A long forgotten element has been brought back, but for better or for worse?
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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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Another awesome chapter,bud.
I loved everything about it, especially that scene with James and Orbash. And oh my god, that tease to Sunflare of grandchildren. What a top stallion he is.
I look forward to seeing how their respective relationships with James progresses and what the Canterlot Elite would make of such a scenario should Sunflare and Orbash decide to stay in the event that James and Celestia conceive a child and be proper grandparents.
Orbash, the father we all need!
As for any negatives, it's simple.
They always end. :(
This story is so much more than it was at the outset, it aggravates me that people are probably put off by the length of the story and the ratings it has. I've been following along since close to the beginning and it's been such an amazing journey! Can't wait for more Edit: holy crap it's been ten years‽ can hardly imagine its so close to the decaversary of the story
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First chapter was uploaded on my previous account in July of 2011. It’s been 11 years by now.
It is rather hypocritical that anyone could be turned off by the length. If they can sling the highest praises towards multi-million word edgy shlock like Project Horizons or Diaries of a Madman en masse for years, they have no excuse for not giving my work a fair chance when my works offer far more respect for the source material than they do.
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Thank you. I'm sorry to hear things went wrong for you, I hope they go better in the future. :)
Man you keep coming in with these amazing cjapters im kinda sad its almost over.....
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Not for a good while.
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It's fuckin what???
Of course Orbash is already thinking about being a grandfather! I'm so glad him and James were able to have a heart to heart and that he was able to get through to James.
Great news to see Sunflare be neutral/slightly positive on the possibility of grandkids !! Maybe James can get through to her yet!
Gosh seeing how much James and NMM love each other so hope something can work out between them. I don't like seeing NMM going through even more pain after all she's been through
With the conversations James is having with Rain Shine and Ember it seems his conviction will be bolstered that much more in the fight against the Emperor. I sure do hope things work out between them !
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It’s not. There’s dozens of chapters to go.
11319052 i am so relieved to hear that I love this so much.
Honestly, I have no issues with how long this story is.
The fact its been going for 11 years alone is enough testament to the authors determination to keep the story going. That, and this fic doesn't have multitudes of spelling errors or plotholes so the story can actually be enjoyed without much hesitation.
And if it's dragging on? Put a bookmark, refresh your mind with other things for a week, then come back and read some more.
Just my thoughts on the story length debate. Thought I'm honestly glad to see our hero is always suspectable to both sides of humanity's mark. makes him more relatable than a "warrior of light" and all that
I have read this story since sofurry was yiffstar lol and was so happy when it migrated over here . This has been an 11 year epic tale and I'm glad there is still more and more to come. Let the long chapters flow like water and wine and I shall drink them all in!!!!
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If you’ve really been following my work gif that long, I’d appreciate any in-depth feedback you could provide on your experience with this series.
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I will only say this ..... Your story has held my attention for 11 long years and is the only story that Stays in library even when I'm deleting old stories out of it. Your world building and character development are incredible and to the point where I can close my eyes and see it in my mind. I personally love your chapter length and find that even the 25 to 30 thousand word range there are no real dead spots . Either your building characters or action. This is a true page turner and I can't wait for more.
In which James does not take Nightmare Moon's brush with death very well.
His frustration that this isn't just over already is growing ever more palpable. This time, it's Orbash who talks him down, and what a guy he is. And he's right of course, how could Nightmare Moon hold it against James for endangering her life when he is the only reason she ever had a life to begin with?
So we get to see James use the full power of his armor he currently knows how to access, this time with a touch of ✨moral ambiguity✨! Gray-helmet James is a powerful force for any army to reckon with. They better pray they never do something to turn it black.
Hello! Newcomer here, just found this fic. Never have I ever seen so many likes and dislikes in this rate on the same story. Can someone with a somewhat objective viewpoint tell me the strenghts and weaknesses of this story so I may decide whether to start reading it or not? Those 500 dislikes must be there for a reason.
Thank you in advance!
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To be fair, I’d estimate at least a hundred of those dislikes are invalid due to being placed over knee jerk responses to assumptions of “misanthropy” in the story early on having no nuance to it. There was a very unhealthy mindset in the fandom early on regarding certain kinds of real world criticism that has thankfully just about died out, but those who left these invalid dislikes either don’t remember the story even exists, or are no longer on the site. And I doubt asking the mods to evaluate older dislikes will produce results.
It really is a shame when the like/dislike ratio of something is not representative of the objective quality of a product due to skewed and petty rationales behind a significant portion of readers, especially during a time when an irrational stigma was rooted in the fandom. In other words, a good chunk of that 500 dislikes are far from justified and are a result of a time when the fandom had some problems to iron out.
If you go into this story, you likely won’t be disappointed.
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Hello newcomer, I'm here to act as a guide. Please heed my words.
The story shows traces of an inconsistent narrative and an inconsequential sense of direction when it comes to presenting stakes, unfolding consequences, and allowing characters autonomous movement and agency. Its themes are wildly misplaced and often conflict with what it presents as fact. It seems uncertain of its own legacy while preserving a grossly disproportioned perspective about its main character, and subjugates the cast under the whims of the authorial intent rather than letting anyone breathe. It breaks conventions without merit and suggests a disorganized and undisciplined approach to narrative storytelling. And it is unable to escape its own labels because, while on the one hand, it tries to argue it is not with issue, on the other, analysis reveals that it, in fact, internalizes and then externalizes the very vices it claims to dislike.
This all to say that you will be faced with a Gary Stu, one that has so much power it can make all the mane six act weirdly around him and stealing the spotlight from them. The pacing is quite bad having thousands of words in one single chapter meaning you will get lost in it. There are literally novels that have less words and most of this is redundant information that goes around the main argument trying to extract more words out of a simple phrase.
The misanthropy it is accused off may be baseless if it was 1 case, when hundreds of people are saying that then one must ask if they are onto something or not. Not only that but the fact that it was actually something that needed defence from indicates that it is a much closer and real instance of a problem than the author make it appear as. It's also a sign that the author's attempts to avoid misanthropic tones never manifested, causing the story to be tonally deaf to its own contradictions.
I still tell you to read, for a mind that is swayed by a humble little review as this must also first steel itself in the danger zone. Don't get intimidated by the mass of words you'll need to read. You only need 1 or 2 chapters to get the idea of what is in store for you.
Your friendly triangle
Dorito.
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To quote Bassreaderbrony
The first two chapters are not at all an effective indicator of where the story will go in time and I think you know this.
Please do not mislead those asking honest questions here.
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You are accusing me of misleading, but you haven't give the newcomer any real reason to remain.
It's not about where the story will go. This is about how the story gets there. If the story goes a lot of places, but the travel between those places is long, tedious, and doesn't get better as the story goes along, then the places it goes don't matter.
That being said in talking from the POV of someone that has taken the time to read a good chunk of the story. Furthermore, I already said the newcomer that he should read it to get his own idea. I just expressed mine about how the story goes and what he should expect of it.
The fact that the best defense you could muster was to call me a deceiver basically and not actually counter my points is indication enough that you are not comfortable with it. Why is that?
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You said that the first two chapters are enough to get a grasp of what’s in store for the reader. That is very misleading when considering what developed in the story in the following 11 years in the same way that the first several episodes of Bojack Horseman are entirely unrepresentative of the rest of the series, but I am in no position to toot my own horn. It’s up to the other readers to explain how that is. If you base your perceptions of the story around just the first two chapters, you are doing a disservice to the story and to yourself and is not at all a habit one should encourage.
The rest of your comment also leans heavily into a certain bias. Such as your insistence of the presence of a Gary Stu protagonist and actual misanthropic messages when there are many who would be willing to contest that theory. The Gary Stu label gets thrown around far too easily to the point that I doubt anyone even really knows what it’s suppose to mean anymore. Not it’s original definition, at least. The assumption that I was pushing for misanthropy in my works got old years ago and does raise my ire when anyone makes that claim in 2022. Honest criticism of humanity’s failings is not and never will be misanthropy and I’m sorry you can’t understand that.
I will not block you or delete your comments. I have a policy against that and would rather allow others to judge for themselves over the years, but I don’t appreciate much of what you have said here. Although I do apologize that I was not able to live up to your personal standards in my work. I have my own standards and ideologies to adhere to.
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Hello, also a newcomer, and I only made it through one full chapter so far (I have had later parts described to me, and read sections of later chapters. And I skimmed the TV Tropes page).
Likes and dislikes usually only represent a moment in time, because almost no one ever realizes a year later "hey maybe I shouldn't have disliked that one fanfic; maybe I should reread it and see if it got any better." So yeah, a lot of the dislikes are probably reactions to single scenes or moments that people hated... some of them might even have been from people who never read the story, but they were persuaded to review bomb it.
But the likes probably don't reflect the entire story either. One of the chapters I read most of was Tears of the Moon, and I think it's a good example of something I've noticed a lot...
Many of the individual action beats in Tears of the Moon are well written. James is on his way to confront Nightmare Moon, like in the pilot of the show, but this time he hopes to convince her to change and be a better pony; I wonder what could possibly happen. Maybe he'll be able to talk her down. Maybe he'll be forced to let the Mane 6 use the elements to destroy her, and he'll be left mourning her death, torn up about the fact that he couldn't save her. Maybe she will prove to be too strong for the elements this time. Maybe she'll be furious at James and will be too powerful to stop, and overwhelm James and the Mane 6 with her power. Maybe one of James' friends will die at Nightmare Moon's hooves, and he'll have to live with the knowledge that his belief that Nightmare Moon could be a better pony caused the death of someone dear to him. Or maybe James will give into his violent, murderous human nature and cut Nightmare Moon to ribbons, only to be horrified at what he's done.
So what eventually happens? All of them. Everything I just listed happens in this chapter, one after the other. On top of that, Nightmare Moon, James, and the Mane 6 all get medical help and are perfectly fine afterwards with no lasting scars, and all eight of these ponies become good friends.
Any one of those answers would have been a good thing to happen, and Humanity actually does have the writing skill to pull any of them off in an emotionally compelling way. But by choosing more than one of them, it undermines any emotion you started to feel. If Nightmare Moon switches to murder mode, then it makes James seem naive if he tries to talk her down. If everyone thinks they killed Nightmare Moon and James cries about what he has done, but then Nightmare Moon turns out to still be alive and the elements have redeemed her, then he no longer has anything to mourn and the thought that he killed her has no lasting impact.
So I think a lot of the likes are based on the fact that some scenes, some chapters, some story arcs are well done, but the more you try to take in everything that happens in the story as a whole... the more it falls apart. Humanity doesn't really show restraint... which I think ultimately hurts the narrative.
But go ahead, try a chapter, jump into volume 2 maybe. Maybe you'll find it more compelling than I did.
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I actually agree with this perception of Tears of The Moon, as a long-time reader and unashamed enjoyer. It's ultimately critical to the plot that she live and be redeemed at the end of that, but the tone whiplashes in so many different directions to ultimately get to that point. First James manages to peacefully convince her to let the night end, then she changes her mind and thinks he's there to backstab her, then they try to stop her with the Elements but she's too strong now, then the Element of Humanity is introduced and they can overpower her defenses using it, then she apparently dies and James is filled with regret that he couldn't save her, but no she's actually fine and now she wants to kill them, then she nearly kills Rainbow, then James goes ballistic and they both leave each other on the brink of death, then he spares her life and suddenly she realizes that he really was trying to save her and all is forgiven.
It's ultimately all justified in the end, you can even read Nightmare Moon's perspective of that night in a companion story, which is frankly a significantly better told version of those events and even clears up a lot of confusion. However, it would've come across as narratively stronger if it clung more tightly to the central story theme that was introduced in this chapter: That it is the nature of humanity to always try to do the right thing, but what the "right thing" is exactly is often in the eye of the beholder, or even isn't clear at all. For example, perhaps it could've been tightened down to:
1. James goes in the castle throne room with the Mane 6, Nightmare Moon immediately assumes he's there to throw away her "gift" and betray her since he showed up with the Elements and refuses to listen to reason.
2. Nightmare Moon demonstrates that the Elements are powerless to stop her this time, meaning that how this turns out comes down to James.
3. James realizes that he could get her on his side if he proved that he's loyal to her over the Mane 6, but against his heart he decides to help them stop her, because it's the right thing to do. The Element of Humanity appears.
4. Enhanced by the Element of Humanity, Nightmare Moon is blasted by the rainbow beam. When the dust clears, she's still standing. The only thing it did is sever her connection to the night, and enrage her.
5. James panics, but when she hurts Rainbow Dash, he decides he has no choice but to finally go on the attack, or else his indecisiveness will cost his friends their lives.
6. They're both wounded, but as she lay defeated, he refuses to finish her, and explains that he really was trying to save her this whole time. She finally believes him.
Just tightening it a little bit like that would've done a lot in my opinion in letting the themes of it shine through and giving it more impact.
Also, I will say that so far, the current arc is doing an excellent job at maintaining a consistent tonal narrative that revolves around the central theme. James is trapped in a neverending horrible situation, where what the right thing to do is has never been more unclear or difficult, and different people with very different ideas on what the right thing is are pulling him in different directions, causing him to become increasingly depressed and erratic as he lashes out in various impulsive ways to try and make things better as they only continue to get worse. I think it's really well done, and hopefully it can stick the landing.
Oh my god, I just realized Orbash is taking a page from Sans.
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He really isn’t. Sans never appears before you when you’re looking.