A long forgotten element has been brought back, but for better or for worse?
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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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4367920
You are aware you just compared humans to base animals and insects, right?
There is a very big difference between humans and animals that sets us apart. Sentient thought. We have the potential to be so much more, yet it is constantly squandered by many the world over. This part was not enjoyable to write at all and I will not be doing it again. I merely wanted to get it out of the way as quickly as I could.
If you have a problem with someone pointing out the flaws of this world with a straight face, maybe you should go watch some of George Carlin's standups. At least he tried to be funny about the subject while doing it.
4367876 Happy now?
Just finished part 1 of the last year. Great writing as usual, but then I got curious. What is your story like in relation to a published book in the way of size? So I ran a few numbers, and as of this moment, your story is the equivalent of reading Harry Potter #5, twice. The book measures about 2.5 inches, which would make your story almost half a foot in thickness were it to be written down. Just a little something cause it's my day off. Now onto the next chapter!
4367988
George Carlin was funny. You're just mean. You can't use the excuse of "a Questria doesn't have anything is bad". You had a magical being attempting to commit genocide by bringing about paternal night which would've starved the entire eternal night, slavery in the form of the diamond dogs or the evil king of the Crystal Empire Sombra, who reigned for centuries, prejudice and racism against classes, other species as seen in Canterlot and even Ponyville, entire species like the dragons who pride themselves on being bullying and cruel, monsters that can turn you into stone, A LITERAL HELL that is guarded by a multiple headed dog which houses beings that could destroy the world three times over, a literal personification of chaos that BRAINWASHED and MIND RAPED and ENSLAVED people for decades, if not centuries before he was sealed away!
The point I'm trying to get across is that every single world has different issues it has to contend with. Earth's problems are just DIFFERENT from Equestria. They're not worse. Just different. Nobody on earth has to contend with people who can magically turn the entire world into eternal night or fear firebreathing dragons on a possibly daily basis! Or mind-slaving shape shifters who can turn into living shadow! I think a guy with a gun is a BIT easier to deal with than FIREBREATHING DRAGONS, don't you?
4368110 At least crisis's like that are few and far between and not constantly happening all over the world. And that those who are able to resolve it actually do it instead of doing nothing.
I am not continuing this discussion with you. I made my point in this chapter and if you do not agree, more power to you. Goodbye.
4368168 Wow. Over just one paragraph? Seems like a pretty shallow reason.
4368227
No. Not even close. At first, this story was greatly enjoyable, and depicted scenes where everything in Equestria was as it was expected to be. You, of course, made some lovely additions yourself, but overall, Equestria still felt right to me. Then later on, you decided to bring back old villains into the fold, like the redemption of Nightmare Moon, which I thought was a bit much, considering that now there are two princesses of the night, which seems completely unnecessary to me.
Next up, I noticed that there are all these little nudges and alterations being done to the content of the characters, which are putting them more and more out of character. For example, you had Pinkie cut back on sweets, since she started to get worried about diabetes, (which you seemed to have ignored in this chapter, as Pinkie swallowed all that gelatin) also, you had Rarity take off her fake eyelashes, then you have Rainbow Dash going all hopeless romantic over James, (that might not be the right order of events, but I hope you get the idea).
It seems that you really are slowly but surely remaking Equestria in your own image. I know that your opinions are always going to match that of the main character, that's a given, but then all the other characters start agreeing with those opinions little by little, as if they have very little will of their own to keep their way of thinking.
At first, I enjoyed this story, but now I am enduring it, and Twilight (my favorite character btw) rejecting her love of scientific research was the last straw.
I know this will probably get down-voted into oblivion, but there are my true, and honest feelings on this story. You've earned yourself a dislike on this story from me, and I will no longer be following it.
Good day to you sir.
Can I just say that since there is no way to bookmark your progress in a chapter, people prefer shorter chapters or they won't read it which is why people demanded you cut the original chapter in half, so it is in your interest to consider this fact.
4368467 considering this is a fictional story, it does not have to follow the canon personalities of the characters and the author can do whatever he likes with them. However I can respect your opinion as of course people like you prefer that fanfics follow the canon personality of the characters in MLP
4368467 Who knows? Ever have a crab Rangoon binge where you puke your guts up afterward and not touch the stuff again for years? You'd think Twilight would be more than a little scared straight after never having a big accident occur during her experiments only to have one blow up in her face in catastrophic proportions. Give her a few months and she may start to inch her way back into it with baby steps while her confidence builds. And maybe in the end, she'll be back to her chemistry set ways while making certain to carry a sign reading 'NO PINKIE PIES ALLOWED' while performing these experiments.
4368583
The whole deal with Pinkie Pie is this:
I understand that it's part of her character to be able to do these impossible things, and I usually just go along with it, since whenever Pinkie demonstrates one of her abilities, it causes a shock, and a laugh, but then it's over, and the story continues.
When one of Pinkie's abilities creates such a mental shock wave that it resonates with the other characters to the point that they go out of their way to figure it out, then I expect something to be figured out at some point. I realize that this story is not about Pinkie Pie's abilities, but even if Twilight had even formed a half-baked theory on Pinkie, it would have been leagues better than just having no progress at all, and going back to square one.
Were you trying to be funny in that scene? Was the whole thing supposed to be a joke? The Pinkie Pie joke is getting cheaper and cheaper, and at this point, it crossed a line with Twilight Sparkle, and her claiming that she would be giving up scientific research.
4368537 Actually, there is. This site has had a bookmark function for a while now, but I'm honestly surprised that hardly anyone knows how to use it or that it even exists. I'm tempted by now to make a YouTube video detailing its function.
4368626 O_o I'll take it back then. I'll try to figure it out myself
Also great song choice :). It's one of my personal favourite orchestra songs.
4368661 Well, I tried. Where did this chapter start to slip?
Despite my grumbling about the length, all in all this was a good chapter. I'm eager to see where you go from here.
4368816 yeah... I found that out a few months ago. I promised myself I would never eat the stuff again.
3307325 They're one and the same, buddy.
Just ignore them, Humanity. It's your story and your ideals. I don't necessarily agree with you myself, but I'm a big believer in "If you're not hurting anyone, you're not a problem." The people bitching at you are the aggressors, making them the problem. Arguing with them gives them what they want, they don't want to 'help' you in any way, they want to demean you and justify it by saying they're just exercising their opinions when all they're doing is enjoying the attempt to put you down.
Hell, I'm saying all this and I've long been an opponent of this story. I hate Gary Stus. But this is probably the only story I'll find myself tolerating it in. I also have issues with some design choices in flow and character development and I think that as a reader, that's just fine - because they aren't actual problems, just my personal feelings on the subject. Which means that my subjectivity does not require myself (or anyone else) to be bitchy to the author about it like some sort of fucking snob demanding the story be his way or making a big production out of jumping ship like some idiot ten year old.
So really. Just ignore them and keep doing what you're doing.
4369258 I'll try to balance that out when I proofread. Just have a hard time thinking of an alternative on the spot.
4368633 Wow, this bookmark function is quite effective. After placing it, the page will automatically bring you to the spot you left it whenever you come back to it. Now you don't have to worry about losing your spot when reading a long chapter.
4367897 If you ask me, even 30k is overkill, I don't care what story it is. No chapter reasonably needs to exceed 15k. Huge chapters are intimidating to a lot of readers, and they probably won't even bother with it.
4370543 Probably why that bookmark function was patched into the site in recent months.
4368467
In regards to your inquires about the characters being in character, I am actually trying my absolute best in keeping them in character while carefully analyzing their personalities and quirks while estimating how things could evolve with them if I know them as well as I think I do.
1. This actually was brought to mind by a handful of very sad comics I saw back on Ponibooru before the site went down. It struck a chord in me and actually made me start wondering about whether or not Pinkie Pie would be in danger at some point. It will not surprise me if Hasbro actually dedicates an episode to Pinkie Pie learning about healthier eating. As for the experiment, it was Twilight's call, so she likely knew that one binge would not harm her. And it was explained to her early on that letting herself go "once in a while" would be fine.
2. The use of false eyelashes to spice up her looks sounds like a big double standard for Rarity and even something I am sure she is not proud of. I am sure that with some encouragement, she would be willing to gradually give them up to make her lashes grow in to show her true natural beauty, which is something I am sure she is all about.
3. Rainbow Dash's attraction to James following the main event with Nightmare Moon is much more dynamic than the others. As you know, opposites attract and despite their mutual differences, James and Rainbow are close. Not to mention the trek through the Everfree Forest served as an obvious bonding experience at times with them fighting to protect each other. And you do not know what someone means to you until you are sure you are never going to see them alive again. Despite her ego and her constant obsession with absolute coolness and toughness, it is no stretch of the imagination that Rainbow Dash would finally wake up at one point and learn that it is better to be yourself at all times and only get tough and 'cool' when the situation warrants it. A lesson she would likely learn after the events in the Everfree Forest. Her attraction to James would certainly be understandable by that point. And considering how brazen she is, it would not be surprising for her to flaunt her feelings in her own unique brazen way. She has never been one for subtlety.
4. Already explained this with Twilight. Give her a while to shake the old zappity zap zap treatment off and she'll be fiddling with her chemistry set again.
I find the size of your chapters to be downright erotic sir, have an up-vote.
4368932 Please let me know how it is when you finish. It was quite a challenge for me.
4371373 Ooooh, those typos.
4372248 Then what would you do if you were writing a journal documenting everything noteworthy happening to you in a single day?
4368760
I dislike the that's what she said jokes, I just think that they don't really belong. This guy can almost do no wrong and everything is going almost perfectly. It kinda pissed me off when Fluttershy gets all antsy when Nightmare Moon kisses James and yet there's no problem with any pony ales giving him a passionate kiss. I think there needs to be a bit more conflict in this story. Don't get me wrong I'm a big fan of this I just think that some stuff you put in is a bit unnecessary, but as long as you continue to write this story I'll continue to read it.
As always, most definitely worth the wait and the read! I'm not bothered about chapter length imo, it's about quality not quantity! Even if it does take me 6 hours with breaks! X3 Even so, good job with the chapter....chapters(?!) anywho =p
4372710 Fluttershy likely just felt alarmed by that since Nightmare Moon is not a close friend of hers and had never displayed such an attraction before. Furthermore, the only other mares to do so discussed their feelings with Fluttershy before hand. Something coming out of nowhere like that would likely catch her by surprise.
What is more, it has been shown that James, like everyone else, can do wrong. He retaliated when Rainbow Dash accidentally struck him with lightning by knocking her off of a cloud and into a tub of water and narrowly avoiding having her crash into the ground, he chose to not go with his friends to Cloudsdale during the Best Young Fliers competition and disappointing Luna and Nightmare Moon in the process, and he offended Rainbow Dash and Fluttershy at one point when he rashly inferred that they are mere animals. And there is no telling what happens on the days that he does not chronicle.
4373107 Thank you. Other readers should learn from you and take breaks when needed. I never expect anyone to finish these longer chapters in one sitting.
May I ask what you enjoyed most from this one? It was quite a challenge for me.
4373213
Hmmmm, best points.....well I liked the interaction with Luna and Nightmare, and in most stories you're always told how fun Pinkie's parties are, but here I could actually 'see' what it's like and such! Almost as if I could be experiencing it myself!
4373196
I guess. Can't wait what the next chapter holds my friend. Have a good day :)
Well, that party was certainly interesting and funny. All and all, great chapters.
4375709 Thanks. It was a lot of work and difficult to write at times.
May I ask what really stood out to you inside and outside the party?
>>Humanity Hm... Let's see:
Well it's difficult to say, but let me try to narrow it down to my favs.
Inside: The Spin the Bottle game; I'm not surprise that NM would pounce at you for a kiss, but it's still pretty funny that she's trying to drag it out for long. Rares was sensual tender make out. Pinkie's one, as scary as fuck, is funny, I'm just surprise you didn't think about running. About AJ, if she doesn't want anyone to find out, then I'll not pry into it, since she finds it sacred.
Outside: The talks you had with Celly and Flutters.
Things I despise: Big Mac and Armour using women as their personal Meat shields. I have personal experience from this, because my sister uses me like that against spiders. And trust me; if I were ever there and saw them doing it, I beat the living shit outta both of them.
4376317 Well, as you described, Pinkie's way of kissing was "scary as f***" and they actually witnessed it. So while maybe not the most honorable ways to escape it, it is perfectly understandable that they would use the first person within reach or the first to come to mind to avoid it. Besides, Armor did get what was coming to him by getting a good night's sleep on the sofa at home.
>>Humanity Oh C'mon that's nothing more than a love-tap compare to Big Mac's hug crusher, I mean, he was made a cripple after that until Twi fixed him up.
Christ I wish she left Armour a broken mess. Asshole!
And you know I'm right.
4377259 I cannot tell you what to think. No offense taken.
4376902 I get what you're saying. But there were no other guys there for them to use. They didn't take cover behind Zecora and Cadence because they are women, but because there was no one closer at that moment. Big Macintosh would have used Mr. Cake if he was within arm's reach. Weird gender proportions of Equestria...
4368031 Whoa... If I'm going to get this story printed with Equestrianpublications, I better divide these up by volumes.
Aside from that, what did you enjoy most from this one?
4378611 Don't ask me where that came from. My ex suggested it.
I really enjoyed these last two chapters. Yea these other people do have some points but overall i am still really enjoying this fic.
4379778 Chalk it up to Sweetie's lack of knowledge on it. And it is corrected afterward.
4380023 It does not matter. It was miserable to me to have to write that segment and I really did not want to and I will not ever be writing another segment on that subject again.
With that out of the way, may I ask what stood out to you in the Volume 2 finale?
4381918 Yup, that's everyone's reaction when Pinkie is having one of her annoying spaz sessions.
4383849 Blame Sergeantsprinkles for being dumb enough to tempt fate by starting that trope in the first place.
>>Humanity True, but if given the opportunity, I'm pretty certain they would have used each other as their shield. You should be lucky they didn't thought about using you...
I bet you didn't think about that possible outcome now did you?