I'll Have What She's Having

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Comments ( 10 )

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Biker_Dash

Biker_Dash #1 · Apr 16th, 2014 · · ·

I can understand why this has gotten five downvotes already. this feels very rushed, and there is no paragraph spacing or indenting, making it very difficult. You will not receive a downvote from me, but this has not earned an upvote from me or a fav either.

HotWetLucario

HotWetLucario #2 · Apr 18th, 2014 · 1 · ·

i like it. but seems like a slice of life or something, not an alt universe

Rainbow Kirby

Rainbow Kirby #3 · Jul 28th, 2014 · · ·

Nice story. But, don't forget to add it to relevant groups. You get more readers that way.

Newt

Newt #4 · Jul 28th, 2014 · · ·

Hmm. There is no paragraph spacing or indenting with makes this story very hard to read I'm not trying to be rude, just saying

Pinky Joe

Pinky Joe #5 · Jul 29th, 2014 · · ·

For a story without a dialogue this seems to give enough detail for me to immerse myself. although it did seem rushed you did very well in the little bit you did write, I'd recommend giving more detail to the areas that weren't her cloping herself silly and it could probably get a higher rating.

Araiya

Araiya #6 · Jul 31st, 2014 · 1 · ·

I'm sorry, but this really needs a blessing from the formatting faerie.
It's currently a giant wall of text that, because of a lack of line separation, spacing, and flow management, is something I just cannot finish reading.

Der Bunny