A long forgotten element has been brought back, but for better or for worse?
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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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Maybe Smolder could like the most spicy curry?
Gotta introduce the little lady to Spike after explaining how he's different from other dragons and why.
9082613
That’ll be objective #1 at the start of next Volume.
Chapter summary:
i.kym-cdn.com/photos/images/original/000/557/213/f7f.jpeg
9082680
Wow. Haven't seen anyone use that saying in a while. What parts hit you?
9082685
The whole Smolder focus parts, but oh you know the innocent solitary emotional girl part could have played a roll at pulling my heart strings.
It sure as hell wasn't the drunk stupor of a lap dance.
Very well done as always!
That bit with Smolder hit me hard in the feels though...
Awesome!
I laughed myself sore at Shining's "incident"! XD Funniest chapter ever!
Will leave a longer comment at a later time, but for now I can say this: after the way the previous chapter ended, you continue to expand on Rarity x James, you tease!!!! insertShiaJustDoItgifhere
9084708
"Love will find a way."
James, your in Equestria when does ANYTHING go smoothly..I
9085549
“I dunno. I haven’t even been here for a month.”
Well mate did not think this would come around for a while but hey, im not going to look a gift pony in the mouth.
I think this needs some editing also thanks for publishing on my birthday 😁
9084708
I’m sorry, but did you say you would be getting back to this? I’m eager to read your full review.
Best HiE story, which was ever written
10/10
9127330
That's a rare kind of praise. What puts it above the rest in your eyes?
9127433
1. Interesting storyline
2. When I read, I did not want to stop
3. Charismatic main character
4. Dialogues at a high level
5. References to games such as Portal, TF2 or Undertale
Should I exchange further? Because this is really a lot.
Dude, your story is just awesome!
9127442
Please do. I enjoy detailed feedback.
9127487
Oh god... I think writing feedback will take a long time...
Crap... I was supposed to write my story... Okay, nevermind, I'll write feedback, but I need time to thoughts.
9127512
Take your time.
Hiya everypony! This is me Demonic Wing, and today I will do a review of the story called The Lost Element.
Immediately I warn you that the review may include spoilers, so ... if you have not read, read this story and do not interrupt to me that I have told you what will happen next.
The review will look so that I will mention the pros and cons, and I'll discuss it. Okay ... Without lengthening, I start.
Advantages:
1. Idea for the story - I do not intend to write much, I can say that when it comes to storyline, it's just great. The story is that not only can it make the reader shed a tear, but also that it can laugh a bit, the story also has a few horror moments, and as I'm a horror freak, it's a plus.
2. Interest, what will happen next - Reading the story, I could not get away from the monitor, I had to know what was next.
3. The main character - James is an interesting character, I will again quote here the advantage 1, I had to know what will happen next, I was just curious about how his story would unfold.
4. References to various games, as I have already mentioned - At the moment when Sans and Papyrus entered, I was positively surprised, I did not expect it.
5. I mentioned the references to games, right? What about creepypasta? - Welp, among other things, the story mentioned by Slender Man, who I was scared of in my childhood.
Okay... I'm writing about the references to games and creepypasta, so ... I will mention something else
7. Romance - Initially, I was a bit shocked when James and Fluttershy did... this... what discouraged me partly for reading, because I thought it was another clopfic, but... I was surprised again, the story showing true love and, only sex. I understood then that love is an inseparable part of this story.
8. I forgot to mention the reference to Skyrim, after which the tear in my eye turned around - When I read the chapter, where the Skyrim province appeared, I read with increasing interest, by the way... You encouraged me to play this game again .
9. Action - It does not matter which chapter, there's always something going on in it, so I read it all the time [Shit, I'm repeating]
10. The dark past through which people were banished from Equestria
11. Epic moments - At the moment when was a duel with Nightmare Moon, I turned on this soundtrack: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=f0LdIZ8TWYo to feel more into the atmosphere, and it was awesome, oh yessss... :D
Okay, uhmm ... all this? ... Well ... I'm not a good reviewer when it comes to books or fanfics.
There were advantages, it's time to exchange disadvantages
Disadvantages:
1. Very frequent repetitions - Most chapters were very similar to each other, which gave me the impression that I read one and the same.
2. Monotony, damn it... I could write about it without mercy, but I will describe it briefly - The story is very long, which is also a disadvantage and an advantage. Some of the chapters were so long that I did not want to read them anymore and I wanted them to end.
Summary:
The Lost Element is the best Fanfic I've ever read, I could even say that the author responsible for the story is better than any other famous writer.
Reading this story: I cried, I laughed, I was delighted and even afraid.
Despite the fact that the story has several disadvantages, I can turn a blind eye to them, so my rating is: 10/10
9127570
This story does have some uncomfortable bits, such as the concept of James almost being married to Fluttershy and yet still having sex with Rarity, Rainbow Dash and (In a dream) Princess Celestia. It's always weird when the guy has to divide his attention between the girls and say to each one, "You're the only one I love," and then go and do it to the next girl on the list of ponies whose life he changed. It just lowers the worth of the first girl he got together with. Every time he does this, I feel really uncomfortable about the whole thing--my stomach clenches in worry and apprehension. Yeah, yeah, James has love for everyone and not everyone can have the same capacity for love as he does, I know that. But...does it have to always be romantic? I wouldn't do this to every girl in my life the way James does. It just doesn't feel right to me.
But overall, the story and the persona of James himself more than makes up for the all-over-the-place romance. James did some stupid things in the story, but we all do stupid things as well, and because he's flawed, it only adds to his humanity more and adds to the theme of humans and the choices they make influencing if humanity is good or bad. Not only that, the way that the author handles the variety of topics and is highly skilled in literally every area he puts his magic finger to feels extraordinary in and of itself. The dark moments drop your heart and make you angry or vengeful, the sad parts literally make the spot behind your eyes hot and wet, the happy parts lift the soul and make your heart jump in your chest, the funny parts are laugh-out-loud hysterical, the video game references are clever--although I haven't played the games, I know what they're getting at--and the romantic parts touch your heart. Long chapters, intriguing plots, fleshed-out, lovable, and evolving characters, and the artful and wide use of diction finish it off to become not just one of the best all-around fanfics I have ever heard of, but one of the best all-around novels.
The only thing more impressive than this story is the author's dedication to see it through to the end for years and years. It is no surprise that this story went down in history.
9129630
Eyup That's truth
9129630 Thank you very kindly for the heavy praise. I'm flattered.
Although in regards to that which you're unsettled by, I can tell you I didn't originally write this story with that mind. I was convinced back then such relationships were utter hogwash and were simply not possible. But due to life experiences I will not be getting into here, I started to realize that I had started to dip my toes into the topic of unconventional relationships. And as stated in the disclaimer two episodes back, I've discovered things about myself and about other things that I did not know or was ignorant to five years ago. I assure you that the concept of James developing sincere relationships with both Fluttershy and Rarity is not an act of wish fulfillment. I really do see it as feasible in regards to the character's emotional and moral integrity. It's definitely not something every man is capable of and I was not expecting all my readers to be on board with it, but I would not have ever dared to take the story in that direction had I believed it was not possible.
Granted, not all of James' relationships with mares is romantic. Applejack and Pinkie Pie are simply good friends with him and even Trixie does not have any romantic feelings for him despite all that they've bonded over thus far. And even Luna does not pine for him despite him bonding with her first instead of Celestia.
9129963
My goodness! The man, the myth, the legend just replied to me! (Faints)
James seems to be the responsible type, because it's not as though he himself was on board with the whole plural wife notion either. He felt uncomfortable with that threesome, and again with Rarity two chapters back. I can imagine he feels conflicted right now; he doesn't want to choose between the two of hem, but he also can't have everything in life he wants--and if the choice presented itself, would he go with Flutters or Rarity?
I can envision either James getting both girls and the three of them try to adapt with the social problems that arise from that, or he weds Fluttershy alone and he continues to pine after Rarity, which causes him anguish; he would never cheat on Fluttershy, but the feelings he has shouldn't exist. Either way, I think those feelings of turmoil might play a big part in season 5--I mean, book five.
9130013
James was only “uncomfortable” with the threesome with Rainbow Dash because he was convinced he couldn’t handle such a relationship at the time and that it came out of nowhere and the fact he became much more open to going along with it thanks to some coaxing from Fluttershy shows that he absolutely has the capacity to balance his love for more than one woman.
James is by no means uncomfortable with the thought of actually trying a ployamorist relationship, but he is lacking in the confidence needed for it and rightfully so. It’s a very unorthodox lifestyle that requires some serious constitution and faith. And who is to say Fluttershy and Rarity will be the only mares he pines for?
I’ve already got several future spin-offs planned, one of which being three chapters in that will serve as the catalyst to him embracing this new development in his life. And if I play my cards right, it will result in a very happy life for everyone involved.
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I absolutely cannot wait to see your plans unfold. I've got faith in you, man. You write stories differently than I would have liked, but you do it so well that I really can't complain. Who am I to tell you which direction to take with what is now a masterpiece? I aspire to reach a goal as lofty as the position you're in, even though I won't achieve it because my work is underappreciated. I'll uphold any choice you make as your loyal follower. Do what you must; I'll be there cheering you on.
9130968
Don’t be fooled. For as long as it’s been in development, my work doesn’t get anywhere near as much exposure as one might expect and I’m really not sure why. It seems the MLP fanfics that become more than just fanfics are chosen by fate and mine simply aren’t part of that list.
9131005
Dude. You have tens of thousands of views. You've reached Legendary status here. You practically started the Human in Equestria genre. You have a TVTropes page. You have a Wikipedia article about you--or, at least, I think they do. The only reason why other people haven't read your work is because they haven't seen it. If they knew just how big of a bombshell you have dropped, they would tear into this thing like a starving dog into a Christmas ham. Your little 1700k word story stands alongside the fame of My Little Dashie, Cupcakes, and Fallout Equestria.
9131021
Thanks.
I am curious though. What exactly did you mean by the various topics my story covers? I'm not sure what that is pointing to. Did I forget something?
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I meant genres. You touch upon romance, lust, abandonment, betrayal, hatred, joy, and many many others. I'm not sure what you missed in here. You seem to have covered it all.
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The Tvtropes page only exists because I made it myself when I had some time on my hands. Only one other person has contributed a single entry to it and that’s it. Can’t really say it’s popular if it’s barely kept alive.
Why, hello there, Humanity! This is the Gray Rogue speaking! And I must tell you, after reading all of the chapters up to here, you are still an epic writer!
Here! (hands over a hard cider) Have a drink on me!
9145334
*sips cider* Thank you kindly, though I don't recognize you. It sounds like you've been reading along for a while though. How have things gone with the narrative since the last time you stopped by?
9145803
It has been.... about many months since I was able to make a comment on a story.
I used to be able to write as Grasshopper Keller. But somehow I had deleted the info that I needed for my old account. And that just sucks b***s! Despite that, I am starting out as a new writer from scratch.
And thanks for replying to me.
My old stories are under Grasshopper Keller. I might not be the best, but I'd like your opinion on what I had written before.
P.S. Just how, exactly, do you plan to write the next chapter? Because during the whole time that I was reading this amazing story of yours, I sensed quite a bunch of Flarity material in the chapters! No complaints here, just curious.
9147060
Can’t say I recall that username, though I’m sure I’ll find it somewhere in the list. As for next chapter, it’s when the wedding happens. Although it starts with the third and final dream fight with James and the royal sisters.
May I ask what the standouts of the story have been since you last visited?
I'd say that there needs to be some serious conflict in the story sooner than later. Not just drama between James and the girls, and not just the wedding and everything that ensues from it, but also, like, a villain. A serious villain. Someone who wants to not just corrupt everything James loves, but also wants to destroy everything. And we need to be introduced to him sooner or later. Crashing a wedding seems like a villainous move. Or something. This is my speculation only, not direction for Humanity to follow.
You know, I've noticed something. Since James has so many ponies he's met that mean so much to him--Fluttershy, Rarity, Rainbow, Twilight, Pinkie, Applejack, Gladesong, Celestia, Luna, Scootaloo and the CMC, Mistress Mare-velous, Nightmare Moon, Maud Pie, Mitta, Smoulder, Derpy, Button Mash, Lyra Heartstrings, Estoc, Shining Armor, etc--it means that this villain has plenty of targets to choose from. Taking even one of them out would essentially cripple James. It would be like losing a limb. And then James goes all God Mode on this new villain because of his rage and grief like in Mortal Chaos, which is exactly what this villain wants, because it unbalances James and proves that James, and humanity in general, is dark and evil and selfish. This new villain is out for the destruction of the concept of humanity itself.
But again, this is my speculation.
9147094
From reading all of the chapters, start to finish, I can honestly say this:
I was able to relate to the main character throughout the story. There isn't even a hint of plateauing with the progress of the chapters, and that's just really unneeded. And the buildup for the slice of life pieces just.... really make me smile.
And the relationships that he has with all of the ponies really seals the deal for me. I'm a sucker for romance stories that mix the naughty parts in the chapters, but the other ponies that the main character meets and befriends really make it all the better.
Side note: I do think that one of the characters, in the next chapter, should help him out with the whole 'cold feet' issue when he gets married to his main squeeze. I'm adding this request so that it could make the chapter interesting as well as heart pulling.
Look forward to your next chapter!
1.7m words in this book compared to the prequel that’s a huge difference
Debating if I should read this. I. Like very long story’s
9201062
The prequel was written out of necessity. I originally intended it to be just one chapter, but was only 500 words at most. I had to write the rest just to upload it. I could not possibly make it long.
And I'm caught up.
Well, Humanity, once again, you have done an amazing job.
I suspect the girls were shocked to find out that James had gone to Cloudsdale with Rainbow Dash; just the two of them. I suppose Rarity was disappointed in not getting to show James around like she had wanted too. But, as they have all told Rainbow before, you can't win them all.
I really like how you've been able to bring Smolder, Saffron Masala and Coriander Cumin into your story's continuity. It's nice to see that, even if the show has gone downhill for the most part, there are still the occasional gems that stand out (I choose to remain neutral on this subject ).
I like how you’re building up Smolder's character. Being a creature which is often regarded as troublesome, and having no one to guide her through life, I really feel for her. With James, she is not only getting a taste of friendship, but she is starting to feel what it's like to have someone out there who cares about you. I cannot wait to see/read where her story goes from here.
I still question that ‘fire’ thing. Yes, Spike usually burps when he receives messages from Princess Celestia, and that's how those teenage dragons did it in "Dragon Quest," but the other times I've seen dragons breathing fire, there's no belch to be heard; not in "A Bird in the Hoof," nor in "Owl's Well That Ends Well" (not to be confused with the episode of the same name from "The New Adventures of Winnie the Pooh" ); he even scorched one of Twilights books with a sneeze in the same story. Of course, we did see Spike belch fire on an issue of the Foal Free Press ("Ponyville Confidential") and Twilight's Mane (“It's About Time”), as well as hiccupping empty scrolls to the Princess ("Griffon the Brush Off").
As for Saffron and her Father, it's nice to see them take to James so well. I actually question how Rarity and Fancy Pants came to find the Tasty Treat. If it was in a similar fashion to “Spice Up your Life,” where both Rarity and Pinkie just happened to be in Canterlot together, I wouldn't be too surprised. After what you did with Maud's introduction, I can only imagine what you could do here.
I do have some form of attraction for Saffron as a character. I don’t know what it is, but Tiffany Darwish’s rendition of "The Locomotion" brings her to mind for me. It also doesn’t help that I have recently been getting acquainted with several characters of Indian origin in another brand that I also follow.
I’m also a little confused about James’ knowledge on Pinkies party planning.
I remember reading them touching upon this subject in a previous chapter after James proposed.
Well, it isn’t possible for anyone to remember everything.
I can relate to James on the subject of table top games of that kind. I still can't understand them, myself; not even the "My Little Pony" version (which I have a collection of cards from). You could say, video games are to him, what stories, trains and magic are to me. 🎮 = 📖 🚂🚃🚃 ✨
I found that bit with Button Mash to be rather funny. He practically pulled the same move that Philomena did on Twilight and Fluttershy (“A Bird in the Hoof”). How did he stump the Royal Guard anyway; even Shining Armor? It makes me wonder how Spike, Snips, Snails and Pinkie could still be recognized by their friends.
I still find it a little odd how ponies are able to manipulate their tails like additional appendages. Pinkie I understand, but Fluttershy was also capable of doing so in “Buckball Season,” and Rarity was able to brush James’ chin. Oh well.
(WARNING: To other readers out there, possible spoilers are to follow.)
Now, there is something else I would like to say, and I want you to know that I am simply speaking my thoughts an opinions. I have to admit...I'm worried about Rarity.
Don't get me wrong; I am neither angered nor disturbed.....but I am concerned. I have read some of your other work elsewhere too, and they have left me feeling a little uneasy.
I know Rarity says that she couldn’t be happier with how things are between her and James, but, when all is said and done, she is still alone. She doesn't have anyone that she can personally call ‘her own,’ and, according to the final chapter of "Musings of a Fallen Princess," Fluttershy is the last of the Mane Six to leave James. In other words, Rarity never finds her significant ‘other’ and passes on alone, unwed, with no one. That's sad.
Also, I highly doubt that anyone in her family would approve of her being a bachelorette for the rest of her life.
If you ask me, Rarity doesn't give herself enough credit. Yes, she loves James with all her heart and she will always have him in her life, and she says that she is very happy with the way things are, but I still think she is more than deserving of having someone to truly call ‘her own’ (probably not that Trenderhoof, though).
I do think there is someone else out there who can also make her happy; someone who is open-minded/hearted like James who is capable of understanding their relationship with each other. Yes, I know that may sound like a 'one-in-a-million chance' thing, but...stranger things have happened, haven't they? Not just in this story, but also in the rest of the Fandom, the Show, and the Brand itself.
I think Rarity finding someone else would make both her and James very happy. They wouldn't have to change their own relationship, of course, but Rarity would have the opportunity to have a happy, loving family of her own; and she would be happy knowing that she didn't replace her first love; she gained another to love.
Again, I just wanted to get this out there. I am not trying to criticize; I am simply expressing my concern for (in your opinion and mine) one the best characters in the cast.
I’m half-expecting this to become a “Saving Mr. Banks” moment; and I don't think I have to say which part.
9285602
The ending of Musings of a Forgotten Princess is not canon. The correct canon “after the end” chapter will be the ending of Dreams of the Heart.
Don’t worry. I would never let Rarity get stuck with an unhappy ending. As she said before, life has a way of working out in ways you don’t see coming. She’ll get the happiness she deserves.
Hello again!
Sorry for being quiet so long. Been dealing with life.
Chapter looks good, and I'm excited for the wedding.
Catch ya later!
-Ru
Whew! Sorry it took so long to get back here.
And sorry to hear your year hasn't been too good.
But all that aside, time for opinions!
1. Looove the scene with Smolder. Sooo cuuute! Made me just wanna give her a big hug.
A little worried her affection for James might be something more and could result in some awkward situations, but I guess I'll find out in later chapters.
2. The Tasty Treat! Wish we'd see more of Saffron Masala and her father. I'm a moderate fan of Indian cuisine, nice to see it in fanfiction. I noticed you have a tendency to go into a fair amount of detail in the narrative, but after thinking on it, I realized that that's James writing in his journal. I know, I know, I'm a big dumb for not realizing it sooner.
3. That scene with Shining Armor! Sweet Celestia that was funny. Loved Rarity's dancing, and just every scene they had together. The emotions I could feel behind their words... sigh. Makes me long for a love of my own, and to be theirs in return.
4. HOW IN CELESTIA'S SWEET MORNING GLORY DID YOU MAKE SMOLDER SO GOSH DARN CUUUTE?! I mean, seriously. I just wanna hug her nonstop!
Looking good as usual, my friend.~
-Ru
This... is some good shit, as the saying goes?
9129630
What changed between then and now in just two short years? How do you go from that to what was said last time we interacted?