Coretz
Joined 24th Aug, 2012 ·
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So... the description basically says that you will continue this if it is popular enough/well received, right?
Now when you say 'positive reception,' what does that entail exactly
? Comments? Likes? Faves?
Also, if you got the motivation to move forward, would you allow for PM'd requests for other ideas?
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Short Answer: Yes. Positive Reception would be: story with at least 100 views and a clearly positive Likes ratio (>72%). It's doing relatively well in the contest folder compared to stories submitted at the same time. Therefore, (and I make no promises), I intend to add more chapters.
As for requests... I dunno. Honestly didn't think that far ahead. I'm not closed to new ideas; I just can't promise they will be realized in any reasonable timespan. I'm always happy to receive and reply to messages that have sincerity.
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Were you specifically looking for this pairing? What did you want to see, exactly? And thanks :D
Contest judge chiming in.
You got a pretty nice story here. I do have some notes and (hopefully constructive) criticisms, as is my wont.
First lemme get the big ones out of the way: the strike-throughs, citations and a certain mentioning of computer crashing(I know what you did. I'm onto you!)
Yeah, I get that it's all in good fun and stuff, but.. Honestly, as soon as my eyes hit those crossed out sentences I skimmed right past them. It's just kind of silly. Even amateurish. It takes me out of the moment, and that's a real shame because other parts of your prose were doing a good job of keeping me in the story.
Aside from that, there were just some incidents of weird word choices. Especially in the last third of the fic. I know it can be annoying trying to think of fifty different ways to say 'dick', but using absurd or silly noun phrases may not be the best answer.
Of course, maybe it's your intent to have some of the more fanciful word play be representative of the narrator's unique voice. If true, it's not consistent throughout; you gotta go all the way or not at all with that I think. If it were me, I'd stick to a more grounded and rooted third limited.
So what about the actual story itself? It's quick, of course. The word count is small so the pacing is fast. Not a deal breaker. It was fun.
Buuut... The heat thing... I'm probably the world's most unreasonable critic of heat being used as a plot point in clopfics. I ask: if you removed all references to heat and simply said Pumpkin was attracted to Pound, or became attracted to him, what would really change? Nothing else in the story relies on the heat. It's only passingly mentioned... It feels like its here to explain away Pumpkin's inhibitions, and little else.. and frankly it isn't needed. Girls get horny for dick without needing magical horse periods to encourage them.
Anyway, it wasn't enough to detract from the rest of the fic as a whole, which I still liked. Pumpkin and Pound are fun, and, well... A break from the princest is sorely needed tbh.
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Constructive Judgement is very welcomed! I'm glad that, overall, you enjoyed the story.
Would you believe that those quirky detractions used to be worse? Yeah, before they were added as notes, I had them in-line. It's kinda my personality to make... odd connections at odd times, so it's something I'm going to have to work on.
I have to agree on the odd prose towards the end. My mood changed around that point, and it seems to have shown. I reread it a few times, because it bugs me too, but I'm not sure how to reword it. I'll probably end up keeping it, as a mark of things to improve. I'd have to totally rewrite it, anyway.
The "heat" as-a-plot-point is actually intended to be more of a hint of things to come. I wasn't sure if I would want to continue the story, but if I were to I wanted to have that said then because it would become relevant later. As it is, I tried to write another chapter last night, but, guess what? Fucking Windows 10 BSOD'd partway through and I lost it, and that just killed my creative streak. Then again, the chapter felt mostly like filler and I don't know if it'll see the light of day as it is.
Even though there was a cash incentive, I decided not to write any princest because of how many stories were submitted to that. Too much chance of sounding like other writers, and I did think the main idea would grow old (as apparently it is). I chose a pairing that would make sense, whose characters should be familiar enough not to ask "wait are these OCs?", and which had little direct competition. Clearly, that was the right idea.
Thanks.
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You gotta get that blue screening checked out. If Windows 10 BSOD's that's a pretty serious(and likely hardware related) failure. Probably corrupted memory or hard drive.
As for the word choices.. frankly, in most cases, you can speak simply and plainly. Take a moment to go read some of the more popular stories on the site. Read a chapter or so and take note of word choices. Pay attention to how they construct sentences. One thing you'll notice with a lot of better authors is they don't rely on flowery prose or complex sentence structures to convey their stories.
Take ch2 of my favorite fic To Find a Rainbow for instance.
Here's just a single sampling of a paragraph from it:
There's nothing strange or unorthodox here. In fact, most of it is just showing us his actions in plain English. About the most fanciful word choice he used here was 'indeed'. He also makes sure to pick strong verbs like 'bolted' and 'threw(open)'. The vast majority of his prose is written this way. It's easy to read and so I keep reading it and reading it.
I'll admit I kind of struggle sometimes with word choices in my own writing. I often have grandiose, almost poetic ideas in my head of how the prose should sound. But at least IMO, it's much more important that we convey our ideas in a succinct and easy to read way; it's not the authors job to dazzle and stupefy the reader with their massive vocabulary and eclectic word choices.
Or, at least, that's always been my maxim anyway. If you can make the Purple Prose work for you that's great. For me, it's always been a bane.
In any case, hope you keep at it.
The Computer tried to take away what was too beautiful for this world.
It failed.
I dont think i have ever had more fun reading anything. I mean all the blatant innuendo! Wait....is it still innuendo if its blatant? Oh well it was still very fun to read.
LOL are you gonna drive through heyburgers and fill the cart full of desert?