Stand, Listen, Pray
“These tears… I hear them… every night…”
Those words echoed in her mind, as the yellow Pegasus with the pink mane and tail stood outside the house of a rather unusual environment. Fluttershy didn’t always come to his world, given the area twists and turns unlike back in Equestria, but she just felt she had to come. Quietly, she placed a soft hoof upon the door, her ear pressed as she could wish that somehow one small act of kindness would be the support he’d need.
Fluttershy had no idea where his emotional outbursts were stemming from. All he could do is silently hope this mysterious display of comfort, known only to her personally, would stop the loud wails bellowing from inside the house. Hearing his loud reply made Fluttershy shy, reminding her of those nights back at her place when his cries could freeze the warmest heart. Not that he’d have notice her presence on the other side of the door, he almost never did.
“Please…” She begged softly. “No more tears…”
Fluttershy couldn’t help but think of the irony of the situation. So loud was his bragging, Discord crying out to be this all-powerful being with a brave face, only to fall when he is alone. So boisterous, almost as if he were ‘trying’ to show off and shout to the world how great he is. Yet the more she thought about it, she wondered if Discord really meant it or if he was simply shouting for the world’s attention.
Whether the cries she was hearing were out of joy or wails of despair, whatever reason there was remained unknown to Fluttershy. Yet when it comes to Discord, he never failed to grab somepony’s ear regardless of his behavior. For that reason alone, Fluttershy couldn’t help but feel he was crying out for help… more importantly, he was crying out for her.
“Help me! Is that what your tears are saying? Are you crying out to me, Discord?”
Every night, the louder his cries grew, the more she would back away. Who could blame Fluttershy? How could a pony so quiet, so weak, and nervous everyday could ever find the right words? How could a Pegasus like her stop his painful tears? Every night up till this evening, Fluttershy would listen to what her mind would tell her to do:
Stand… listen… pray…
“Do you even know I’m out here? Do you really cloud this loud because you think no one can hear? Or are you secretly hoping some pony will come?”
Fluttershy’s thoughts never reached the hurting beast, she could imagine him enduring the worst pain any creature could ever take. She wanted to approach him, to say at least ‘something’ to let him know he doesn’t have to bear the sorrow alone. But she’d always pull back from the booming cries bellowing within the room. She couldn’t help herself; he’d frighten her when he acted this way.
“So much pain… and for what? I wish I knew what he was going through?”
The realization hit Fluttershy hard, sighing as it slowly came other.
“The others don’t even you’re hurting… do they?”
Fluttershy cringed while her mind again spoke as if this had become routine.
“Hold back, he will come to you when he’s ready. When he wants to talk, he will come. Just stay quiet; let him cry out in pain.”
Yet Fluttershy could only ask herself ‘Why’ over and over, as if hoping for an answer to just come to her.
“Why during the day you hold everything behind a smile? Grinning and laughing with every pony? Why do all that with them, but cry to me?”
Violet eyes traveled slowly around the floor all the way toward the back of the door. The Pegasus bit her life, staring straight toward the cage noise. Her pale, soft hoof massaged along the door as she was lost in her own silent thoughts.
“It’s because of what happened with Tirek, wasn’t it? It’s because you turned back on every pony, didn’t you?”
Just as quickly, Discord’s old words played in his mind like a record. The very words spoken long ago; on the day he was just realizing the true meaning of friendship. She remembered them very well…
<>
“Tirek tricked me into believing that he could offer me something more valuable than friendship. But there is nothing worth more, I see that now. He lied when he said that this medallion was given as a sign of gratitude and loyalty. But when I say that it is a sign of our true friendship, I am telling the truth.”
<>
Fluttershy’s eyes watered as the words rang like a bell through her head. She quickly threw her head down, trying hard to hide tears from no one in particular. All she could do is listen to his own cries. How in character they both were? His tears ringing loud, while her hidden… more reserved tears… cried silently in the night. It’s like her mind was telling her not to cry, telling her how a lady like her should act.
“My friend is hurting, and I can’t even help…”
Pushing her lips together, Fluttershy tried desperately to keep her own burning drops inside. Her mind told her to hold back, she couldn’t help but listen to the little voice in her head. When she wanted to listen to the voice in her heart. For with each cry, each falling tear, chock, and sniffle, they all felt like a stab toward her heart. He was crying out to her; she was in pain just as him. Silently screaming to end the pain before it broke her, as much as it was breaking her.
“Help him, Fluttershy. Help yourself by saving him! End the pain for us both.”
“Just wait. When he wants to talk, he’ll call. He’ll let you know when the time is right. Just stay.”
Fluttershy’s heart pounded; her mind arguing back and forth. The Pegasus was left unable to decide what to do.
“It’s forgiveness, isn’t it… that’s what you want? You wish to be forgiven because of what happened?”
“Help him!”
“Stay!”
“What would I say? I can’t help…”
The dreadful howl bellowing from the draconequus bellowed louder than ever. Fluttershy’s heart felt like crying having to listen to him.
“It hurts…”
“Yes, it hurts. But… it hurts him more than it does to you.”
Blinking her tears away, Fluttershy could imagine her own mind slowly agree with her heart.
“He’s my friend… he’s in trouble and he needs help. He’s crying for me; can’t you hear him?”
Slowly, Fluttershy’s eyes darted straight toward the door. A look of determination crossed her gaze as she looked ahead.
“He will smile to everyone, but only cry for me. Because… because… he’s my friend! And I’m the only pony who can help him. The only pony he will cry to!”
“Then, help him…!”
“Right… I can’t bear it anymore. He’s my friend!”
Barging dramatically into the room wasn’t truly Fluttershy’s character; if anything, that’s what Rarity would do. But neither were Discord’s with his tears, he would never cry this way without reason.
“A friend’s hug… I bet you’ve never truly experienced those either…”
Quickly turning the knob, the Pegasus threw herself into Discord’s house. Flushing lightly for her boldness, Fluttershy stood tall in the living room. Her heart sank upon the scene before her. It was exactly as she initially expected, and yet it was a dreadful sight just the same.
Discord, Fluttershy’s closest friend, lying on the couch and wallowing in despair. Her strange friend, who influenced Fluttershy to be more than as she seemed, a strange to any pony she’d known for years. Yet here he was shedding painful tears for seemingly no reason at all. All Fluttershy could do his watch, as his yellow eyes moved slowly from his paw and talon, returning Fluttershy’s gaze with his own.
Fluttershy’s mind shook, seeing his tear-stained cheek. His puffy eyes gone red through hours of crying, some of the tears flushing down his nose. And still, Fluttershy made certain to keep her gaze toward his. Seeing the shock in his eyes to her sudden intrusion, the surprise represented by his slightly dropped jaw. Though he was hunched, he slowly rose back up as her solemn pupils watched him with intent.
Was he truly surprised that Fluttershy barged in so suddenly? Was he even the slightest bit taken aback, over how it took her so long to approach him? Whatever the case may be, Fluttershy couldn’t help but dart those determined eyes to the side nervously due to how watery his own looked. It wasn’t long before Fluttershy grew uneasy with her actions, her mind drawing a blank as she tried hard to think of what to say, just anything as a gesture of comfort for her friend.
However, if there was a plan in mind, Fluttershy’s very heart was ahead as it drew Fluttershy’s focus. Raising her hooves forward, a slight blush crept along her cheeks. Her eyes furrowed in determination as she stared down at him, flexing her hooves awkwardly as if offering a wordless invitation. Her lips curled back, seeing the confusion in his eyes, yet the heart encouraged her otherwise.
Slowly, Fluttershy marched forward, her hooves remaining outstretched as the Pegasus stood only a foot away from her friend. His moist pupils look up toward her determined gaze, as Fluttershy gave a nod in hopes he could understand the gesture. Her heart raced as she watched his yellow eyes narrow, his jaws quivering. The hot tears poured from him once more like running water in a faucet, as she quickly reached for him while he wrapped his shaky arms over her.
Fluttershy had forgotten this was a big draconequus hugging her, but rather they were embracing like he was a filly begging for a mother’s hug. His wails pierced through her ears, as she felt him pull her down toward the foot of the bed. This emotion slightly surprised Fluttershy, seeing the desperation indicated by the way he hugged her. The way his arms wrapped tightly over her waist, the matter of how he buried his head into her chest and feeling those exploding tears rush over her.
“I’m sorry…”
Two simple words, the only words he managed to utter out. Discord said nothing else, only pulling her closer into the embrace. It was as if he were to release her, at any moment, she would fly away, and he’d never be close to her again. And yet, Fluttershy couldn’t help but smile lightly. So much so, she returns the words with a gentle stroke upon his head like brushing a hand atop a cat.
Gently, she rocked him side to side while he kept his head upon her chest. As out of character as this seemed for them both, their hearts were the real culprits. Both of them crying to each other for help and would no longer be ignored.
“Discord… my dear, sweat friend,” Fluttershy whispered softly. “No matter how quiet or loud you are, I can always hear you. You don’t need to apologize around me.”
Eventually, his tears subsided, and he only stared out apathetically as she rocked him back-and-forth. Their hug, tight as it was, continued while he nestled his head upon her chest. No words were needed between the two, not during this most tender moment. All they could offer is ‘care’, care for one another knowing just how they can rely on each other in times of great duress. Even at his lowest point, his biggest breaking point… the only matter Fluttershy was sorry about was not acting sooner.
A mistake that Fluttershy solemnly vowed she would never do it again…
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Aww
Well done! This was pretty good.
Well, this was nice.
So much so, she returns the words with a gentle stroke upon his head like brushing a hand atop a cat.
this line. Best part of the whole story. *gives headpats*
Okay, seriously this was super cute, and very believable. I can easily see this happening. There were a few moments where it was a little repetitive in the prose, but overall this is really solid. Keep up the good work. <3
I have to echo what the others have to say. This is an emotional piece, one that I could see transpiring before my eyes that drew my attention. Keep up the good work!
You've got a natural ear towards Fluttershy's voice, it seems, and an eye towards characters' inner dramas. Nicely done.
Beautiful, sweet story. For this point in her development, Fluttershy was in top form here.
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10498273 I apologize for the late response but with that said, I'm very thankful for the love and support this story has gotten. It means a lot to me that you guys/girls enjoyed it
On a side. Note, I've noticed one of the comments got a mountain of dislikes. I would like to know why the dislikes are there because from what I can see, it's not negative and I'm not placing blame on anyone but I'm just responding to everyone at once as to save time. Please and thank you
10499062
You work hard for the story to be where it is today. You had a vision and your fans got to see it in action. That's all that matters.
10499311
Mrs. SunTwi and I are rather pleased you like the reading all the same. We aim to please.
This piece is driven one hundred percent by Fluttershy's inner monologue and thoughts. A lot is said, but very little of it manages to be meaningful or substantial, or illuminate something interesting about either Discord's or Fluttershy's character. It stands out to me that the story tries to hammer home a point about how the characters are always there for one another, but the comfort being offered here isn't really reciprocal. Discord doesn't demonstrate that he's emotionally available to Fluttershy, and the only emotional labor (a term I'm using out of its original context, granted) performed here is from Fluttershy, to Discord.
It's also notable to me that we don't actually know why Discord is upset. Fluttershy assumes it's because of what happened with Tirek, but that's entirely inference on her part. We never actually get to hear Discord's side of this exchange; he's perceived entirely through the lens of Fluttershy's character.
Thus, only one of the characters in this piece, Fluttershy, feels realized. And Fluttershy's thoughts, character, and actions are geared entirely toward Discord, so even she doesn't feel particularly well realized. If you told me that this was a Fluttershy tulpa that Discord invented to comfort him when he's sad, rather than the actual Fluttershy, I'd believe that, because this feels less like a person with thoughts, feelings, and motives of her own, and more like a hollow vessel for someone else's feelings, one who exists entirely for another person's comfort.
The narration indulges in a lot of hyper-inflated emotional language and vivid, purple prose-y descriptions of Fluttershy's feelings and physicality, which, like I said, feels insubstantial. When you trim all of that away, this is really just about a person standing outside of a house and trying to decide whether or not to open the door. And I could get into the logic of the scenario, too (like how many times has Fluttershy stood outside, listening to Discord cry, exactly?), but I'm really unsure about any specifics regarding this story's plot or setting. The writing is hard to follow, and at times, completely incomprehensible.
I read this paragraph multiple times, and I still don't know exactly what's happening or what it's saying.
Fluttershy is standing on her hind legs, holding her forehooves out, beckoning Discord toward her, walking toward Discord, blushing, and making an expression with her "lips curled back," which just brings to mind the rictus grin of a skull. If you envision this happening all at once, the result is comical.
I get that you wanted to tell a story exploring these characters and their relationship and dynamic, but there needs to be more substance to a tale like this in order for it to work as a strong, effective story.
10499338 It’s not something to apologize for. It’s a review offering feedback.
10499346 I mean, I get it but I feel as you looked way to deep into something that was just meant to be a small but nice read. Didnt get me wrong- I appreciate your criticism but I didn't even expect it to be featured, let alone get so much attation. It's just the way you portrayed it, it made it sound like it was suppose to be this grand story that would surpass My Little Dashie(witch I'll never be able to do). Maybe I'm reading to much into this but that's why I was (mostly) confused.
10499353
Sure, but there's still value in taking even simple, straightforward stories like this seriously, and offering a full critique. If I was gonna say anything, I think it'd be a disservice to you as a writer, and to your writing, to just offer surface-level "this was nice; I liked it" feedback.
I've read breakfast cereal nutrition fact labels that surpassed My Little Dashie.
10499362 Okay, not my best example, I'll admit. But I do get what you mean.
10499353
I must agree with my boss, that being Mrs. SunTwi. This is not meant to be a deep, complex story. It's a simplistic tales of exploring the psyche of a man's sorrow and a woman reaching out regardless of his circumstances.
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cdn.discordapp.com/attachments/713977159219413002/770045576057716766/image0.jpg
10499403 For what it's worth, your attitude toward accepting feedback on your stories is great, and I wouldn't give such in-depth commentary if I didn't think it was worth it.
10499491 I think he meant Draconequus but I do appreciate your kind words
...Okay, what the hell happened here? I come back to this story after reading it yesterday (good job, BTW), and suddenly 10498315 the editor(?) is getting mass-downvoted, 10499311 you're talking about Rise Against lyrics for whatever reason (I looked up the lyrics and saw absolutely nothing that matched up with the given quote), 10499491 vocal opinion of the fic seems to have taken a complete 180 into the negative... and yet it currently has zero dislikes all the same.
What did I miss!?
10499904
Frankly, about the massive downvotes to me, I don't give a shit what they think.
I'm SunTwi's loyal editor, my duty is to serve her. To bring her vision to life.
They don't like me... tough. Maybe I don't want to like them either. Just proves my point about 'humans', complicated creatures.
10499904 The answer to your first part is thank you for your kind words
. The answer to your second part is I have no idea why he's getting downvoted so much. He didnt say anything negative. If I had to shoot in the dark, It's just likely due to... conflict of interest. The answer to Posh's part is I don't have an issue with their comment. A little suprising to be sure but I don't mind it.
10499904 It didn’t seem worth a downvote, especially after the author listened to my criticism. I usually reserve downvotes for stories that were, like, unforgivably bad on some deeper, fundamental level than what’s going on here. Or foalcon. Or both.
Anyway, I thought 10499311’s analysis was very insightful.
10499910 cdn.discordapp.com/attachments/713977159219413002/770044522977034260/unknown-50.png
10499935
Conflict of interest is probably the most likely words to describe the circumstances in this case. It may not have anything to do with anything political or anything, but they have a problem with me and frankly, I just don't care.
10499937
Fair enough.
It still doesn't make sense to me, though. A comment that described the story as "physically painful" got 11 likes—nearly half as much as the fic itself. I'd have figured the fic's ratings would've reflected that more.
EDIT: Looks like that comment's been deleted. No idea why.
10499950 like the number of licks it takes to get to the center of a tootsie pop, the world may never know.
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The down votes are probably Discord fans, raging against the idea that he is anything other "a sweet sensitive boy".
10499937 Wait, you downvoted it originally or did I misread that?
10499934 Okay, I let it slide the first time as I thought you were joking but I can tell you're now making fun of him and I don't appreciate that. Rather it's true or not is not the point. Making fun of people is not okay. Yes, the wording could be better but he's a good friend. Heck, if it wasn't for him, my stories wouldn't even be half as good.
If this behavior continutes, I'll have no choice but to either block you or disable comments and I'd rather not do either. With that said, you didn't response back after I had messaged you regarding the matter.
10499966 huh?
10499988 I mean, I thought about it, but no.
10499988
The down voters on Dramamaster829's comment. They down voted in mass on a comment that suggests that Discord is not a angel hence, Discord fans.
The quote as it originally appears.
This tends to tick some people off, especially when they don't have a good retort ready.
10499999 I... can kinda see that. So it might just be poor choice of words. Understandable. I've made that mistake myself
10500005
I mean I agree with him, but I suppose that is neither here nor there. I honestly came here out of curiosity because of the title, and only stayed to throw my two cents in the ring. I might come back around to reading it one day, but I am not really crazy about the character at all myself.
10499999
I mean, Discord's probably one of my top ten favorite characters from the show, and I didn't downvote that comment.
Honestly, if anything, my best guess was that the downvoters thought he was being a bit too pretentious.
10500035
Be that as it may, I'm not going to deny Discord made his share of mistakes. But that does not mean I don't acknowledge that when he does make a mistake, he does try to fix it.
When he realized Fluttershy was serious about not being his friend for his behavior, he unfroze the lake because he did it for her.
When he betrayed Equestria and sided with Tirek, only for the latter to betray him as he was using the Lord of Chaos, Discord unintentionally gave Twilight the last key needed to unlock the Tree of Harmony's gift to the girls and thus saving Equestria.
And even after using the whole Grogar gimmick that ultimately put Equestria in danger, having three villains run amuck, and pretty much toying with Twilight's already stressful procedure to be the new ruler, he managed to help Twilight's friends escape by keeping them distracted so they can convince Twilight that she is still Equestria's hero and eventually the world is saved.
My point being is Discord is flawed... but that's what I do appreciate about him. He can do all sorts of selfish deeds with almost no apologies just as easily as any antihero. But he 'does' acknowledge he's at fault at times and is 'willing' to learn when properly motivated (Mostly at the urging of Fluttershy). Otherwise he is a fun guy, with interesting characteristics to explore hence the theme of this story.
And if those fans are still going to give me a hard time over a bunch of words, I'm not going to apologize for what I said. Because this was still a great Discord story SunTwi asked me to help her with and I'm proud of what we did with it.
10500035
True, but a important thing to remember with stories like this are that there "fans" and then there are "FANS" and artwork and a story like this would tend to draw the latter out to see what's new.
You can like something while still acknowledging it has flaws, or you can like something while vehemently denying there's anything wrong with it.
This show (and Discord himself) have plenty of fans of the latter variety.
Possibly. I didn't see it that way however, merely a co-writer talking through his thought process, which (considering the account holder could've chosen to delete his comment if it really bothered them) is hardly a reason to get up in arms.
This was wholesome.
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That was the general idea for this story. We're so pleased that you enjoyed it.
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We?
10501292
I don't mean the 'Royal' we if that's the first thing that pops in your head.
This story was a team effort. SunTwi is the narrator, I'm the editor. She asks me to clean it up and then she preps it for all the fans to read.
We've covered more than a dozen stories, all of them different.
10501295
Ohh, I assumed more than one person may have worked on it.
10501313
No, it's just the two of us. We're all the help we need. SunTwi sends the work, I clean, and then she posts.
I came in late... This fiction is beautiful!!!!!!!!!!!
10505209
Thank you very much! We did our best with this little idea and we're so pleased you found some merit in this little story.
Just a few mistakes:
"she" instead of "he"
Based on the context of these two sentences, and the story overall, I would say that the writing is in the past tense. So, use "is" instead of "was" in the strikethrough locations.
Similar to the above -- "didn't" instead of "doesn't".
I think you meant to put "know" between "even" and "you're".
"Lip" instead of "life"? Lol.
And finally, "her" instead of "his", since these are Fluttershy's thoughts.
Good insight into Fluttershy's mind. It hurts to see Discord so sad and afflicted by pain. You and Dramamaster829 did a good job on this. :)