A long forgotten element has been brought back, but for better or for worse?
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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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Drinking game! Every time Humanity uses the word "Retorted," for a character dialogue action, you take a drink.
(10k words later)
*faints*
9489742
I try to balance it with “replied”. It’s not easy.
9489743
It's okay to use the word said or spoke. Because that's what they're doing. They're saying something. Spicing up vernacular is tempting and I've given in as well in my own 300k word long epic, but really, it can be wearying after a while.
Speaking of which, I've been wondering if you could take a look at it? I've stuck with you all this time. Could you do the same for me with my own epic story? It's nowhere near as long as this, of course, but that's comparing apples to roadrunners.
Oi, careful; he's got Flutters, Rarity, Rainbow, and now (potentially) Smolder. Careful with the Anime Harem stuff, please. Hopefully, since Smolder is still a child, he'll let her down very gently, and start treating her like Scootaloo's big sis.
9489796
I don’t care much for anime harems. I try to avoid anime tropes as much as possible. I do things my way.
9489800
It's nice that you're including Smolder, though; so we can assume Canon with her is what happened because she didn't meet James or have Scoots as a sister. Hopefully lots of love from James and Flutters, along with Scoots to pal around with will smooth away some of her rough edges. Can't wait for more. The only reason I mentioned the harem stuff was because I thought that that was where we might be heading. Now a herd on the other hand, that's different...
9489809
I prefer the term “family”. Because that’s exactly what it is. And Smolder’s case here is what would happen in canon if it had any self awareness. The “molt” was an interesting idea, but I prefer multiple types of dragons for the sake of diversity.
Good chapter, let's hope that time in Ponyville help Smolder
An adorable chapter for an adorable dragon
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"Who? Actually, forget it. But yeah, we can get by on just rocks if we have to. I dunno why anyone would. Eating plain rocks tastes like eating sand." Smolder explained while sounding like she was not kidding at all.
.... Okay, I can really see this as another inspiration for a poem if when Maud checks James journal entry of when he introduced Smolder to ponyville. Did that even makes sense? To clarify, Maud stops by for a visit then she browsed James journal entry of when he introduced Smolder to ponyville and was hit with inspiration at seeing what Smolder said about rocks....
I believe that would be quite a scene😁
Is...is nobody going to bring up the fact that James just full on admitted that he had feelings for an underage dragon girl?
9494923
Feelings that he is well aware he should not have for someone of that age. Someone who was forced to mature and discipline herself much sooner than other girls her age, giving the illusion that she’s older than she seems. Hence why he chose the middle ground to wait and see what happens.
This could mean anything from waiting to see if those feelings will fade in time to waiting to see if things will grow between them once she comes of age.
Thus is not a situation that is completely transparent and I understand that you don’t understand it yourself. Playing the pedophile card is very popular in the modern world due to the proliferation of child porn in internet culture and it’s an annoyingly easy form of humor to elicit.
So I say wait and see where this goes. It’s a touchy subject to be sure, but it’s not as simple or black and white as you’re making it out to be.
9494993
Firstly, wasn't trying to make a humorous comment in any way, sorry if it sounded like that. (I was legitmately disturbed by the fact that an older married man had developed feelings for what is essentially a young teenager or an older child, who doesn't have a strong grasp on the concept of their emotions, which is clearly shown throughout the chapter)
Secondly, I don't know if this is just my thoughts but, stop it with the whole "James developing romantic feelings for a multitude of females" thing. At first it was fine, since it made some level of sense, as Jmaes developed feelings for Rarity before he did Fluttershy. (Even though I don't completely agree with the path you went down, but you do you.) But then it was kinda Twilight, then Nightmare Moon (he even cheats on Fluttershy in one of your other stories, not sure if it's Canon though), then Celestia, then Rainbow Dash, and now Smoulder. Like, I get that you're trying to write him as an open and loving guy, but the more and more he admits he has feelings for people, the more each one loses its meaning. He has even full on admitted to having romantic feelings for most of the previously listed characters. If you believe that sort of stuff is fine and possible, then you do you, that's just how it seems to me.
9495132 If I were to follow your command to stop...whatever it was you just told me, I would have to scrap a number of chapters from this story, bits of the sequel, and every spinoff I have planned in the future. If you were so unsettled by this chapter that you would try to command me to write my story to more closely fit with your world views, then you are going to be extraordinarily upset by what I have in store much later. It would be wise for you to leave if that is the case.
If you do not care for my narratives and the character development of James, I will not force you to continue reading. I cannot appease everyone and will not ever attempt to.
9495185
True, but that's supposed to be one of the things that you should never feed them under any circumstances. As I understand. Naturally, they will eat it. They'll eat practically anything up to and including rats, bugs, fish, eggs, you name it. But chicken is supposed to be something that you should never feed them at all.
What chapter was it he meets the princess again. I can’t remember
9500219
From Bane to Boon.
9500237
Thank you
9500496
I thought this was supposed to be a diary for the main character? Why would they make sure it’s more professional when it’s just their own private thoughts?
9503170
Professional pride?
9506224
Hmm...🤔
I believe it has a nice build up, as the whole volume grows. Giving how much you gave life through out the chapters you've written, and the event that come along has made all other of character development have their unique traits. Like how James has made a big impact to the mane 6, how their life changed when he is around. All the joys, laughs, pains, and sorrow, has shown some influence on how one human could or suppose to change the world. I know it kinda sounds corny, but that's how I see it.
You have given this story a story of life in Equestria, a lone human who lived in the impossible, who also made an impossible while him living there. Now I mean as a general being, and it is not like he is God walking among new sentient creatures, but sent as an experiment or given a new start in life which he might never get back in his world.
It has been a wild ride for him. He had so many to sacrifice his body to save what he believes to give a chance to those who are lost. Nightmare Moon for example, or Trixie.
All in all, this story has been a great pleasure, and I am trying my hardest to continue on mine. The whole image and actions are there, but I just need to picture how one event should happen. I know you had that same issue, but as a fellow writer, it is not only just me, but all the readers and writers who read your story, I'm sure they will give love and support as you continue on.
You have been doing a remarkable job! SHINE ON!!!✌
I sense a lot of disturbance in the force.
Something tells me that dragon greed is the most of my worries...
Anyway, another great chapter!
Oh! And by the way, if he is having one of those dreams again, can there be one that involves Dracula? Not every powerful attack will work on him, plus very powerful. I'm sure you've seen him in Smash Bros.. Or maybe they fight against one of is minions.
Just a thought.
So much cuteness! Glad thinks worked out for Smolder.
Can't wait to see what happens next!
-Ru
9515240
I had planned this out for some time and was surprised with how quick I got it out. May I ask for an in-depth analysis?
9515256
Hmm, let's see...
Because of how Smolder reacted last time, I figured she had feelings for James. It was nice seeing them patch things up, and introduce her to the mane 6 and co. Unsurprisingly, the one meeting that sticks out in my mind is her visit to Rarity's. The scene with the tea and the revelation on her actual voice was a nice touch.
Got a little worried the first time she held Gladesong, but everything sorted itself out in the end.
James' response to her feelings was... not really what I was expecting. Most writers would've taken either one of the more common routes: turning her down and breaking her heart, or accepting her feelings and dealing with the aftermath. For him to 'be patient' is a path I actually find more mature than anything else. He recognizes that she has attractive qualities, but realizes she's underage and he's willing to wait for her. Sad to say that patience isn't really a quality, or a stereotype, associated much with men anymore these days. Glad to see it expressed in your work.
Also nice to hear Spike's crushing on Sweetie Belle.
That's it for now! Let me know if there's anything else I can give an opinion on.
Catch ya later!
-Ru
9515890
I guess I am curious of what you have to say about the concept of Janes and Smolder finding a mutual interest in each other. I thought I was handling it well, but some of the feedback I’ve gotten had me second guessing myself.
9515899
Hmm. Well, sad to say, I'm less "observant" about a story and more... absorbent, I suppose. When I read a story, I'm like a passenger on a train, enjoying the scenery as it passes by, and taking things in bit by bit. I can give general or specific opinions on things, but at the end of the day I'm just here to see how the story unfolds.
I don't think there's anything wrong with second-guessing yourself. Sometimes we need those instances to open our eyes or minds to what's happening around us. But don't let it end there, with you caught in endless loops of what-if, should-I and what-now.
This story was the first Human in Equestria fic that I started reading. It's the reason I have so much love for the genre. Heck, it inspired me to start my own HiE story!
...
Sorry, got off on a tangent there. You wanted to know my thoughts on James and Smolder, not... whatever that ^ is.
When I felt the first signs of Smolder crushing on James I... cringed. A smidgen. Not because of the shipping, or the difference in age, but because I knew something was likely to happen that would end up with one or both in a pained emotional state. James already had Fluttershy and Rarity, with Rainbow being a close third. The potential for drama and fallout is immense with this idea. Fact is, there are still opportunities for drama from this development. But that's part of what makes a good story.
Quite frankly, I found your handling of the situation to be refreshing. It's a more matured stance that I've seen few writers take. From how I see it, James is being both honest and honorable. Smolder has qualities about her that he's attracted to, but her being underage is a very serious issue. The compromise of patience not only acknowledges her feelings but gives her two distinct, simultaneous opportunities: one being the chance to be with James in time, and the other is to grow in her own way. He's giving her a shot at both possibilities in life.
Long story short, I like this. I really like this.
...
You know what? Screw it. I love this idea.
Sorry for going on so long. There's probably a bunch of stuff in here you didn't ask for or want to hear.
Hope it helped, even if just a little bit.
Well, catch ya later, Humanity. I'll try to keep up more closely with your next chapters from now on.
-Ru
9521653
That meme will never die
Okay, so I've been following this story for a looooong time now. I've loved everything about this story since I first started to read it and every high and low James and the girls have gone through since he first made it there. Putting my emotions about the story into words won't be easy for me but I can say this. Even after taking a long break a while ago and coming back to catch up, this story still makes me incredibly happy. I always want james to be happy and the mares around him to be as happy as they can be. I also can appreciate the lengths you go to deal with things in this canon that you've been building while crossing it with the actual canon. Somethings just can't exist here because of the story and it makes sense. But you handle the darkest sides of this story very well when they need to come. At this point all I really can say is I just want my mares to be happy in the end, and this cute little dragon girl who's wandered into the story to have a happy ending too. I have a long faith in you to take this story to its best end. And as a side note, as someone who practices polyamory myself, I'm very happy to see how well you're taking it through this story and how slowly it's being worked over. All of this story has kept me very happy to follow, and thank you for not letting us down~!
9522822
I also cannot believe how long it's been since I started reading this. and how long it's been since discord. This story continues to make me very happy.
9522829
It’s a pleasure. Any feedback you can ever provide would be greatly appreciated.
9522897
I don't have much to say right now, honestly. I look forward to how everything plays out in time and hope that the light can outshine the darkness in the end.
Like someone who commented recently, I read more to be along for the ride than anything else. Your story here has done much to keep me enthralled while reading and the development of the the characters has been astounding!
I'd really love to see more with Nightmare Moon and James coming to grips with how his overflowing love has affected more than just the mares around him, but people all over the place that he's helped.
Although I should say, I find it funny that James has yet to remember that Celestia is one of the ponies he's indulged his love to and she wouldn't hesitate a second to make it possible for him to share all of these fine ladies.
9523022
It’s not so much that it’s impossible at the moment. It’s the risk to his reputation and theirs that is is giving him cold feet. There is a risk and it has nothing to do with the legality of it all.
9523099
That’s understandable. Although it seems like either
1) being endorsed by the princesses in such a matter would give them some sort of leniency to at least some people, or
2) the princesses do not hold as much public sway as they might let on in some cases.
But all in all I understand where he would be coming from. It was a hard time for me to come to grips with the idea myself and not everyone has been amazing about it.
9532307
Well, Volume 1 is the weakest link. There was only so much I could do to smooth out the edges when I went back to edit it.
9564884
I'm sorry I said that. I just found it a little heartwarming that he did so he could show a side children could watch.
And Paul's Vids is a YouTuber that made it two videos that can only be described as the Thomas the Tank Engine equivalent of Cupcakes and Rainbow Factory.
9564940
Then that psycho can go die in a fire.
9564965
Should I provide a link to the Nightmare Fuel page or are you better off not knowing?
9569789 Yes, but in a way that subverts the herd trope.
Which chapter is it that James tells Twilight that she's OCD to her face?
9570717
I can’t recall.
9570796
Me neither. I'll probably come across it when I'm not expecting to.
9578954
I would need to develop a story that is completely original for that.
As for arc 5? See for yourself.
9597661
ok good to know. Hey this is amazing! good job
9617911
It's coming.
9624840
I kept reading. Sped right over that explanation then facepalmed as i read the first paragraph of the next chapter. Was gonna delete/edit my comment but i fell asleep before i got around to it. I just thought they were going to let the culprit get away with it and not do anything.
9630100
Oh that was an Ed, Edd n Eddy reference, well great.
9638906
10th May 2014, and I don’t see your point.
I do have to admit not everyone can continue a series for this long especially a Fanfiction. The amount of time, patience and passion it takes to write a story this long and this good is a superpower in and of itself. Keep up the good work