• Member Since 2nd Mar, 2020
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SunTwi06


I'm a klutzy, but very kind-hearted person. I love to help and chat with people. I change my bio-pic often and currently working on a series. Hope to see you there!

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On a bright sunny beach day, Twilight Sparkle and Sunset Shimmer find themselves spending time together watching the sun. But a moment of peaceful solitude leads to thoughts of the past when Sunset Shimmer recalls the story of her past and concerns for her own uncertain future.

Edited by Dramamaster829

*Featured 8-22-20*

Chapters (1)
Comments ( 28 )

That’s literally the same fan art I used for my first story months ago
But it’s ok for u to use it:heart:

We often worry how our future is going to be based on the actions of our past. But the thing about the future is this: There is no moment we can control except what we can do in the present. Yes, Sunset Shimmer did some terrible things and without question the memories will carry on within her mind even after she graduates. But the important thing for her is to know that she'll never feel she has to endure these painful memories alone, so long as there is someone who believes that she is a good person. And sure enough, Twilight Sparkle is the one who sees the best in her... Not her mentor in this case, but the Twilight Sparkle whom Sunset herself saved at her lowest point.

After all... Two down on their luck girls who stay together can make sweet, sweet memories as one cohesive unit.

10396714 You did? My apologises. I literally pulled this off Google >_<

10396740
Nah it’s ok
Truth be told I pulled it off of google too:rainbowlaugh:

Cute and sweet. Have a thumbs up.

Present or past tense, pick one! Also, a huge chunk of the story could be tidied up by saying something like, ‘Sunset told Twilight about the Fall Formal.’ As it stands, almost half the word count is devoted to telling us a story we already know.

10398177 So I take it you disliked it? If that's the case, I would love to hear your version of the story then:heart:

10397167 I'm glad you enjoyed it:heart:

10398233
Simple. Remove the unneeded bits where Sunset tells Sci Twi the story of Equestria Girls 1. We already know that story. We don't need to hear it again.

It doesn't even have to not happen. Just have Sunset start to tell the story, and then scene break to when Sunset finishes the story.

Someone already pointed out how else it could be done. But this story fails badly because you spent too much time telling us something we already knew.

10398264 My apologizes. I feel as using the term "failure" is a little harsh. But if that's how you and the other user feel, I'll remove the story

Stories like this are nice because they gave a feeling of nostalgia when you read them.

Your story tackle a delicate subject and goes deep into it. It's nice to read your thoughts about Sunset's regrets and feelings. Touching little ending.

Overall good job.

Also I laughed when I realized it was spike applying sunscreen on Rarity's and just living the dream. Good luck in whatever other project you're working on.



Oh and just a little thing I noticed. I too have used the word protégé in one of my story. I think you're the only other one I know of that used that word.

10398297
Don't take down the story itself. Just the bits Sunset tells Sci Twi. The overall story is fine. It's just that the exposition on something we already know, lets the story down.

10398324 But then it would defeat the purpose of a nostalgic story.

10398358
Nostalgia is a fine idea. But when it takes up as much as it does here, it feels like it's only there in the slight chance that someone who hasn't seen the movie will read it, and want to go see it.

Exposition is fine, but only if it advances the plot. It doesn't feel like it advances the plot here. Maybe that's just me though.

10398299 I'm glad you enjoyed it. I hope my other stories are just as good:heart:

Comment posted by SunTwi06 deleted Dec 6th, 2020

10398233
I just told you what my version would be. I have no issue with the story beyond the technical aspects I mentioned before. I’ll admit the story didn’t really do anything for me, but I think it’s something of a stretch to say I dislike it, the story that is. I very much dislike the technical issues, but now I’m being redundant.

However, the simple truth is this story had issues. I don’t want to be discouraging, but we only ever improve through critique, so please don’t think I mean to insult. I want better quality in all writing everywhere, and that includes here.

Comment posted by SunTwi06 deleted Dec 6th, 2020

Beautiful and Perfect 100%

Súper dupeerr, muyy cute, un one shot bastante bien estructura pero aún así ligero, práctico y entretenido. Siga así!

10400627 Gracias. Me alegro que hayas disfrutado. si quieres, puedes ver mi otro trabajo también:heart:

Thank you. I'm glad you enjoyed it. if you like, you can check out my other work as well:heart:

10398834 Sorry for the late reply. And I glad you enjoyed it:heart:

Perfect. I do tip my hat to you sir.

10423149
If you were talking to SunTwi, she's a 'girl'... Not a 'guy'.

If you were talking to the editor, which would be me... You're welcome.

10431112
I was talking to the genius editor.

10432480 Thank you. Although it wouldn't be this good if it wasn't for my editor. He's the reason why the story us better :heart:

10432549
Everything I do, I do it all to help one of my most special friends on FimFiction.

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