• Member Since 25th Jun, 2019
  • offline last seen 42 minutes ago

The Voice in the Water


Listen to the crashing of the waves, the flow of a stream, the roar of a waterfall, or the patter of the rain.

Sequels1

T
Source

The rite of the phoenix is one of the most celebrated moments among the sun-gazers of Solaria. For with the hatching of a new phoenix, comes the ascension of a new phoenix-born: a mortal chosen by the phoenix to be its new life partner and guardian. Only those with both strength and purity of their inner fire can draw the attention of a hatchling phoenix, so only the best of the best can ever hope to be chosen.

To one young orphan girl named Sunset Shimmer, she could only dream of witnessing the ascent of one of Celestia's chosen. As the day approaches, she learns that she will be able to, as she has been selected by the crown as one of the girls to serve at the event.

Little did she know that this would be the seminal event of her life, and change her fate forever.


Original story was entry into FanOfMostEverything's Imposing Sovereigns II contest. Entry type: Coronation - Other.


Cover art by me.


Featured Oct 12th, 2019.

Chapters (2)
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Comments ( 179 )

This is so cool and interesting, I can’t wait for the next chapter :pinkiehappy:

9879950
Thank you. Per the contest rules, this story's only going to be ca. 15k words long. But, depending on how well this world is received, I have an idea for a larger story in it, so there may be more to come.

Wow, this is great! Can’t wait for more!

I like the look of this so far, though some of kids seem a bit viscous. Seems like an interesting world looking forward to seeing where this story goes.

9880010
Thank you. I'm glad you're enjoying it.

some of kids seem a bit viscous.

Well, in that regard, they are kids, and they're acting like kids do. I mean, they just had potential immortality and a guaranteed place among royalty "stolen" from them when they were told that one of them was sure to get it. It's like having the biggest, most amazing prize ever hanging in front of their faces, and then it's taken away and given so somebody who wasn't even supposed to have a shot at it. If I was 8-13 years old again, I'd probably react the same way.

9879969
Gut feeling says I'm going to really hope you write a larger story for it later. But, I'm going to wait until it's finished before I dive in to read it.

9880401
As always, I hope to not disappoint when the time comes.

9880411
You haven't yet, so there is no reason to fret. You're a talented writer with good ideas, hard to disappoint with that in mind.

A fantastic start to a, as far as I know, completely original alternate universe.

Looks like celestia pulled the wool over the nobles eyes. Trying to teach not to mess with the rite, by finding someone with greater fire to put near the egg.

I'm going to go out on a limb here and guess you were inspired by Anne McCaffrey's Dragonriders series and the weyr Hatching ceremony? :twilightsmile:

It was obvious from the assessment scene that the game was rigged against Sunset, and it was still probably shear dumb luck that she was even picked as a candidate for the servants, but I'm betting now that Celestia sensed Sunset's power the moment she set foot in the palace/wherever the Rite was being held and conspired with Raven to make sure she was close enough to the hatching to have a fair chance, both because Sunset was a better candidate than all the others to begin with, as well as to teach the ones who tried to rig the ceremony in the first place a lesson.

As for the more agressive reactions of the "Chosen" candidates, On the one hand, disappointed children or no, seriously proposing Murder with full knowledge of the consequences of such an act... Might be going a bit far for 8-13 year-olds, but then again on the other hand, other than knowing Sunset's ideas of what the "Nobility" of this version of Equestria apparently think of people without a pedigree we have no idea what the political situation is actually like, or how said "Nobles" tend to bring up their children. For all we know, "Assassinating Your Opposition While Avoiding the Consequences" could be covered in their Politics 101 Tutorials, and they're still at that age where they don't quite grasp the nuance of the necessity of subtlty.

TDR

Very reminiscent of the White Dragon of the Pern series. Decidedly worth keeping an eye on.

9880593
Thank you.

9880695
9880748
I did read the Pern books when I was younger, but I wasn't actively thinking about them when I was coming up with the world.

9880616
*Whistles innocently* I have no idea what you're talking about…

9880747
Getting a bit into the expanded politics of Solaria, the nobility have been becoming increasingly brazen over the past few centuries, which is something Celestia and Raven are trying to reign in. The problem is, they're only two beings, and as powerful and influential as they are, they can't be everywhere at once. This was the first time that the nobles actively tried to derail a phoenix rite, which did not sit well with either of them.

TDR

9880802
Not saying it's just like it , but i got that feeling.

I am fucking sold.

Please don't make us wait. Or do. I'm not your boss.

~Skeeter The Lurker

9880938
Thank you, I'm glad you're enjoying it. I'm currently editing the second chapter, so it should be up in about a week or so.

I'm going to try finishing up my current project, Wings of Dawn, before I start expanding on this world.

“Bright day to all of Solaria. May the light of Celestia’s sun shine forever in her glory.” Raven said, her voice carrying throughout the amphitheatre.

The woman sitting by Sunset said something under her breath. "I try to make sure of it"? That couldn't possibly be right.

“Doesn’t it?” Cherry Jubilee said, her eyes hard. “Do you think we don’t know what’s going on?”

"You're saying all of this out loud while on stage, and Sunset is literally standing right next to the oldest phoenix-born in the nation."
"It's true," said Raven, "she is."

In any case, you had to pack a lot of world building into a little space, and it does bulge at the seams a little, but you've established a rich world and a very intriguing conflict for Sunset. Looking forward to seeing what happens now that she's been crowned in flame.

So I take it the characters in this story are humans, correct? Might want to add the "human" tag in that case.

Aside from that this was an interesting start, I'll be keeping my eyes on this.

9881065

The woman sitting by Sunset said something under her breath. "I try to make sure of it"? That couldn't possibly be right.

:trollestia: No, no… not at all… yes, yes it is.

"You're saying all of this out loud while on stage, and Sunset is literally standing right next to the oldest phoenix-born in the nation."
"It's true," said Raven, "she is."

"Well, in our defense, we live in a nation of millions, were told that we were the only nine candidates out of the entire population that were worthy of something that comes around every five or so generations, and that we were all but assured to be chosen. We're… a little upset right now and not thinking clearly. And lets be honest, the room is filled with high ranking nobility. They'd be on our side."

"And yet, I'm still standing right here." Raven said coldly.

TBH, the scene with the potentials was tricky, but it felt wrong not to have some of them not be almost homicidally pissed as hell about the situation. And, as members of the nobility, they're kinda used to just getting their way.

In any case, you had to pack a lot of world building into a little space, and it does bulge at the seams a little, but you've established a rich world and a very intriguing conflict for Sunset. Looking forward to seeing what happens now that she's been crowned in flame.

From a biologist to a physicist, getting a lot of information across in as little space as possible is kinda how we do, yes? And minor spoilers for what else I've got planned once Wings of Dawn wraps up, but we haven't even seen the other side of the coin, which is Luna and Twilight's end of things. Well, lets just say that this whole ordeal was the easy part. If my previous stories have established anything about my writing style, things tend to go pear-shaped for my characters.

9881094
Thanks for the heads up. Technically, they're just humanoid, but if it's appropriate, I'll add it. And thank you. I appreciate your interest.

This is one of the greatest story and i hope this story has lots of chapter cant wait for more:)

The title had me curious, the description peeked my interest, the chapter was amazing.

You have my attention!

I have no words, this is absolutely fantastic writing. You deserve every bit of the feature box.

9881730
9881733
Thank you. I hope the second chapter can live up to the first.

This story is a special kind of something that I need more of. There's something good here.

Now I know. It is the kind of warm hearted story that you could read in a log cabin with fresh wood in the stove and snow coming down outside.

im not Crying your crying
I Hope to see more

I'm not sure why this needs to be a fanfic, but I'm very glad to get to read it and would very much like some more. It feels very Sanderson-esque.

Well that was cute, and dark, and steeped in so much world building that It could make for an entire, longer and very interesting story.

PRAISE THE SUN.

I really hope you continue this story because this first chapter is very intriguing.

This is great. Hoping you do a full sequel once this story is finished, as iirc you're capped at 15k words.

Though one thing I'm interested in...

A new Phoenix Born is chosen every hundred years or so. Raven is the oldest at about 1000 years. There are only 4.

So...With Sunset being the sixth, what happened to the other 5?

I am very intrigued, and would very much like to see where this is going.

So much in just the first chapter:

Plenty in world building
Descriptors of this world's version of the three tribes
A rich and strong foundation for Sunset's background, from which a grounded and confident version exists despite the orphan origins.
Early signs of political intrigue from the beginning to the climax of her mortal life
Dangers and enemies have been established, followed by equally powerful allies

Really, I look forward to see if she can rise above the pecking order and blatant corruption or fall just as hard as the canon Sunset.

9882132
Praise the Sun! If only I could be so GROSSLY INCANDESCENT!

9882577

Though one thing I'm interested in...

A new Phoenix Born is chosen every hundred years or so. Raven is the oldest at about 1000 years. There are only 4.

So...With Sunset being the sixth, what happened to the other 5?

Good catch. A phoenix-born stops aging once they reach their prime, and while they're tougher than mortal creatures, they're not invulnerable, so they can be killed. I haven't decided who the other phoenix-born were, but they were all killed in some way.

9882718
The Lunar side of the coin will be addressed, don't you worry.

very interestingt star i look forward to more

9882768
So, is Raven simply that badass to survive, or were the others executed by Celestia? (Or did they do something dumb like a Leeroy Jenkins?)

9882796
I haven't decided yet, but it's unlikely they were executed.

9882813
One last question, if you don't mind.
What happens to a Phoenix if it's bond partner dies?
(And the same if the Phoenix dies)

9882829
If one partner dies, so does the other. There are two exceptions to this. One is if the phoenix-born dies before the bond is fully established, i.e. right after the phoenix hatches, but before the phoenix-born has touched the hatchling. In that case, the phoenix will seek a new partner. The second is when the phoenix dies as part of its rebirth cycle. This has no ill effect on the phoenix-born, other than briefly stripping them of their phoenix granted powers.

9882892
That's a good point. Guessing that's when quite a few of them were killed. Plus, do they age at that point, seeing as they might not have the anti-ageing they get from the Phoenix?

9882892
It's one of the most dangerous times for a phoenix-born, which is why they usually seclude themselves until the regeneration is complete.

9883145
It is the best time to target a phoenix-born, yes, which is why they usually seclude themselves while their companion is regenerating. They are still ageless, but lose access to all of their phoenix powers, and effectively revert to their original tribal form. For example, Spitfire would revert to being a sky-runner while Akari is regenerating. She'd regain her wings, but wouldn't have access to the other tribe's spell dances, her hair would revert to its normal state, and she wouldn't have her near immunity to fire.

9883155
Wait, so they lose their tribal parts when bonding with a phoenix?

9883257
To a degree. Upon becoming a phoenix-born, a sky-runner's wings will vanish, fire-callers lose their soul-gems, and earth-weavers typically drop some muscle-mass. However, they also gain the ability to fly without wings, develop greater flexibility in their spell dances (the three tribes all have their own spell dances, with fire-callers having the greatest flexibility and power), improved strength, stamina, dexterity and ability to encourage the growth of plants. They also gain certain powers unique to them, including their flaming hair (which has a few properties that I don't want to spoil just yet), a near total immunity to fire and heat, agelessness, and the ability to telepathically communicate with their bonded phoenix, including sharing their senses.

How exactly is one chosen to be phoenix-born? It refers to a purity of their inner flame, but what does that mean? The power of their magic, purity of heart, or both? If it's purity of heart then most of the phoenix-born have lost their way.

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