• Member Since 20th Aug, 2013
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Exelion


Just a latin american guy who wants to post his stories in the site. That's all.

Comments ( 13 )

Hot and heartfelt. Nicely done.

Why all the dislikes? This is actually a decent story...

Most likely from peeps who don’t like Foalcon, or incest, or both.

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That's not how MLP ponies work. All statements and implications hint at the fact that they have identical lengths of childhood and mental maturity rates as humans, with them becoming full adults at 18-21ish just like us. Remember how ridiculously tiny 5 year old Sweetie Belle was?

That's not even counting the fact that old enough to have sex =/= mentally mature enough to have sex.

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Yes, of course they're contrary to biology about horses, because they're not horses. They're cartoon characters who are far more similar to humans in the vast majority of ways than horses. Also, that's not how headcanon works; show canon always supercedes conflicting headcanon. Even Faust herself stated that MLP ponies have life cycles much more like humans than ponies (even if she no longer has control over the lore, her original conception is of some importance, and is still being followed in this aspect). When it comes to said children's shows, the "shitty writers" have the final say, not you, and I'm sorry to think you have any creative control over it.

You are aware that you're the one that started bringing in outside facts first, right? There is FAR less reason to apply real life horse aging to fanfiction than the actual information from the show, because this is a My Little Pony fanfiction, not a Real Life Horses With My Little Pony Names fanfiction. Even non-canon stories that are based off of a show take canonical information into account by default until otherwise shown or stated.

... there are things I expected. That was *none* of them.

The story started very well with the intrigue, then once the sex started it got so cold and clinical. Yes you need to describe positions and movements of sex but what happened to the senses (close to zero description of smell, sounds, touch or taste.) And all those emotions of attraction and fear did not get described at all during the sex, there was just one generic sentence about 'fears' and 'passion'. I encourage you to work on it more, explore the senses and the emotions that the characters are feeling during sex.

Como dije en la versión en ingles, gran historia , y gracias por la versión en español.

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Thanks for the comments guys, I really appreaciate it :twilightsmile:

And regarding your comment 8676405 I will do my best to improve in the next one, I promise :ajsmug:

“I know Twily, but you’re too tired, a little nap won’t hurt you.” Twilight was skeptical, and it showed on her weary face “I promise I’ll be here when you wake up, I feel tired too.”

My heart sank 3 miles as I got hyped for a downer ending where she wakes up with him gone. :fluttershysad:

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was this a commission or could there be a sequel with princess sparkle remembering this moment and seeing what nightlight was talking about and confronting him about it (and maybe hopefully keep at it)

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