1. Member Since 11th Jun, 2015
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So I've finally reached a point where I can't write stuff without Ponies. Guess I should have expected that after marathon-reading all 1.9 million words of MLP Loops.

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When the girls discovered magic at Camp Everfree, Sunset Shimmer was the first to embrace it. But now, the little bit of magic she got is just reminding her of how much she's lost. And as people get more and more desperate, you can never tell when they're going to do something incredibly stupid.

First Published
17th Apr 2017
Last Modified
17th Apr 2017
#1 · 1w, 2d ago · · ·

Nice work! I think this may get featured.

#2 · 1w, 2d ago · 3 · ·

>>8103078 Either way, thanks for reading! :yay:

EDIT 10h later: OK SERIOUSLY WHAT

#3 · 1w, 2d ago · · ·

You can't see me but I am clapping for a job well done here.

I wish that Sunset would be in the show but she seems to fit well being the human world as well.

Overall great story.

#4 · 1w, 2d ago · · ·

>>8103175 no, I can't see you, but I can imagine you. :twilightsmile:

I too wish Sunset could show up in the show proper, but THAT, my friend, is why we write!

And seriously, thanks for reading. :yay:

#5 · 1w, 2d ago · · ·

Very nice story, and a lovely little addition to the show. Have a fave!

#6 · 1w, 2d ago · · ·

"I miss hooves."

Why don't you just go back to Equestria, then?

"I miss the sound they make on the cobblestone streets. I miss the feeling of a breeze blowing through my fur. I miss going muzzle-deep in a plate of hay fries." She sighed. "I miss hay burgers and fries. I miss the way the grass smells, the way the apples taste, I miss–"

Seriously, Sunset. Twilight can open the portal any time she feels like it and you two have magic cross-dimensional texting books. Write to her and tell her you want to visit.

"I miss taking the driest textbook in the library out to the courtyard. I miss how the grass felt, the rough bark of the tree, the way the book smelled..." She blinked some tears away. "Theoretical Application of Thaumatic Resonance."

Sunset, go home! It is literally as easy as stepping through a door! Spend a weekend in Equestria. Stay at Twilight's place for a while, her castle has more rooms than she knows what to do with. The portal is on the campus so you could pretty much live in Equestria and still attend human school if you wanted to. This is not a difficult problem to solve!

A longer pause. "The girls and I will understand if you need to visit."

Visit.

Sunset got an idea.

YES! FINALLY!

...But seriously, this was a pretty nice story. :twilightsmile:

#7 · 1w, 2d ago · · ·

Existential angst, FTW! :yay:

#8 · 1w, 2d ago · · ·

>>8103249 Thanks! I enjoyed "Homecoming", so I'm glad to hear you liked this. :yay:

#9 · 1w, 2d ago · · ·

I don't know if the sad tag fits.

#10 · 1w, 2d ago · · ·

>>8103837 You had me going for a second. (And yes, I've gotten some VERY oblivious reviews/comments in the past.) And TBH, half of the reason for this story was to release some angst, and Sunset was the perfect stand-in.

Thanks for reading! :yay:

#11 · 1w, 2d ago · · ·

>>8103902 I agree, but since it was my first story here I thought I'd err on the side of "tag your sadness" since a good third of the story is just angst.

#12 · 1w, 2d ago · 1 · ·

>>8103888 I tend to be pretty good at it IRL, so being able to project it onto Sunset helps. :pinkiecrazy:

#13 · 1w, 2d ago · · ·

For your first fic;

Well done! Congrats on getting featured. I look forward to seeing more from you.

#14 · 1w, 2d ago · · ·

Stunning debut, friend!

#15 · 1w, 2d ago · · ·

Ah that's refreshing. Too many stories have Sunset be all "I'm only human, after all"!... or something like that anyway. :twilightsheepish:

One question though. If Sunset didn't tell P. Twilight how she get through the portal?

#16 · 1w, 2d ago · · ·

>>8103905

I think that what this story is missing is more subtext, or perhaps clearer subtext.

Like, there is an implied conflict between what Sunset wants to do, and why she also doesn't want to do it. She wants to go back, and doing so would be very easy, but she treats it like something very hard - almost unthinkable. Once she decides to just hop through the portal, an incredibly obvious solution, she still considers it a stupid idea. The only reason she would act like that is because she's genuinely afraid of going back. She's afraid of what - or rather who - is waiting for her on the other side. (Perhaps subconsciously.)

Looking at it another way, that is also a conflict between what Sunsets wants and what she needs. She wants to see her homeworld again, but she needs to confront Celestia. Like you said: Absolution. Despite the entire first part being about homesickness, the point of it all was for Sunset and Celestia to meet again and forgive each other. This means that, thematically speaking, the important part of the first thousand words isn't the outspoken fact that Sunset wants to be a pony again and that she misses Equestria, but rather the implied reason she's so hesitant to go back.

That's basically your theme: The conflict between "want", "fear" and "need". In order to get what she wants, Sunset has to face her fear, and by doing so she attains what she needs. It's just a bit unclear in the writing - you didn't really hint at it much at all, perhaps you weren't even quite aware of it yourself - so I can see why many wouldn't really get it. I think you could have used it more, for a stronger emotional impact.

#17 · 1w, 2d ago · · ·

>>8104010 it was conveniently left open. Very conveniently. :twilightsheepish:

#18 · 1w, 2d ago · · ·

>>8104020 Thanks for this. It's been a while since I've written a story and not just a series of interconnected sketches, and these are the kind of details I need to work on. I'll be sure to keep this in mind next time.

#19 · 1w, 2d ago · · ·

>>8104002 Thanks for reading! :yay:

#20 · 1w, 2d ago · · ·

>>8103955 Thanks for reading! I look forward to writing more too. :yay:

#21 · 1w, 2d ago · · ·

>>8104071

You show promise. Keep up the good work.

Also, don't put too much stock in reviews. I swear some of those guys don't even know what a theme is.

#22 · 1w, 2d ago · · ·

>>8104102

Sure would explain a few things, wouldn't it?

#23 · 1w, 2d ago · · ·

I would love to see more like this!

#24 · 1w, 2d ago · 3 · ·

>>8104170

<strongBadVoice>Guy wouldn't know a theme if it came up and bit him in the face.</strongBadVoice>

#25 · 1w, 2d ago · · ·

>>8104205 Well, I hope to write more like this! :yay: Thanks!

#26 · 1w, 2d ago · 2 · ·

>>8104460

What-

That-

You-


I am buying you a pizza!

Wanderer D
Moderator
#27 · 1w, 2d ago · · ·

:pinkiehappy: This was a very nice story, thank you for sharing it!

#28 · 1w, 1d ago · · ·

Congratulations, a really strong start.

#29 · 1w, 1d ago · · ·

>>8104639 Thank you for reading! :yay:

#30 · 1w, 1d ago · · ·

>>8104667 Thanks! I've written before, but this is my first story in a while (and my first MLP story). Appreciate the attention! :yay:

#31 · 1w, 1d ago · · ·

Good story.

#32 · 1w, 1d ago · · ·

>>8103098 This definitely needs a sequel.

#33 · 1w, 1d ago · 1 · ·

Nice first story, congrats! :twilightsmile:

#34 · 1w, 1d ago · · ·

Truly, a short but a good feeling story.

It felt honest, sincere, and i felt it had the perfect balance between a satisfying ending and something that could leave us wanting more. While i wouldnt encourage a true continuation, i wouldnt unwelcome it either.

#35 · 1w, 1d ago · · ·

I enjoyed this story very much! And i adore that C.S. Lewis quote as well!

#36 · 1w, 1d ago · · ·

>>8105478 Thanks, I tried my best to have a satisfying ending. :yay: If I did continue this, it would be using this as a jumping-off point and less of a pure sequel. And again, thanks for reading!

#37 · 1w, 1d ago · · ·

You are clearly worth keeping an eye on. Favorated and followed. I will review this properly on my blog when I get home from work.

#38 · 1w, 1d ago · · ·

I honestly couldn't tell if this was your first story.

The opening for a sequel is real.

#39 · 1w, 1d ago · · ·

>>8106220 It's my first full MLP story, but not my first story in general. I post most stuff to my writing Tumblr.

#40 · 1w, 1d ago · 1 · ·

>>8106215 Much appreciated, good sir! :yay:

#41 · 1w, 1d ago · · ·

>>8104959 Thanks for reading! :yay:

#42 · 1w, 1d ago · · ·

>>8104971 There will probably be a follow-up of some kind, but it definitely needs a sequel-worthy conflict. I think I've milked this variety of existential (w)angst as much as I can. :twilightsheepish:

#43 · 1w, 1d ago · · ·

>>8105099 Thanks! It's not my first story ever, but it's nice to get back into the swing of things. Appreciate you reading it! :yay:

#44 · 1w, 1d ago · · ·

>>8105611 Thanks for reading, and I'm glad you enjoyed it. :yay:

#47 · 1w, 1d ago · · ·

>>8106306 Have government spies.

#48 · 1w, 1d ago · · ·

This story gave me all the warm fuzzies:twilightsmile:

#49 · 1w, 1d ago · · ·

>>8106894 Glad I could oblige. :yay:

#50 · 1w, 23h ago · · ·

Interesting.  Quite interesting.

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