MagnetBolt
Joined 17th Feb, 2014 ·
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Did you win the contest?
9559082
It’s still going.
With cocoa and buttermilk, it's on it's way to becoming a Red Velvet. The brandied cherry flavor of the potion made me think of Kirsch, a German/Austrian liquor made from cherries and cherry pits, lending it a cherry/almond flavor. Mentioning it tasted somewhat artificial makes me think maybe there was some preserved Maraschino cherries were in there. Add in the same spices the chapter is named for, and some rose hips for a pop of floral citrusy goodness. Kind of a modded version of a Love Potion #9 hehe.
Pumpkin is such a naughty mare...
Even the recipe is porn
So when did we go from them in bed to Pumpkin kicking open a door? Makes no sense, chief.
~Skeeter The Lurker
This was a really good story, I hope you will do more of those in the future.
What about Love Pie?
Step #7: Submit to urges.
One of the best Cake Twin stories I’ve read yet
the legal age is when they get there cutie-marks that's my head canon atleast
I hope there's a sequel with a good old fashion family orgy!
I hope there's a sequel
Ya know, was not expecting a recipe at the end of it.
I might try it out actually (sans the love potion. Though I do have some orange slices in juice around here...)
Good luck in the contest!
Wanna bet it wasn't a love potion but an aphrodisiac?
9561970
Trixie gave it to them, so to be honest there's a solid 50/50 on it just being flavored vodka.
9562055
Of course it's flavored vodka. Between her and Starlight, it sure works like a love potion, so of course she'd treat it as one.
Not sure if I'm allowed to say this since I'm a judge, but I loved this story! You've got talent!
9561970
My money's on it being a placebo. They clearly already love each other, they just needed a gentle suggestion.
9563060
B A N N E D
But you’re absolutely right, MagnetBolt is an extremely skilled author. You should check out some of his other stories!
Great job. Baking a cake has plenty of meaning when it comes to those two. Fantastic one shot.
I do wonder what else would they be baking?
You forgot step 7. Enjoy while feeding to a beloved sibling.
This was cute, sexy and sweet. <3
Best out-of-context line.
Contest judge leaving a few notes.
I'll start by parroting that this was quite good overall. The writing is good. The dialogue is quite good. The pacing, action beats, and all the attention to a tight narrative.. all good.
I only have 2 small gripes(because I'll die if I don't find something to gripe about in all aspects of my life):
In the scene following Pound's dream sequence, there's a jarring jump in continuity. The transition from him describing waking up and seeing his sister, to how she snored, to him staring at the homework assignment, was a bit sloppy. I had to re-read it three times just to be sure I wasn't missing something. A few more sentences detailing them getting out of bed and such would've helped. It's only a small ding in an otherwise good fic, though.
The second little gripe is a more subjective one for me. As far as incest goes, the consumption of the love potion as the inciting incident which brings them together in incest left me wanting a bit more. Furthermore, after the deed is done they don't really treat the taboo act with much weight or importance.
Putting that aside, there is some nice, florid prose during the act which romanticizes their consummation. It didn't feel out of place or overly purple to me(and it definitely could have in a less skilled writer's hands). So I did like that.
All in all.. very good entry. Thank you for writing this.
Judge here! You know what time it is!
Okay. This was recommended by others and sad to say I did not find it enjoyable. It was written well yes but the skill in the writing fell apart when I noticed a lack of research scripting and thought process.
Several things in here that made me question the story. First off legal age 18 years or older for the twins. I find their lack of maturity disturbing in the example they follow with the CMC and their love potion shenanigans. Mr. And Mrs. Cake have a very wholesome relationship and are often seen as pseudo mother and father figures. They often hold themselves up like adults or offer advice in a very positive way. Hell in fact they are sought after for love advice. And being bakers one would think they run into a lot of love trouble. So the fact that they were even fighting baffled me. So long as you never explained why it got to that point ever. Then we get the potion which has a very prominent effect on its consumers. Your version of the love potion was different. Granted it came from a different source, it is Zecora who creates these highly effective concoctions, Trixie should have very little influence with alchemic things asides from fireworks. Which she is still having a difficult time mastering.
So the story just didn't feel believable from multiple angles which made me question it and thus distract from the overall immersion. It is written very well but I seek entertainment value. Not just writing skill.
My only advice is to stop and take some time to look at the things you're writing about. This is fanfiction there has to be some honor to the content you are writing about.
9618652
This is a very confusing review of the story I was most confident in losing to:
I thought it made them feel like teenagers. If you've ever met someone who immediately stopped making mistakes once they were a legal adult, let me know.
“What do you think it’s about?” Pound asked.
“Who knows?” Pumpkin sighed. “They always get like this when Pinkie Pie goes away for more than a few days.”
and
“The important thing is, we both feel much better, and we’ve decided that we’re going to spend more time like this, being a family instead of working all the time.”
“I’m sure Pinkie can find somepony to help cover a couple morning shifts every week,” Cup said.
Seemed to explain it: They were overworked, two ponies doing the work of - Good God, how many ponies does Pinkie count as? And they live together in their workplace. It's gotta be very hard to seperate your work/life balance in that situation.
The twins have doubts that Trixie's 'potion' will work, too.
“Yeah!” Pumpkin agreed, too quickly. “I mean, it’s from Trixie, right? We’ll be lucky if it works at all even if Mom and Dad each eat a whole cake.”
Every complaint you've made I felt was explained or lampshaded throughout the work. I don't think that the issues you see are the fault of the author, or of the work.
9618751
Oh I could go further in depth if you wish.
The twins being kids. Okay I get it partially raised by Pinkie Pie. But that is not her genes. Plus they're a unicorn and pegasus. Their specialities would drastically change and shape their behavior. What I wanted to see was not two copies of the CMC. I wanted to see two twins developing something of their own. With hints of their parents and Pinkie in their words and actions. I needed to see the Cake Twins. Not the CMC not their parents. But the Cake Twins themselves. Show me that.
The Mr. And Mrs. Cake fighting while Pinkie is away and overworked? I can count how many times Pinkie was away and Sugar Cube corner didn't burn to the ground. Again not Pinkie's. Friendship adventures, visiting Tartarus, teaching at Twilight's school, visiting Yakyakistan. Pinkie was sure developing as her own character while the babies were growing up. Yet not one hint of Mr. And Mrs. Cake losing their cool. Let's not make this about a character who is not even there to begin with. Focus on the family. Show me the family. Explain to me their struggles along side their goals. Making a hasty minor conflict for just cause is not that effective.
The love potion. We've seen how potions and other types of hexes curses or even siphoning of a emotion can do here. A very prolonged effect with drastic changes. Since every pony has some type of magic. The potion seemed tacked on and didn't really feel like an integral piece to the story. In fact we could have forgo the whole thing and just make curiosity happen naturally. So call it a weak spell if you want but I consider it a weak plot device.
As a judge I consider entertainment and value of the read integral. This is just my opinion and if upset anyone, I am sorry.
Note. Was still going to place the author, but this type of feedback will not encourage any improvement and if the goal of the contest is lost for money and fame I will not bother with it then.
9618946
But the Cake Twins themselves. Show me that.
No canon personalities to work from. I thought the author did great with the raw material of it.
Pinkie was sure developing as her own character while the babies were growing up. Yet not one hint of Mr. And Mrs. Cake losing their cool
The show rarely focuses on the Cakes at all. We don't see their private lives when Pinkie's off on adventures. There's no contradiction inherent here - this is you arguing a headcanon as objective.
A very prolonged effect with drastic changes.
Like two siblings escalating to a sexual relationship with each other that they don't show signs of regretting? Again, your complaint is addressed within the story itself.
As a judge I consider entertainment and value of the read integral. This is just my opinion and if upset anyone, I am sorry.
It's not about 'upsetting people' so much as... You're making complaints about the story that are in the body itself. And the fact that it didn't work for you despite being very clear isn't actually good or meaningful feedback. "This goes against my headcanon" isn't effective storytelling notes.
9618946
The goal of the contest was to write that one dude as much incest as possible, and the only reason there are as many entries is because of the money, so. I mean, it's incest. We are talking about incest here. I just wanna get my rocks off, mate, and in that regard I give it an A+.
Thank you for your feedback.
Quite the entertaining read. I got the sense that Pumpkin was already crushing on Pound. It just so happened that this was also the opportunity to further their relationship as well. I'd love to see a sequel. Good job. Thanks for creating and sharing.
This. Was. Adorable!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
It also makes me think I should come up with some Cake-cest ideas for when I get my writing on this site started...and I also now have the image of the Cake family being sweet and adorable with each other in my head!