy stood outside, listening to Discord cry, exactly?), but I'm really unsure about any specifics regarding this story's plot or setting. The writing is hard to follow, and at times, completely incomprehensible.
I read this paragraph multiple times, and I still don't know exactly what's happening or what it's saying.
Fluttershy is standing on her hind legs, holding her forehooves out, beckoning Discord toward her, walking toward Discord, blushing, and making an expression with her "lips curled back," which just brings to mind the rictus grin of a skull. If you envision this happening all at once, the result is comical.
I get that you wanted to tell a story exploring these characters and their relationship and dynamic, but there needs to be more substance to a tale like this in order for it to work as a strong, effective story.
10499338 It’s not something to apologize for. It’s a review offering feedback.
10499346 I mean, I get it but I feel as you looked way to deep into something that was just meant to be a small but nice read. Didnt get me wrong- I appreciate your criticism but I didn't even expect it to be featured, let alone get so much attation. It's just the way you portrayed it, it made it sound like it was suppose to be this grand story that would surpass My Little Dashie(witch I'll never be able to do). Maybe I'm reading to much into this but that's why I was (mostly) confused.
10499353
Sure, but there's still value in taking even simple, straightforward stories like this seriously, and offering a full critique. If I was gonna say anything, I think it'd be a disservice to you as a writer, and to your writing, to just offer surface-level "this was nice; I liked it" feedback.
I've read breakfast cereal nutrition fact labels that surpassed My Little Dashie.
10499362 Okay, not my best example, I'll admit. But I do get what you mean.
10499353
I must agree with my boss, that being Mrs. SunTwi. This is not meant to be a deep, complex story. It's a simplistic tales of exploring the psyche of a man's sorrow and a woman reaching out regardless of his circumstances.
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cdn.discordapp.com/attachments/713977159219413002/770045576057716766/image0.jpg
10499403 For what it's worth, your attitude toward accepting feedback on your stories is great, and I wouldn't give such in-depth commentary if I didn't think it was worth it.
10499491 I think he meant Draconequus but I do appreciate your kind words
...Okay, what the hell happened here? I come back to this story after reading it yesterday (good job, BTW), and suddenly 10498315 the editor(?) is getting mass-downvoted, 10499311 you're talking about Rise Against lyrics for whatever reason (I looked up the lyrics and saw absolutely nothing that matched up with the given quote), 10499491 vocal opinion of the fic seems to have taken a complete 180 into the negative... and yet it currently has zero dislikes all the same.
What did I miss!?
10499904
Frankly, about the massive downvotes to me, I don't give a shit what they think.
I'm SunTwi's loyal editor, my duty is to serve her. To bring her vision to life.
They don't like me... tough. Maybe I don't want to like them either. Just proves my point about 'humans', complicated creatures.
10499904 The answer to your first part is thank you for your kind words
. The answer to your second part is I have no idea why he's getting downvoted so much. He didnt say anything negative. If I had to shoot in the dark, It's just likely due to... conflict of interest. The answer to Posh's part is I don't have an issue with their comment. A little suprising to be sure but I don't mind it.
10499904 It didn’t seem worth a downvote, especially after the author listened to my criticism. I usually reserve downvotes for stories that were, like, unforgivably bad on some deeper, fundamental level than what’s going on here. Or foalcon. Or both.
Anyway, I thought 10499311’s analysis was very insightful.
10499910 cdn.discordapp.com/attachments/713977159219413002/770044522977034260/unknown-50.png
10499935
Conflict of interest is probably the most likely words to describe the circumstances in this case. It may not have anything to do with anything political or anything, but they have a problem with me and frankly, I just don't care.
10499937
Fair enough.
It still doesn't make sense to me, though. A comment that described the story as "physically painful" got 11 likes—nearly half as much as the fic itself. I'd have figured the fic's ratings would've reflected that more.
EDIT: Looks like that comment's been deleted. No idea why.
10499950 like the number of licks it takes to get to the center of a tootsie pop, the world may never know.
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The down votes are probably Discord fans, raging against the idea that he is anything other "a sweet sensitive boy".
10499937 Wait, you downvoted it originally or did I misread that?
10499934 Okay, I let it slide the first time as I thought you were joking but I can tell you're now making fun of him and I don't appreciate that. Rather it's true or not is not the point. Making fun of people is not okay. Yes, the wording could be better but he's a good friend. Heck, if it wasn't for him, my stories wouldn't even be half as good.
If this behavior continutes, I'll have no choice but to either block you or disable comments and I'd rather not do either. With that said, you didn't response back after I had messaged you regarding the matter.
10499966 huh?
10499988 I mean, I thought about it, but no.
10499988
The down voters on Dramamaster829's comment. They down voted in mass on a comment that suggests that Discord is not a angel hence, Discord fans.
The quote as it originally appears.
This tends to tick some people off, especially when they don't have a good retort ready.
10499999 I... can kinda see that. So it might just be poor choice of words. Understandable. I've made that mistake myself
10500005
I mean I agree with him, but I suppose that is neither here nor there. I honestly came here out of curiosity because of the title, and only stayed to throw my two cents in the ring. I might come back around to reading it one day, but I am not really crazy about the character at all myself.
10499999
I mean, Discord's probably one of my top ten favorite characters from the show, and I didn't downvote that comment.
Honestly, if anything, my best guess was that the downvoters thought he was being a bit too pretentious.
10500035
Be that as it may, I'm not going to deny Discord made his share of mistakes. But that does not mean I don't acknowledge that when he does make a mistake, he does try to fix it.
When he realized Fluttershy was serious about not being his friend for his behavior, he unfroze the lake because he did it for her.
When he betrayed Equestria and sided with Tirek, only for the latter to betray him as he was using the Lord of Chaos, Discord unintentionally gave Twilight the last key needed to unlock the Tree of Harmony's gift to the girls and thus saving Equestria.
And even after using the whole Grogar gimmick that ultimately put Equestria in danger, having three villains run amuck, and pretty much toying with Twilight's already stressful procedure to be the new ruler, he managed to help Twilight's friends escape by keeping them distracted so they can convince Twilight that she is still Equestria's hero and eventually the world is saved.
My point being is Discord is flawed... but that's what I do appreciate about him. He can do all sorts of selfish deeds with almost no apologies just as easily as any antihero. But he 'does' acknowledge he's at fault at times and is 'willing' to learn when properly motivated (Mostly at the urging of Fluttershy). Otherwise he is a fun guy, with interesting characteristics to explore hence the theme of this story.
And if those fans are still going to give me a hard time over a bunch of words, I'm not going to apologize for what I said. Because this was still a great Discord story SunTwi asked me to help her with and I'm proud of what we did with it.
10500035
True, but a important thing to remember with stories like this are that there "fans" and then there are "FANS" and artwork and a story like this would tend to draw the latter out to see what's new.
You can like something while still acknowledging it has flaws, or you can like something while vehemently denying there's anything wrong with it.
This show (and Discord himself) have plenty of fans of the latter variety.
Possibly. I didn't see it that way however, merely a co-writer talking through his thought process, which (considering the account holder could've chosen to delete his comment if it really bothered them) is hardly a reason to get up in arms.
This was wholesome.
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That was the general idea for this story. We're so pleased that you enjoyed it.
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We?
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I don't mean the 'Royal' we if that's the first thing that pops in your head.
This story was a team effort. SunTwi is the narrator, I'm the editor. She asks me to clean it up and then she preps it for all the fans to read.
We've covered more than a dozen stories, all of them different.
10501295
Ohh, I assumed more than one person may have worked on it.
10501313
No, it's just the two of us. We're all the help we need. SunTwi sends the work, I clean, and then she posts.
I came in late... This fiction is beautiful!!!!!!!!!!!
10505209
Thank you very much! We did our best with this little idea and we're so pleased you found some merit in this little story.
Just a few mistakes:
"she" instead of "he"
Based on the context of these two sentences, and the story overall, I would say that the writing is in the past tense. So, use "is" instead of "was" in the strikethrough locations.
Similar to the above -- "didn't" instead of "doesn't".
I think you meant to put "know" between "even" and "you're".
"Lip" instead of "life"? Lol.
And finally, "her" instead of "his", since these are Fluttershy's thoughts.
Good insight into Fluttershy's mind. It hurts to see Discord so sad and afflicted by pain. You and Dramamaster829 did a good job on this. :)