The Breeding Chamber

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Comments ( 14 )

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MidnightHooves

MidnightHooves #1 · Apr 28th, 2019 · 3 · ·

Hope there’s a part 2, cause this is some good stuff. Pretty amazing concept of a breeding chamber too

throwawayponystory

throwawayponystory #2 · Apr 28th, 2019 · · 1 ·

This needs to be tagged non-consensual.

Thepervertedeye

Thepervertedeye #3 · Apr 28th, 2019 · 1 · ·

it was literally a fuck or die situation im sure everyone would understand

ElementalTem

ElementalTem #4 · Apr 29th, 2019 · · ·

I too would like to see a second part.

GloomyFace

GloomyFace #5 · May 2nd, 2019 · · ·

An enjoyable read

I would definitely like to see the reactions of others to AJ and Mac's predicament

Shakespearicles

Shakespearicles #6 · May 2nd, 2019 · 4 · ·

“By my calculations we’ve got less than 45 minutes of air left!” She said

> AJ using fancy mathematics to muddy the issue

There goes my immersion!

The Cloptimist

The Cloptimist #7 · May 4th, 2019 · 2 · ·

9600892
Isaac Asimov, of all people, fixed this in my head when I was a tiny boy; he points out in a few stories that, subconsciously, people use math all the time - a couple of his examples that spring to mind are a basketball player who can barely spell his name being able to work out the exact angles needed to hit a tight bank shot, and a construction site labourer knowing how to correctly lift a weight (the latter example is used in rebuke to someone who implies being a labourer requires less intelligence than a desk job). I used that notion with Derpy in one of my stories; I wouldn't trust her with power tools, but I imagine a pegasus' inner ear is like a natural Pitot tube that feeds her brain secret information about altitude, bearing, airspeed etc. to allow her to fly, albeit not terribly well. And of course the show itself has shown us that Rainbow Dash actually has a photographic memory storing terabytes of data in an encrypted partition.

So I can well imagine AJ, whose entire working life is based on power/weight calculations, hoof-eye coordination, and just tracking how many apples are in a basket and calculating how many more will safely fit, being able to consciously work out how much air was left.

er, I mean, Apples, hot incest, good sex etc., would clop again

Shakespearicles

Shakespearicles #8 · May 4th, 2019 · · ·

9603275

xRei

xRei #9 · May 7th, 2019 · 1 · ·

Interesting story. Just a bit of build up and plot. The situation was a little contrived, but I could let it pass.

There was actual incest and taboo in this incest fic. Shame I have to make a special point of that, but it's true. Good on you for doing something with the theme!

Seriously.

Needs a little work on show/tell and use of filtering. Also, I really think sticking to third limited would be good to tighten the narrative and mood. You did at least handle the head hopping better than a lot of other authors I've read. An extra editing pass wouldn't hurt to tighten your prose up.

All in all, a nice fic. Wouldn't mind seeing a part 2 myself.

Shantae_Fan