• Member Since 2nd Mar, 2020
  • offline last seen 3 hours ago

SunTwi06


I'm a klutzy, but very kind-hearted person. I love to help and chat with people. I change my bio-pic often and currently working on a series. Hope to see you there!

T

*Teen For mild language*

Sunset Shimmer is the model high school student who is envied by her classmates and is well known for her exceptional grades as well as her immaculate appearance. But underneath her "ideal" front is a mask, an egomaniacal ploy to gain popularity. But upon entering Canterlot High, she is knocked off her throne by another student known as Twilight Sparkle, and Sunset Shimmer is now setting her sights on her none-the-wise classmate with every intention of destroying her life. Will she be able to adapt and win or will she learn something more?

Coverart by Sicktwists
Edited by Dramamaster829

Chapters (9)
Comments ( 75 )

Certainly an interesting start. I'm surprised you included Snips and Snails in the story, they usually are absent in most Sunset stories.

I'll keep track of this. Keep up the good work. :)

Heh, I'm a bit late, I was watching my youtube lunch video (a little tradition of mine) and just remembered I'd promised a read.

Anyways, it was a great story SunTwi! I can't wait for more.

10241756 Thank you. I hope the rest of the story is to your liking.


10241808 Thank you. More will be posted on a later date.

10241882 Thank you. I hope the rest of it will be just as good.

The cute cover art caught my eye. I hope to see where this goes with future updates because it's quite promising.

10242597 Thank you. I'm glad you liked it although I would thank the person who made it. They did a lovely job:heart:.

10242599
That they did, and the lettering is also very eye-catching.

So how evil is this Sunset gonna be and what exactly is Sunset doing at the nights.

There's always that one young girl at school who everyone says has everything: The Queen Bee. The popular girl on campus, the kind everyone goes to or aspires to be, the girl who is so popular she wins the attention of the entire student body, and she seems to represent the very definition of 'perfection'. Yet in the case of Sunset Shimmer, we also see that this is not the case. She seems like the warm, inviting lassie on campus, but when it comes to her family life especially with her 'siblings' (That being Snips and Snails in this canon), she's everything but. And as part of this theme in the story, Sunset Shimmer is dealing with a war against herself: A battle between putting on the 'mask' to be what everyone else wants her to be and how people would feel if she ever decided to just be herself.

But then the conflict arises when a new girl on campus arrives, that being Twilight Sparkle (Or Sci-Twi, if we're talking about the human version). Apparently she was a big deal from her other campus, a prodigy in the sense, and somehow she's winning the hearts of the student body that used to mainly support Sunset. So now, Sunset is dealing with a crisis where everything she worked hard for is on the line and it's up to her to figure out how to retain her title like the reigning Women's Champion preventing a low carder from beating her in a wrestling match for the title.

On a side note, it's interesting to note how Snips & Snails are chosen to be siblings for Sunset Shimmers (Especially a father purposely not given character details, since we've never really known if Sunset has/had parents). In the very first 'Equestria Girls' special, they were the stereotypical lackeys attempting to help Sunset make sure Twilight has no chance of winning the crown. Which makes us wonder what those two had to gain working for Sunset in the beginning? Like perhaps in exchange for helping Sunset win the crown at the big dance, she promised them to get Diamond Tiara & Silver Spoon as dates for the boys to take to the dance or something. A huge guess on my part, but it's not the craziest theory I have ever made in my life.

Ooh, It's out! Now if you'll excuse me, I am going to have a seizure.

10242781 You'll have to wait and see:heart:.


10243098 You hit the nail on the head there.


10243111 Please don't have one. I'd be concerned.

Things are definitely turning interesting for Sunset Shimmer, though initially it is much to her chagrin. She finds that Twilight Sparkle comes to school just as early as Sunset, she's such an inspiring leader in all those clubs everyone's coming to her for advice on homework, and why would they stick around for Sunset to teach baseball when Twilight is actually playing a basketball game? And yet while Sunset is 'trying' to be nice to just build up to the moment where she prepares to humiliate Twilight before the school... Twilight's behavior is so genuine that it's no wonder Sunset is taken off guard. And it seems interesting that Twilight is doing these things because she 'notices' things about Sunset, perhaps more so than she is letting on. As if this wasn't enough for Sunset, she nearly caught herself from a potential blunder only to have it pointed out by Twilight. On one hand, it shows she is concerned for her well being but in Sunset's mind she only says that just to mock her.

As we see, it's not exactly starting off as a 'best' of friends deal even despite Sunset being as nice as she can for Twilight to be lead to a false sense of security. But the changes we see in Sunset's routine are slowly unraveling, that everything she knows is turning upside down as it becomes apparent things are not going the way it usually is for her. And it all starts when she sees Twilight coming to school as early as she does.

Hopefully Sunset doesn't go too far with this thing.

I can tell things are gonna get intense.

Keep up the good work.

10244849 We'll just have to wait and see. Also, hi:heart:.


10244921 Thank you. I'm glad you like it so far. Also, hi:heart:.

Hmm... sorry, but I need to be slightly critical here:

A little scene or mini-chapter definitely would've helped make the scene where Sunset snaps at Snips and Snails more meaningful. As it stands, it didn't have quite the same impact.

Also, the kickstart for SciSet was a little abrupt. I know Twilight is blunt here, but it felt out of the blue to me.

Besides that, though, good chapter.

10247163 Thank you for your thoughts. Although it will become clear as the story progresses so don't worry.

Sometimes you look back and you wonder... Is it all worth it? Sure Sunset was seemingly playing coy with Twilight Sparkle, acting like she has interest in anything Twilight has to share. But that one thing going on Sunset's mind is 'I have to beat Twilight! I have to beat Twilight!'. And considering that this major exam they had to study for must be like 95% percent of their grade or something, Sunset knew that if she could get a score higher than Twilight Sparkle then she secures her place as top student. And then it just happens, not only was Twilight Sparkle not even slightly mad or embarrassed that Sunset scored higher, she actually 'congratulates' Sunset. As if all that effort, all that planning, and strategizing... All for nothing and Sunset ends up looking bad for all her efforts.

Then comes that moment, as abrupt as it may be or not: Twilight Sparkle actually confessing 'I love you' to Sunset. Not I respect you, not I 'like' you... Apparently Twilight seemingly has a crush on Sunset, the self-proclaimed Queen Bee. And how does Sunset Shimmer respond to something so straight forward... She walks away, no answer, no nothing. Such a frustrating ordeal that even when her brothers point out how she's been behaving so oddly as of late or that maybe these feelings of 'hate' she claims to have is not what she's implying, she refuses to admit there is truth. Otherwise, how would it feel for Sunset if 'Snips and Snails' were right about something as we all know of their history with FIM in general. But still, Sunset feels that she 'did' mess up whether it was trying to one-up her rival or seemingly avoiding the possibility that maybe there is someone who legitimately likes her for 'who' she truly is, not the things she's done.

The big question remains: What's the next move for Sunset Shimmer?

Is this story based of off The Long Road to Friendship?

As the title implies, if there seems to be a regret Sunset has right now it's letting her temper get the best of her exposing herself in front of Twilight, under the assumption that in doing so she's going to start telling the whole school that Sunset Shimmer, the most beloved student on campus, has a terrible temper. Yet surprisingly, instead of Twilight giving the neighbors something to talk about, she agrees to keep Sunset's little secret... 'But' there's a catch. In exchange for Twilight's silence to ensure the students don't know the real Sunset Shimmer, Sunset has to agree to do all her homework while Twilight is busy with extra-curricular activities. So in a way, Sunset herself feels 'trapped'. Not only did she not seem to make Twilight upset for getting the highest score add to the fact she blew her one chance to make amendments for walking out on Twilight after she shared her heart, now she has to do 'favors' for Twilight to keep Sunset's image intact.

It's almost as if you were in her position and you realize no matter what you do that you can't... Win.

10250703 I'm sorry? Is that a story on this site?

10250730

In exchange for Twilight's silence to ensure the students don't know the real Twilight Sparkle,

?

10250741
Whoops... That's a typo. I was trying to say keep Twilight from spilling the beans about Sunset Shimmer.

Long day, very tired.

10250744 I understand. I have those days myself.

“What am I, a demon?” She asked, concerned.

Depends, how long until we hit the fall formal?

Also, haha! Sunset got a taste of her own medicine!

Keep up the good work. :)

10250842 Thank you. I'm glad someone caught the reference.

Good start, unique premise stuff (whatever that means), pacing stuff, exposition, onomatopoeia, gesundheit, and carpe diem!

(Did I sound professional? I feel like I did)

Anyway, here's a real review where I won't try using words I don't understand:

The plot seems unique, it feels unfair making a comment on that on the first chapter so I'd do that later and I honestly don't know anything about pacing so I will never talk about that.

Yeah, I'm terrible at reviews.

But here's something sorta serious: I noticed that when you were writing you were using a lot of adverbs.

“I don’t see the downside to perfection,” Sunset retorts, arrogantly.

My tip is that instead of using adverbs like 'arrogantly' or 'coldly' either use body language instead of/with adverbs because around 50℅ of human communication is through their body. (Don't take that out of context)

Example:
Wrong:

"What the hell did you just say?" Sunset said angrily.

Correct:

"What the hell did you just say?" Sunset said through clenched teeth.

It's acceptable using adverbs when you're describing a person's tone of voice.

Example:

"Did you put your name in the goblet of fire, Harry?" Dumbledore said calmly.

(sorry, I just had to.)

Here's an example of using both adverbs and body language

Sunset meekly waved, smiling awkwardly.

That's all I can say, keep up the good work!

10252869

onomatopoeia, gesundheit, and carpe diem!

I'm sorry? But back to what you said, I'm glad you enjoyed it. Thank you for pointing out the flaw/s. I'll be sure to fix any in the future.

Poor Sunset Shimmer just can't seem to catch a break lately. The work continues to pile up and Twilight is somehow able to find enough time for herself, as if this situation is merely amusing to some degree. And yet the more they end up working together, well with Sunset handling the majority of the paperwork, they at least have some time to learn something. How Sunset Shimmer is no different being that she had probably done the same to the other students when she needed work done, Twilight's merely giving her a taste of how it feels. As far as Sunset is concerned, Twilight seems like the very definition of the perfect honor student, being that she comes from a long line of highly acclaimed experts in the science field and thus has this reputation she seemingly has to uphold. Suffice to say, at least Twilight Sparkle is making an effort to be nice to Sunset Shimmer, at least to have a casual conversation and yet Sunset is finding it very difficult to admit to her initial rival that perhaps in some way... Twilight makes a good point about some of Sunset's own life choices.

Interesting let's see where this goes.

Still waiting for Sunset to say 'Stupid Sexy Twilight!'

10260424 You'll be waiting for quite a bit then. Still, thank you.

10257703 Thank you for reading the story. I'll try to have the next chapter out soon:heart:

As short of a chapter as this may, there was more than enough to add to the story to understand that Sunset Shimmer is definitely having it rough. It's not enough that she is made to do a lot of Twilight Sparkle's homework just so Twilight won't have to spill the beans over a secret surrounding Sunset, yet it seems for all that time working herself to death, word is beginning to spread that the amount of time Sunset and Twilight spent together automatically makes them a couple. Course, even Snips and Snails have their suspicions on Sunset given her recent odd habits during the course of the story but mostly because they notice she comes home much later than usual. One can understand how hard it must be for a person in Sunset's position to find it easy to talk about these things, especially with all the work spent to make an image of the person you want to be and then when people start seeing her as who she truly is, it's just going to give the neighbors something to talk about. And not only will it just add another layer of stress in Sunset's routine, but in doing so it's not going to be about Sunset the person it's going to be about the 'rep'.

Unless Sunset Shimmer is willing to confess the truth behind her behavior herself and someone else starts bringing that up, the whole school year for Sunset will only get harder from here on out. Even the rumor that perhaps she's in love with Twilight is inarguably true.

IIIIIIII'm hooked on odd feelings!
I'm high on believing!
That she's in love with me!

Keep up the good work.

10264332 Thank you. I apologize for how short this chapter is. I honestly didn't even realize until after the fact. I promise the next chapter will more than make up for it.

10264339
It's okay, as long as the chapter got its intent through, which I believe it did, the size of it doesn't matter.

10264291
True the only thing keeping Sunset as Twilight's homework mule. Is Sunset herself technically.

Also I have feeling I know who started the "dating" rumor but I won't say who my guess is.

10264665
You're definitely right about Sunset putting herself in this situation.

10264763
I was talking about what's keeping Sunset in this situation, but thanks.

It was all a matter of time before Sunset Shimmer was going to snap at some point. After all that time trying to keep it all together, it's reached a point where she just couldn't do anymore. Fed up with being treated like a servant, doing all this work just so Twilight could keep the secret intact, she finally decides 'You know what? That's all I can stand and I can't stand no more!'. Of course, it took a bit of a chase and falling flat on her face to finally accept that the truth about who she truly is just isn't worth keeping secret any longer. Yet even Twilight has her own secrets to share.

That ever since she met Sunset Shimmer, there was something about her that she finds fascinating and expresses in more ways than even Sunset could ever believe. That Twilight never meant to use Sunset as a servant, she just found it the only way to get close to Sunset, to have someone to talk to while Sunset does her work, and in a way, to get to know one another. The start of a friendship that Sunset herself never expected to have and with a person that people are noticing she has grown rather attracted to. Will definitely make the fans wonder where it all leads from here on out.

Comment posted by ghoul-of-the-background deleted Jun 7th, 2020

10273560
'Indeed
i'm really glad Sunset has someone has some she can be herself around without the whole homework mule thing going no clue why but, reading the scenes where Sunset be loosing sleep were a bit unnerving for me.

Also Twilight said she liked Sunny for who she is and that she's sweet and nice. The line isn't that important but I have a feeling.
Let's see where this Friendship leads!

“How are you able to run this fast?!” Twilight asked.

Y'know I was starting to think this was a human-world version of Sunset Shimmer. Now I'm going back to pony-girl.

10274707
Or maybe Sunset Shimmer is quite a fast runner and no need for any magical explanation. Not every story on Fimfiction has to involve a 'pony up', sometimes certain plot devices are subjective to be interpreted in ways readers may believe it to be yet the authors had something different in mind. Though to be fair, that would be cool. Because after all, Sunset Shimmer was not born in the human world, she was a pony first and foremost.

Forgot to read this chapter, sorry about that.

"Hey, Twilight, what are we gonna do today?"

"The same thing we always do, myself: try to win Sunset Shimmer's love."

At last Sunset snapped, but it didn't end as badly as we all expected it to.

Bet the next chapter will be them becoming magical girls.

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